satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Bush and Pelosi Form Nonpartisan Mensa Chapter

Satire by John Lillpop

More than four months following mid-term elections that rocked the political landscape in Washington, D.C., President George Bush and Speaker Nancy Pelosi met at the White House in an attempt to ease simmering partisan squabbles.

After shaking hands, the leaders vowed to bury the hatchet and to work more closely to solve the nation's daunting problems.

In a reminder of how competitive elections have become in America, the hatchet was figurative only, as the president’s doctor continues to forbid Bush from handling sharp, dangerous objects, an order that has been in effect since around 10pm on election night.

In less civilized societies, a bitter political campaign like the November midterms might find opponents still at each other’s throats with continued violence a real possibility.

In fact, if America were operating under Islamic Shari law, Bush would have had the option of stoning Pelosi to death for failing to cover her face in public.

All things considered, keeping the Pelosi kisser under wraps would probably be a good idea, and in the best interest of the American people, western civilization, and the global environment.

Rumor has it that Bush considered the stoning option, but decided that it would send the wrong message to Islamofascists, even though the stoning target would be a very deserving liberal.

In other words, Bush lacked the stones to do the stoning.

Besides, the president will need a well-rested right arm in order to fulfill his constitutional duty as veto- commander-in-chief, a title that has gone tragically missing since Bush assumed office in 2001.

Moreover, this is America, and we are the world’s leaders when it comes to civility, diplomacy, and compromise. It’s in our DNA to cooperate with even our most despicable and nasty foes.

To illustrate this principle, President Bush and Speaker Pelosi made several public gestures of reciprocity and nonpartisan goodwill including:

* Pelosi agreed to tutor Bush on pronouncing “nuclear,” and Bush will teach Pelosi to blink.

* Pelosi gave Bush a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he presented her with House Keeping for Dummies.

And in a final testament to their new bonding, Bush and Pelosi announced the formation of a new Mensa chapter in Washington, D.C., with the president and speaker
appointed as permanent co-chairs, at least until Bush is removed from office by the Pelosi impeachment machine.

The only down moment came when Bush discovered Pelosi in the Oval Office measuring the windows for drapes and matching the carpet coloring with shades of her lipstick.

Even then, civility prevailed as the president politely excused himself, saying only that he needed to find a rock quarry, a jack hammer, and a Muslim cleric with a powerful, accurate throwing arm as soon as possible!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!