satirebylillpop

W. Shoots Beaver With Military Binoculars!

2011-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Deluded crack pots from Texas and other third-world states would look at the photo W. and automatically assume that he is performing some act of heroism for America.

Perhaps he is looking for terrorists? Or tax and spend liberals who need to be ‘taken out,’ to use a Jimmy Hoffa expression?

Maybe the president is looking for illegal aliens from Mexico, the good-hearted, hard-working hombres that W. adores so completely and for whom he would like to execute a “presidential pardon” backdated to January 19, 2009?

Forget all the platitudes for W., patriots!

As it turns out, W. was browsing the net and learned on goodizen.com that Catalina Robayo is loathe to wear knickers.

Which caused W. to requisition those high-technology military binoculars for some high quality beaver shooting!

Someone needs to tell W. that Columbia is in South America, not in the suburbs of Dallas!

Sniper Fire Survivor Doubts Dick Cheney's Veracity

2009-04-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In a moment of insightful truth, conservative columnist William Safire once provoked a fire storm when he accused then co-president Hillary Clinton of being a “congenital liar."

Safire's column did not set well with Bill Clinton, whom threatened to punch Safire on the nose, were if not for the fact that he (Bill Clinton) was the elected half of the manacled duo.

Other Clintonistas rushed to Hillary's defense by objecting to the word "congenital," which means inherited or a medical condition existing at birth. Egged on by Hillary herself, defenders pointed out that Hillary's ongoing feud with truth did not commence until after she was introduced to, and paired with, Slick Willie.

Slick Willie called that a "damnable lie" and threatened to punch Hillary on the nose, were it not for the fact that it was Easter Sunday and he had an urgent appointment in the Oral Office with Monica Lewinsky right after church.

This rancid page from American history (best forgotten) springs up because Secretary Hillary Clinton appeared before Congress and, during the course of her testimony, cast dispersions of the veracity of former VP Dick Cheney.

As reported, in part, at wcbstv.com:

http://wcbstv.com/national/hillary.clinton.secretary.2.991639.html

"Hillary Clinton returned on Wednesday to her former place of business, Capitol Hill, and offered a sometimes testy review of her first three months as Secretary of State.

"The topics of discussion before the House Foreign Affairs committee ranged from the $900 million in aid pledged to Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza to Dick Cheney's claim that classified documents prove the Bush administration's interrogation methods on suspected terrorists yielded vital intelligence

"Well, it won't surprise you that I don't consider him a particularly reliable source of information," Clinton said of the former vice president."

Mind you, this from the mouth of the presidential candidate who, during the heat of the 2008 campaign, claimed that ducking sniper fire while invading Bosnia for hubby bubba made her battle tough and ready for that 3 am call on the Red Phone.

Unfortunately for the one time "inevitable queen," a CBS reporter, who had accompanied Hillary on her Bosnia trip in 1996, unearthed a clip of video that totally debunked her "dodging sniper fire" campaign rhetoric.

As reported at the blog.washingtonpost.com

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2008/03/more_incoming_for_clinton.html

"As has now been conclusively established by video film and news photographs, Hillary Clinton did NOT come under sniper fire in Bosnia in March 1996 when she made a morale-boosting visit to U.S. troops enforcing the 1995 Dayton Peace Agreement. But she is taking plenty of bullets for her over-dramatic accounts of the trip, and acknowledged on Monday that she had made a "misstatement." She said it should be treated as a "minor blip."

From that same report, this, in part:

"U.S. Air Force journalist Don Jackson was standing on the back of a flatbed pick-up truck filming the event when Clinton's plane touched down. Here is his account:

Mrs. Clinton arrived to a flight line full of well-wishers, both military and civilian, accompanied by her staff as well as comedian Sinbad and singer Sheryl Crow who were there to entertain troops.

To set the record straight, there was no enemy fire, and no imminent danger. If there had been any danger, "well-wishers" would not have been allowed on the tarmac, much less allowing me to stand above everyone else on the back of a truck.

And Sinbad and Sheryl Crow would've been running for their lives instead of taking the time to be interviewed by yours truly, on the tarmac. Mrs. Clinton's [claim] is a lie, plain and simple."

Bottom line: When it comes to the raw truth, Hillary Clinton appears to be uniquely unqualified to critique anyone's "reliability as a source of information!"

Obama's Deficit Fix: Weed out Wasteful Philanthropy

2009-02-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

After approving a trillion-dollar Pig Roast for the benefit of reckless liberals in Congress, President Obama now seeks to soothe public angst over those annual, multi-trillion dollar deficits that his "solution" will bring to pass.

Refusing to allow truth to interfere with his Marxist MO, Obama acted decisively by declaring, ""I work for the American people, and I'm determined to bring the change that the people voted for last November. And that means cutting what we don't need to pay for what we do."

Obama's latest proves that acting "decisively" is a plus only when one acts wisely as well.

Back to the details: For a brief moment, one's pulse quickens, far short of a "thrill running up and down my leg," mind you, but still enough to qualify as hope.

Perhaps the president has seen through the folly of wasting hundreds of billions of dollars to prevent STDs, or for terminating pregnancies caused by over stimulation among the unwashed masses?

Or maybe a wiser, more mature Obama, feeling his oats after 40 days in office, now recognizes scads of other liberal pork as worthy candidates for "cutting what we don't need to pay for what we do."

Alas, the audacity of hope drops quicker than the DJIA immediately after an Obama speech on the economy.

Instead of taking on Nancy Pelosi and the other far left loons and their Pork, this new president has decided to balance the budget by attacking a hereto scared cow: Charitable giving!

As reported in the Washington Times, in part:

"Democrats and Republicans poured cold water on President Obama's budget plan to cut down on wealthy taxpayers' charitable giving tax deductions, the second of his ambitious cost-savings plans to earn lawmakers' scorn, and underscoring the legislative minefield he is entering.

Still, the charitable giving deduction reduction, which would limit deductions for couples making $250,000 or individuals making $200,000, provoked the most heat Thursday. Mr. Obama is counting on that provision to raise $179.8 billion over 10 years."

An Obama spokesman rejected criticism of the proposed Jihad on Philanthropy by pointing out that, with the president's "take responsibility" budget plans, the federal government will assume responsibility for meeting the needs of all citizens from cradle to grave, thereby eliminating the need for charitable giving.

As the spokesman explained, the Obama budget plan will cut out the middleman in the process of helping the poor and needy. Higher income tax rates on the rich will cause their money to reach the underprivileged much more quickly, and with less administrative expense.

Barack Obama: America's black Robin Hood, spreading poverty from sea to shining sea!

America's Next Great Civil Rights Fight: Equality for the Rich

2009-02-26T20:12:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Throughout the ages, America has opened her arms and made room for a diverse mix of people and circumstances. We have overcome prejudices against women, African-Americans, Hispanics, and other racial minorities.

Our big tent has expanded to include gays and lesbians, transvestites, the handicapped, the blind, the stupid (Mostly liberals), Muslims, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics, Jews, Hindus, and other religious minorities.

America has embraced " Our diversity is our greatest strength" as the national slogan in our multicultural potpourri of insufferable tolerance and political correctness gone amuck.

Despite all of the social "progress" that has blessed this land, there is one class of people, despised like none other, for whom the bells of tolerance and acceptance have yet to toll.

That, would be the rich, the most abused, maligned, misunderstood, and persecuted minority in human history.

Being rich is such a wretched offense that, in and of itself, it can mitigate the social advantages that would normally accrue to those who are in one or more of the "protected" categories.

For example, a blind and deaf, non-English speaking, pregnant, lesbian, Hispanic illegal alien who suffers from chronic alcoholism and drug addiction, and who is a practicing Muslim terrorist specializing in IEDs, would normally be a favorite daughter to ACLU and La Raza lawyers, government bureaucrats, and liberal politicians looking for a victim to exploit for cheap political gain.

However, let that same miserable urchin have more than $1,000. in the bank, and be in possession of an automobile more snazzy than a 1990 Saturn with 300,000 miles on it, and you have a veritable Untouchable on your hands.

According to liberals, being rich is one of the most unpatriotic and un-American offenses that one can commit, nearly as unforgivable as blasphemy against the Holy Ghost.

Unless, that is, one's name happens to be Obama, Pelosi, Kennedy, Gore, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Clinton, Soros, Winfrey, or any number of rich liberals whom are immune from the type of wealth-based character flaws that doom conservatives.

When you think about it, though, the rich should pay LESS, not more, taxes than the rest of us.

After all, the rich do not use public schools, opting instead to send their children to private schools.

The rich do not collect food stamps, welfare payments, disability checks, or unemployment perks.

The rich do not depend on the U.S. military to educate, feed, and house their children, preferring instead to send their kids to Yale, Harvard, Stanford, or Princeton.

The rich do not urinate in public and make pests of themselves outside Home Depot stores while waiting for a $5.00 "job opportunity" to appear.

The rich do not rely on public defenders to work their way out from under silly scrapes with the law.

The rich do not send their pregnant, unmarried daughters to Planned Parenthood or other public infanticide outlets, preferring instead to whisk their 'child with child' off to a castle nestled discreetly in the Swiss Alps where the whole sordid affair can be handled with dignity and sans unwanted attention.

Only a morally bankrupt institution, like the Democrat Party for example, would consider it acceptable to force people who use the least services to pay the most taxes!

This gross injustice must not stand. The American sense of fairness and equality demands that the yoke of discrimination not burden those, who through no fault of their own, are rich.

We must pass a constitutional amendment to extend the protection and dignity of equality to the most vulnerable minority in our society--the filthy rich.

Ben Bernanke and the Unabridged "May Happen" List for 2009

2009-02-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke made instant headline news by telling Congress that America's gut-wrenching recession MAY end in 2009.

His words brought immediate relief to Wall Street investors and others worried about America's dire economic circumstances, including President Obama who is not sure whether it is better to tell the American people that it will take many years to heal the mess, or to promise a miraculous halving of the deficit by the end of his first term.

While the "Bernanke Bounce" was a welcome change of pace after six consecutive sessions of dreadful news, the Fed Chair made a number of other forecasts which he believes are just about as likely as an economic recovery in 2009.

Bernanke's prognosis includes the following "May Happen" duds:

* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may convert to Judaism and give Iran's enrichment centrifuges to Israel during his Bar Mitzvah;

* Mayor Antonio Villagarosa may make it a misdemeanor to speak or write Spanish anywhere in Los Angeles;

* Nancy Pelosi may announce that due to her unexpected pregnancy, her views on abortion have dramatically changed: She may carry the fetus to term in order to get that extra tax deduction;

* Bank of America may announce that it has discovered an accounting error which reveals that the firm is actually flush with cash: B of A may return all bail out money it received, plus 18 percent interest, to the U.S. Treasury by March 7;

* After meeting Barack Obama, Bill Maher may announce that he now believes in God;

* Rahm Emanuel may leave the Obama administration to join Hamas in its noble fight against Zionist pigs;

* George W. Bush may be required to retake, for the third time, a remedial English class before being hired to greet customers at that store in Dallas;

* President Obama may leave Michelle and his two daughters for the affections of a white community organizer with a terrific jump shot and great dunking skills;

* New York Times columnist Judith Warner may admit that she is a white community organizer with a terrific jump shot and great dunking skills;

* VP Joe Biden may admit that he took one of those on-line IQ tests, and is only slightly below Hermit the Frog when it comes to raw intellect;

* Pope Benedict may announce that Nancy Pelosi has been excommunicated for getting pregnant after the age of 65;

* Sean Penn may be baptized as a Mormon and return his Oscar due to "moral concerns" about the lifestyle choices of Harvey Milk;

* Hugo Chavez may outlaw socialism, impose a four year term limit on the Venezuelan presidency, effective immediately, and sign over all of Venezuelan's oil reserves to the U.S. Marines;

* Chris Matthews may have a lobotomy to treat that "thrill running up my leg" when he listens to President Obama;

* Tim Geithner may announce that his tax problem was not a software error after all. He may turn himself over to the IRS, sign a written confession, and write a To Do Book titled,: Cheating on Your Taxes for Dummies;

Recovery in 2009? Do not go to Las Vegas and bet big money on it!

Divorce, In Keeping with Sharia Law

2009-02-23T09:02:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Snobbish American men who regard Sharia Law as an inferior abomination may wish to reconsider that judgment, at least when it comes to divorce settlements.

Unlike American divorce laws, which assume that every husband is a wife beater, adulterer, and corrupting influence on the children, Sharia law is infinitely more balanced and fair.

In a court operating in accordance with Sharia law the following principle applies: She gets the home, all of the couple's assets, and his social security.

He gets her head and bloody remains!

There are no alimony or child support payments to argue over, no divisive restraining orders, no messy visitation rights, blah,blah,blah.

Under Sharia law, the man does not need to waste tens of thousands of dollars to hire a shyster lawyer.

A sharp ax will suffice.

Praise be to Allah!

The latest enlightenment concerning the Religion of Peace was delivered by Muzzammil Hassan, a Muslim TV mogul from New York who hacked off his wife's head.

Her offense? Aasiya Hassan, Muzzammil's wife, had the temerity and the audacity to file for divorce!

As the ax-wielding hubby argued so eloquently, the wayward woman was not authorized to file for divorce; thus, the only option left for the abused Muzzammil was to send the renegade female to Allah, special delivery.

Another advantage to the way that Muzzammil settled his domestic dispute: The divorce was final, effective immediately. There will be no appeal!

Can the Feminization of Wall Street Bail Out America?

2009-02-21T13:20:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Those who believe that a few trillion dollars of taxpayer money is urgently needed to stimulate the listless economy and create millions of new jobs may have overlooked a much simpler, less costly solution.

According to host Robin Roberts and reporter Claire Shipman of "Good Morning America," the meltdown of America could have been avoided if estrogen, rather than testosterone, were the dominant hormone among Wall Street and Bank executives.

As reported at Newsbusters.com, in part:

"Robin Roberts and reporter Claire Shipman eagerly touted a theory, recently highlighted by a liberal New York Times columnist, that the problems on Wall Street could have been avoided if women were in charge.

As video of bank executives who testified Wednesday in front of Congress appeared onscreen, Roberts mused, "As we saw, the nation's top bankers were grilled on Capitol Hill. Take a look...What do they all have in common? Well, for one thing, they're all men."

Shipman then lectured, "Greed and glory and then risk and disaster on Wall Street. Could testosterone be to blame?"

Of course, many women enjoy speculating that there would be fewer wars, and that the world would be a "kinder, gentler" place, if only women were in charge.

However, some of the top stories making news these days make such talk seem sexist bordering on blasphemy.

Consider, for instance, the outrage that Hillary Rodham Clinton sparked when she announced that the U.S. would not allow human rights concerns to trump America's cooperation with China on the global economy and global warming.

As reported at Yahoo News, in part:

"Paying her first visit to Asia as the top US diplomat, Clinton said the United States would continue to press China on long-standing US concerns over human rights such as its rule over Tibet.

'But our pressing on those issues can't interfere on the global economic crisis, the global climate change crisis and the security crisis,' Clinton told reporters in Seoul just before leaving for Beijing.

T. Kumar of Amnesty International USA said the global rights lobby was 'shocked and extremely disappointed' by Clinton's remarks."

So much for the kinder, gentler Hildabeast!

The other major story involving an estrogen-crazed politician concerns House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who took a peek at the Pope while in Rome.

Pope Benedict, leader of the male-dominated Catholic Church, chastised Pelosi for her position on abortion when he told her, "Catholic politicians have a duty to protect life at all stages of development."

One would expect a mother and grandmother (several times over) to immediately identify with and confirm the Pontiff's life-affirming sentiment.

However, Pelosi does not appear willing to alter her support for the infanticide "choice" that has cost 50 million innocent human fetuses their lives since Roe V. Wade.

Can an infusion of estrogen cure America's problems and bring about a kinder, gentler citizenry?

Not if the behaviors of Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi are any indication of how the "weaker sex" does things!

(1)
http://newsbusters.org/blogs/scott-whitlock/2009/02/12/abc-touts-male-bashing-theory-could-less-men-have-saved-wall-street

(2)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090220/pl_afp/usdiplomacyasiachinarights

Who Will Bail out the Bank of Obama?

2009-02-18T11:50:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Once President Obama has bailed out all banks, credit unions, savings and loans, auto manufacturers, investment firms, labor unions, railroads, geisha houses, pension accounts for both private and government employees, airlines and related sub-industries, the NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA, state governments and municipalities, funeral homes and crematoriums, schools from K-Dr., gambling casinos and nightclubs, Hollywood studios, produce farms, Silicon Valley start ups, hospitals, individual and group health care providers, home, auto, and life insurance companies, federal, state, and local prisons, jails, and other places of incarceration, courts from small claims through and including the US Supreme Court, libraries, parking lots, bowling alleys, beauty shops, animal shelters, bus stations, city parks and par courses, 24-hour fitness centers, television and radio stations, Senior Service centers, Internet service providers, all churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, and other places of worship, 7-11 convenience stores, Hooter's drive-ins, all newspapers and magazines, the NAACP, KKK, La Raza, and CAIR, real estate and mortgage loan companies, and other needy institutions, he will have achieved his Messianic-Marxist goal:

Equitable distribution of poverty throughout America!

At that dreary and woeful day, which is not all that far in the future one must assume, the only remaining question will be:

Who will bail out the Bank of Obama (BOO)?

Nancy Pelosi Educates Pope Benedict on Abortion, Church Teachings

2009-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

After working 24/7 to drive America into deep depression by ramming an outrageous liberal spending bill through the U.S. House, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Dunce-CA) escaped to Rome where the addle brained grandma decided to educate Pope Benedict on the church's teachings with regard to abortion.

Misinformed sources tell this reporter that the Vatican is actively covering up what really happened behind closed doors between the Pope and Pelosi by spreading a false story that has the Pope chastising Pelosi for her pro-abortion hypocrisy.

According to Vatican propaganda, Pope Benedict told Pelosi that "Catholic politicians have a duty to protect life at all stages of development."

Those in a position to know tell a much different story, in which Pelosi took the lead by informing the Pontiff in no uncertain terms that the "Catholic doctors had not yet decided when life begins and that, according to her belief system, abortion is an inalienable right guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution."

Pelosi reportedly went on to remind the Pope that a bedrock of American Democracy is the separation of church and state, a principal mandated somewhere in the bowels of the Constitution.

Unconfirmed accounts have it that, upon conclusion of her pro-abortion pitch, Pelosi requested a private Holy Communion with the Pontiff to toast his "progressive awakening" on abortion, the Catholic Church, and the U.S. Constitution.

Vatican officials deny that account, and claim that Pope Benedict has drafted a final press release that will set the record straight, once the "expletive deleted" expressions have been replaced with words more appropriate for a servant of God!

Obama's Great New Challenge: Ending Diversity Dysfunction

2009-02-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

There is yet another item to add to the staggering list of failures racked up by an administration still well short of being one month old.

That would be President Obama's naive pledge to unify Americans in a orgiastic wonderland of mindless post-partisanship.

From the perspective of one immune to the plague of Obama-mania running rampant hither and yonder, it is clear that America's social, economic, and political disunity can be summarized in two powerful words: Diversity Dysfunction.

Think about it: February is African American Heritage month, September 15 through October 14 is Hispanic Heritage month, and on and on and on and on.

Unfortunately, there is no "White American Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by Caucasians.

Fact is, in a mad, hysterical rush to celebrate people of color, America has deliberately, and with malice, overlooked those who made America the crown jewel of humanity.

That would be white Christians, those stellar American men and women who gave the world the most free and prosperous Democracy in human history.

On their own, white Christians freed millions of slaves, allowed Indians to convert their useless teepees into cash cow casinos, saved the world from fascism, Nazism, and communism, and spread Democracy and western values to Iraq and Afghanistan, thereby enriching the lives of 50 million Muslims.

White Christians bent on philanthropy also gave the world the A-bomb, the Internet, cell phone calling plans without roaming fees, NASCAR racing, Wal-Mart, the NRA, midnight bowling, the Confederate flag, and twelve-packs of beer with easy open pop tops.

All of which begs the question, Why is there no "White American Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by whites?

If President Obama is really genuine in his desire to bring unity to America, he will immediately issue an Executive Order designating March through August, White Christian Heritage months!

Happy President's Day to Jimmy Carter and Bush-43!

2009-02-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

In a poll of 65 American historians conducted by C-Span to rank America's presidents, former President Jimmy Carter was knocked down three notches from 22nd in 2000, to 25th place in the current poll.

All of which proves that the more familiar one becomes with the Carter presidency, the less one appreciates Carter's impact, and the more thankful one is for Ronald Wilson Reagan who sent Jimmy back to his peanut farm in Georgia.

Given this backward trend, Carter could end up at the bottom of the list by the time Barack Obama is unceremoniously booted from office in 2012, unless George W. Bush rallies and beats Carter to the bottom.

Regardless of how it turns out, it (finishing last)could not happen to a more deserving fellow, Carter or Bush-43.

For the record, George W. Bush ranked 36th out of the 42 white males whom preceded him to the White House through the end of 2008.

Presidents James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Franklin Pierce, William Henry Harrison and Warren G. Harding all finished below W.

However, before excitable Bushies break out the bubbly to celebrate the fact that Dubya escaped the cellar, it must be noted that he was not judged on his January 2009 performance.

That is significant, because W.'s January included dillies like sending $17 billion to Detroit auto makers, and greasing the skids for Obama to complete the robbery of the treasury to the tune of $350 billion additional dollars for Wall Street.

As reported, in part, at Yahoonews:

"Just days after the nation honored the 200th anniversary of his birth, 65 historians ranked Abraham Lincoln as the nation's best president.

Former President George W. Bush, who left office last month, was ranked 36th out of the 42 men who had been chief executive by the end of 2008, according to a survey conducted by the cable channel C-SPAN.

In contrast, Lincoln was ranked in the top three in each of the 10 categories evaluated by participants."

As concerns the race to the bottom between Bush and Carter, may the "worst man win!"

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090215/ap_on_go_pr_wh/ranking_presidents

Lowering Expectations: Whither the Messiah?

2009-02-15T17:10:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Barack Obama captured the White House partly because he convinced millions of voters that he is the embodiment of Jesus Christ AND the 12th Imam of Iran, all rolled up into one dysfunctional community organizer who is clean and articulate.

Some naive Christians expect Obama to pay their mortgages, make their car payments, get the IRS off their backs, and cure pesky STDs even without that $350 million that Nancy Pelosi insists is essential to stimulate job growth.

Actually, Pelosi is spot on, provided you agree that it is the job of government to create jobs for pimps and prostitutes, most of whom apply the same due diligence to paying taxes as the average Democrat nominee for a position in the Obama cabinet.

Many Obama-maniacs also believe that their man can walk on water, turn cat urine into unleaded gasoline, and make Nancy Pelosi look normal without spending more than $80,000 a month on botox.

As for Muslim Obama-maniacs, most expect Obama to come rocking out of a well on George W. Bush's ranch in Crawford Texas as the much-awaited Muslim Messiah, after which Obama the Imam will smite W's butt just for spite, and then issue an Executive Order to dissolve Congress and replace the Constitution with Sharia law, effective, retroactively, to January 20.

According to Muslim clerics, Obama the Imam will shut down GITMO immediately, release all inmates on their own recognizance to the care of Osama bin Laden, and order the likeness of all U.S. presidents at Mt. Rushmore to demolished so as to make room for the busts of the 19 terrorists who carried out the 9/11 attacks.

Obama the Imam will then return to Crawford, Texas just to bitch-slap W. around a little more, and will then ascend into a cave-shaped cloud in the sky from which he will rule the world for 1,000 years, or until the trillion dollar stimulus fraud kicks in, whichever comes first.

With all of these presumed powers and capabilities in his tank, one wonders why Obama media spin-doctors are trying to lower expectations?

For example, as reported by Reuters, in part:

"WASHINGTON (Reuters)- President Barack Obama's aides warned Americans on Sunday not to expect instant miracles from the $787 billion economic stimulus bill he will sign this week, but said it would help eventually.

'There will be signs of activity very quickly,' David Axelrod, the White House senior adviser, said on "Fox News Sunday." 'But it's going to take time for that to show up in the statistics. The president has said it's likely to get worse before it gets better.'"

Which begs the question, "Why, then was it essential to approve the bill this weekend and before the bill could actually be read?"

Even more distressing is the fact that since Barack Obama took office three weeks ago, the price of oil has declined while the price at the pump is soaring.

From Yahoo News this report, in part:

"NEW YORK – Crude oil prices have fallen to new lows for this year. So you'd think gas prices would sink right along with them.
Not so.

On Thursday, for example, crude oil closed just under $34 a barrel, its lowest point for 2009. But the national average price of a gallon of gas rose to $1.95 on the same day, its peak for the year. On Friday gas went a penny higher."

So the economy gets worse before it gets better and the price of gasoline is soaring again.

This is what millions of voters had in mind when they turned America to over to this New Age Messiah and corrupt disciples in Congress?

Obama Celebrates Lincoln's Birthday With Plans to Reinstate Slavery

2009-02-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President Barack Obama took advantage of Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday to point out how he has lived his own life in accordance with the examples set by America's 16th president.

As Obama deftly pointed out, both men served in the Illinois House of Representatives, and both were educated as lawyers.

Other similarities and differences exist; some of which Obama did NOT highlight.

For example:

Lincoln was born in a one-room log cabin in Kentucky to uneducated farmers. He was the first American president born outside of the original thirteen colonies.

Obama was hatched in a mud hut somewhere in Kenya where birth certificates are apparently illegal. He was the first American president born outside the United States.

Because of the slavery issue, Lincoln was not even on the ballot in nine southern states for the 1860 presidential election.

Thanks to ACORN activists, Obama's name appeared on ballots provided to illegal aliens, felons, and others not eligible to vote in all 50 states, Mexico, and lord knows where else.

Lincoln redefined Republicanism by shifting emphasis to the Declaration of Independence as the foundation of American political values — freedom and equality for all, rather than the Constitution's tolerance of slavers.

Thanks to a $750 million war chest, ACORN voter fraud, and a biased liberal media, Obama redefined the Democrat party as home to a gaggle of undisciplined Marxists, baby killers, pacifist wusses, corrupt labor unions, and elitists addicted to wasting taxpayer money on mindless liberal causes.

During the Civil War, Lincoln assumed powers no previous President had tried. He used his war powers to proclaim a blockade, suspended the writ of habeas corpus, spent money before Congress appropriated it, and imprisoned 18,000 suspected Confederate sympathizers without trial. (1)

One of Obama's first acts as commander-in-chief during the war on terror was to order the closure of Guantanamo Bay, outlaw torture, and otherwise make the world a kinder, gentler place for Islamofascists dedicated to murdering Americans, Jews, and infidels throughout the world.

Lincoln was very well respected as a man of integrity and was called "Honest Abe."

Obama cavorts with tax cheats, ACORN volunteers involved in voter fraud, and other unsavory characters, mostly unwashed Democrats from Illinois.

And, most dramatically,

Lincoln signed two Emancipation Proclamations to free (ultimately) four million slaves.

Obama is set to sign a "stimulus" bill that will pile crushing debt on the backs of several future generations of Americans, thereby enslaving people of all races, ethnic backgrounds, religions, nationalities, and socioeconomic classes just to implement a host of failed liberal programs that America neither needs or wants.

Bottom Line: Barack Obama, you are no Abraham Lincoln!

(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln

Send Released GITMO Terrorists to Alcatraz Island!

2009-02-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

As the Obama administration works to shut down GITMO, extremists on the far left are wringing their collective hands about what do with the sweet souls who have been victimized by the Bush-Cheney Jihad on Islamofascism.

According to the left, those GITMO dirt bags, the ones who would gladly slice your throat for proselytizing the Good News of Christianity, deserve to be treated no more harshly than a blind jay walker, with Alzheimer's, who cannot remember the exact whereabouts of those elusive cross walks.

Given their druthers, President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and other nut balls on the left would ship GITMO thugs to the suburbs of Detroit and Chicago to dwell among sleeper cells where mosques, prayer blankets, and bowing east with one's butt straight up in the air five times a day is considered cool.

Or, as the Muslims say, Ah-La!

Pennsylvania voters were reminded of the fact that John Murtha is certifiably insane when the U.S. Marine-hating Representative offered to house GITMO terrorist is Murtha's Congressional district.

Suffice it to say, many Murtha constituents were not particularly amused.

According to anonymous and unreliable sources, liberals have decided that sending terrorists to Alcatraz Island just off San Francisco may be a viable alternative because:

*GITMO dudes are already accustomed to living on a communist island. Thus, moving near San Francisco would not be too much "culture shock" for the killers.

*In the event prisoners were able to pull off an escape, only downtown San Francisco would be imperiled. No American patriots would be in jeopardy.

*San Francisco's rigid voting statutes, which screen out Republicans and conservatives, could be revised to accommodate Islamofascists in order for said terrorists to vote as Democrats in the 2010 mid-term elections.

Reached at the San Francisco Zoo where she is on a voter registration campaign, Screecher Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, "I am not wild about this idea, unless Obama adds $500 million to the stimulus package to create jobs on Alcatraz!"

Nancy Pelosi: She may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she is the goofiest!

ANOTHER Obama Stinker: How Do You Say "Tax Cheat" in Spanish?

2009-02-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

If President Obama had just taken his own advise and learned Spanish, as he urged American parents to do, perhaps this latest kerfuffel could have been avoided.

As it is, the nomination of Rep. Hilda Solis, Latina from California, to be Labor Secretary may be in trouble because of revelations that her husband was ensnared in tax concerns, an aliment that seems to have reached pandemic proportions among Obama nominees.

As reported, in part, in the San Francisco Chronicle **:

"Looks like another Obama Cabinet nominee could be in trouble--
Rep. Hilda Solis, the proposed Labor Secretary. And quietly, the administration has acknowledged that it could be a long haul. This week, Team Obama quietly appointed an interim Labor Department chief.

The latest chapter came Thursday before a long-delayed vote on Solis, a Los Angeles County Democrat, before the Senate Labor Committee again postponed consideration, apparently because of a disclosure that Solis' husband paid $6,400 yesterday to settle a tax lien.

Administration officials had hoped for a vote this week, almost a month after the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee held a hearing on Solis. The committee's Democratic majority should have the votes to approve the union-friendly nominee.

But the new administration has simultaneously been bracing for a protracted battle: On Monday, Obama appointed career Labor Department manager Ed Hugler to serve as acting secretary until Obama's nominee can be confirmed.

After weeks of delay -- and speculation that Republicans on the committee were blocking Solis -- the committee's chairman, Sen. Edward Kennedy, and ranking Republican member, Sen. Michael Enzi, issued a joint statement Thursday morning canceling the vote but denying that an anonymous senator had placed a hold on the nomination."

If only Team Obama had translated that 60 page vetting document into Spanish, all of this fuss might have been avoided. As it is, the Obama penchant for shooting itself in the groin has gained additional momentum.

All of which raises the question of the day: How do you say "tax cheat" in Spanish?

**
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=14&entry_id=35481

The "Lillpop Smell Test" for Stimulus Proposals

2009-02-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

OK, I confess, I am not an economist. Heck, I am not even particularly knowledgeable about high finances.

Fact is, I use Quicken to keep track of my checking accounts, and until Treasury Tim Geithner delivered his non-repentant mea culpa before the Senate, I used that famous tax software (unnamed) to prepare my taxes.

Thanks to Geithner, I now realize that that software tends to lie about income and deductions, and may cause one to spend time in prison, or lose one's employment.

Unless one is well connected to the Obama administration, in which case one can look forward to a cushy cabinet job where one of the primary job responsibilities is to track down and prosecute tax cheats, Republicans being a top priority.

Which makes perfect sense if you think about it: Who better to uncover tax evasion than a man who has successfully committed said crime himself?

My lack of a formal background in economics has not prevented me from forming very definite opinions about the economic stimulus plan crafted by the United States House of Representatives, led by Screecher Nancy Pelosi.

Herewith, then, the Lillpop Smell Test for determining the viability of stimulus proposals:

Whereas, all assets and property owned by the federal government of the United Sates are in fact, possessions held on behalf of American citizens, let it be hereby resolved that no economic or recovery plan shall include any provision that:

( )Seeks to reduce, in any way, funds allocated to the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security.

( )Aids, abets or otherwise benefits individual terrorists or suspected terrorists, or organizations with terrorist links.

( )Results in American jobs or treasure being doled out to any person with no legal right to be in America (illegal aliens).

( )Allocates funds to ACORN and other organizations involved in voter fraud.

( )Serves as a "pay back" to organized labor unions for unflagging support of the Democrat party.

( )Makes the federal government responsible for preventing STDs and other maladies caused by reckless and irresponsible personal behavior.

( )Stimulates the gainful employment of tort attorneys.

( )Provides any funds for any institution or private party located with 750 miles of the San Francisco Bay Area.

( )Stimulates the use of medical procedures to terminate human life through abortion

( )Allocates funds to racist organizations like CAIR, La Raza, and the NAACP.

NOTE: There is a much quicker, easier way to ferret out non-stimulating stinkers from any stimulus package: Simply ask Screecher Nancy Pelosi her opinion.

If Pelosi supports it, it is NOT going to result in anything except more wasteful spending on worthless liberal pet projects!

satire

Obama in Stimulus Wonderland!

2009-02-05T08:17:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Who would have imagined that Walt Disney's magical film, "Alice in Wonderland," from 1951 would be a model for the Obama presidency?

In particular, the Rabbit who ran about declaring "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" seems to capture the president's mood with regard to the trillion dollar, leftist boondoggle mistakenly referred to as a "recovery" plan.

From Bloomberg.com, in part, this:

"President Barack Obama prodded lawmakers to complete work on a $900 billion economic stimulus package as Senate Democratic leaders faced calls from their own party and from Republicans for changes to the measure.

“Let’s not make the perfect the enemy of the essential,” Obama said while acknowledging criticisms of the plan. “A failure to act and to act now will turn crisis into catastrophe and guarantee a longer recession.”

Sounds eerily like, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" does it not? No time to use common sense when spending a trillion dollars of taxpayer money, right?

Actually, Obama's panic alert sounds very much like the words that former President Bush used last September when he warned Congress that failure to approve a $700 billion bailout could send the fragile U.S. economy over the edge.

After signing the hysteria-driven bill on October 4, President Bush made the following statement:

"By coming together on this legislation, we have acted boldly to prevent the crisis on Wall Street from becoming a crisis in communities across our country."

That bail out, which totaled more than $800 billion by the time it was signed into law, turned out to be a folly of epic proportions.

To begin with, about $350 billion was stashed in a white envelope marked "CRISIS," hidden under the carpet in Henry Paulson's office.

Four months later, those "emergency" funds have yet to be disbursed.

Which begs the question, "Just What the Hell is a 'crisis' in Washington parlance?"

Of the bail out money that was spent, no one in government knows exactly where all of it went, although it appears that billions were spent on matters unrelated to the banking crises.

Senate Republicans must remain firm in their opposition to the $900 billion monster that Obama and the Democrats want to dump on the backs of generations to follow.

To counter Obama's silly argument, try one of the following:

"Let's not turn the essential into a feeding trough for liberals addicted to pork" or "Haste makes waste!"

Defrocking Camelot, One Tax Cheat at a Time

2009-02-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Two weeks ago, the world believed that the torch of Camelot had been passed from the disciples of John F. Kennedy to Barack Obama. Today, the world recognizes that Obama is more like Jimmy Carter than JFK.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama had Republicans backed against a wall and all but defeated. Today, Senate Republicans, lead by Mitch McConnell (R-KY), are demanding CHANGE to the outrageous spending orgy masked as a job stimulus by the majority Democrats. Today, Obama is forced to listen.

Two weeks ago, much of the world assumed that Barack Obama was far too brilliant and blessed to make a mistake. Today, the world knows of at least three tax cheats that Obama tried to place into important cabinet posts, two of whom have since had the decency to withdraw, and a third whom had the audacity and arrogance to continue, with Obama's blessings.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama was hailed as a technological wunderkid, the man who ended the reign of the boomer generation with his knowledge and use of the Internet, and all manners of high tech gadgets. Today, the world knows that Obama is incapable of using even the most simple, low-tech vetting tools to screen out tax cheats.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama was seen as a beacon of hope for CHANGE throughout the world. Today, the world knows that the greatest need for immediate CHANGE is in the Oval Office and the man in charge there.

Two weeks ago, the world believed that an inexperienced community organizer with charisma and charm was just what the world needed. Today, the world realizes that being clean and articulate is not even close to being good enough!

jwl

Another "F" for Obama: Performance Czar a Tax Cheat!

2009-02-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Yet another Obama nominee is in deep dodo because of tax issues.

As reported at Breitbart, in part, at Reference 1:

"Nancy Killefer, who failed for a year and a half to pay employment taxes on household help, has withdrawn her candidacy to be the first chief performance officer for the federal government, the White House said Tuesday.

"Killefer was the second major Obama administration nominee to withdraw and the third to have tax problems complicate their nomination after President Barack Obama announced their selection.

"Nancy Killefer has decided to withdraw her nomination, and we accepted her withdrawal," Tommy Vietor, a White House spokesman, said Tuesday.

"The 55-year-old executive with consulting giant McKinsey & Co., was expected to explain her reasons for pulling out later in the day."

All of these failed Obama appointments are actually good news for the American people because we now know why the budget is so out of balance:

Democrat elitists are refusing to pay their taxes!

CHANGE in the Way Americans Pay (Not!) Taxes!

2009-02-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

So, you just ran your 2008 numbers through Turbo-Tax and discovered a brutal truth: There is a huge gap between what you owe in taxes and what you have available to send Timothy Gaithner at Treasury.

Put simply, you will need a bail out in order to send money to the bozos in Washington, D.C. who will, in turn, use YOUR money to bail out crooks on Wall Street.

Bernie Madoff was handcuffed and arrested for that sort of Ponzi scheme, but when President Obama proposes it, millions of heavenly angels fill the skies over Washington, D.C. and celebrate the young president's economic genius by singing several verses of "Yes We Can!" with Holy reverence.

However, you are not President Obama, and unless you can sell a slick Ponzi scheme to family members and soon- to- be ex-friends between now and April 15, you will need a new strategy for dealing with taxes.

Relax, there is a solution that has been tested and proven by some of the brightest minds in the Obama cabinet. The solution in a nutshell:

Eliminate from your return the amount of income needed to bring you even with IRS or to even turn a profit.

File your "revised" return and then just wait for the IRS to send you several thousand dollars for that big vacation you promised the family.

In the unlikely event that President Obama decides to offer you an important job in his cabinet, reveal your "dirty little secret" just before your confirmation hearing is scheduled to start.

Using the most somber and sheepish expression in your mea culpa arsenal, apologize profusely for your unintentional error during your confirmation.

Apologize again, and again, and again, until C-Span runs out of videotape, or until your lying vocal cords give out, whichever comes first.

Because of the urgency of your new job, Democrats, including the president, will rally to your defense and demand that the Senate overlook your "innocent mistake" and confirm you immediately so that you can begin work on saving the American Dream this afternoon.

That, my brother, is the CHANGE that Barack Obama has brought to the manner by which Americans pay (Not!) taxes in the new age!

The Decline and Fall of Obama-Mania

2009-02-03T00:01:00.001-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Howls of protest and anguish from those who voted for Barack Obama are starting to pierce a hole in that media-created bubble of naive hope and fairy tale thinking, commonly known as Obamamania.

After allowing President Obama nearly a fortnight in which to bring much needed CHANGE to their lives, the unwashed masses are growing agitated with the lack of actual change. De ja vu all over again is NOT cool!

The Winter of Obama's Discontent began on February 2, the first date on which grandiose CHANGES promised by the Messiah were to take effect and bless the hearts of Obamamania loyalists.

Alas, despite all the promises and hype sold as hope, millions of the Obama faithful were rudely awakened by a plethora of unwelcome leftovers from the Bush monarchy, including:

*Mortgage payments were still due and payable.

*Amounts owed to mortgage holders were not reduced to reflect the significant deterioration in actual home values, and interest rates were not cut to zero;

*Homeowners in default continued to receive nasty notes from nasty lenders threatening to initiate foreclosure actions;

*Health insurers continued to demand huge sums of money for medical coverage that was supposed to be free, courtesy of Barack Obama;

*Taxpayers owing back taxes continued to receive harassing telephone calls and frightening certified mail from the IRS, even after tax cheat Timothy Gaithner took over at Treasury, and tax cheat Tom Daschle was working on taking over at HHS;

*Gasoline prices continued to increase, almost on a daily basis;

*Obama's two daughters attend an exclusive private school in Washington, D.C., something one would expect from a Republican white male with red neck tendencies, but not from a brother; and

*February 17 is still the date on which digital TV with replace analog, except now the government is not giving away a $40 coupon for the converter box.

All in all, a most dismal start to what was supposed to be a spiritual revolution that would free the unwashed masses from the unfair oppression of individual responsibility!

ANOTHER Tax Cheat at the Right Hand of CHANGE?

2009-01-30T19:08:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

If Barack Obama were hiring people to serve under him in governing Illinois, he would be expected to hire tax cheats, pay-to-play crooks, and other criminals known to be lacking in ethics, honesty, integrity, and mortality.

However, Barack Obama is supposed to be hiring honorable, honest and decent public servants to serve in the cabinet of the President of the United Sates.

As reported, in part, by ABC News (Reference 1), the new president seems to be having difficulty in locating worthy Democrats to serve in his administration:

"ABC News has learned that the nomination of former Senator Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., to be President Obama's Secretary of Health and Human Services has hit a traffic snarl on its way through the Senate Finance Committee.

"The controversy deals with a car and driver lent to Daschle by a wealthy Democratic friend, a chauffeur service the former senator used for years without declaring it on his taxes.

"During the vetting process to become HHS secretary, Daschle corrected the tax violation, voluntarily paying $101,943 in back taxes plus interest, working with his accountant to amend his tax returns for 2005 through 2007.

"This is the second Cabinet nominee of President Obama's to face questions of tax malfeasance. Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner paid more than $34,000 in taxes during his vetting process for income earned at the International Monetary Fund. Earlier, Commerce Secretary nominee Bill Richardson withdrew his name from consideration after reports of a federal investigation involving whether his office engaged in pay to play, a charge Richardson denied."

Note, please, the significance of the Daschle tax cheat numbers: The dude paid $101,943 in back taxes and interest for three years.

For some American families, having a three-year income of $101,943 would be a thrill!

Still there is an upside to all of this.

If Obama continues to nominate Democrat sleaze balls for important government jobs, and those sleaze balls continue to cough up big bucks to settle old tax cheating debts, America may have found a painless and entertaining way to reduce the budget deficit.

Reference 1:
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/01/bumps-in-the-ro.html

Nancy Pelosi Discusses Family Planning and Jobs

2009-01-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

This reporter recently caught up with Speaker Nancy Pelosi who graciously agreed to the following interview during which we discussed family planning, abortion, the birth of Octuplets in Southern California, and jobs.

The text of that interview follows:

John Lillpop:

Greetings, Speaker Pelosi. Congratulations on your reelection, greatly expanded majority in the U.S. House, and a liberal Democrat in the White House! Democrats have it all their way these days!

Speaker Pelosi:

Oh, thank you John! I cannot begin to tell you how relieved I am that George W. Bush has finally gotten out of town. I feel sorry for the state of Texas, but what can you do?

John Lillpop:

Speaker Pelosi, the House of Representatives passed an Economic Stimulus bill that will cost American taxpayers close to one trillion dollars. One of the more controversial items in the plan is $350 million dollars for family planning.

George Stephanopolis asked you what that expenditure has to do with creating jobs. Can you elaborate for my readers, and relate it to the birth of the Octuplets in California?

Speaker Pelosi:

Well, to begin with, if those children were born in October--you did say they were Octuplets, right?--I wonder why we are we just now hearing about them?

John Lillpop:

Actually, I believe that Octuplets means there were eight babies born to one woman at the same time, Speaker Pelosi.

Speaker Pelosi:

Eight? I thought someone said 14?

John Lillpop:

Well, the woman already had six at home and with the eight new born she now has 14.

Speaker Pelosi:

She already had six and wanted eight more? What the hell is she, some gap-toothed, Bible thumping, pro-life nut ball?

Where exactly in California is this scam artist from?

John Lillpop:

Let's see...OK, she is from Whittier. Southern California.

Speaker Pelosi:

I knew it, I knew it!

You realize that "Tricky Dick"," that sleazy Republican Quaker felon was from Whittier, right?

John Lillpop:

I am sorry, Madam Speaker. What does Richard Nixon have to do with the eight babies in a hospital in Whittier?

Speaker Pelosi:

The question everyone should be asking is, "Why have those eight right-wing babies been allowed to tie up hospital beds and medical services since October?"

We have tens of millions of illegal aliens from Mexico who need to be hospitalized for all sorts of ailments, most caused by drinking the putrid water down there, or by drinking way too much beer here.

Yet, here we have this English-speaking, self-centered, pro-life conservative who hogs medical facilities desperately needed for the poor and destitute.

It's so sad!

John Lillpop:

I am still not following you, Speaker Pelosi. What do the Octuplets have to do with stimulating the economy and creating jobs?

Speaker Pelosi:

It is as plain as the mole on Obama's face, John.

George Bush trashed the American economy by making the rich even richer. He left progressive Democrats to deal with the most serious downturn since the Great Depression.

Simply put, now is not the time for single mothers to be having Octuplets.

In order to turn the failed Bush economy around, we need a few hundred billion dollars to bail out innocent young ladies who get knocked up before Obama has had time to lead us into the promised land.

Under my plan, that young woman in Whittier would have been forced to go to Planned Parenthood for counseling the moment she realized she was pregnant.

What do you think Planned Parenthood would have counseled? Here you have a single mom already responsible for six rug rats with another eight itching to pop out.

It is really a non-brainer, even for a conservative.

You have to snuff at least six, perhaps seven, of the fetuses and try to keep the mother out of heat for at least the next 10 years.

John Lillpop:

But wouldn't that be state-sponsored murder?

Speaker Pelosi:

Murder? Hell no!

Murder is when you send 5,000 American kids to their deaths in Iraq because your dyslexic alcoholic president is having the DTs and sees weapons of mass destruction that simply do not exist.

THAT is murder!

John Lillpop:

I understand your point, Speaker. The latest news is that the mother in Whittier is bankrupt, or her family is, and she is seeking millions in bail out money from the stimulus funds. How do you feel about that?

Speaker Pelosi:

This is exactly why we are in such trouble in America. That woman needs to take personal responsibility for herself and her offspring.

Supporting 14 bastard kids from a right-wing slut is not the job of the government because it has nothing to do with jobs. Why is that so hard for conservatives to understand?

stjl

Illinois Senate Votes 59-0 to Dump Guv; Blago Demands Recount!

2009-01-29T20:28:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Proving conclusively that insufferable arrogance can coexist with debilitating stupidity in one overly hairy human skull, former Illinois Governor Rod R. Blagojevich officially joined the ranks of the unemployed this afternoon.

Or to be more precise, "Unemployable," at least when it comes to working for government in Illinois.

With the entire world watching on C-Span, the Illinois Senate redeemed the state and its politicians, at least partially, from the massive ridicule heaped on the Land of Lincoln ever since Blagojevich was arrested outside his home by the FBI, and later nominated for a Guinness World record for the most "F" bombs dropped in a single wire-tapped telephone conservation by a sitting governor in a presidential election year.

Blagojevich shrugged off the unanimous verdict against him with these clever words: "This is a complete travesty of justice. I know of at least 25 rock-solid NO votes in that chamber, each one paid for with cash money."

"There will be an investigation and I will restore my good name," the unemployed Democrat promised while waiting in line to file a claim for unemployment benefits in downtown Springfield.

"I am no Richard Nixon and I am not a crook," continued the erstwhile governor who failed to note that at least Richard Nixon had the decency to resign before being shredded to pieces by due process and rule of law.

Asked what his plans were for the future, Blagojevich hinted that he may write a book, perhaps a detailed "tell-all" about his relationship with President Obama and Rahm Emanuel.

Among possible titles, Blago mentioned "Sins of the Messiah" and "Sins of the Messiah and His F****** Jew Buddy" as being on his short list.

When asked how much of an advance he expected, Blago said that he was considering bids from two world-class publishers out of New York, along with a very attractive offer from a consortium in Washington, D.C. willing to pay big bucks for Blago to drop the book idea altogether.

Forever!

satire

Brewing Boston Tea in California

2009-01-28T19:12:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Rarely has the California Franchise Tax Board saved me money. In fact, I usually end up sending the vipers and crooks running our state a few hundred dollars (or more) in taxes owed around this time of year.

This year is different. Dramatically so.

That is so because California is so broke that tax refunds are now on hold for the first time in state history.

How does that benefit me, you ask, since I usually have to make up an underpayment, rather than receive a refund?

It has to do with deductive logic.

Since the state of California refuses to refund money to those who have paid too much in taxes, why shouldn't those of us whom have underpaid be entitled to do to California that which California is doing to those foolish enough to overpay?

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, what goes around comes around, and banalities like that?

Inspired by that epiphany, I filed my 2008 California income tax return and included the following cover letter:

January 28, 2009

Franchise Tax Board
Fresno, Californian

Dear Sir, Madam, or Undecided:

Attached please find my fully executed California 540 Income Tax Return for the year ended December 31, 2008.

As indicated on Page 2, $2,306.23 is owed in unpaid taxes. In years gone by, a check in that amount would have been dutifully attached to settle my tax liability.

However, in view of the state's $42 billion deficit and the onerous policy of arbitrarily withholding refund payments, I have concluded that California can no longer be trusted with large sums of taxpayer money.

Accordingly, I am withholding $2,306.23 from the state treasury until such time as the governor and the legislature achieve a balanced budget without raising taxes or playing word games by calling taxes "revenue enhancers" or other such nonsense.

A simple means test applies here: If "it" results in more cash flowing into the hands of the corrupt retards known as Democrat politicians, "it" is a damn tax. Period!

Denying liberals tax dollars is like keeping pedophiles away from scantily clothed children--it just does not get much better!

Historians will ultimately see my stand as a bold act of patriotism, a selfless gesture taken to advance the interests of millions of hard-working people who live, work, and play in California.

I am confident that future generations will thank me for brewing Boston Tea in California!

In closing, I remain sincerely opposed to any and everything that dunderheads "working" in government do!

John W. Lillpop
San Jose Ca

Only a Weak Woman or Eunuch Would Lament a 100-0 Win!

2009-01-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

OK, I can understand starting a third world war over a basketball game that ends 100-0.

That makes perfect sense and is morally and legally justified when one is on the losing team!

That same mindset makes absolutely no sense--zero, NADA, none--for the winning team.

However, as reported by SOP, reference 1, that is exactly what happened when a women's basketball team plundered their opponent by that lusty score.

From SOP, in part, this:

"Volley, in the title, would seem to have given away the sport, in which the two teams played, but you`d have been wrong and drives toward the hoop of righteousness would come off too contrived.

"But the Christian private academy the Covenant School in Dallas, did just that after their Girls` Varsity Basketball team annihilated an opponent 100 to nothing. To clear their own conscience, the school publicly apologized for humiliating their opponents a week after the blowout and sought to have the win stricken from their record."

Clearly, this school has been feminized to the maximum, making it virtually non-competitive.

Think about it: How in the hell is a team supposed to play to win if it must constantly ask, "Was that last fast break really necessary," or "With our large lead, shouldn't I miss both free throws so as not to harm the self-esteem of the gals on the other team?"

Egad, man, that is the purpose of the game!

Drive your opponent into the ground, thrash every ounce of confidence from their souls, and make them feel as worthless as cow dung lying in the middle of the road during a 100 degree heat wave in Texas.

Kill, destroy, ruin, demolish, devastate, and slaughter are words that capture the spirit involved in American competitive sports.

Only a wuss (female) or gelded eunuch would think otherwise!

Reference

http://thesop.org/index.php?article=14787

Obama's Secret Offer to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

2009-01-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President Obama rocked all of Washington and the world with his latest overture to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
As reported, in part, by Presstv (Reference 1):

"It is important for us to be willing to talk to Iran, to express very clearly where our differences are, but (also) where there are potential avenues for progress," said President Obama in his first interview with an Arab television since taking office."

Obama's public statements were expanded on via a private memo.

Although that memo is a highly classified, top secret state document, unnamed sources leaked it to this reporter with the understanding that its contents not be divulged until March 1, 2009.

Thus, in keeping with the high standards for journalistic integrity established by the New York Times, the memo is reproduced in its entirety, below:

TOP SECRET CONFIDENTIAL: UNAUTHORIZED LEAKING NOT AUTHORIZED

January 27,2009

From the Office of President Barack Obama

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Tehran, Iran

Dear Mahmoud:

In the name of Allah and all that is love and goodness, I bring forth greetings and salutations from the great Satan of the west, America the evil.

Forgiveness is sought for the English language in this correspondence. I have ordered my staff to make Arabic the official White House language, but sometimes change comes too slowly to those who believe in fair tales like the Holocaust, Jesus Christ, and the superiority of western culture and values.

It takes time, Mahmoud, but we have a righteous wind at our backs and according to my Vice President, "We are off and running, but it will get worse."

With Joe Biden free to roam about, one can almost guarantee that things will get worse.

But, back to my main reason for writing.

To demonstrate the importance of Iran to my administration, you are the first world leader that I have contacted.

Mainstream media outlets may report otherwise, but understand that fawns in the American media publish exactly what I order them to, irrespective of the facts.

Trust me, my esteemed partner, you dudes in Iran are Numero Uno (that is Mexican, the second official language in the White House) in my black heart and mind.

Which is why I am prepared to make the following generous offer in the name of Allah so that the United States and the Islamic Republic of Iran may live in peace and harmony forever, or until Mahdi, your twelfth imam, emerges from a well and takes over the world for Islam.

My offer:

Nuclear Program:

America is not opposed to your great nation having nuclear weapons, Mahmoud. Our only concern is that those nukes do not interrupt the supply of oil, or cause a spike in gasoline prices, especially right before the 2010 elections and again in 2012 when, Allah willing, I will run for reelection as president of what is left of the United States.

By the way, you may have heard that I took the Oath of Office a second time, without media witnesses. What you probably did not know is that the second swearing-in was with my left hand on the Koran!

Praise be to Allah!

Back to the nukes: Just point them buggers at China and Russia and there will no complaints from D.C., although Zionists in Israel may lose sleep--but who cares?

In Exchange:

Agree to the conditions identified above, and we will reciprocate as follows:

1. Rush Limbaugh, America's minister of hate propaganda and holdover from the evil Bush theocracy, will be arrested and deported to Iran for reprogramming through water boarding or public stoning, whichever is in the best interests of advancing Sharia throughout the infidel world.

2. Brothers released from Gutanamao Bay will be shipped directly to sleeper cells in Detroit and San Francisco where they will be trained to blow up the Pentagon and the White House, Allah willing.

Fret not for this soldier in the Religion of Peace, because when the attacks are launched, Michelle and I shall be resting at Camp Mahmoud (Camp David was renamed at 2 AM, January 21, between balls) where we will be safe from those sleeper cell bozos.

3. Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., headquarters to 534 of the most corrupt, stupid, and unclean creeps in America will be renamed "Infidel Alley" to reflect the shame and sin so common here.

Note: There is only one fellow on Infidel Alley, a Muslim chap named Keith Ellison, who loves peace and truth.

There it is, Mahmoud. A fair and decent offer based on our shared objective: Eradication of old school notions like Democracy and freedom, to be replaced by the joy and light found only in Sharia law.

Trusting that you will respond in the affirmative, I remain your brother in Jihad and Twitter.

Sincerely,

BHO

Reference 1:
http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=83885§ionid=3510203

Nancy Pelosi: Progressive Dogma Needed to Stimulate Economy!

2009-01-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

According to Speaker Nancy Pelosi, U.S. taxpayers need to spend several hundred million dollars on birth control in order to help stimulate the depressed economy.

As reported, in part, on the Drudge Report, Reference 1:

"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi boldly defended a move to add birth control funding to the new economic "stimulus" package, claiming "contraception will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government."

"Pelosi, the mother of 5 children and 6 grandchildren, who once said, "Nothing in my life will ever, ever compare to being a mom," seemed to imply babies are somehow a burden on the treasury.

The revelation came during an exchange Sunday morning on ABC's THIS WEEK.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?

PELOSI: Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children's health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government. "

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Pelosi's unique thoughts for dealing with the economic crisis may spawn a whole new era of progressive and not-so-progressive economic solutions such as:

War is hell, but it works!

America recovered from the Great Depression, not because of President Roosevelt's "new deal" of socialism and big government, but because of his behind the scenes finageling that dragged America into World War 11.

Bullets, tanks, war ships, fighter planes, and shipping hundreds of thousands of young men and women over seas saved America in the 1940s and the same strategy can do so again.

President Obama needs to reinstate the draft and start two or three wars as soon as possible!

Guns Kill--and That is Good for the Economy!

One of the greatest obstacles to free market growth and economic expansion is the anti-gun thinking of left wing nut balls like Nancy Pelosi.

After all, increased gun sales mean more shooting deaths and a bigger bang for the stimulus buck.

Eliminate all federal, state, and local controls on gun sales and ownership and watch the economy go Boom!

Drunk Driving--Your Patriotic Duty!

Drunk driving resulting in fatal crashes can be a real win-win for the American economy, especially when the drunk driver wipes out himself and several innocent, non-tax paying leeches in one horrific mess.

Intellectuals like Nancy Pelosi should encourage widespread drunk driving by running catchy national slogans like this:

"Drunk Driving causes fatal car crashes which stimulate the economy. Do your part by drinking and driving as much as possible, especially in crowded residential areas!"

Addition by Subtraction: The Case for Abortion!

With the economy in turmoil, unemployment sky high, and home foreclosures out pacing new home construction and sales, responsible progressives need to promote abortion as an alternative to bankruptcy.

In this scenario, Nancy Pelosi should deliver a personal message to American women facing pregnancy and bankruptcy at the same time. A spot featuring the bug-eyed grandma would work wonders with the following monologue:

"Hello, I am Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives.

"I know that many pregnant women are worried about how they will support a new baby without a job and with credit cards maxed out.

"Relax. We Democrats are here to help you make it through these tough economic times.

"Democrats are compassionate people who care about the average Josephine and her financial issues. Which is why I am pleased to announce that the economic stimulus bill includes an abortion bail out that may solve all of your problems.

"For pregnant Catholic girls, rest assured that the Catholic Fathers have never really decided when life begins, so this is not a matter that will in any way impact your right to Holy Communion or your good standing in the Church.

"Best of all, federal abortion funding is now available!

--------------------------------------------------------------

There you go, a simple but effective set of actions that the government can take to shake of this hideous economic downturn!

Reference 1:

http://drudgereport.com/flashpbc.htm

VP Biden: "We Are Off and Running, But Its Going to Get Worse"

2009-01-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

For just over $600,000 a year, the American people have secured the services of a president and vice president tandem that is virtually indistinguishable from some of the greatest heroes and stars coming out of Hollywood these days.

Think about it: In President Barack Obama, America has employed the Dark Knight as Commander-in-chief and for only $400,000 a year.

With Joe Biden hanging out around the White House, we the people get the Joker for the rock-bottom price of $208,100 a year.

Such a deal, already!

Vice President Biden showed why his Secret Service code name is King Faux Pas with this dilly:

"We're off and running, but its going to get worse before it gets better," Biden said.

Someone should have asked King Faux Pas this obvious follow up question: "Why not stop running until you are sure that you are headed in the right direction and not making things worse by running the wrong way?"

Of course, objective journalists in the liberal media would never get so cheeky with a major disciple of the new age Messiah. Doing so would be offensive and probably racist as well.

Excerpts from the report at Yahoonews (Reference 1):

"
WASHINGTON – The White House warned Sunday that the country could face a long and painful financial recovery, even with major government intervention to stimulate the economy and save financial institutions.

"We're off and running, but it's going to get worse before it gets better," said Vice President Joe Biden, taking the lead on a theme echoed by other Democratic officials on the Sunday talk shows.

"At the end of the Obama administration's first week, the party in power at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue sought to lower expectations for a quick fix despite legislation expected to pass by next month that would pump billions of dollars into the economy. Democrats also opened the door for even more government aid to struggling banks beyond the $700 billion bailout already in the pipeline."

"These problems weren't made in a day or a week or a month or even a year, and they're not going to get solved that fast," said Lawrence Summers, a top economic adviser to Obama. "So even as we move to be as rapid as we can in jolting the economy and giving it the push forward it needs, we also have to be mindful of having the right kind of plan that will carry us forward over time."

"Republicans want the recovery package tilted more toward tax cuts and have questioned whether government spending programs will revive the economy in the short-term.

"I just think there's a lot of slow-moving government spending in this program that won't work," House Republican leader John Boehner of Ohio said. "We can't borrow and spend our way back to prosperity."

Clearly, John Boehner has not seen the Dark Knight and is unaware of the magical powers that Barack Obama brings to the Oval Office.

Or to quote an intellectual, who works for Obama as an ACORN volunteer, "YES WE CAN!"

Reference 1:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090126/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_economy

News Shocker: Freed Gitmo Thugs Back in Business with Al-Quaeda!

2009-01-25T10:57:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Just as President Obama finished drafting Executive Orders to close Guantanamo Bay, outlaw torture, and otherwise make the world a kinder, gentler place for murderous Islamofascists, an unexpected outbreak of inconvenient truth blasted through the fog of delusion and denial which has blanketed the White House since 12:01 PM, eastern time, on January 20, 2009.

Only a free ticket to Caroline Kennedy's U.S. Senate swearing in ceremony and subsequent inaugural balls would make less sense than BHO's untimely, but predictable, actions with regard to Hotel Gitmo.

As reported by AFP at reference 1, in part:

"WASHINGTON (AFP) — Two men released from the US "war on terror" prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba have appeared in a video posted on a jihadist website, the SITE monitoring service reported.

One of the two former inmates, a Saudi man identified as Abu Sufyan al-Azdi al-Shahri, or prisoner number 372, has been elevated to the senior ranks of Al-Qaeda in Yemen, a US counter-terrorism official told AFP.

Three other men appear in the video, including Abu al-Hareth Muhammad al-Oufi, identified as an Al-Qaeda field commander. SITE later said he was prisoner No. 333.

"We remain concerned about ex-Guantanamo detainees who have re-affiliated with terrorist organizations after their departure," said Gordon.
"We will continue to work with the international community to mitigate the threat they pose," he said.

On the video, al-Shihri is seen sitting with three other men before a flag of the Islamic State of Iraq, the front for Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

"By Allah, imprisonment only increased our persistence in our principles for which we went out, did jihad for, and were imprisoned for," al-Shihri was quoted as saying.

Al-Shiri was transferred from Guantanamo to Saudi Arabia in 2007, the US counter-terrorism official said.

The other men in the video are identified as Commander Abu Baseer al-Wahayshi and Abu Hureira Qasm al-Rimi (also known as Abu Hureira al-Sana'ani).

The Defense Department has said as many as 61 former Guantanamo detainees -- about 11 percent of 520 detainees transferred from the detention center and released -- are believed to have returned to the fight.

The latest case highlights the risk the new US administration faces as it moves to empty Guantanamo of its remaining 245 prisoners and close the controversial detention camp within a year. "

-------------------------------

Asked to comment, a top Obama official said,

"President Obama is keeping his promise to bring Change to America. He did not promise that all change would be good--this may be a rare instance of "bad" change. Still as the president said so cleverly the other day, He Won and He trumps! Get over it, dude!"

And so it is as the Obama-ization of America continues unabated!

Reference 1

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hZfIcWnHqBz4kQR90lC_pXaHeW4Q

Obama Targets Real Threats: Rush Limbaugh, Unborn Fetuses!

2009-01-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In yet another bold move in a week of unprecedented executive action by an inexperienced community organizer in the White House, President Barack Obama abandoned several "old school" concerns harbored by the Bush administration in order to properly address more urgent threats.

Specifically, President Obama announced that his administration has managed to isolate Osama bin Laden to a few "hot spots" where terrorists are known to congregate, thereby taking the bin Laden crisis off the president's Urgent Action calendar.

When pressed for details, the president referred the press to CIA Director Leon Pinetta who explained that the "hot spots" include Baghdad's "green zone," Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt, Somalia, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, and other Muslim states known to be sympathetic to the CEO of global Islamofascism.

Pinetta also indicated that sleeper cell neighborhoods in Detroit and South Chicago might be "of interest" in locating OBL, although further action would be dependent on convincing BHO to supersede his first Executive Order which dismantled W.'s unconstitutional, illegal, immoral, and secretive domestic wiretapping apparatus.

On a more cheery note, Pinetta declared that reports which allege that Osama bin Laden works as a fund raiser for CAIR in downtown Washington, D.C., at 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue, are "completely false and not worthy of further action or comment by the CIA or other federal law enforcement agency."

With Osama-mania effectively muted, President Obama rolled up his sleeves and tackled some of the more critical issues on the day.

Namely, BHO took on Rush Limbaugh, Republicans who listen to El Rushbo, and unborn fetuses, those incorrigible rascals waiting to pop out and destroy the environment, the global economy, and the world's food and water supplies.

As a result, Limbaugh, Republican listeners, and the unborn got a taste of presidential wrath of the type normally seen when a nasty boil shows up on the president's bum, or when a lingering hang over, brought on by not having enough balls to say no to at least some of the balls spinning out of control in the wee morning hours, continues to haunt America's main man several days later.

As reported by the New York Post and repeated below, in part:

"President Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill today that they need to quit listening to radio king Rush Limbaugh if they want to get along with Democrats and the new administration.

"You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done," he told top GOP leaders, whom he had invited to the White House to discuss his nearly $1 trillion stimulus package."

With all due respect to the new president, getting "things done" is not in the best interests of America when the "things" are harmful to homeland security, national defense, the economy, and traditional family values.

Perhaps President Obama should stop listening to out of touch people like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and other clue less liberals?

Instead, Mr. president, why not try to catch Rush's show which is on from 12-3 PM every day? Who knows, you might benefit from diversity of opinion and, with a little effort, might become the most famous "ditto head" in all of America!

President Obama also flashed a bit of competitive arrogance which indicates that he is probably better suited to arranging midnight basketball tournaments than serving as America's commander-in-chief.

From the New York Post, this additional information, in part:

"In an exchange with Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) about the (stimulus) proposal, the president shot back: "I won," according to aides briefed on the meeting. "I will trump you on that."

"We are experiencing an unprecedented economic crisis that has to be dealt with and dealt with rapidly," Obama said during the meeting."

So, according to President Obama, in the event of an "unprecedented crisis" as defined by a Democrat president, the system of checks and balances built into our form of government is null and void?

Powers granted to the legislative and judicial branches of government under the Constitution are unilaterally trumped by the president when he has decided that he "won"?

Clearly, President Obama needs a crash course in Civics 101. Like three hours a day, from 12-3 PM, Eastern Time, for example.

All one needs, Mr. President, is an open mind and a reliable radio on which to listen to the man "with talent of loan from God, on a mission to educate and irritate liberals!"

Mega dittos, Mr. President!

President Obama: The New Age Messiah, Or the Dreaded Anti-Christ?

2009-01-23T09:26:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

President Barack Obama seems to have set the world on fire with his brilliant intelligence, captivating charm, inspiring oratory, and charisma.

By sheer coincidence (?), Obama seems to possess many of the traits attributed to the anti-Christ by those who research and analyze such things.

In particular, the following attributes, culled from a non-political source *, seem to match Obama quite well. (Attributes listed on the site that do not seem to match Obama are not shown below.)

Note: The site referenced does NOT state or infer that Obama is the anti-Christ, nor does it imply that the Marxist non-citizen might devolve into said rascal at some future date. In fact, Obama's name is not even mentioned.

Still, the match is striking.

According to the referenced site, the anti-Christ will among other things:

Rise from a sub-national leadership position

Community coordinator in Illinois?

Have powerful supporters helping him rise to power

Oprah Winfrey, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Bill and Hillary Clinton, most members of the Kennedy clan, and approximately 99 percent of the African American population stand behind Obama.

A most powerful team!

Be shrewd, cunning, deceitful, and skilled in intrigue

Obama is even more: He is clean and articulate!

Be generally different or unique amongst politicians

His racial profile makes this a perfect match.

Be a great unifier who appeals to people across traditional lines

Even some conservatives are buying into Obama's act!

Be a Christian, at least by appearances

Notwithstanding Pastor Jeremiah Wright, Obama claims to be a Christian.

Be preceded by an aggressive warmonger who will forcefully depose two Middle Eastern governments

Even liberals with see the match with this one!

Arise from a great nation with unrivaled wealth and power

That just happens to be the good old United States of America, mates!

Perhaps all of this IS sheer coincidence.

Still, Obama bears careful watching, especially if he starts stamping 666 on the foreheads of adoring masses!

________________________
* Scatteredsheep.com

The Troubled Mind of Nancy Pelosi: 10-Pound Anvil To Blame?

2009-01-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

While Speaker Nancy Pelosi was luxuriating in that 9 percent approval rating, most normal people wondered why the Dizzy Dame from San Francisco seemed so out of touch.

Ergo, what is there to celebrate about a nine- percent approval?

For those who need a refresher course in liberal insanity, Pelosi is the bug-eyed Lady who said the following, in part, on national television about when life begins, abortion, and teachings of the Catholic Church:

“As an ardent, practicing Catholic, this is an issue that I have studied for a long time. And what I know is, over the centuries, the doctors of the church have not been able to make that definition."

How can a person suffering from such obvious mental delusions be allowed to wander about unrestrained, much less be elected to high political office?

Medically speaking, how to explain the Pelosi conundrum? Early dementia? Late (very) change of life?

A partial answer may have been unearthed by liberal inmates masquerading as journalists at the San Francisco Chronicle.

As reported in reference 1, in part, the Speaker may have been suffering the effects of having a ten-pound anvil crushing up against her empty cranium:

"Pelosi said one of her favorite moments from Inauguration Day was when Marine One lifted off the Capitol grounds, signifying former President George W. Bush's exit from Washington. "It felt like a 10-pound anvil was lifted off my head."

There you go. Pelosi's incompetence and mindless liberalism can be traced to the root of all problems, past and present, and (as needed) future: George W. Bush.

For a fellow that liberals claim has the IQ of wild Texas tumbleweed, W. did quite a number on Nancy Pelosi and other intellectual air heads!

Thank you, former President Bush!

Reference 1:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/01/21/MN5Q15EJQ2.DTL&type=politics&tsp=1

New York Governor Paterson Sees Through Caroline Kennedy!

2009-01-21T17:51:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Just when it seemed as though the world had gone completely wonky what with Barack Obama occupying the White House and Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid polluting Congress, New York's Governor David Paterson rushed in to save the day.

The legally blind Democrat (what in Hades is "illegally" blind?) let it be known that despite her name and money, Caroline Kennedy would NOT be replacing Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Senate.

Thus, we have the blind leading the sighted out of the wilderness of Liberal Lunacy into the sunshine of rational judgment.

As reported in the New York Post (1), in part:

"Caroline Kennedy tonight withdrew her name from consideration to replace Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Senate after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn't going to choose her, The Post has learned.

"Kennedy's decision removes the highest-profile name in the ring to step into Clinton's now-vacant seat, as she departs after getting confirmed today as President Obama's Secretary of State."

So, who has Governor Paterson got his defective eyes on to fill this important seat?

In the Obama post-partisan era, this might work: George Allen, former U.S. Senator from Virginia, could become a carpet bagger, like Bobby Kennedy and Hillary Rodham Clinton from previous years, by moving to New York just to represent the state in the most deliberative body in the world.

Allen's conservative profile would counter-balance the leftist extremism coming from New York's remaining liberal menace, elitist Senator Charles Schumer.

A plea to Governor Paterson: Take this opportunity to bring real CHANGE to New York state by breaking free from the bondage of partisan bickering and pettiness.

In the name of tolerance, heed the clarion call and new vision from the brother in Washington, D.C., and deliver unto the United States Senate a healthy dose of new age diversity.

Do it in the name of Obamamania!

Reference 1:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/01212009/news/politics/caroline_kennedy_ends_senate_seat_bid_151234.html

Pop Quiz: Inauguration Media Coverage

2009-01-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Although I was (thankfully) able to avoid most of the Obamania celebrations broadcast by the liberal media on January 20, there were circumstances beyond my control that left me vulnerable a few times throughout the dreary day.

For instance, when nature called, I rushed to the rest room only to discover that jumbo-sized plasma television screens were mounted everywhere. Tragically, all were tuned to CNN, CBS, or NBC.

Dreary and depressing stuff, that.

Because of too much coffee and a weak bladder, nature called early and often, exposing me to a form of torture that no conservative should have to endure.

Given the choice between being water boarded or forced to watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, and the gang at CNN deify Barack Obama, my only question would be: My water or yours?

In the interest of providing children with a fair and balanced view of America's bold new era, the following pop quiz has been gleaned from liberal talking points seen on January 20, 2009:

1. President Obama is:

( ) More important than Jesus Christ and God
( ) The embodiment of the cumulative spirituality, intelligence, integrity, kindness, wisdom, honesty, goodness, and love found in the Twelve disciples and all of the Roman Catholic Popes
( ) Infallible and Holy
( ) All of the above

2. Joe Biden:

( ) Is Vice President AND Secretary of State
( ) Works as comedian AND court jester for the White House
( ) Wrote the 1929 Fireside Chat in which President Roosevelt calmed America's fears about the depression
( ) Operated the TV camera during that 1929 Chat which was beamed throughout America in digital HDTV and surround sound

3. Obama's election proves that:

( ) Any inexperienced and unqualified black kid with $750 million dollars, ACORN voter fraud connections, and a gaggle of worshipping liberal "journalists" on his side can grow up to be president
( ) Black racism combined with liberal guilt can overcome America's obsession with Democracy and vote integrity
( ) The ability to deliver "thrills running up and down" the legs of dim wit liberals is more important than logic and common sense
( ) The premature death of communism has been greatly exaggerated

4. President Obama's Inaugural Address:

( ) Is more sacred than the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and Bill of Rights combined
( ) Deserves to be added to the Holy Bible as "The Gospel According to Obama"
( ) Is the most important 18 minutes of breaking news from Washington, D.C. since Richard Nixon's secretary "accidentally" erased Tricky Dick's Watergate confession in 1972
( ) Should be re-broadcast before each NBA basketball game, replacing that tired, old school National Anthem
( ) Should be the subject of an Oliver Stone flick titled, "The Audacity of Hype!"

5. As a result of Obama's message, millions will:

( ) Replace "Ask What You Can Do For Your Country" with, "What can big government can do for me?" gibberish
( ) Join the US of A communist party
( ) Cancel private health insurance plans in anticipation of Universal Socialized Medicine
( ) Stop making mortgage payments to greedy, corrupt lenders
( ) Join ACORN's "Reelect Obama 2012" campaign

6. John Roberts' flub during the Oath of Office was:

( ) Blatant racism intended to confuse a person of color
( ) A sinister plot by Republicans to invalidate the Obama presidency since the Birth Certificate fiasco flopped
( ) A feeble, last ditch effort to make eight years of language abuse by George Bush seem more presidential
( ) A high-tech lynching of a black dude

7. January 20, 2009 will be remembered as:

( ) Obamamas--a new inclusive holiday to replace December 25, a non-inclusive pagan holiday celebrated by confused Christians to commemorate the birth of a Jew
( ) The day that that stagnant, old Bush on the White House grounds was pruned back and shipped to Texas
( ) The day on which being a citizen of the world became more important than being a citizen of the United States
( ) The date on which being helpless and reliant on others replaced self-reliance and success as American virtues.

In keeping with liberal dogma, there is no "failing", or other self-esteem-bashing element to this quiz. You finished the quiz, which is good enough for Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Karl Marx.

Best of all, there is no longer a need to be hard working, competent, resourceful, goal oriented, driven, prudent, austere, patriotic, cautious, or diligent.

From now on, all of your needs will be taken care of by the federal government and Democrat politicians, like it or not!

Welcome to the Obama Nation!

W.'s Note to Barack Obama

2009-01-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Following a ritual which has become a tradition in American politics, George W. Bush scribbled a farewell note to incoming President Barack Obama.

According to a report (reference 1) in Yahoonews, in part:

" Continuing a White House ritual, President George W. Bush left a note in the Oval Office for President-elect Barack Obama, wishing him well as he takes the reins of the executive branch.

"The White House on Tuesday declined to provide intimate details of the message the two-term Republican left for the incoming Democrat, saying only that Bush wrote it on Monday and left it in the top drawer of his desk."

Although the White House would not reveal details of the Bush note, unidentified and completely unreliable sources have leaked the contents which are repeated below:

Date: January 19
To: Barack Obama
From: W.

Yo!, B.O.!

I am leaving this mushy note because if I scribbled what Cheney wanted me to, it would probably piss you off and screw up our "agreement."

"That $350 billion bail out check is in the upper left hand drawer. I suggest you cash it ASAP because with Paulson in charge over at Treasury, Lord knows how much, if any, money is left in America's account.

"Cheney will attend the inaugural in a wheel chair as you requested. Don't quite understand how that is a metaphor for my administration, but we need those damn pardons!

"Once the check clears, FEDEX the pardon executive orders to me and Cheney. Do not tell Pelosi or Reid about until that damn check has cleared!

"There is lots going on in the world which is why I suggest you watch FOX news for all the latest. All of the other channels are biased so I had them removed from the cable set up.

"The trash and garbage are picked up first thing every Thursday morning. Recycled bottles, cans, and paper in the afternoon. Leave the containers on the Green curb just outside the Oval Office.

"Air Force One needs a tune-up and safety check as soon as possible--and as soon as you can pay for it. We used the 2009 Vehicle Maintenance budget to pay for my "surprise" visit to Iraq last month, so money is tight.

"You have a completely new crew of White House maids, cleaners, chefs, valets, and other service folk. We fired all the old black prunes and hired a bunch of old white prunes to take their places.

"It was Laura's idea--she said it would be an appropriate gesture to signal a new direction. Personally, I found it silly, but what the hell do I know?

"Oliver Stone has threatened to put a lien on the White House because he says I owe him $700,000 for going "soft" on me in his grade B flick, W.

"Ignore the silly goof ball--I would not have made the deal had I known that the movie would have been such a putrid flop.

"Other than wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the worst economic crisis in 80 years, the declining dollar, soaring unemployment, rock bottom consumer confidence, the war in Gaza, bankruptcy in Detroit, and new enemies in Russia, China, Latin America and all Muslim nations, I have tried to set it up so that your first 100 days are relatively stress free.

"After that you are on your own. It's called taking responsibility, B.O.!

"Best wishes and call Hillary if you need help. Forget Biden, the man is as dumb as mud. Did you see his slap down of his crazy wife? Did you really consider that fool for Secretary of State?

GWB

PS: Don't believe a word e-coli (Colin Powell) says. He called you a "house negro" behind you back!"

Reference 1

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090120/ap_on_go_pr_wh/inauguration_bush

"Jesus Freak" Kurt Warner Headed to Super Bowl 43!

2009-01-18T16:40:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Sports fans who have followed Kurt Warner's pro football career know that the man is a humble, God fearing player who always gives due credit to HIS main man: Jesus Christ, whom Warner calls his Lord and Savior.

Warner's religious transparency leaves some feeling squeamish, none of whom are among the 50,000 crazed Arizona Cardinal fans who are still celebrating Warner's performance in a 32-25 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles this afternoon.

That win advances Warner and the Cardinals to Super Bowl XL111, which will be played in Tampa, Florida two weeks hence.

As reported, in part, at reference 1:

"Kurt Warner is going back to the Super Bowl, a sweet journey for a 37-year-old quarterback considered washed up not so long ago.

"Warner engineered Arizona's 32-25 victory over Philadelphia on Sunday in the NFC championship game, the culmination of an unlikely playoff run for a Cardinals franchise that had been the joke of the league for years.

"Warner threw four touchdown passes Sunday, three to the phenomenal Larry Fitzgerald. But his biggest was his fourth, an 8-yard middle screen to rookie Tim Hightower, who barreled over the goal line to give the Cardinals back the lead with 2:59 to play.

"It came at the end of a 14-play, 72-yard drive that used up nearly eight minutes of the fourth quarter after the Eagles had rallied from an 18-point deficit to go ahead 25-24.

"Warner completed 21 of 28 passes for 279 yards with no interceptions."

Skeptics will point out that Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb and millions of Philadelphia Eagle fans prayed to Jesus for their team to win.

Why did He answer Warner and ignore McNabb?

Beats the Hades out of me, mate!

As they say, "The Lord moves in mysterious ways," and on this particular Sunday, He was clearly partial to those who call the Arizona desert home!

Reference (1)

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ghTpH4K37ONxZYVYZOUYc8uVQT7QD95PS4L00

Global Warming? Bring It On!

2009-01-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Fantastic weather makes living in the otherwise liberal lunacy of California sometimes bearable.

Indeed, musing about frigid conditions "back East" partially ameliorates the pain of residing within 50 miles of San Francisco, the city that has given the world Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Gavin Newsom, and the story line for Hollywood's "Milk."

According to the Weather Channel, Chicago languished in -10 degrees, while that -20 in New York City caused Katie Couric to don a ski cap, fur mittens, and solar-heated underwear in order to distort, misrepresent, and outright lie about the breaking news of the day!

Whilst Couric and other liberal pundits were showing off their frozen assets, things were balmy and beautiful here in what used to be God's country, before illegal aliens and Jihadists invaded.

For example, on one particularly delightful afternoon, the temp in San Jose reached 80 degrees, a 100 degree positive swing from the wicked conditions engulfing New York City which, because of it's liberal wackiness, deserves both -20 AND Katie Couric, in my humble opinion!

Meanwhile, the greatest snow job in history is about to dwarf the American Dream with an influx of Marxism and non-progressive prattle euphemistically called an "Inaugural Address."

On the afternoon of January 20, Barack Obama, America's newly crowned snowmaker-in-chief, will attempt to emulate one of the miracles performed by Jesus Christ.

However, whereas Jesus turned water into wine, the new age Messiah will attempt to convert tainted snow into "Change We Need" and "Post-Partisan" double talk.

Global warming? Bring it on!

Do it for the children!

Staying Abreast of Virgin Mary in Chile

2009-01-17T17:50:00.002-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Most civilized societies invest very little energy and even less intellectual curiosity into serious contemplation about the relative endowments of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

However, in some backward, remote nations, staying abreast of Virgin Mary and all her many charms is an important part of the local culture, in much the same manner in which baseball is worshipped in America.

When it comes to the former, the nation of Chile serves up an excellent example as documented, in part, by the referenced (1) report from Reuters:

"A prominent fashion designer has sparked outrage in Chile by dressing up models like the Virgin Mary -- in some cases with ample, near-naked breasts.

"The Roman Catholic Church condemned Ricardo Oyarzun's plans for a show featuring the models, and a conservative group tried unsuccessfully to block it in court.

"Oyarzun said he had received telephone threats and had excrement smeared on his doorstep.

"There is no pornography here, there's no sex, there are no virgins menstruating or feeling each other up," Oyarzun said ahead of the catwalk show set to be held at a Santiago nightclub later on Thursday. "This is artistic expression."

"He said his designs -- which include halos, look as though they come from a nativity scene and include religious icons -- were inspired by the Virgin Mary but not intended to represent her.
"We look on with special pain and deplore those acts which seek to tarnish manifestations of sincere love toward the Virgin Mary, which end up striking at the dignity of womankind by presenting her as an object of consumption," Chile's Episcopal Conference, which includes Catholic bishops, said in a statement.

"The show is more evidence that Chile, heavily influenced by the church for decades, is shaking off its reputation as one of the most socially conservative countries in Latin America."

While it is disappointing that "There is no pornography here, there's no sex, there are no virgins menstruating or feeling each other up," it is encouraging to know that, at the very least, Chile is staying abreast of the latest fad in breasts!

Reference 1:

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE50E7FB20090115

Satire

Inaugural Security on Steroids: "Hooker Free" Zones

2009-01-17T08:24:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

No reasonable person would argue against rigid security provisions surrounding the inauguration of Barack Obama.

As long as torture is not employed, all necessary security measures should be taken to prevent any untoward incident that could endanger the President-elect or any of the millions of brain-washed zombies who have risked life and limb just to witness the ultimate success of massive voter fraud and pay for play politics.

However, well-intentioned community organizers in Washington, D.C. seem to have crossed over the line into the twilight zone by instituting a "Prostitution Free" zone just for the Obama-bash next Tuesday.

From WusaP this report, in part, (Reference 1):

"WASHINGTON, DC (WUSA) -- District police have placed signs along 5th and I Streets. They read, "Warning, Prostitution Free Zone." Those who disobey could be fined 300 dollars, and even jailed. But will the city's plan work?

"A woman who calls herself Tamira and advertises her services on Craigslist, said otherwise. She said prostitutes who work the streets may ignore the signs. However, she said, some prostitutes may move elsewhere."

Of course, "Hooker Free" signs beg the question, "Does that mean that prostitution is OK in zones NOT marked, and OK even along 5th and I streets after the inauguration?"

What brilliant "progressive" think tank produced that dilly?

Besides, just what possible security danger is there to fear from a few seductive Ladies of the Night?

Make love, not war is still a Democrat rallying cry, is it not?

Instead of driving naughty ladies into the shadows where illegal aliens and other violent criminals congregate, why not come up with a "progressive" solution to honor both the new administration and the 111th Congress?

Why not license the Purveyors of Pleasure as city employees? Most city bureaucrats are whores anyway, so the Ladies should fit right in!

Added bonus: With prostitutes on the city payroll, their incomes can be taxed, taxed, taxed, and taxed some more!

Given the right set of circumstances, revenues so collected could be a major weapon in the war on deficits!

A major win-win for Obama on his first afternoon/evening in office.

Puzzle: What to call the new levy? How about "Pleasure Tax" ?

To close the loop, tear down those oppressive "Prostitution Free" signs and replace them with "Terrorist Free" zone markers.

Another major win-win for President Obama, this time in the war on terror!

Just who said progressives are too stupid to govern effectively?

Reference 1:

http://www.wusa9.com/rss/local_article.aspx?storyid=80547

About Those "Peace Doves" Muslims Plan to Release Before the Inauguration

2009-01-16T15:45:00.001-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

In a heartwarming and touching human interest story, we have been advised that American Muslim groups will hold a symbolic release of "peace doves" at a Mosque in Washington, D.C., to welcome the inauguration of Barack Obama.

From the Student Operated Press, this report, in part (Reference 1):

"American Muslim groups will welcome next week`s inauguration of President Barack Obama with a symbolic release of "peace doves" on Monday at a mosque in the nation`s capital followed by an open house at the Capitol Hill headquarters of the Council on Islamic American Relations (CAIR) on Inauguration Day.

"As part of our nation`s rich religious heritage, American Muslims are looking forward to celebrating the inauguration of President Obama and are hopeful that his presidency will bring peace, prosperity and reconciliation in America and worldwide," said CAIR Executive Director Nihad Awad.

"On Monday, January 19, the American Muslim Taskforce on Civil Rights and Elections (AMT), a coalition of 12 major Islamic organizations, will release 44 doves, one for each American president. The dove release is intended to symbolize the American Muslim community`s desire for a more peaceful world and to highlight the key role a president plays in achieving peace based on justice and freedom."

While this announcement from CAIR projects a "feel good" quality and inspires hope, Americans, especially Jews, near Jews, and people who look like Jews and near Jews, are cautioned to remain extremely skeptical about Muslims and their apparent genetic predisposition for terrorism and bloodshed.

For example, according to unconfirmed trash talk emanating from alleys near my favorite tavern, that "Miracle in the Hudson River" involving a US Airways Airbus and several geese was not an accident.

In fact, we have learned that the entire incident involving Flight 1549 was a test run staged by CAIR to fine tune their kamikaze geese for the " big doings" at the Inaugural on January 20.

No further details concerning "big doings" were immediately available, but sources indicate that prudent attendees should stay as far away as possible from Senators Diane Feinstein, Chuck Schumer, and Supreme Court Associate Ginsburg, for obvious reasons.

Reference 1:

http://thesop.org/index.php?article=14693

Chavez Reduced to Crawl and Grovel: How Sweet It Is!

2009-01-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

When oil was hovering above $100 a barrel, Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's Latino gnome and tin horn dictator, made news with outrageous behavior aimed at the greatest nation in the history of human kind, these United States of America.

Chavez, long suspected of being an ass, removed all doubt with his mindless seizure of American oil companies in the name of "taking our country back."

His silly stunts, cheesy exploitation of poor people in America, and other gimmicks unbecoming any self-respecting Venezuelan with at least a third grade education, were celebrated only by leftist goons like Sean Penn and Cindy Sheehan who took turns kissing the dictator's oversized bum while burning President Bush in effigy.

But that was then, this is now. Oil is now under $40 a barrel and headed south with dispatch.

Which means that Chavez is crawling and groveling, not an easy task for a retarded slob, but he is working on it!

Chavez's most costly mistake during the $100 a barrel hay days was the manner in which he treated American oil firms.

As reported, in part, by Investor's Business Daily, Reference (1):

"Energy: Low oil prices and plunging output have seen Venezuela's Hugo Chavez come groveling back to U.S. oil firms for new investment after abusing them earlier. But Big Oil, once bitten, should now be twice shy.

"The only reason left to make a long-term investment in Venezuela is to bet that Hugo Chavez won't be around long enough to rip them off again.

"Chevron, Shell, and France's Total have quietly been approached for investment, the New York Times reports, even as they still smart from the expropriation of their assets in 2007.
It wasn't just the billions in losses. It's also unlikely they have forgotten the fireworks, troops, banners and torch-bearing Chavista mobs seizing their property in the name of "the people."

"So it's quite a humiliation for the strongman, who once boasted, "We are taking back our country," to be back begging for help.

"Expropriation hasn't worked so well. Chavez's state oil company, PDVSA, had virtually nothing left in its coffers after squandering $700 billion in oil earnings on political schemes like light bulb and milk factories. It needs $20 billion to develop its Orinoco Basin projects, which could produce 1.2 million barrels a day, but it can only do it with partners who have both capital and technology.

"Chavez's original plan was to replace U.S. oil companies with state-controlled ones from Iran, Russia, Vietnam, Belarus and China. China, for one, wasn't impressed with Hugo's terms and didn't bite. Others, like Iran and Belarus, don't have the technology. Venezuelan oil, remember, is heavy and takes lots of refining.

"It was fun while the high oil prices lasted. But the reality is, they never do. Oil is an industry with a long cycle that evens out $134 a barrel oil with $9 a barrel oil over many years. High oil price years are a market signal to drill more with investment, not a license to fling dollar bills. Companies invest knowing this cycle exists.

"CIA Director Michael Hayden said Thursday that a $40-per-barrel oil price means Venezuela's high-sulfur crude will fetch just $30 a barrel. "That's real trouble for that (Chavez) regime — so you could see a lot of fracturing there," he said.

"Confident that high oil prices would last forever, Chavez is now in the winter he thought would never come. Now that it has, the companies he burned are unlikely to make big investments. "Why do so when they might be confiscated when prices get high again?

"Venezuela is now facing a steep investment drop in other industries, thanks to Chavez' foolish expropriations of farms, steel companies, cement companies, electricity companies and pretty much anything productive. After attracting less than $1 billion in 2008, investment turned negative in the last quarter of 2008.

"The Heritage Foundation, in its 2009 Index of Economic Freedom released this week, ranked Venezuela No. 28 out of 29, losing out to investment "paradises" like Bolivia, Haiti and Ecuador. Only Cuba was lower. Things are unlikely to change under Chavez.

"Oil companies don't invest on emotion. They need assurances that they won't be expropriated again, and Chavez has a huge credibility problem there. That said, our need for oil remains.

"Instead of risking expropriation in Venezuela again, why don't we let our oil companies drill for the hundreds of billions of barrels of oil reserves we have right here in the U.S.?

"In the meantime, if any oil company says yes to Chavez, it might not be such good news for him. It might signal a cold political calculation that Chavez won't be around to steal from them again."

In other words, how do you say "Crawl and grovel!" in Spanish?

Reference (1):

http://www.ibdeditorial.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=316915138121814

Surviving Until January 21 Without Committing Murder or Suicide

2009-01-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Looking for a quick, safe way to restore your decimated 401(k) and other asset accounts to pre-September 15, 2008 levels?

Given the media blitz on tap for the next five days to commemorate the birth of Martin Luther King and the death of America through deification of Barack Obama, a prudent chap could make a fortune by hawking barf bags.

Wretched souls who cannot escape browsing, watching, listening to, or reading mainstream media accounts between now and January 21 will find barf bags indispensable for survival in a society gone barking mad.

Such unfortunates will be easy marks for price gouging as the intensity of the great liberal Dumbing Down of 2009 increases, leading to the inauguration of America's first non-citizen Marxist to the U.S. Presidency.

It is simply amazing what $750 million dollars, massive voter fraud, and a mainstream media with "thrills" running up and down their legs can do to promote a former community organizer with little or no accomplishment of note to his credit.

Which is not meant as a slight to Barack Obama.

Being "Clean and Articulate" is way cool, although it seems hardly enough to warrant a gig in the Oval Office.

Schemes for profiting from the demise of America include selling pin lapels reading, "This Too Shall Pass!",
"Don't Blame Me--I Voted None of The Above!", and "Change Spelled Backwards Is Egnahc!", whatever the hell that means!

Coping strategies for conservatives include hiding all weapons, sharp objects, toxic cleaning agents, and other devices that could be used to inflict bodily harm on another person, on one's own self, or to destroy televisions, radios, computers, FAX machines, and the like.

To the patriot who ultimately loses control and ends up choking to death that idiot neighbor with "CHANGE!" tattooed on his forehead, a word of optimism: With liberal ding bats now in control, the death penalty will probably be abolished and parole guidelines liberalized to accommodate the murderer rather than the murder victim.

With any luck, you could be paroled in time to campaign against Obama in 2012!

More cheery news: As a convicted felon, you will be automatically registered to vote. The only catch being that you will have to commit to vote Democrat for the rest of your life!

And now if you will excuse me, I intend to retreat to a neighborhood tavern, plop down my American Express card, and advise the tender of bars to "let me know when that is gone!"

I shall return next Wednesday or when my credit line is exhausted, whichever comes first!

A Tax Cheat for Treasury Secretary? Now THAT Is Change!

2009-01-14T10:42:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Count me among those guilty of discounting and making light of President-elect Barack Obama's naive hyperbole about CHANGE.

Change this, change that, change, change, and more change!

Phooey!

As it turns out, Obama's passion and obsession with Change is far more insidious than originally thought, a fact that became quite obvious with the latest news flash from the Obama Transition Team:

The Messiah has nominated a tax cheat and employer of illegal aliens to be Secretary of the Treasury!

Now THAT is Change, brother. Unfortunately, it is of the type that America neither needs nor wants!

In his defense, Obama was no doubt confused by the behavior of the current thief in charge of our money, the unlovable Hank Paulson, and thought that a confirmed tax evader and employer of illegal aliens would fit right in at Treasury!

As reported at Yahoo.com (1), in part:

"At the end of a nearly seamless transition, President-elect Barack Obama has been buffeted by a string of embarrassing jolts within the space of two weeks.

"The disclosure Tuesday that his choice for treasury secretary, New York Federal Reserve chief Timothy Geithner, failed to pay $34,000 in taxes and employed a housekeeper without proper immigration papers was another jarring distraction just days before Obama's inauguration — and raises fresh questions about his team's judgment, vetting procedures and political sensitivities.

"Senate Democratic leaders and Obama transition officials immediately voiced confidence in Geithner and called for his quick confirmation once Obama is sworn in and is able to formally nominate him--citing the important role Geithner will play in dealing with one of the nation's severest recessions in decades.

"But the delinquent-tax part of the new disclosure, in particular, is a huge liability for Geithner, given that as treasury secretary he would oversee the Internal Revenue Service."

Democrats argue that, as Treasury Secretary, Geithner would be in charge of making sure that other people, especially rich Republicans, pay their taxes!

They also argue that one need not actually pay taxes to prosecute others, a knot headed mindset which is completely consistent with liberal thinking on taxes and elitist privilege.

It is similar to the liberal insanity which holds that one need not pay taxes in order to qualify for government refunds, although it helps to be a protected minority, handicapped, gay or lesbian, or in possession of another defect that immediately identifies one as a Democrat.

As to the illegal alien kerfuffle, Democrats point out that amnesty would have passed last year had it not been for racist Republicans! Blame the GOP, not Geithner, for the mess that his Mexican house slave is in!

As a tax cheat and employer of illegal aliens, Geithner is the perfect liberal and agent for change in the Obama circus act!

Reference 1:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090114/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/treasury_nominee_analysis

W. Will Soon Be Gone, But Not Forgotten!

2009-01-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Most liberals in the mainstream media can hardly wait for the remaining days of the George W. Bush presidency to lapse so that the official deification of Barack Obama can commence.

However, once W. has actually departed the scene, the mirth and merriment at NBC, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, the Los Angeles and New York Times and other purveyors of anti-Bush hate speech shall surely give way to a devastating discovery.

Without George W. Bush to attack, belittle, denounce, ridicule, berate, insult, misunderstimate, kick, dump on, libel and slander, a vital life force will have gone missing!

Without W. to blame for everything from the vanishing dollar to cow flatulence and global warming, what purpose is there to life?

For the average liberal journalist, the haunting question will be:

Why even bother getting out of bed when the "main man" is a Marxist person of color who uses flawless English and cannot be counted on for an outrageous faux pau when a deadline is fast approaching and digging out "hard" news is not an option, given that magnitude 8 hang over to contend with?

Relax, liberal journalists everywhere! There is a solution.

That would be from Tom Ruprecht, a writer for the Late Show with Dave Letterman, and contributor to a number of other humorous publications.

Ruprecht has authored a Bush dump titled, "George W. Bush, An Unauthorized Oral History, " which traces the life of W. from infancy to the present.

Ruprecht has created 16 chapters of made-up quotes
and reminiscences from W.'s parents, his twin daughters, Dr. Craig Thomas, the physician who slapped the "future president on the behind" at birth, to various officials in the Bush administration including Karl Rove and Dr. Condelezza Rice.

The author created this work with just one purpose in mind: Make George W. Bush appear to be a complete idiot and lazy scalawag to boot!

To Mr. Ruprecht: Mission accomplished!

Although die-hard Bushies will blanch at the contents, "George W. Bush, An Unauthorized Oral History,' is actually quite funny, a quick read, and worth the time and effort, especially if one is afflicted with a condition that limits one's mobility for an hour or so (like diarrhea).

Some of my favorite quotes **** include these:

"In 2003 President Bush came to England for a state visit. he seemed to enjoy being here. He told me that driving on the left side of the road reminded him of his drinking days."

Tony Blair, British Prime Minister

"I'll never forget coming out of the delivery room and informing George he had twins. He got a very worried look on his face and asked, "Are they the stuck-together kind?"

Dr. Craig Thomas, OBGYN

"Sir, I urge you to practice saying "Niger" a few more times before the speech. A mispronunciation like the one you made yesterday in the Oval Office yesterday would be catastrophic."

E-mail from Karl Rove prior to the 2003 State of the Union

Lots of laughs on every page at W.'s expense. What else could a bored leftist with a word processor ask for?

*****

NOTE: These are NOT real quotes. They are attributable only to the decadent mind of Tom Ruprecht who clearly hates G.W. Bush, the South, America, and about 50 percent of all Americans!

A VERY Inconvenient Truth: Al Gore, Google, and C02

2009-01-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Who would have imagined that Al Gore, self-appointed climate cop for planet Earth, is actually an anti-green capitalist personally responsible for hideous releases of carbon dioxide into the precious air that our children and grandchildren are supposed to breathe?

That would be the same Al Gore who received the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007. According to the Nobel Citation (1), "His strong commitment, reflected in political activity, lectures, films and books, has strengthened the struggle against climate change."

That would also be the same Al Gore who waddled onto a stage in Hollywood a couple of years ago to accept an Oscar for producing a "documentary" to alert the world to the imminent danger of climate change.

And, of course, that is the same Gore who proudly boasted on national television that it was he who invented the Internet.

As it turns out, Al Gore should surrender his Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize as soon as possible because a new scientific study from Harvard University contends that "google" searches of the Internet are a source of C02.

As reported in PC World (2), in part:

"Two Google searches produce the same amount of CO2 as bringing water to a boil on your stovetop, according to research from Harvard University. Google claims that the Harvard study is flawed. The Harvard study was first published in British newspaper The Sunday Times.

"According to the report just carrying out a typical search through Google can generate about 7 grams of carbon dioxide. Alex Wissner-Gross, the Harvard University professor that authored the report, says that even just browsing a basic Website can generate about 0.002g of CO2 for every second it is viewed. Sites with complex video can bring even more CO2 in the atmosphere, somewhere around 0.2g per second."

How deliciously ironic that the same enviro-nazis who use Google searches to research and document dubious global warming conditions are, by virtue of their methodology, actually raising CO2 levels in the air!

(1)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21262661/

(2)

http://www.pcworld.com/article/156899/study_searching_google_damages_the_environment.html

Bloke Too Fat to Adopt Brat!

2009-01-12T16:46:00.001-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Most authorities are very careful about placing children in adoptive homes. People looking to adopt are screened for character, credit, employment history, crime history, and financial stability. All of which makes sense in order to protect the interests of innocent children.

However, a man in not-so-jolly England has been rejected because there is just too damn much of the bloke. In other words, he is too fat.

As reported at Yahoo.com, in part:

"Damien Hall, who stands six feet, one inch tall, weighs 24 and a half stone. He therefore has a body mass index (BMI) of more than 42 and is thus considered morbidly obese.

"The call centre worker, 37, and his nanny wife Charlotte, 31, cannot have children of their own and approached Leeds City Council, about adopting.

"But their local authority told them that Damien must get his BMI down below 40 before they can be considered as potential parents due to concerns over his weight.

"The bottom line is I'm too fat," he told BBC radio. "It's hard to lose weight under pressure. I'm not a couch potato and I don't sit eating take aways every night.

"I just feel as though we were only judged on my weight and not all the other good things about us.

"We don't drink or smoke and we could give a child a happy and safe home."

"The letter the couple received from Leeds City Council said they were unable to process their adoption application "due to the concerns that the medical advisers have expressed regarding Mr. Hall's weight.

"Charlotte Hall said the letter was "gutting" and "to be turned down flatly just on that, it's just harsh.

"We're here ready to take a child on.

"They seem to be saying it's better for them to be in care and being shoved from pillar to post just in case Damien dies.

"In a statement, Leeds City Council explained: "The council's adoption service has a legal responsibility to ensure that children are placed with adopters who are able to provide the best possible lifelong care.

"Part of this responsibility is advice for applicants on a range of suitability criteria, including any health and lifestyle issues which may impact on an applicant's long term ability to adopt."

Good for the Leeds City Council! Stick to your standards you lymie creeps.

Just one question, though: What does the British bureaucracy do when a man of Hall's size fathers a child the old fashioned way? Do the fat police come out and rescue the brat from the slob?

A bit of advise for Hall: Take off the blubber and you might not shoot blanks, dude!

(1)
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/090112/world/britain_adoption_health_1

Bush's Legacy: Better Off Now Than You Were Eight Years Ago?

2009-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President George W. Bush, commonly known as Dubya to those who really know him, said his final good byes in a live press conference in Washington, D.C. this morning.

With America damn near in ruins as a result of his tenure in office, W. nonetheless defended his presidency as being a "good, strong record."

He does have a point, you know.

Provided that one is prepared to overlook the fact that America is ensnared in two foreign wars, each far longer than World War 11; the economy is in the worst crisis since the great depression, 80 years ago; our borders are virtually unsecured at time of war, and on and on and on.

Our dysfunctional, dyslexic, and alcoholic president stated that one of his greatest regrets is that "comprehensive" immigration reform--AKA, amnesty to those who claim English as their first language--did not pass.

Unfortunately, Dubya did not express any regret over the fact that his refusal to enforce the rule of law allowed millions of illegal alien peasants from the third-world to invade our great nation.

In that regard, "comprehensive" enforcement of existing laws would have solved the immigration mess without destroying America in the process.

However, the greatest tragedy of the Dubya presidency is that it lead directly to the election of a Marxist non-citizen in the personage of Barack Obama!

Repeat: America is now governed by a Marxist in the White House and Marxists leading both chambers of Congress directly because of George W. Bush!

In assessing the Bush presidency, one should attempt to be objective. Therefore, ask yourself, Are you better off now than you were eight years ago?

And, Can America Survive Seven more Days of Dubya?

The Oprah Winfrey 12-Step Program for Fighting Obesity

2009-01-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Woe be unto Oprah Winfrey.

After working her tush off to elect Barack Obama as the first African-American president of the U.S., Winfrey was rewarded with a fat surge that left her with a tush and mid-section far in excess of her original dimensions.

We are talking CHANGE the old gal really did not need or want.

What to do?

With six billion earthlings intently watching Oprah's television show for the latest diet miracles and or trace of fat on her abused being, the Queen of Girth simply had to get honest and face reality: She is fat again!

After all those years of starving herself and exercising like an Olympic-bound athlete, Oprah is again closer to 300 than 100 pounds.

Oprah is so huge that she needed a building permit for her inaugural gown. Obama's transition team FEXed the Queen of Girth 3 tickets to the inaugural ceremony --for Oprah's own use alone!

Enough is enough! After celebrating the Obama victory 24/7 since November 4, Oprah has "centered" herself and refocused on her life goals.

In doing so, Winfrey has rewritten her "Oprah Winfrey 12-Step Program for Fighting Obesity," which can be purchased at yourobesityisnotoprahsrfault.com for $1,500, plus shipping and handling.

Chubby hackers have slipped us a "bootleg" copy of Oprah's revised program, reprinted below:

The Revised Oprah Winfrey 12-Step Program for Fighting Obesity

Step 1: Came to believe that she could become a billionaire by hoodia-ing fat housewives into buying " O" magazine and her diet products.

Steps 2-11: Skipped because of scheduling conflicts.

Step 12: Admitted that she was powerless over her wonky thyroid. Gave up diets forever, but kept cashing in on O and other silly gimmicks.

The bottom line to Oprah's secret: Make yourself obscenely rich and nobody will notice your morbid obesity!

God Bless Oprah Winfrey!

Delay of Digital Television: Based on Racism?

2009-01-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Having lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for most of my adult life, I was of the belief that I had seen every thing. Here in the vast wasteland of liberalism, not a day goes by without witnessing one bizarre act or acts by crazy liberals who would be locked up, except for the fact that the courts, police, government, and mental institutions are all manned and or womaned by the insane and incompetent.

That is California liberalism, plain and simple.

However, my incredulity index was blown off the charts by a local telecast which discussed the looming delay in the conversion of American television from analog to digital, scheduled to take place on February 17, about one month from now.

This delay, in reality a product of the Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid tandem in Congress, was being portrayed as particularly hideous to Chinese seniors living in San Francisco.

According to the liberal broadcaster, one of President Bush's final criminal acts was to spend just enough bail out money on Wall Street and Detroit so as to force the FCC to renege on the digital conversion date. The liberal station reported that W.'s motive was to irritate San Franciscans in general, and elderly Chinese in particular.

A noxious mix of racism and ageism as his last official act? Sounds just like our goofy president.

W.'s malicious intent apparently reached "Mission Accomplished" status when thousands of non-English speaking Chinese seniors descended on various public service groups with TV Converter Box Coupons (worth $40 each) in hand, only to be told that because of W.'s wasteful spending, the conversion program had been delayed.

The unanswered question is: What next?

How can the FCC and the government let these non-English citizens, many of whom are allegedly here legally, know when the program is rescheduled?

A simple solution might be to stage a few public service announcements in Chinese for the benefit of the subject seniors.

The Chinese script below is a first draft of what the FCC might consider in this public service gesture.

Because I do not speak, write, or understand any Chinese whatsoever, I was forced to rely on a neighbor to interpret this script.

According to Lo, this ad reads, "New Digital Conversion date is now May 17, 2009," or "China's oppression of Tibet sucks!"

Actually, PC pandering sucks! Learn English, or to hell with you and your analog television!

Dictator Hugo Chavez: "Venezuela No Need No Stinkin' Democracy!"

2009-01-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Socialist dictators are dangerous critters when challenged. Which is why the bloated dim wit in charge of destroying Venezuela is such a threat at this time.

In his latest fat-deluded hallucination, the Amigo without a Clue is threatening to suspend representatives from the U.S. Embassy for---are you ready?--meeting with the slob's opposition. (1)

From Bloomberg, this report, in part:

"Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said he’s investigating whether representatives from the U.S. Embassy in Caracas met with leaders of the political opposition, and said he may expel them from the country.

"Chavez said he knows a group of opposition leaders recently flew to Puerto Rico to meet with “U.S. advisers” to discuss strategies to defeat the president’s proposal to eliminate his term limits in a referendum this year. Chavez said U.S. Embassy representatives may have been present.

“If I can confirm this, I’ll throw them out of the country,” Chavez said at ceremony in Caracas commemorating the launch of Venezuela’s first satellite.

"Jennifer Rahimi, the deputy press secretary at the U.S. Embassy in Caracas, said the accusations that U.S. diplomats met with opposition leaders are 'completely false.'"

Once again, the "Brown Hitler" of South America reminds the world why Hitler was eventually deposed!

Reference 1:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601086&sid=aTz9EuUBrCms&refer=latin_america

Prince Harry and His "Nasty" Video!

2009-01-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

British royalty is--well, a pain in the royal arse! Always has been, always will be.

However, there is a notable exception.

That would be Prince Harry, who continually defies the stereotype of Royalty as a gaggle of out of touch, humorless and boring blokes by engaging in high spirited antics worthy of the most dead common commoner.

Harry's latest dilly is what the British press term a "Nasty" video, which proves that the English language is far too damn precious to be left in the hands of the English.

By American standards, Harry's video, which includes well placed "F" bombs, and hilarious mocking of that old prune known in more respectful circles as the Queen mum, is quite tame indeed.

From Newsoftheworld, a UK web site, (1), in part, these scintillating details:

(Note: The text that follows includes the Brit's weird spelling of words like "colour" and "grovelling." As I said, the English language is too good for the English!)

"ROYAL rebel Prince Harry today stands accused of racism in a bombshell home video as he swaggers in front of his army comrades.

"The soldier prince pours shame on the Royal Family as he calls an Asian squaddie “our little Paki friend” and tells another officer cadet jokingly wearing a camouflage veil off duty: “F*** me, you look like a raghead”—an offensive term for an Arab.

"Harry, 24, third in line to the throne, also mocks the Queen—who is Commander-in-Chief of the British Army—while acting out a mobile phone call to her in front of other cadets at a field camp in Cyprus.

"They laugh out loud as the disrespectful Prince pretends to get bored talking to his grandmother and dismissively hangs up on her saying: “Send my love to the corgis. I’ve got to go, got to go, bye. God Save You . . . yeah, that’s great.”

"He even jokes about the colour of his pubic hair with one soldier in the middle of giving orders.

"His sick remarks will not only have infuriated the Queen but could also increase tensions with Islamic groups in the UK who were outraged that he went to fight and kill Muslims in Afghanistan.

"And they will mortify Army chiefs trying to recruit soldiers from Britian’s ethnic minorities.

"The film was made in 2006, just a year after Harry was shamed for wearing a Nazi swastika at a fancy dress party and forced to make a grovelling apology."

Harry may never be king, but at least the lad has a soul and a helacious sense of humor, a rarity in Jolly old England!

(1)

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/123700/Watch-Prince-Harrys-racist-outbursts-on-video.html

How Will President Obama Age?

2009-01-08T16:19:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

That photo of the five U.S. presidents, past and future, together at the White House this week reminded me of two profound truths about America and our chief executives:

1. When it comes to presidents, crime does indeed pay, and

2. Mother Nature is most unkind when it comes to the aging of presidents.

In particular, the two former Democrat presidents, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton, seem to have grown the most wrinkles, gray hair, and bloat during their turns in the White House.

Unrepentant socialism does that to people, to say nothing of non-sex sex with an intern in that little hide away off the Oval Office!

On the Republican side, Bush 41 and 43 look more like brothers than the father-son tandem that brought America two wars in Iraq, one in Afghanistan, the Savings and Loan Crisis, two recessions, the worst economic downturn since the great Depression, open borders, millions of undocumented illegal alien peasants, and annual trillion dollar deficits that will outlive both.

Then we have the face of the future, Barack Hussein Obama who looks too young to be president, a fact that can neither be confirmed nor denied with any certainty because the rascal has thus far refused to turn over his birth certificate and has managed to get away with it!

The looming question on the lips of botox professionals everywhere is how will Barack Obama age while in office?

What price will the rigors and demands of power exact from Obama's youthful good looks?

As of right now, Obama might be "carded" by overly cautious bartenders (conservative) were he to slip out of the White House for a small libation between really dull, stressful meetings.

But how will Obama look four years from now? My guess is that he will be refused alcohol because he will look too old to drink!

MSNBC "Oddball" to Spare U.S. Senate, Pennsylvania Voters

2009-01-08T03:36:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

With mostly bad news rolling in from Washington, D.C., these days, a small ray of sunshine managed to spike through the black clouds hovering over the U.S. Senate, thereby delivering a glimmer of hope for better days ahead.

As reported in the New York Times (1), Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC's "Hardball" has decided not to run for the United States Senate from Pennsylvania in 2010.

From the NYT, in part:

"Chris Matthews, the host of the MSNBC program “Hardball,” told his staff on Wednesday night that he would not run for the Senate in 2010 from Pennsylvania.

"For much of the last year, Mr. Matthews had been considering entering the Senate race as a Democrat in his home state at the same time he was renegotiating his contract with NBC News. He had attended several meetings that had included Pennsylvania representatives as well as some major fund-raisers in the Democratic Party.

"But Mr. Matthews, who was once a top aide to the House speaker, Tip O’Neill of Massachusetts, and ran for Congress as a Democrat in 1974, never formally declared himself a candidate, a decision which would have forced him out of his position at MSNBC."

---------------------------------------
Liberal Matthews apparently decided that the Democrat Party could be more effectively served by continuing his charade as an objective journalist on "Hardball," which is actually a paid political advertisement for Democrats, courtesy of NBC.

Matthews, who has a school-girl like crush on the President-elect, once admitted his attraction to Obama when he said, ""I have to tell you, you know, it's part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama's speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don't have that too often." (2)

Thrill going up your leg, Chris? You do realize that Obama is a happily married straight dude, right?

Matthews' Obama-inspired "thrill" apparently has a direct impact on his role as a journalist. In an appearance on the MSNBC "Morning Joe" show, Matthews made the astounding disclosure that it was his job to make the Obama presidency "work." (3)

Most journalists try to give the appearance of complete neutrality, but, unlike Matthews, most journalists do not experience sensual ecstasy when listening to a young black man speak about converting America into a Marxist state!

References:

(1)

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/08/business/media/08matthews.html

(2)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/02/13/chris-matthews-i-felt-t_n_86449.html

(3)

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/mark-finkelstein/2008/11/06/odd-job-matthews-says-his-role-make-obama-presidency-success

Obama Hires Omar Epps to Be White House Doc

2009-01-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

While the Internet was rocked by news that President-elect Barack Obama has chosen Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the neurosurgeon and correspondent for CNN and CBS, to be U.S. Surgeon General (1), an equally news worthy appointment slipped through the cracks and received virtually no reportage whatsoever.

Turns out that Omar Epps, otherwise known as Dr. Eric Foreman on the smash TV series titled House, has been offered the position of White House physician.

Which means that Epps, Dr. Foreman that is, will be responsible for the medical care and treatment of the Obama family, including the requisite annual examiniation of the president and reporting results to the media and American people.

Cynics, mostly snotty, racist Republicans, are already lining up to ask what qualifications Epps brings to his new position.

Will the American people be able to sleep soundly knowing that a television actor, rather than a licensed medical professional, will be prescribing medications for the most powerful man on the planet?

Should we fret, if even just slightly, over the fact that that a TV doc will be stabbing BO in the bum when he (TV doc) suspects that a flu bug or nasty boil is causing all that executive wrath?

How will the Secret Service react when Epps says he has to sedate BO in order to do a brain scan? Will VP Joe Biden be authorized to rush over to the Oval Office and take command based on the diagnosis and treatment prescribed by a man who would be more culturally comfortable with a gang knife than a surgeon's scalpel?

What of maladies and suspected maladies too delicate to discuss in great detail on a family web site? Can a TV doc be trusted to keep ultra-sensitive information concerning skeletons in BO's closet private?

Again, the issue boils down to qualifications. Anyone who has watched House knows that Epps is a capable actor and a man of integrity, at least in his role as Dr. Foreman.

But what in the world makes Epps qualified to practice medicine out of the White House?

Obama insiders defend the decision by pointing out that Leon Panetta is without any credentials in intelligence, yet he has been picked to serve as Director of the CIA.

Mediocrity based on precedent seems a damn poor way to staff the president's cabinet, but that is what America is up against with BO.

A "google" of Epps background may provide valuable insight: Turns out that Epps starred in a 2002 flick, Love and Basketball, in addition to other acting gigs while portraying a young black athlete.

Now it makes perfect sense: Epps is perfect because he is a brother who's "got game," and can do some one-on-one hoops with BO in emergencies!

Reference (1)
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2009/01/06/obama_wants_journalist_for_sur.html?hpid=topnews

Joe Biden Denied Admittance to Theater: Influence Already in Decline?

2009-01-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Vice-president elect Joe Biden probably figured that his new job with the government entitled him to all of life's perks and pleasures.

Little things, like going to see a smash hit movie right after it was released without having advance tickets. No problem for a highly visible, well known celebrity like the Vice-president of the United States, right?

Not so fast: As Joe Biden discovered, when it comes a to top-notch film like "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," even the Vice-president had better plan ahead.

From Delawareonline (1), this report, in part:

"He's a heartbeat away from the presidency, but that apparently didn't help get a movie ticket Saturday night.

"Employees at the Regal Brandywine Cinemas say the vice president-elect and his wife, Jill, tried to attend the 7:45 showing of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" at the theater on Concord Pike but left after they were told the movie was sold out.

"There's been no confirmation from the Biden camp, but the theater employees say they are sure it was him.

"Inshirah Muhamut, an associate manager, said she closed her box-office line when she saw what appeared to be a Secret Service agent coming her way.
The man asked her about tickets for the movie, which stars Brad Pitt, then left.

"A few minutes later, she said, the Bidens came into the lobby.

"Jill Biden walked up to speak with Muhamut while Joe stood nearby.

"She was asking me about other shows, but they really wanted to see 'Benjamin Button,' " Muhamut said. "He was maybe five feet away, looking at her. He was standing with his other Secret Service men."

"Remarkably, none of the other moviegoers appeared to notice. Employees said nobody mobbed Biden or called his name or asked for an autograph.
"It didn't seem many people recognized him," said employee Becky Gingrich, 21. "Honestly, I think people were just too wrapped up in themselves to notice."

There IS another explanation. Namely, movie fans did, in fact, recognize the bumbling Biden and deliberately chose to ignore him.

Now that makes sense, and is a clear indication that any influence Biden gained on November 4 is all but gone. Hat tip to moviegoers for outstanding use of discretion!

Reference (1):

http://www.delawareonline.com/article/20090105/NEWS02/901050345/1006/NEWS

Pantsless In Colorado!

2009-01-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Washington, D.C., is NOT the only venue of insanity in the early days of this new year as evidenced by this report in the Smoking Gun (1):

"In a bizarre incident that will surely lead to litigation (or an out-of-court settlement), a skier at Colorado's ritzy Vail resort was left dangling upside down and pantsless from a chairlift last Friday morning. The January 2 mishap apparently occurred after the male skier and a child boarded a high-speed lift in Vail's Blue Sky Basin. It appears that the chairlift's fold-down seat was somehow not in the lowered position, which caused the man to partially fall through the resulting gap. His right ski got jammed in the ascending chairlift, and that kept him upended since his boot never dislodged from its binding. As seen in the photos on the following pages (which were snapped by fellow skiers), the Skyline Express lift was stopped shortly after the pair's botched 10:30 AM boarding resulted in the man dangling from the lift. The exposed skier was stuck for about 15 minutes before Vail personnel backed the lift up and successfully dislodged the unidentified man from the four-seat chair. (3 pages"

Pity the poor fellow was not wearing underwear!

Reference (1)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0106091vail1.html

Chaos in the U.S. Senate: Senator Al Franken? Roland Burris Not?

2009-01-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Everyone knows that the Democrat Party is comprised of lairs, crooks, and near crooks, all suffering from various degree of mental insanity. That is to be expected of anyone who dabbles in liberalism, the root of all insanity in the galaxy.

However, Democrats have not, until now, been known as particularly stupid beings. Yes, their policies are mindless nonsense, but most liberals are capable of complex multi-tasking.

Like talking and lying at the same time, for instance.

But the 111th Congress has exposed a remarkable incidence of pure, unadulterated stupidity among Democrat faithful in the ranks of the United States Senate.

Specifically, Harry Reid and crew are committed to seating a known pornographer, failed comedian, and failed talk-show host from Minnesota, even though the individual involved, the despicable Al Franken, faces significant ongoing legal and political challenges from Republican, Norm Coleman.

The striking thing is that while Democrats are willing to seat a very bad joke among their august selves, they are stead fast in refusing to seat Roland Burris, a man with impeccable credentials whom, with the exception of his party affiliation, seems more than qualified.

Burris is the black gentleman from Illinois who was appointed by Governor Rod Blagojevich to take the place of Barack Obama.

Although Blago-gate is disgusting, it is typical of the Democrat party in Illinois.

Besides, the appointment by the demented governor appears legal, and no one is seriously questioning the qualifications of Mr. Burris.

Why, then, is the Democrat party intent on rejecting Burris while seating an unfunny pornographer?

What next, Harry? Senator Caroline Kennedy?

How far can you lower the bar without destroying the institution?

Does America Deserve Another Bush in the White House?

2009-01-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

According to a report in the Ottawa Citizen, former President George H. W. Bush would like to see yet another Bush--this time Jeb--installed as a president of these great United States.(1)

Either 41 has a heretofore unrecognized talent as a comedy writer or his 80-something mind has decayed into a blob of useless human waste.

Another Bush in the White House?

Haven't Americans suffered enough as a result of the carnage brought about by 41 and 43?

Indeed, the father-son tandem of Georges has given America:

-Two wars in Iraq, one in Afghanistan
-One recession, one depression
-Savings and Loan crisis which cost taxpayers $500 billion
-Wall street bail out which has (thus far) cost taxpayers unknowns trillions

Now, honestly, with that record, does America really need to be Bushwhacked again?

Instead of another Bush, perhaps God could be coaxed into delivering an alternative "blessing" to America.

Like, say:

-A repeat of the black plague;

-A pandemic of untreatable heart disease, diabetes, and cancer;

-Reinvigoration of TB, Polio, Scarlet Fever, and other killer diseases once though eradicated.

Damn near ANYTHING, except a breakout of liberalism, would be better for America than another Bush!

(1)

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Bush+would+like+president/1140815/story.html

Diversity Bites Obama: Bill Richardson Tanks!

2009-01-04T11:33:00.001-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Another day, another liberal Democrat caught up in a national scandal. That is hardly breaking news, right?

Right, except for the fact that this time the culture of corruption was invaded by a Spanish-speaking, La Raza-inspired bully from New Mexico.

That would be Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico, who failed in his attempt to become the Democrat Party's nominee for the presidency, and whom corn ball James Carville called "Judas" for abandoning Hillary Clinton in order to jump aboard the Obama Express.

Richardson, the "Great Brown Hope" for Hispanics, was nominated by Barack Obama to be the Secretary of Commerce.

However, as reported by NBC News (1), in part,

"New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, tapped in December by President-elect Barack Obama to serve as secretary of Commerce, has withdrawn his name for the position, citing a pending investigation into a company that has done business with his state.

"A federal grand jury is investigating how a California company that contributed to Richardson's political activities won a lucrative New Mexico state contract."

Sounds like someone may have been involved in the corrupt practice of selling political influence for cash.

Why does that sound so familiar, and sooooooo Democrat Party?

Does the name Rod Blagojevich ring a bell? How about ACORN?

With this latest dilly added to his resume, it will take more than 30 pieces of silver to salvage the career of the man whose title is Governor of New Mexico, but who behaves as though he is on the payroll of Old Mexico!

Good bye, good luck, and good riddance to the Great Brown Hope!

(1)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28493919/

Erectile Function--An INALIENABLE Right!

2009-01-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

As men in the "boomer" generation reach the later stages of life, a new medical ailment is driving millions of once virile, confident men to tears and shame.

Namely, the dreaded ED, as in Erectile Dysfunction.

ED, pervasive among men in their 50s and 60s, has spawned a new family of medicines devised to treat the debilitating loss of performance in life's most vital game.

The sports analogy is "He got game!"

Men with ED "got no game."

But thanks to some nerdy scientist, who has probably never witnessed the awesome beauty of the disrobed female anatomy in person, American men now have Viagra.

We call it Blue Magic.

In sports vernacular, "We got game again!"

Hallelujah and glory be to the goddess of love!

The only side effect with Viagra is the danger of heart attack from too much excitement. But what the heck, no drug is perfect. Right?

But, the medicine is a bit pricey.

In order to determine what can be done to make Viagra accessible to all men, we contracted with beltway insider Opel Bijiquiovarti for a research project. The objective was to determine what legislative steps should be taken to make Blue Magic an integral and automatic part of the American Dream.

Bijiquiovarti, a constitutional scholar and part-time assistant pharmacist at the CIA, released the following findings, but only on the condition of anonymity:

The Bijiquiovarti findings:

* Erectile Function (EF) is an inalienable right guaranteed by the United States Constitution.

* The right to EF is found in the same section of the Constitution that guarantees a woman's right to an abortion, and is adjacent to the Constitutional requirement that mandates separation of church and state.

* Because EF is an inalienable right, Viagra must be made available to all males diagnosed with ED. For men unable to afford the medicine, Bijiquiovarti has learned that state and local governments must provide Blue Magic free of charge. No exceptions!

Congratulations to Bijiquiovarti for his outstanding research and reporting expertise!

Coming as it does so close to Valentine's Day, the Bijiquiovarti report is the most exciting news since the Emancipation Proclamation.

Thanks again, Dr. Bijiquiovarti!

Is Governor Palin More Qualified than Diva Kennedy? You Betcha!

2009-01-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Kudos to diva Caroline Kennedy for finally crawling out of her protective cocoon of elitist wealth and privilege long enough to perform a vital public service.

That public service occurred when Ms. Kennedy exposed herself to scrutiny by the New York press, which revealed her severely limited vocabulary, shallow intellect, and which proved, conclusively, that an education from a liberal eastern school(s) is darn near worthless in the real world.

In the process of being deflowered by folks who should be her allies, the 51-year-old Camelot reject took the place of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as the most maligned woman on the global political stage.

From the Associatedcontent.com report, linked in reference (1), this, in part:

"By the count of the New York Daily News, Caroline Kennedy used the phrase 'you know' two hundred times in an interview with the Daily News, a hundred and thirty times in an interview with the New York Times, and eighty times in an interview with TV station New York."

That totals 410 "you knows," quite normal for a pimple-faced elementary school brat in need of a crash course in remedial English before graduating to high school, but hardly what one would expect from a serious candidate to replace Secretary of State-designate Hillary Clinton as New York's junior member in the United States Senate.

More from Associatedcontent.com:

"Some experts in public speaking suggest that this tendency to use 'you know' on the part of Caroline Kennedy is a sign of inexperience. The 'you know' tic can be solved by training and practice.

"The problem for Caroline Kennedy is that this training and practice should have happened before she suddenly leaped into the deep end of the political pool. First impression count in national politics and Caroline Kennedy as made a poor first impression."

Caroline Kennedy has other problems.

Most significantly, unlike Governor Sarah Palin, who has been elected and served as a mayor and as Governor of Alaska, Caroline has no political experience or record of public service.

Being a spoiled, 51-year-old diva with symptoms common to women in mid-life crisis does not qualify anyone, even a Kennedy, for the United States Senate.

Then there is the matter of pedigree.

Unlike Governor Palin, Caroline Kennedy has a famous uncle who, in a drunken rush to commit adultery, drove a car off a bridge, swam to safety himself, but whom abandoned a 29-year-old female passenger (not his wife), dooming the young woman to death by drowning.

That would be Teddy Kennedy, who because of his wealth and political connections, was not prosecuted for manslaughter and served no jail time for his role in the death of Mary Jo Kopechne.

Finally, and least importantly, unlike Governor Palin who is drop-dead beautiful, charismatic, and an inspirational ball of energy, Caroline Kennedy has about the same sex appeal and oomph! as White House correspondent Helen Thomas.

Not cool!

Is Governor Sarah Palin more qualified to serve as Vice President than Caroline Kennedy is to be a U.S. Senator?

You betcha!

Reference (1)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1348235/caroline_kennedy_flubs_you_know_interviews.html

Triangulating Global Warming and Homelessness!

2009-01-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

How completely liberal-hypocritical of Al Gore to fly out to Hollywood a couple of years ago just to accept an Oscar for saving the planet from whatever he was supposed to save it from.

After accepting his statue and preaching "Think Green" to a sinful world, the bloated former Veep then jumped on another jet and zipped back to Nashville, Tennessee.

After arriving in Tennessee, the Global Warming nanny for the planet was probably chauffeured in a stretch limousine to his humble abode.

How humble? How does 20-rooms and eight baths spread out over 10,000 square feet sound?

After losing the election in 2000, Gore apparently still needs a multi-million dollar mansion to soothe his hurt feelings from the shock of being rejected by the electoral college, the only vote that really matters in America.

With the exception of the U.S. Supreme Court vote, that is.

Just 10,000 square feet? I wonder where the Gores put up the servants? With just eight bathrooms to choose from, Al and Tipper probably arm wrestle for the right to use the biggest and best furnished commode first.

My money is on the heavyweight--that would be the lovable Tipper, of course.

After arriving at his mansion, Gore no doubt fired up the furnace to take the chill off those 20 rooms. Before Gore turns on the heat, he is obligated to alert the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) and advise of a potential energy drain in Nashville and surrounding states.

With his influence, Gore is able to force TVA into dumping a few non-millionaires off the grid so that his fat-vibrating exercise machines deliver a consistent flow of juice to the huge girth that has become Al Gore.

How expensive is it to heat and cool the Gore mansion? Would you believe $30,000 a year--approximately the amount of energy consumed by twenty "average" American families.

But, hey, we are talking a liberal icon. A man who is entitled to preach conservation and shame the great unwashed masses into carbon-neutral lifestyles while wallowing in reckless self-indulgence.

And why is Al Gore entitled to special treatment?

Because he is a liberal hypocrite who subscribes to the "Do as I say, Not As I Do" motto so prevalent in Democrat politicians these days.

Say what you will about George W. Bush, at least W never even pretended to be humble. He has been an arrogant boob right from the get go.

Al Gore has made a career out of pretending to be on the side of the common man while living a most uncommon--and non-carbon neutral--lifestyle.

In a strange twist of irony, the American people may have to rely on Barack Obama to put blow hards like Al Gore in their places.

Obama, it will be remembered, promised to "spread the wealth" from fraud merchants like Al Gore to more deserving folks like Joe the Plumber.

With that communist mindset, one can be sure that President Obama will order the U.S. Marines to seize the Gore mansion and convert it into a homeless shelter.

With Obama in charge, Gore can be ordered to share those eight bathrooms with 5,000 or so street people who urgently need showers and indoor plumbing to boost their sagging self-esteem.

Right, BO?

Being Naked Does NOT Strip One of Right to Privacy

2008-12-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

So, based on your best deductive logic you reasoned that because your girlfriend decided to skinny dip in your studio apartment, she automatically relinquished any and all right to privacy?

Your keen legal mind further deduced that you could video tape the young thang in the all together and whilst both she and you were engaged in a playful game of touch Rugby?

Think again, toad, at least if you plan on getting naked and photogenic in the great state of Wisconsin!

This dilly from Yahoo (1):

"A state appeals court ruled Tuesday that a person who is voluntarily nude in the presence of another still has privacy rights against being secretly videotaped, in a decision that bolsters Wisconsin's video voyeur law.

"The ruling upholds the felony guilty plea of Mark Jahnke, who videotaped his girlfriend while she was naked and while they were having sex. He argued in his appeal that because the woman agreed to be naked around him, she had no reasonable expectation of privacy.

"The state Department of Justice argued that shared intimacy does not give a person the right to film another unknowingly."

Chalk up another defeat for good men at the hands (and other body parts) of wild-eyed, evil women who continue to think that sex is all about legalities and privacy this, privacy that!

May 2009 bring enlightenment and a keen sense of awareness to the female gender on this profound issue.

Awaken, ye of little faith and sultry vaginas!

Sex is meant to be a fulfilling spiritual experience; as such, it should be video taped, preserved and shared with cosmos everywhere!

(1)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081230/ap_on_re_us/video_voyeurism

2009 Resolutions

2008-12-31T00:25:00.000-08:00

2009 New Year Resolutions

By John W. Lillpop

My resolutions for 2009 are as follows:

I will pray for sex, but confess to nothing;

I will give up incontinence, except in emergencies;

I will forgive my ex-wife for all wrongs done me, immediately following her internment;

I will schedule my grandmother for one less future visit each time she whines "You never visit me," during one of my visits;

I will finish the sixth grade--for the fourth time;

I will thoughtfully consider all comments about my columns.. and then continue to write and say exactly what I damn well please!

I will give up religious rituals for Lent;

I will faithfully pay all taxes owed for any income in excess of $200,000;

I will refuse to work for the impeachment of President Barack Obama before noon on January 20, 2009, and

I will abstain from abstinence.

Happy New Year!

Is Barack Obama Planning to Invade Illinois?

2008-12-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Vice-president elect Joe Biden tried to warn America of the dangers that would inevitably accompany an Obama administration into power.

Speaking in Seattle, Washington on October 20, the man who believes that President Franklin D. Roosevelt used HDTV, the Internet, and a cell phone to assuage national angst over bad economic times in 1929, said, in part, the following:

“Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking." (1)

Since Biden issued this famous red alert, political pundits from all ideological spectrums have speculated that the Biden prophecy would be fulfilled by an invasion of Pakistan.

Others have guessed that Obama will be driven to attack Iran in order to remove the nuclear tentacles sprouted by Iran's whacked out President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

As it turns out, the greatest threat to Obama and his Marxist comrades in the U.S. Congress may not be international after all.

In fact, the greatest threat to domestic tranquillity and order is probably embodied in the criminal mind of Governor Rod Blagojevich, the renegade governor of Illinois who violated the cardinal rule of Democrat party ethics by getting caught while trying to sell a political office, namely the Senate seat once (but not often) occupied by Barack Obama.

Mind you, Blago's sin was NOT selling, or trying to sell, a Senate seat. His crime was in getting caught and being insufficiently clever to cover up his felony.

Because of Blagojevich's incompetence, the Democrat party is now being torn apart from stem to stern by those who favor seating Blago's tainted appointment, Roland Burris, to the U.S. Senate, versus those who would like to stone Burris and Blagojevich to death simultaneously, in a custom made, double occupancy ditch inside the cloakroom of the U.S. Senate in Washington, D.C.

As for President-elect Obama, unsubstantiated reports indicate that the soon-to-be president has tentatively decided to send the U.S. Marines into Springfield, Illinois, Capital City of the state, for the purpose of forcibly removing Blagojevich from office.

Using military force against an American city is most probably not authorized by the Constitution to the president or any other government official.

Nevertheless, with dingbats like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi in charge of Congress, Obama can probably do damn near whatever he wants, when he wants!

(1)

http://embeds.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/10/20/biden-if-elected-the-world-will-test-obama-with-a-crisis/

Another "Blago-eruption?" Egad, This Is Exciting!

2008-12-30T15:40:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Governor Rod Blagojevich may be a vulgar, "F-word" addicted wretch, vile and corrupt in all manner before man and God, and a dirty, rotten SOB to boot.

However, nobody can accuse Blagojevich of being tepid, reserved, or backward. This man has a flare for the dramatic and for subtle comedy, essential skills in the cutthroat jungle known as Illinois politics, AKA, mobster relationship management.

Above all else, Rod Blagojevich is a DEMOCRAT, a fact which in no way excuses his felonies, but which does help explain the medical root cause of his crimes.

Liberalism is a mental disease!

The latest "Blago-eruption" slammed into the state of Illinois, the United States Senate, President-elect Obama, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and BREAKING NEWS headline writers from coast to coast on this, the next to last day in the thoroughly god-forsaken year of 2008.

Without the slightest hint of morality or conscience, Governor Blagojevich, just three weeks removed from being handcuffed and hauled off to jail by the FBI, stood before the world to announce that he has filled the Senate seat of President-elect Barack Obama by appointing a fellow named Roland Burris to assume said office. (1)

No financial terms were disclosed, and it is unclear whether Burris intends to pay cash or if he will need to secure a sub-prime loan to close the sale.

As reported in the Chicago Sun Times, Blagojevich said, in part, "The people of Illinois are entitled to have two U.S. Senators. "If I don't make this appointment then the people of Illinois will be deprived."

For some unexplained reason, Blagojevich failed to note that the people of Illinois also deserve an honest, law-abiding governor, a circumstance that only his resignation, impeachment, sudden death, or other act of divine intervention, can bring about.

Before Blagojevich held his press conference to introduce the next senator from the state of Illinois, Democratic leaders in the U.S. Senate issued a statement saying that any Blagojevich appointee would not be seated.

"It is truly regrettable that despite warning from all 50 Democratic senators and public officials throughout Illinois, Gov. Blagojevich would take the imprudent step of appointing someone to the United States Senate who would serve under a shadow and be plagued by questions of impropriety," the statement read.

"We say this without prejudice toward Roland Burris's ability, and we respect his years of public service. But this is not about Mr. Burris; it is about the integrity of a governor accused of attempting to sell this United States Senate seat. Under these circumstances, anyone appointed by Gov. Blagojevich cannot be an effective representative of the people of Illinois and, as we have said, will not be seated by the Democratic Caucus."

How utterly delicious to witness Democrats trashing other Democrats on issues involving corruption and high crimes!

Still, it is hard to believe that it has only been three weeks since the first "Blago-eruption" sent the Democrat Party and its co-conspirators in the mainstream media into political apoplexy.

Oddly enough, three weeks from "Blago-eruption" number 2, Barack Obama is scheduled to be ordained to the post of Messiah in Chief, with his office headquarters located in Washington, D.C.

Before December 9, most Americans would have guessed that "Blagojevich" was a line of scrambled letters from an eye test chart at the doctor's office, rather than the name of a prominent governor and experienced auctioneer.

Until December 9, the leftist media were engaged 24/7 in an "Obama Love-In," which was being foisted upon the unwashed masses as objective news coverage. Back then, the greatest priority in America was the unsullied, uncontested deification of Barack Obama.

Thanks to Rod Blagojevich, the issue is corruption, corruption, and even more corruption in the state and neighborhoods where President-elect earned his political stripes and learned the Audacity of Hope.

Hang on, conservatives! This show has not even got off the ground yet, but already it has all the marks of being a five star performance!

Tell me again: How many days until the 2010 mid-terms?

Reference (1)

http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/blagojevich/1354679,w-blagojevich-obama-senate-seat-burris-123008.article

Outrage: Filmmakers Expose Male Genitalia, Hide V-Organ!

2008-12-27T15:43:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

The Reader is a enthralling movie, worth seeing because of the great story line, terrific acting, and captivating music.

It tells of a summer love affair between a 35-year old ticket taker, Kate Winslet, and a 15-year old student, David Kross, with the horrors of the Holocaust cast in a supporting, almost cameo role.

The Reader leaves little to the imagination with respect to the young man's body parts, including one brief frontal shot of his genitalia.

Unfortunately, censorship mania takes over when it comes to the beautiful young woman and her blessings. Although her naked breasts are shown, the movie does not expose her genitalia.

Why are foreign filmmakers so willing to exploit an exposed penis, but scared to death of a living, breathing vagina?

Sexism? Discrimination?

As a male chauvinist pig, I demand equal time for the V-organ!

"Sweet" Caroline?

2008-12-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

When John F. Kennedy was but 43 years of age, he managed to win the presidency of the United States, made possible by a highly suspicious vote count sent from Cook County run by and for Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago.

Before being elected to the presidency, JFK was a decorated World hero. After the war, he represented Massachusetts in the U.S. House from 1947 to 1953 and in the U.S. Senate from 1953 until 1960.

JFK was a man of great accomplishment before he even turned 40. Tragically, his service to the nation cost him his life on November 22, 1963 in Dallas, Texas.

In the way of contrast, JFK's daughter, Caroline, recently turned 51. Thanks to her famous father, Caroline has lived a life of opulence and privilege; however, unlike her father, she has given nothing back to the nation or her community in the way of service.

At 51, she has absolutely no political experience or other credentials needed to serve as a U.S. senator. In fact, Caroline Kennedy is nearly as unqualified to replace Hillary Clinton in the U. S. Senate as Barack Obama is to move into the Oval Office.

However, at least Barack Obama put forth the effort to get elected to high office.

Caroline Kennedy wants the power and prestige of a U.S. Senator, sans the drudgery and pain of campaigning and being elected. She even refuses to disclose her vital information, but promises to do so IF APPOINTED.

After eight years of suffering at the hands of Senator Hillary Clinton, the good people of New York deserve a qualified, reasonable, and moderate voice in the U.S. Senate.

Caroline Kennedy is none of the above.

Fortunately for Governor Dave Paterson and the people of his state, there are thousands of New Yorkers whom are vastly more qualified and deserving to serve in the U.S. Senate than Caroline Kennedy.

Here is a noble New Years Resolution for Governor Paterson: Do not replace a conniving feminist liar with a spoiled, inexperienced diva!

A Trifecta of Corrupt Democrats

2008-12-25T10:36:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

How odd that, in the very year in which conservatives were taken to the whipping shed by voters all across America, it was the Democrat Party that was plagued by scandal and corruption in high places.

2008 delivered what was literally a trifecta of corruption and scandal among prominent liberals.

Sexual scandal in the form of adultery ensnared John Edwards, a viable presidential candidate in 2008 and former senator from North Carolina, who was famous for his compassion and willingness to stand up for the down trodden.

Except, that is, when the downtrodden happened to be his own wife, a victim of inoperable breast cancer.

Carnal lust overpowered Edwards' celebrated compassion and drove the ambulance chaser into the arms and breasts of another woman.

From the Deep South, the stench of sexual crime and political slime drifted northward, to claim yet another Democrat liberal powerhouse.

This time, the net of shame ensnared none other than the on the rise Eliot Spitzer, a man many saw as destined for great things on the national stage.

Spitzer's date with manifest destiny was turned into mush when his dalliances with a prostitution ring called the Emperor's Club VIP became public knowledge.

Seems as though Eliot enjoyed spending time with call girls whom enjoyed taking $1,000 of his money for every hour spent with the governor.

Only a liberal Democrat would spend $1,000 an hour for a fling with a floozy in Washington, D.C., when the same thing could have been arranged for a Valentine's card and a box of chocolates in the governor's mansion!

That takes us to the great state of Illinois, where Governor Rod Blagojevich was trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama's purchase of the White House.

Blagojevich's "Pay for Play" auction was captured on FBI wiretaps, including enough "Expletive Deleted" zingers to make Richard M. Nixon turn over in his grave.

Governor Blagojevich and his equally potty-mouthed spouse introduced "F-gate" into the lexicon of contemporary politics.

Did I mention that all of these sleaze peddlers are DEMOCRATS?

Edwards, Spitzer, and Blagojevich joined the Democrat culture of corruption which already included the likes of Charles Rangel and William Jefferson, both up to their eye balls in scandal normally reserved for upscale white crooks. Truly, America has become colorblind!

In addition, there are undisclosed crimes including the ineligibility of Barack Obama to run for presidency, rampant voter fraud committed by ACORN personnel on Obama's behalf, and the role of lefties like Barney Frank, Christopher Dodd, and other liberals in the housing-mortgage loan/economic collapse fiasco.

All in all, 2008 was a record year of corruption from the political sector.

Did I mention that they are ALL Democrats?

Pope Compares Gay Behavior to Global Warming

2008-12-22T16:46:00.000-08:00

Greater threat to humanity? Barney Frank or Carbon emissions?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Pope Benedict has found a non-PC way to remove thousands of undesirable names from his Christmas card mailing list, thereby saving his petty cash account untold thousands in franking costs.

His Holiness brought about this miracle when he said that saving humanity from gay and or transsexual indiscretions was just as important as saving the global environment.

Can you imagine, a world leader declaring that saving gays from each other's toxic selves is as vital as saving the world from global warming?

Good grief, the Pope has found a way to piss off 2 percent of the world's population without even breaking a sweat.

His argument has merit: Who would know better about gays and their corrosive behavior than the CEO of the largest employer of gays in the world, the Catholic Church?

As reported at the link below(1), the Pontiff said that the Catholic church "should also protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man is needed," the pontiff said in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration.

"The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less.

"The pope said humanity needed to 'listen to the language of creation' to understand the intended roles of man and woman. He compared behavior beyond traditional heterosexual relations as 'a destruction of God's work.' "

Gays are a "destruction of God's work?" Wonder how the Pope really feels?

Reached at her unholy communion service in San Francisco, Speaker Nancy Pelosi disagree with the Pope and stated that the "Fathers of the Church have never expressed an official condemnation of homosexuality."

Speaker Pelosi added that she faces re-election in less than two years, and given the fact that the vast majority of her constituency is homosexual, she is disinclined to join the Pope in the latest round of gay bashing.

Democrat Barney Frank, the only openly gay member of Congress, agreed with the Speaker and condemned the Pope for "hateful and divisive rhetoric based on a flimsy reference in an obsolete, fairy tale book put together by a gang of bare-ass, illiterate Jews some 2,000 years ago. "

Meanwhile, from Transition Headquarters in Chicago, President-elect Obama was said to be considering a change to the Inaugural ceremony: Pencil in Pope Paul for the Invocation and pencil out Pastor Warren, until further notice.

Reference (1)

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/12/22/europe/23pope.php

Hugo Chavez Mauls Mall in Venezuela

2008-12-22T04:33:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

The entire world knows that Hugo Chavez is a despicable, loathsome fascist who cavorts with the likes of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Castro brothers, and various and sundry scalawags from Russia.

Keeping that sort of company automatically renders the chubby little dictator an ambitious, but weak minded, enemy of freedom and hope throughout the world.

However, Hugo, which describes the body type of this Hispanic knot head perfectly, appears to have pushed the envelope beyond the pale with his latest power play, an act so evil that women throughout the world are heading to Caracas en masse to teach the fool a lesson.

Chavez's misstep?

As reported by Yahoo (+), in part, "President Hugo Chavez ordered construction halted on a major shopping mall in Caracas on Sunday, saying the government will expropriate the unfinished building.

"We're going to expropriate that and turn it into a hospital -- I don't know -- a school, a university," Chavez said to applause during his Sunday television and radio program."

Clearly, the man has lost his mind, which in and of itself is not worth a great deal, but still, it was his mind.

Shutting down a shopping mall in order to create another hospital or school is unthinkable and heathen, especially just before Christmas.

Of course, Chavez justified his felons by blathering incoherent nonsense to the effect that Jesus Christ is a socialist.

Those who wistfully dream of a utopian existence under a socialist regime need to examine their souls carefully and answer this question:

If Jesus were physically here now, would shutting down a shopping mall be his top priority?

Or would the Lord move to bless all Venezuelans by exorcising a dim wit dictator from their midst as the very first order of business?

Case closed!

Reference: (1)

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/081221/lt_venezuela_expropriated_mall.html?.v=6

'Tis the Season to Be Carnal!

2008-12-21T20:47:00.001-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

According to biorhythm researchers and purveyors of sex-related products, the Holiday Season typically results in a dramatic surge in sexual activity and conceptions.

Which makes it truly "the Most Wonderful Time Of the Year!"

The following quotes are reported in McClatchy Newspapers (+): "Right before New Year's Eve is our highest sales peak," said David Johnson, group product manager for Trojan brand condoms, the leading U.S. seller.

"As expected, the holiday urge surge also expresses itself as a peak in U.S. births in September, according to David Lam of the University of Michigan's Population Studies Center in Ann Arbor."

In addition, heightened libido corresponds nicely with the season in that particularly skilled, multitasking lovers are able to give and receive simultaneously, thereby spreading joy without wasting wrapping paper and ribbon.

Good for the environment, helps boost one's cardiovascular health, not fattening, and fun to boot!

References: (1)
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/226/story/58209.html

Bloke Who Threw Shoes at Bush Begs for Pardon

2008-12-18T17:25:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Muntadhar al-Zeidi, the brain-dead Iraqi reporter who became a hero to millions of Islamofascists and air headed American liberals for throwing his shoes at President Bush, no longer walks with the swagger and arrogance of a proud Islamofascist.

Indeed, the reporter who obviously failed Anger Management 101, is whistling a different tune these days as he grovels on the floor of his cell begging for a pardon and an act of kindness from other rag heads in Iraq.

As reported in Breitbart, in part,: (1),

"A spokesman for Iraq's prime minister says the journalist who threw his shoes at President George W. Bush has asked for a pardon.

"Spokesman Yassin Majid says that in a letter sent Thursday to Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki the journalist described his behavior as "an ugly act" and asked to be pardoned.

"Al-Zeidi, a correspondent for an Iraqi-owned television station based in Cairo, Egypt, could face two years imprisonment for insulting a foreign leader."

Al-Zeida's case brings with it an interesting question, "How should Al-Zeidi's shoe toss be handled by the Iraqi government?"

As I see it, there are four plausible outcomes:

* Release Al-Zeidi so he can get look for work at the New York Times, CNN, or PBS, where his anti-American views would fit right in with the prevailing culture, or

* Release him to the care and attention of the meanest and most cruel Iranian Sunnis that will take him, or

* Hang him to death with the rope that was used to snuff Saddam Hussein, or

*Beat him senseless with Hussein's old shoes.

How would you vote? Write-ins NOT allowed!

Referenced Link: (1)

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9555QEO0&show_article=1

Teen Learns Sex from PTA Official in Fogged Up SUV

2008-12-17T06:48:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Some guys get all the breaks. An unnamed 13-year old student in Baldwin, New York bears testimony to that truth.

As reported by WCBSTV (1), Nassau County police came across a fogged up SUV on the grounds of an elementary school. The fogging agent turned out to be a prominent PTA official and a 13-year old lad, both naked from the waist down.

The full story from wcbs.com:

"BALDWIN, N.Y. (CBS) ― A prominent PTA official is facing some serious allegations involving a teenage boy.

Police arrested Joan Tuckruskye after allegedly finding her in the backseat of a parked car with a 13-year-old boy on Friday night. Both of them, police said, were partially unclothed.

'I feel devastated for the victim,' said Steve, the suspect's neighbor.

His son attends school with both the alleged victim and suspect's daughter, and is outraged over charges that Tuckruskye, vice president in charge of fundraising for the school, endangered the welfare of a 13-year-old boy.

It was in the rear of the elementary school parking lot where patrolling officers said they noticed the foggy and steamed windows of an SUV. They approached and knocked on the window.

They observed a woman in her 40s and a boy who appeared to be a teenager. 'They were not clothed from the waist down,' said Lt. Kevin Smith of the Police Department.

At first, police said, the boy said he was 18. Later at the hospital, though, he admitted being 13 but claimed he and the PTA mom were only kissing."

Only kissing? That explains why both were naked from the waist down?

The most amusing part of this story is the very idea that the young boy was somehow a "victim."

Fact is, the lad was the beneficiary of "sexual serendipity" that most 13-year old males can only dream about!

It matters not one whit that the sex was courtesy of an unattractive,aging beach.

Sex is sex and when one is 13, all offers are considered--and automatically accepted!

Remember?

Castration Plot Leaves Delaware Man Holding the Bag

2008-12-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

People without broad band Internet connections and HDTV are likely to do damn near anything for entertainment and a few laughs.

Take the case of Wilbur Eichman, for instance. This yahoo from Hockessin, Delaware decided to liven up his dreary life by contracting with a thug to bring about the castration of his ex-son-in-law.

As reported by CBS 3 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (1), Eichman's new hobby would make Reverend Jesse Jackson and his stated designs on certain of Barack Obama's body parts proud indeed.

The story, in part, from CBS 3:

"HOCKESSIN, Del. (CBS 3) ― A Delaware man has been arrested after being accused of arranging a bizarre plot that involved castrating his ex-son-in-law.

"Wilbur Eichman has been charged with one count of criminal solicitation after he paid a man cash to beat up his ex-son-in-law.

"Police say Eichman paid 34-year-old Charles Pernot $1,200 to beat up the victim and even offered up a bonus if Pernot cut off the victim's genitals.

"Investigators said Eichman even wanted his ex-son-in-law's genitals brought to him.

"Pernot was charged with attempted robbery, attempted burglary and conspiracy.

"Eichman was arrested late Saturday and charged with one count of criminal solicitation. He has been arraigned and released after posting a $500 secured bail."

All things considered, installing high speed Internet and HDTV would be far less costly and unlikely to get Eichman thrown in the slammer on a felony count.

As it is, Eichman is left holding the bag with 15 minutes of unwanted fame.

Referenced Link:

http://cbs3.com/local/Wilbur.Eichman.New.2.888221.html

Patrick Fitzgerald Asks for Delay in Release of Obama Review. Why?

2008-12-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

(BREAKING NEWS--Chicago)

In a shocking departure from "politics as usual," President-elect Barack Obama announced that a review by his lawyer, Gregory Craig, found that Obama had no direct contact with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich about the sale of his Senate seat, made vacant as a result of Obama's purchase of the U.S. presidency.

In another stunning development, Obama reported that his due diligence obsessed lawyer also found no evidence that Obama's transition aides did anything inappropriate; legal advisers were found to be especially clean.

It had been widely speculated by know it all pundits that Obama's obsession with CHANGE might cause him to do something really obscene, like actually telling the truth, an unheard of practice among Illinois politicians, especially those raised in the truth-adverse environment of Chicago politics.

Obama promised to make the review public at a later, unspecified date. He claims to have held off because prosecutors asked for a delay and "I don't want to interfere with an ongoing investigation."

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald released a statement confirming the request.

Interesting intrigue seems to be in play here.

If Obama and his minions are really clean, why would Fitzgerald request a delay in the release of an internal review?

Possible answer: Rahm Emanuel, Obama's chief of staff.

Rumors about Emanuel are abundant and Obama added to the rumor mill by refusing to answer questions directly about his chief of staff.

Emanuel has kept his own foul mouth shut for nearly a week, which is good for America's children, but not much help to right-wing zealots looking to derail the Obama Express before the White House is taken over by socialists and communists in training.

Meanwhile, Obama is working diligently to avoid being arrested prior to January 20th, the date upon which he is to be sworn into office, and endowed with the Constitutional power to grant pardons, perhaps even to himself.

New York Governor Paterson Fails to See Humor in SNL Skit

2008-12-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just a few short months ago, Tina Fey and the SNL satirical writers were having a ball portraying Governor Sarah Palin as an empty headed dim wit who gunned down innocent mooses (sic) for the sheer joy of killing something.

When a conservative Republican was being carved up, the SNL team was hailed as brilliant purveyors of humor by mainstream media and other leftists who chortled with delight at each wound inflicted on Governor Palin.

However, laughter and chortling are no where to be found these days, now that SNL assassins have set their sights on a blind person of color with adultery and drug abuse in his dossier, and who just happens to be a liberal Democrat and governor of New York state.

That would be Governor David Paterson, a legally blind man who took over for the disgraced Eliot Spitzer, another Democrat, earlier this year.

In an SNL skit aired last Saturday, Governor Paterson was portrayed by SNL's Fred Armisen as a bumbling man, totally unqualified to serve as governor.

See the entire SNL skit (1)

Armisen's performance was unarguably very funny and the studio audience seemed to enjoy the edgy humor.

However, not everyone was amused.

As reported at Yahoo news (2), "The National Federation of the Blind issued a statement calling the characterization 'absolutely wrong' and criticized the show for playing up the stereotype that blind people are 'incapable of simple tasks.'

"Meanwhile, Governor Paterson's office issued a statement that the show should be able to 'find a way to be funny without being offensive.' "

Come on, people, get with the program!

The reason that skit about Governor Paterson was so funny is because it was edgy!

Just like the skits about Governor Palin had people laughing out loud and rolling in the aisles!

To those who believe that mocking a vision impaired governor is pushing the envelope too far, a question:

Does political correctness require that blind people automatically be considered competent, capable, and doing a good job, regardless of the facts? Are there are no incompetent, inept people on the planet who also happen to be blind?

In fact, the SNL skit was about the awful state of the state that Governor Paterson has helped to create in New York State because of his liberal policies and poor management.

His lack of vision was relevant only in the context of policy and prudent government.

Even liberals should be able to see that.

Referenced links

(1)

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=4226712&cl=11104412&src=news

(2)

http://news.yahoo.com/news/us/story/ynews/ynews_en185

Christmas Surprise from Africa: $800,000 from Anonymous Benefactor!

2008-12-15T08:13:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to become filthy rich as a result of a most generous gift from some anonymous, and deceased, person in Africa.

Yet there it was, in writing. An e-mail titled, "Contact Fedex For Your Package" which advised me of my incredibly good fortune.

According to the e-mail, sent by a soul alleging to be one Vladimir Garic, I am designated as beneficiary in the estate of an anonymous, and deceased, individual.

All of which means that $800,000 is mine for the taking.

All that I need do is contact FedEx and arrange for delivery of an ATM Mastercard that will allow me to withdraw up to $20,000. per day, up to a total of $800,000 in "inherittance funds."

Oh, I must come up with the paltry sum of $185.00 to pay a "security safe keeping fee."

What a terrific Christmas gift! The big question: Where can I scrounge up $185.?

The subject e-mail, butchered English, punctuation, and spelling intact, is reproduced below:

"Dear friend,

Goodday,

I just want to inform you that i have packaged and deposited your ATM MASTERCARD worth $800,000,00 USD with FedEx Delivery Services to deliver it to you, due to i have waited enough to hear from you so that your funds will be transfered through CENTRAL BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) here to your personal account, but because of the late response,I now decided to deposit the ATM MASTER CARD and placed it for delivery with the fedex delivery services because it also eaiser and safer. Insurance and
delivery charges have been paid for, but the only fee remaining is the security safe keeping fee of $185,00 USD which you will be required to pay before delivery, so you are to contact them on how you are to remit the fee to them so they can release your package and deliver it to you which will take 2 working days to get to you. I am going out of Nigeria to IRAQ for a period of 4 months to see my boss.

However, this was not paid for because of demurrage. Well, I did forward them your delivery address, but a re-confirmation is important when contacting them if you want to change your address. I advice you quote the parcel and shipment code to them for onward delivery to your re-confirmed address. The ATM MASTERCARD has pin number 8876. Take note, once you
receive the card you take it to any ATM cashpoint around your area and slot it in and enter the pin code for withdrewal, the amount you can be able to withdrew per day is $20,000.00 USD (Twenty Thousand United State Dollars) each day.

Once again, the Fedex delivery services do not know the content of the parcel, I registered it as an African magazine they don't know it
contains ATM MASTERCARD inside, this is to avoid them delaying the
delivery and besides I don't want you to lose your inherittance funds.

Regards,
Barrister Tom"

To which I replied:

Thanks ever so much, Tom. However, due to the economic crisis here in the states, I am a bit short of having $185.00 to pay for the most generous gift. In fact, I am lacking the amount of $184.73 to complete the transaction.

If you would be so kind, please deduct the security fee from my $800,000. and ship the remaining $799,815. to me as soon as possible.

We will settle up on the remaining $.27 later in the month, or in the next life, whichever comes first.

Thanks again.

By the way, have you ever considered working for the Democrat Party as an ACORN volunteer? You could teach ACORN and Team Obama one hell of a lot about style!

jwl

W. Denies Public Housing to Young Black Family in Washington, D.C.

2008-12-14T15:52:00.001-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In one of his more despicable acts while in office, President George W. Bush has spat in the face of the Christmas Spirit by rejecting a plea from a young black family to take up residency in public housing in Washington, D.C.

As reported by Yahoo, the black couple had hoped to move into the government-owned property so that their young daughters, 10-year-old Malia and 7-year-old Sasha, would be close to Sidwell Friends School where classes are scheduled to start on January 5.

Nonetheless, President Bush, rushed off his feet while trying to give away billions of dollars of taxpayer money to a failed conglomerate of rip off artists in Detroit, indicated that other uses were scheduled for the Blair House.

Therefore, notwithstanding the president's well known "compassionate conservatism," he was unable to meet the family's request.

So it is that another colored family is left in the cold, unable to secure public housing Washington, D.C., while our befuddled president dodges shoes and responsibility in Iraq.

For full details, see the link below.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081212/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_blair_house

Naked Virgin Mary Upsets Mexican Faithful!

2008-12-13T12:24:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From Reuters, this fascinating report about how the annual pilgrimage to the Mexico City basilica dedicated to the Virgin of Guadalupe was hijacked by the Mexican version of Playboy magazine:

"LOS ANGELES, Dec 12 (Reuters) - A nude model resembling the Virgin Mary on the cover of the Mexican edition of Playboy magazine, published only days before a major Mexican festival dedicated to the mother of Jesus, prompted the company's U.S. headquarters on Friday to apologize.

"The magazine, which hit newsstands on Dec. 1 as ceremonies began leading to Friday's pilgrimage to the Mexico City shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe, showed a model wearing nothing but a white cloth over her head and breasts.

"She is standing in front of a stained glass window with the cover line, 'We Love You, Maria' in Spanish. The name of the model is Maria Florencia Onori.

"In a statement, Chicago-based Playboy Enterprises Inc. said the Mexican edition of the magazine is published by a licensee, and the company did not approve or endorse the cover.

"While Playboy Mexico never meant for the cover or images to offend anyone, we recognize that it has created offense, and we as well as Playboy Mexico offer our sincerest apologies," the statement said.

"Raul Sayrols, publisher of Playboy Mexico, said in a statement, "The image is not and never was intended to portray the Virgin of or any other religious figure. The intent was to reflect a Renaissance-like mood on the cover." (1)
Meanwhile, Maria Florencia Onori has reportedly released her Christmas Wish List for public consumption:

All she wants for Christmas is a Bra and a pair of clean panties!

(1)
http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSN1250649220081213

W. To Roll out TARP for Democrats and the UAW

2008-12-13T07:50:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

After Republicans in the U.S. Senate won a hard fought battle to block a $14 billion welfare subsidy to auto manufacturers, President Bush decided to act unilaterally in defiance of his conservative colleagues by siding with Democrats and the UAW.

To do so it was necessary for the president to reverse his earlier opposition to using funds designated for the Troubled Assets Recovery Program (TARP) for the auto bail out.

Dana Perino, spokeswoman for the president, announced the president's retreat from common sense with the following words:

"Under normal economic conditions we would prefer that markets determine the ultimate fate of private firms," she said.

"However, given the current weakened state of the U.S. economy, we will consider other options if necessary - including use of the TARP program - to prevent a collapse of troubled automakers," Perino added. (1)

Translation: Because W. is and has been such a lame president, he no longer has the political clout to roll out the red carpet for liberals and labor unions; thus, a green TARP is the best W. can offer.

Once again, the Bush policy of ripping the rug out from under conservatives at every opportunity was executed to perfection by the man whose "conservatism" is a very bad joke indeed, one that is no longer funny or even mildly amusing.

Combined with his recent comments which all but relegated the Holy Bible to the status of fanciful novel, W. appears to be engaged in a full court press to convince President-elect Obama to keep him around, ALA Robert Gates, for another bite at the apple.

Strategically, it makes terrific sense since W. knows the neighborhood in and around 1600Pennsylvania, is only slightly more liberal than Obama, and his presence would provide Obama with a perfect "in house" scapegoat when things don't go particularly well.

For example, say General Motors fails to turn a profit by March 31, and an audit by the Car Czar reveals that Rick Wagoner, GM's CEO, has deposited a few billion dollars of taxpayer money into a personal Swiss bank account.

Wagoner has also moved his sorry self into a cave next door to Osama bin Laden in the rugged mountains of Pakistan.

Unimaginable horror for the new president, right? Not necessarily if President Obama could refer all questions about Wagoner and those missing billions to a trustworthy aide-de-camp, George W. Bush.

Obama could open a nationally televised press conference with a few meaningless platitudes about change, and then turn the podium over to Presidential Assistant George W. Bush.

Assistant Bush would be there to answer all of the sharp edged questions from the bloodthirsty media, while President Obama would be free to skate off to an urgent fund raising strategy session for the 2012 campaign.

The big question: What possible role could Assistant Bush fill in the Obama White House?

How about Token Republican, Ambassador to Mexico, and Media Sacrificial Lamb, all rolled up into one dysfunctional bureaucrat?

Who better qualified for such a position than our soon to be unemployed, and otherwise unemployable, George W. Bush?

Referenced Links:

(1)
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/12/12/business/auto.php?page=1

Day Without Pay Angst Dooms "Day Without a Gay" Fiasco

2008-12-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Gay activists had hoped to sock it to America right where it hurts the most: In the wallet!

Which is why liberal air heads designated December 10 as a national "day without a gay," when gays and lesbians from sea to shining sea were supposed to call in sick, refuse to shop or eat out, and otherwise show just how their massive absence would devastate America.

Unfortunately for same sex proponents, the much-touted show of gay power was a complete and utter failure, even in the Queen City of the world, San Francisco.

The dismal failure begs the question: Whatever happened to the energy and passion that activists flaunted after Proposition 8?

Where were the angry protesters who picketed outside Mormon chapels and temples and threatened violence against those with the temerity to vote in a manner not consistent with the gay agenda?

From the San Francisco Chronicle this report, in part***:

"Several gay and lesbian people said they couldn't afford to take the day off, particularly in a tightening economy where many are concerned about their jobs. And in the Castro district, business owners were livid that people were encouraged to not shop during the holidays, a peak time for retailers."

In effect, then, a day without pay was more important to gays than a silly "Day Without a Gay," especially during a major economic downturn.

Which reminds one of the "Day without an Illegal Alien" idiocy from a couple of years ago. That event was supposed to shut down California until someone reminded Hispanic organizers that students not in the class room would cost state and local governments plenty of dinero from the federal government!

All of which proves that the almighty dollar is still king, even among queens and invading criminals!

***

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/12/11/BAUV14LPE2.DTL&tsp=1

Obama's Weight Tip for Oprah

2008-12-09T11:50:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Once again, Oprah Winfrey has ballooned to the size of the Goodyear Blimp while preaching to 20 million out of touch women every day; mostly unemployed welfare queens who treat Oprha's every word as if it were ordained by God, Himself.

Writing in the January edition of "O" magazine, O as in OBESE!, Oprah resorts to the typical excuse proffered by chunky housewives who blame all of that ugly fat on an out-of-balance thyroid, a miserable child hood, the George W. Bush presidency, and a newly minted "fear of working out."

According to the guru of prime time fat, she has gained 40 pounds since 2006, when she weighed 160. That leaves her lumbering around at 200 pounds and damn near as unsightly as Al Gore.

Her addiction to Snickers bars and introspective psychobabble lead Oprah to say, "I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'" "I'm embarrassed," she says. "I'm mad at myself."

How did it happen?

Remember all of those eating frenzies that you enjoyed while pushing the Barack Obama candidacy all across America?

Remember the non-stop gorging with stuffed pizzas, ice cream, whipped cream, melted chocolate, fudge, apple pie, chips of all types and sizes, candies from every nation in the world, and every other delectable goody that you have rammed now your throat since November 4 to celebrate the election of your razor-thin brother to the White House?

Might your 15,000-calorie a day diet have something to do with your out of control girth?

That and your insane "fear of working out" would stuff a damn elephant!

Still, Barack Obama is a perfect role model for those who wish to control their weight and demonstrate perfect self-control.

Why not give Obama's weight management plan a try?

Namely, smoke and inhale two packs of unfiltered Pall Mall cigarettes every day and just watch those pounds melt away!

Raging Constitutional Debate: Can Obama Pardon Himself?

2008-12-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From the Washington Times, yet another nasty example of corruption from Illinois:

”A former Illinois bank official, now claiming whistleblower status, says bank officials replaced a loan reappraisal that he prepared for a Chicago property that was purchased by the wife of now-convicted felon Tony Rezko, part of which was later sold to next-door neighbor Barack Obama."

Obama's relationships with thugs like terrorist Bill Ayers, incarcerated Governor Rod R. Blagojevich, and convicted felon Tony Rezko have been known for a while, but largely ignored by the mainstream media and leftists mesmerized by the word "change."

As of today, Obama legal advisers are in a mad scramble to determine a major constitutional question: Assuming that he can avoid arrest between now and January 20, will Barack Obama, once he is sworn in as 44th president, be entitled to issue himself a full and unconditional pardon for all misdemeanors and felonies, including the big lie about U.S. citizenship?

For the full story of the latest Rezko-Obama mess, visit the link below:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/oct/18/whistleblower-hits-obama-friends-appraisal/

Obama's "Hands On" Speech Writer

2008-12-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Jon Favreau is a precocious young lad who has been invited to work in the West Wing of the White House as the Director of Speechwriting for President-elect Barack Obama.

All of 27, Mr. Favreau began his writing career for Senator John Kerry’s presidential campaign. On a happier, more successful note, Favreau was Barack Obama's chief speechwriter throughout the 2008 campaign. ***

In addition to his many talents, young Favreau is also a "hands on" type, especially when alcohol is available in sufficient quantities as was the case at a recent party attended by prominent Transition Team members.

At that party, young Favreau demonstrated his hands on style and sharp political acumen by groping a dummy looking remarkably like Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary of State-designate and still United States Senator from New York.

Favreau placed his right hand on the chest of the cardboard cutout while a fellow marauder coaxed a bottle of beer to the lips of the HRC likeness while landing a juicy smooch on the dummy's head.

Naturally, a disgusting photo of this wild orgy was pinging across the Internet even before Favreau could sober up enough to write a denial.

As a result, Favreau has been made into an instant celebrity and household name, with "Idiot" being the run away favorite among people who drink less than a case of beer a day.

Favreau's folly has also added to misgivings among liberal extremists who are concerned that the photo proves a bias toward centrists on the part of Team Obama.

As for Hillary Clinton, she is quoted as saying that she is flattered by the young man's attention and looks forward to working hand-in-hand with Jon Favreau for several years.

This reporter will keep you abreast of all future developments.

***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Favreau_(speechwriter)

Latest Bail Out Request-- OJ Simpson!

2008-12-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

To heck with the auto makers, the mortgage brokers, the corrupt Wall Street tycoons, and the irresponsible state governors standing in line with pity pots in tow looking for bail outs from Uncle Sam.

Let them all eat Kenyan mud!

Barack Obama has much larger things on his mind and much greater needs to address than a bunch of out of touch weasels with larceny on their agendas.

Specifically, the President-elect has a brother who urgently needs a literal "bail out," as soon as possible, but no later than the afternoon of January 20, 2009.

That would be one OJ Simpson who was sentenced by an angry white woman judge in Nevada to spend the next fifteen years of his dreary life in public housing provided by the great state of Nevada. Bread and water also provided by the people of Nevada, free gratis.

How angry was the judge?

After listening to OJ grovel and apologize profusely for fifteen minutes while fighting back a well rehearsed weeping , Clark County District Court Judge Jackie Glass appeared unconvinced that OJ's problems were entirely due to stupidity.

According to Judge Glass, stupidity and greed conspired to juice the "Juice."

She reminded OJ that guns were involved and that the planning, execution, and post-game celebrations were all carefully preserved on video and telephone recordings.

In other words, a simple "I am sorry, judge" and "I did not mean to harm anybody" were not enough to forgive and forget nine serious felony counts.

After sentencing, OJ's lawyer tried to effect OJ's release on bail, presumably to free OJ so that he might be resume his dedicated search for those who sliced up Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldberg in 1984, AND to search for the real kidnappers and robbers in the Las Vegas kerfuffel.

Judge Glass was not amused and shouted, "Denied!" before the full plea was voiced by OJ's attorney.

So now it is up to you President-elect Obama!

Why not start out your administration with a show of compassion for a brother who was railroaded because of his skin color?

And when that presidential mercy has had a chance to resonant, there is the case of Michael Vick, another victim of racist America. Do not forget Plaxico Burress, Mr. President.

Switching to needy black politicians, we have Charles Rangel, William Jefferson, and on and on.

Triangulating Economic Collapse into Soaring Military Re-enlistments

2008-12-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

For nearly eight years, President George W. Bush has been subjected to endless ridicule by those who contend that he lacks the intellectual wherewithal to be president. According to Democrats and the media, that W. stands for "without" when it comes to Bush's native intelligence.

Nonetheless, the president has demonstrated an uncanny ability to trounce liberal "intellectuals," as he did to Al Gore and John Kerry in 2000 and 2004, respectively. For a man allegedly no brighter than a chad riddled paper ballot, W. has done quite well, thank you.

Another sterling example of W.'s stealth brilliance is just now starting to surface. It involves the recent difficulty that the U.S. Armed forces have had in meeting recruitment goals and the devastating economic meltdown that has all but shut down the domestic job market.

Most people would see the issues as separate and completely unrelated.

However, to a cunning strategist like President Bush, the two issues provided a perfect opportunity for classic triangulation!

Namely, there is a problem with maintaining needed military manpower. Obviously, the most efficient solution would be for seasoned military people to re-enlist.

At the same time, all economic indicators suggest that a moderate recession was headed our way. In normal times, a moderate recession would be no cause for great alarm.

However, given the critical manpower dilema facing the military, President Bush sensed that a more severe crisis could be of great benefit to America's defense and security.

Therefore, W. called Henry Paulson into his office and demanded that the Treasury Secretary create a major economic collapse involving trillions of dollars of taxpayer money.

W. also ordered Paulson to assure that details of the economic collapse made headlines in all media venues for several weeks, so as to give the impression that anyone even thinking about leaving the military would be frightened into immediately re-enlisting.

The Bush strategy worked like a charm!

As indicated in the linked story ***, re-enlistment numbers are soaring because of the bad economic news coming out of Washington.

However, what of the trillions of dollars already committed to bailouts? How are those actions to be reversed and taken off the backs of taxpayers?

Once again, George W. Bush wins because in about 50 days he and Laura will be headed to Crawford, Texas, confident in the knowledge that the U.S. military has been adequately reinforced.

As for the economic collapse, W.'s attitude is reported to be as follows: Let Barack Obama and his Democrat colleagues sweat the small stuff!

God Bless President George W. Bush and America!

***
http://www.reformer.com/nation/ci_11126017

Bold Offer from Ford CEO Alan Mulally

2008-12-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

After getting scalded for cruising into Washington, D.C. on a private jet in order to beg for billions in corporate welfare from Congress, Alan Mulally, CEO of Ford Motor Company, has finally seen the light and is thinking straight.

His latest offer to Congress: Give me $9 billion in bail out dough, and I will work for $1 a year!

What a deal!

Other "concessions" include selling the five corporate jets and canceling management bonus pay for 2009. SOURCE***

What about 2008 bonuses, Mr. Mulally?

In fact, why would bonuses be contemplated at all when Ford management has reduced the once powerful corporation to a gaggle of pitiful beggars seeking to feast at the public trough?

Here's a counter-offer: The U.S. Treasury keeps that $9 billion, and you can earn whatever you are worth in the free market!

Now THAT is a better idea!
*** SOURCE

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081202/ap_on_bi_ge/autos_congress

Filling Hillary's Shoes

2008-12-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

It is now official: Hillary Rodham Clinton has been demoted to the position of Secretary of State. In that capacity, she will report to a young black man who will occupy the Oval Office, a government edifice that should rightfully be her exclusive domain until at least 2012, and preferably 2016.

However, instead of running the White House as she did from January 1993 to January 2001, Hillary will have to be content with being just another cabinet member in the administration of America's second African-American president.

All of which leaves New York Governor David Paterson in the unenviable position of filling Hillary's shoes in the United States Senate.

Paterson will be forced to walk a very thin tight-rope to assure that a competent, yet politically correct, senator is sent to represent New York state, especially since competency has been woefully missing since January, 2001.

Opel Bijiquiovarti, our intrepid belt way insider, reports(on the condition of anonymity), that Governor Paterson will be looking for the following qualities in Hillary's successor:

Honest, But Flexible

According to the governor, holding a position of public trust requires one to be honest, but not excessively so. Politics is all about compromise and negotiation, so it is important that the new senator understand that truth is a commodity that must be used prudently, and sparingly in order to best meet the needs of New York citizens.

The ideal candidate for Hillary's job will be a political veteran will the ability to give the impression that the unvarnished truth is being disclosed, while adroitly dancing away from facts too hot to handle.

In order to be a serious candidate, the applicant's dossier must include at least one perjury conviction while in a position of power.

Liberal Credentials

America has been literally inundated by a blue tsunami, with Democrats in control of the White House, both chambers of the U.S. Congress, and plenty of state houses as well.

In simple terms, the good ship America has a new captain who understands only how to use the leftward rudders.

To be a good senator, Governor Paterson believes that one must be a dedicated liberal with a proven record of raising taxes, making American sovereignty subservient to the United Nations, inviting as many illegal aliens as possible into the country to "grow" the rolls of registered Democrats, and in favor of expanding the privacy rights of women to include post-birth procedures for brats who manage to wiggle out of the womb despite the best efforts of the abortionist in charge.

Protesting America's involvement in the Vietnam War while a student in England is considered a major "plus" in satisfying this criteria.

Modest Morality

Because he is blind, black, and bellicose, Governor Paterson has been a highly attractive target for those who hold to unnecessarily high standards of morality and ethics.

Which is why the governor has faced a number of petty accusations including marital infidelity, involvement with drugs, including non-inhaled marijuana, and other actions taken to force the governor to take his defective eyes off the ball--namely, the best interests of the people of New York.

The successful applicant must have a reputation as a sex addict, adulterer, and abuser of government property for securing and delivering sexual pleasure. Being the defendant in a major harassment lawsuit involving high political office is a definite plus.

Again, the major objective is to avoid embarrassing Governor Paterson by unflattering comparison.

Black or Black Avenger

Given the nation's obsession with all things black, the applicant must be an African-American, or be known as one who, through advocacy and ideology, is, in essence, a black.

For example, a white southern dude who is known as the "first black" whatever, would be ideal.

And the Winner Is..

After studiously evaluating all of the criteria and viable candidates, Governor Paterson has reportedly reached a decision.

Opel Bijiquiovarti reports that the governor intends to name former President Bill Clinton to the U.S. Senate seat that will become vacant when Hillary Clinton is sworn is as Secretary of State in January.

Think about the stated criteria and answer this question: Who could possibly be more qualified that Bill Clinton?

Should Catholics Who Voted for Obama Go to Confession?

2008-11-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Finally, some common sense from the Catholic Church!

From Modesto, California via the McClatchy Tribune this report:

"The Rev. Joseph Illo, pastor of St. Joseph Catholic Church in Modesto, Calif., has told parishioners in a homily and in a follow-up letter that if they voted for Barack Obama, they should consider going to confession because of the president-elect's position on abortion.

"If you are one of the 54 percent of Catholics who voted for a pro-abortion candidate, you were clear on his position and you knew the gravity of the question, I urge you to go to confession before receiving communion. Don't risk losing your state of grace by receiving sacrilegiously," Illo wrote in a letter dated Nov. 21."

Bloody brilliant, Reverend Illo!

By the way, did you send a copy of that letter to Speaker Nancy Pelosi? Although she sacrilegiously takes communion in San Francisco, Pelosi could end up in Modesto some day in one of her never-ending recruiting drives to find illegal aliens to become voters in The City!

Of course, from the larger perspective, all that voted for Obama, not just Catholics, should confess and do penance.

George Bush as "Liberator" of Millions? Or Trillions?

2008-11-28T12:17:00.001-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

During a recent interview with an objective third-party, President Bush revealed that his heart yearns to be remembered as "...somebody who liberated 50 million people and helped achieve peace."***

However, given the grave economic meltdown that occurred on his watch, Bush is far more likely to remembered as the president who liberated American citizens from trillions-- in 401(k), savings and other wealth which was unceremoniously transferred from working stiffs to the president's cohorts on Wall Street.

By the way, the "objective" interviewer was Dorothy Bush Koch, the president's sister.

***
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=081128185323.mpq7bsa8&show_article=1

Free Michael Vick!

2008-11-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President Bush has recently spread holiday cheer among scalawags convicted of illegal gun sales, embezzlement, mortgage fraud, mail fraud, illegal drugs, income tax evasion, moon shining, food stamp fraud, and other heinous crimes.

He did so by granting commutations and pardons ***, as is his presidential prerogative in the U.S. Constitution.

The president even took time from his busy schedule as Barack Obama's temporary aide-de-camp to pardon a turkey, a Thanksgiving tradition that Obama will surely CHANGE.

Next November, look for Obama to issue a blanket pardon to all Guantanamo Bay detainees,past and present, as a "progressive" way to kick off the holy season of Ramadan.

Back to the turkey still in the White House.

While wasting his powers on hard-core felons, President Bush has overlooked a young American hero who sits in federal prison for minor infractions involving the rights of mutts.

That would be Michael Vick, one time beloved quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons and role model for youngsters all across America.

This young black man--REPEAT! Young Black Man! --has been victimized in one of the most egregious instances of injustice in the history of American jurisprudence.

Michael Vick, football star and Young Black Man, was unfairly singled out for enjoying a Southern tradition that dates back several generations: Dog fighting!

Next to the Confederate flag, there is nothing more symbolic of Southern culture than a bloody dog fight staged for a gaggle of bible-thumping, intoxicated good old boys unable or unwilling to secure female companionship on Saturday night.

That is the culture in which Michael Vick was born and raised. His only crime was honoring his culture to the fullness, while turning a pretty penny in the process.

Regrettably, Vick fell prey to bleeding heart PETA types who staged hand wringing and crying jags over a few wasted mutts. Given their way, PETA would resolve the Vick matter by hanging the American hero from a goal post during half time of an Atlanta Falcons' game at the Georgia Dome.

Notice to President Bush: With your legacy in tatters anyhow, why not rescue this young black man from the shackles of injustice by granting him an immediate and full pardon?

If you act now, you will not only upstage President-elect Obama, but you will give Vick a great shot at making the playoffs and Super Bowl!

Free Michael Vick, an abused young black man!

****

Governor Sarah Palin, Superstar!

2008-11-27T10:26:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

According to the referenced story***, Governor Sarah Palin's star has not lost any of its twinkle. In fact, she is being inundated with offers for books, movie cameos, and talk show appearances.

Palin's spokesman, Bill McAllister, is quoted a saying the following about the growing media frenzy surrounding his famous client:

"Tomorrow, Governor Palin could do an interview with any news media on the planet," McAllister says, "Tomorrow, she could probably sign any one of a dozen book deals. She could start talking to people about a documentary or a movie on her life. That's the level we are at here."

That was written before the governor lifted Saxby Chambliss up by the seat of his pants and delivered another crucial seat to the Republicans, a victory that will keep Democrats from acheiving their super-majority status in the U.S. Senate!

A tip for Governor Palin: When Oprah calls, just scream "Go to bloody hell!" into the phone and hang up!

You go, Governor!

***http://jezebel.com/5096735/sarah-palin-superstar

Sex in Handicapped Bathroom Trumps College Football Game

2008-11-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Lois Feldman, a married mother of three, is unlikely to be in much of a festive spirit this Thanksgiving, given her experiences over the past week.***

It all started when Mrs. Feldman left her seat during a college football game in Minneapolis last Saturday evening in order to "answer the call of nature."

Put succinctly, she had to tinkle.

However, Mother Nature summoned Feldman to a much higher calling: The 38-year old ended up in a sexual skidoo with another football fan, a chap named Ross Walsh, 26.

In order to accommodate that urgent calling, Feldman and Walsh converted a handicapped toilet stall in the men's restroom of the football stadium into an impromptu love nest.

The couple's amorous activities soon drew an excited and intoxicated crowd of observers and cheerleaders, fans bored by the lopsided score of the game which Iowa eventually won 55-0.

Soon police were called to the scene and Feldman and Walsh were interrupted "in the act" and ticketed for indecent conduct, a misdemeanor.

Later in the week, Feldman was fired from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator, because of the bad press.

In her defense, Feldman pointed out that she had so much wine that she doesn’t remember anything about the incident.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she said about Walsh, her lover. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.”

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Especially the press, right Lois?

Only irresponsible journalists bent on destroying two young lives would even bother to file a story about two complete strangers having intercourse in a handicapped toilet stall during a football game and being ticketed for same.

What is journalism coming to?

*** Source:
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20081126/NEWS/81126006/0/NEWS10

Sign of the Times: 12-Year Old Arrested for Breaking Wind

2008-11-24T17:27:00.000-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Before the November 4 elections, conservatives like yours truly repeatedly warned the American people that electing liberals would lead to massive waves of decadence and loss of morality, especially among the young and impressionable.

That prudent warning, scoffed at by left wing zealots, is coming to pass. Take for example the story of twelve-year old brat who was arrested for deliberately breaking wind to disrupt classmates.***

The young bounder was arrested, mind you. Not just warned or given detention, or paddled on the behind, but actually arrested and charged with "disruption of a school function."

Officials stress that it could have been much worse. The lad could have been charged with releasing toxic substances that lead to global warming, a felony offense in very liberal states.

Breaking wind is a serious crime against humanity that should not be taken lightly. Children who break wind and are not immediately punished for doing so are at risk of growing up to be Democrat politicians and other anti-social characters.

Help stop the pandemic of wind breaking that is threatening our covilization!

*** Source

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1121083gas1.html

Holiday Greetings to Citigroup and General Motors

2008-11-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Greetings and best wishes for a joyful and bountiful holiday season, my Fellow Americans!

To those at Citigroup, to whom I am obligated to pay $300 a month for the rest of my life, congratulations on that $20 billion bail out from you pals at the U.S. Treasury.

Please pay no pay attention to the naysayers who oppose your good fortune. After all, this is the season of miracles and whom is more deserving of a virgin birth sort of blessing than the good folks at Citigroup?

In keeping with the spirit of the season, my purpose in writing is to advise you that I will no longer be able to make my monthly payment on Citigroup account 2008SCREWUSAxxxx, effective immediately.

As you are obviously aware, times are tough and I have not been as prudent with my finances as I should have been. I am sure that you understand where that can lead.

Under normal circumstances, I would feel embarrassed and even humiliated at defaulting on my obligations. I might even apologize.

However, since that $20 billion bailout you co-opted from Henry Paulson includes my hard earned tax dollars, to my way of thinking Citigroup can take that $30,000 I owe out of the check that Hank is sending!

As far as I am concerned, we will then be "even."

By the way, I understand that the $20 billion is really a "loan" that will have to be re-paid. I trust that your pal Henry is charging you 25 percent annual interest, just like Citigroup charges hard-working Americans?

On to my friends at General Motors and the dudes that sold me that "loaded" 2009 SUV Acadia that you let me steal for $55,000.

Great vehicle that, and now that the oil market has collapsed, three miles per gallon is not all that bad.

In fact, with gasoline now available for around $2.82 a gallon, I could almost afford the monthly payments, the first of which is due next week, were it for the $65 per hour labor charge that my GM dealer charges me to change the oil.

In addition, Governor Schwarzenegger and the other vipers in the California assembly are going to triple the annual registration fee for SUVs like my precious Acadia!

It's all too much, GM buddies!

After due deliberation, including consideration of bankruptcy, I have decided to default on my payments, beginning with # 1.

I have decided on this course because GM is not going to be bailed out by the government and is sure to fail.

Under the circumstances, sending GM even the first payment would be a classic example of "good money chasing bad," so I won't!

By the way, I decided against filing for bankruptcy after hearing GM executives argue against that option for GM itself. Thank you for the great advise.

As they say, "What's good for GM, Is Good for America," so I have decided to simply follow your lead!

To Citigroup and GM, Happy Holidays and may prosperity find your sorry butts in 2009!

Let the Big Three AND The UAW Die!

2008-11-23T21:22:00.001-08:00

By John W. Lillpop

Congressional Democrats like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid would love to send the crippled automobile industry $25 billion in loans, not to help America but to run interference for one of their major special interest groups: Labor unions.

Particularly, the United Auto Worker's Union, which has negotiated unemployment for 250,000 workers and perhaps millions more in ancillary businesses.

Sending even a single penny of taxpayer money to Detroit would be an act of utter foolishness because the Big Three pay some workers $75 an hour when competitors pay $40 per hour; pay upper management mega millions in annual salary and perks when competitors pay their best and brightest hundreds of thousands; and because Detroit produces a non-competitive, inferior product.

What possible justification can there be for bailing out an industry that, because of its own policies and practices, cannot succeed?

The only possible way for Detroit to survive is by de-unionization of the labor force and immediate firing of all top management.

Those acts do not require any money from the U.S. Treasury!

Vatican "Forgives" John Lennon-- So?

2008-11-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

Religiosity By John W. Lillpop

What up with the Catholic Church? Have church leaders sold out to the anti-Christ, en masse?

Why else would the Vatican waste time and money to "forgive" John Lennon for his "Jesus" comment from 40 years ago?

Who in the heck cares about a crazy comment from a drugged renegade, and marginal musician, dating back more than four decades?

Even more ludicrous, who gives a tinker's damn about an insufferable act of arrogance masked as forgiveness by an irrelevant institution grasping at straws for credibility?

Yet that is exactly what is being reported at Yahoo.com, in part:**

"The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, calling the remark a "boast" by a young man grappling with sudden fame. "

"The remark by John Lennon, which triggered deep indignation mainly in the United States, after many years sounds only like a 'boast' by a young working-class Englishman faced with unexpected success, after growing up in the legend of Elvis and rock and roll," Vatican daily Osservatore Romano said."

With all due respect to the pontiff and all his pontificators, the world is looking for answers to contemporary issues.

Like the global economic meltdown, wars and rumor of wars, global warming, the election of Barack Obama and other disasters.

Besides, when is the Catholic Church going to enforce the holy requirements for communion by denying said sacrament to abortion advocates like Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, John Kerry, and other so-call "faithful" in the Democrat party?

Forget forgiveness of sins from long ago, Fathers. Weed out the unholy in the here and now!

**Source

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61898954

Can Cloning Save the GOP?

2008-11-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Although mainstream media types are celebrating the "landslide" victory of Barack Obama, the truth of the matter is that the final election results were remarkably close.

So close, in fact, that a campaign of "strategic cloning" by the Republicans could have installed the McCain-Palin ticket in the White House and kept Democrats from gaining more than two seats in the Senate.

Here is how it would work:

By simply cloning the mind of President George W. Bush ~5.9 million times, and allocating those minds appropriately in five key states, the world would be a safer place today.

The details:

California:

3,200,000 W. Clones would have given 55 electoral votes to McCain-Palin

New York:

1,700,00 W. Clones would put 31 electoral votes in McCain's column

Pennsylvania:

A mere 601,000 little Dubyas would have made this state a GOP winner!

Ohio:

202,000 Ohioans with better sense would have delivered this one for the good guy.

Georgia

200,000 W.Clones would have sent 15 electoral votes to McCain.

North Carolina:

With a mere pittance of 15,000 George W. Bushes, the Tar Heel state could have done the right thing!

Summary:

With this redistribution of the electoral wealth, McCain would be president with a grand total of 330 electoral votes, Obama would have 208, and your children and grandchildren would have a decent future to look forward to.

In addition, under this scheme, Elizabeth Dole would have retained her Senate seat in North Carolina, and Saxby Chambliss would have won outright in Georgia without the need for a runoff.

In Minnesota, there is no need for cloned voters, but cloning an honest election board to oversee the recount would help give the nod to Republican Norm Coleman over failed comic and Air America host Al Franken.

In Pennsylvania, John Murtha would have been retired at the tender age of 73.

There would be other residual benefits with an additional 5.9 George W. Bushes running loose: Instructors specializing in English as a Second Language (ESL) schools and purveyors of alcohol rehabilitation centers would enjoy unprecedented growth and prosperity.

Cloning: Can it save the GOP?