10 Steps to Understanding Liberal Thinking

Satire By John W. Lillpop


The liberal brain does not collect and process information in a logical, reasonable, and objective manner. Rather, liberal thinking is dominated by an obsession with power, and use of that power to preserve elitist advantages.

This distorted perspective makes it very difficult to understand exactly how liberals think without advanced training in Abnormal Psychology.

Nonetheless, the following non-technical summary should be useful to lay people.

How liberals think on 10 major issues of the day:


1. The U.S. Constitution Is Unconstitutional

According to liberal dogma, the Declaration of Independence, U.S. Constitution, and Bill of Rights are unconstitutional because all were crafted by an exclusive conclave of white male Christians.

Women, Hispanics, African-Americans, Asians, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, the handicapped, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and the blind were all under represented, if at all.

Because of this devastating lack of diversity, the Constitution must be regarded as a "living document," subject to change in accordance with ever changing demographics and contemporary values.


2. Free Speech

Freedom of speech must never be quashed, except for criticism directed at minorities and sensitive constituencies of the Democrat party.

Burning Old Glory is protected free speech, whereas expressions of conservative values by people like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage are unacceptable "hate speech," which must be subjected to "fairness" censoring by the federal government.


3. Abortion, the Death Penalty and Assisted Suicide

On issues of life and death, liberals are especially vulnerable to tripping on their own hypocritical double talk.

Namely:

A woman’s right to abort the life of an innocent child is inalienable; whereas execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric.

Starving a helpless victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable; but using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not.


4. Religion

Religious faith and belief in God are outdated pagan concepts, which do more harm than good. Sophisticated citizens can rely on the Democrat party for support from cradle to grave, obviating the need to rely on beliefs and rituals long since debunked.

Symbols of Christianity such as the Ten Commandments, the Cross, Christmas trees, nativity scenes, and the like must be hidden from public view so as to offend no one.

Publicly wishing a friend or family member "Merry Christmas" is clearly an act of civil disobedience and unconstitutional.

While Christianity is to be suppressed at all costs, Islam must be openly promoted in the name of religious awareness, sensitivity and tolerance.

The separation of state and government applies fully when dealing with Christianity or Judaism, but is irrelevant with regard to Islam and all other religions.

Delivery of Christmas cards and gifts by the United States Postal Service is an unconstitutional violation of state-religion separation and must end immediately.


5. Taxes

Leveling the playing field between haves and have-nots is the most important function of government, even more critical than national security.

To support that objective, no government role is more essential than levying and collecting taxes, otherwise known as redistribution of wealth.

Tax cuts are wrong when returned to people who actually paid taxes, but are perfectly fine when sent to those who paid none.

Although most liberals deny that Jesus even lived, many use the quote in Matthew 22:21, "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s..." to justify higher taxes.

Paying taxes is the "Christian Conservative" thing to do!


6. Marriage and Same-Sex Issues

The traditional American family consisting of one man and one woman is just one of several possible arrangements, all of which are equally moral and acceptable.

Marriage is no longer necessary to sanctify man-woman relationships.

Although the institution of marriage is no longer vital to heterosexual partners, it is absolutely essential that same-sex couples be allowed to marry. To deny them that basic right is discriminatory, immoral, unfair, and clearly unconstitutional.


7 Racism, Diversity and Affirmative Action

Liberals believe that discrimination based on race or gender is wrong. Except when waged against Caucasian men, in which case it is mandated by law and called Affirmative Action.

"Our Diversity Is our Greatest Strength" is the liberal pledge of allegiance to socialism.

Enforcing U.S. borders and immigration laws, including deportation of illegal aliens, is wrong because it targets Hispanics, obviously based on racial profiling.

Those who support English as the official language of America are racists. But those who prefer Spanish and other foreign languages over English are not because of the inherent value of diversity.

Conservatives who seek to preserve American language and culture are bigoted hate mongers, whereas new immigrants, including illegal aliens, must be allowed to maintain and celebrate their cultural heritage at all costs, even if it interferes with assimilation into mainstream America.


8. Preserving the American Dream for Working Class Americans

According to liberal propaganda, they are the only hope for American families, notwithstanding the fact that Democrats support the influx of millions of illegal aliens who work for lower wages and without benefits, and drive down the standard of living for working families.

Skyrocketing gasoline prices devastate working American families, but protecting Alaskan wild life is a greater priority.

Businesses are oppressive institutions that must not be allowed to become too large and powerful. By contrast, government creates wealth & happiness and should be expanded whenever possible.

Outsourcing of American jobs to foreign nations is driven by immoral corporate greed.

By contrast, open borders and amnesty are acceptable because most illegal aliens are future Democrats.

Huge profits are obscene and un-American, except when enjoyed by Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner, Teddy Kennedy, and other liberals.


9. Global Warming, the Environment, and Energy Independence

According to liberal technocrats like Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, Katie Couric, and Dennis Kucinich, global warming is a greater threat to the health and well being of humanity than the war on terror.

Some liberal extremists even think that the colors of the American flag should be changed to green, white, and blue so as to reflect the importance of the environment to our nation, while simultaneously deleting the color red, which symbolizes blood shed in illegal wars waged by Bushes 41 and 43.


10. Use of Military Force, Invading Foreign Nations

Military force must never be used, except when needed to advance interests not vital to the United States, or to obscure a Democrat president’s sexual misconduct in the Oval Office.

Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when aliens from Mexico invade America.


Understanding liberal thinking is probably more trouble than it is worth. The more prudent action would be to take all necessary steps to assure that liberals are not elected or reelected to political office.