satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Arnold to Use Lottery, Gay Marriage to Balance Budget

By John W. Lillpop

Give California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger some credit. (Just don't grant credit to the state of California!)

Actually, Governor Schwarzenegger deserves some sort of recognition for being flexible and creative when it comes to balancing the state budget.

Faced with a $15 billion shortfall, the governor unveiled a proposal to borrow money against future lottery earnings. Thus, California would join Nevada as a state in which gambling is enthusiastically tolerated, and even promoted.

Living off the back of gamblers does not seem quite right, but California does need to close the budget gap and those gamblers could care less as long as the multi-million jackpots keep cropping up.

Regrettably, the lottery scheme is not quite rich enough to fix the budget mess. But Arnold clearly owns some of the most blessed Karma on the planet. How else to explain the fact that the California state Supreme Court has come to Arnold's rescue by ruling that same-sex weddings are just peachy?

Or whatever fruit it is that gays and lesbians use to seal their marital bliss.

Bingo! Arnold hits the jackpot again, or thinks he has, because of the revenue sure to flow into the state as couples named Fred and Ricky and Lucy and Ethel flock here by the millions to tie the proverbial knot.

Never mind that the family values and traditions that have made America great will be trashed by same-sex nuptials.

We need the dough, so to hell with one man-one- woman narrow minded silliness, the sanctity of marriage, and all of the other old school thinking that has the Golden state of the verge of bankruptcy!

What is next, Arnold? Since the state has seen fit to convert gambling and sexual issues into revenue streams, why stop there?

Why not take on the Catholic Church and tax the billions of dollars raked in by that corrupt group and misused to defend pedophiles and other perverts masked as "Father" figures?

Don't do anything to prevent the felonious fathers from committing their lewd acts, mind you; rather, just tax the billions that the church will raise to cover up and defend those perverts in collars!

If things really get bad, Arnold, and gamblers stop gambling and if gays do not turn California into a monster wedding Mecca for the Peters and Pauls of the nation, you could always save $10 billion a year by kicking illegal aliens off the public trough!

But, no, that would be just too extreme!