Thanksgiving in April?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Although Thanksgiving is still more than seven months away, it seems fitting to take stock and give thanks now, while there is still something left to be grateful for.

Indeed, given the dismal slate of presidential candidates from which Americans will choose this November, Thanksgiving Day 2008 may be a dreary day, devoid of all cheer and hope.

My top 10 "thankful" items as of today:


1. I am not addicted to rice.

2. Could not qualify to purchase that 3 bedroom/ 1.5 bath, 1,200 square foot "dream home" in Silicon Valley for $700,000 last year. That would be the same castle now listed in foreclosure for less than $200,000!

3. My financial "advisor" was laid off and is in financial chaos. Wonder whose lousy advise lead Ms. Money Knowitall into financial Hades?

4. My real estate license has expired, saving me untold thousands of dollars in potential law suits, grief, and hate mail!

5. I am not a big fan of Ethanol.

6. The US economy is so weak that illegal aliens are flocking back to Mexico in search of better lives, lured by the Mexican Dream if you will.

7. I am not constipated. At the moment.

8. Although I am a poor, older Caucasian red neck with attitude, I have less to worry about in terms of legal dodo than either OJ Simpson or Barry Bonds.

9. The cumulative approval rating for Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and George W. Bush is nearly the same as Hillary Clinton's disapproval mark.

10. With the money I save every month by not making payments on a $700,000 starter home, I can afford to buy enough gasoline to drive to a paralegal and file for bankruptcy!


Remember to count your blessings early and often--while you still have them!