What Hillary Clinton Will NOT Find Under Rug in Oval Office

Satire by John W. Lillpop




















Is Hillary Clinton falling victim to overconfidence?

One could easily conclude that based on a recent statement from Ms. Clinton on the campaign trail in Iowa.

She said, "When I walk into the Oval Office in 2009, I’m afraid I’m going to lift up the rug and I’m going to see so much stuff under there. You know, what is it about us always having to clean up after people?"

Sending a Clinton to clean up the Oval Office makes about as much sense as sending Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to the Wailing Wall in Israel to pray for Holocaust victims.

Would not be prudent, as they say!

It is prudent, however, to remind Hillary Clinton that should she be elected president in 2008, she will NOT find any of the following dirt under the rug in the Oval Office:


* Those missing files from the Rose Law firm.

* Minutes from secret Gestapo meetings run by Clinton to ram socialized
medicine down the throats of the American people.

* Handwritten note from Vince Foster note advising Hillary that he was
ending their romantic affair, with the word "KILL!" scribbled in red across the note.

* Talking points memo titled, "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and
Other Media Strategies for Blaming the GOP for Bill's Sexual Perversion."

* Draft manuscript for book, "Bill's Confession: I did Not Have Sex with That Woman!" with forward by Hillary Rodham Clinton.

The words, "Canceled! Thanks to that creep Ken Star!" recorded on manuscript in Bill Clinton's handwriting.

* Book titled Oral Sex for Dummies with "Property of ML" recorded on the inside cover.

* Size 22 blue dress bearing the "spot heard 'round the world."

* Canceled check in the amount of $850,000 endorsed by Paula Jones.
Memo section notes, "This is not an admission of guilt nor an apology."

* Bill Clinton's "Little Black Book," listing hot African-American bimbos in Little Rock, Washington, D.C., the United Nations, and the entire continent of Africa.

* Orders from the United States Supreme Court and Arkansas State Bar barring Bill Clinton from practicing law because of perjury and obstruction of justice.

Bottom line: Forget looking under that Oval Office rug, Hillary!

If dirt is what you are looking for, just roll over and, if Bill is there, introduce yourself and remind Slick that this time YOU will have the key to that little room off the Oval Office!

Despite the obvious hypocrisy and criminal past of both Clintons, there could be real advantages to electing Hillary Clinton as president in 2008, including the following.

Slick Willie and Hillary might bring back some of that taxpayer-owned china and other booty pinched from the White House in late January, 2001. Said booty would once again be on property owned by We the People, until at least 2012 or 2016. That would be a good thing.

After eight years, the good people of New York state deserve a break. Sending Hillary to Washington, D.C. would send a terrific message of "We Luv NY!" from the people of America to trapped New Yorkers.

With Slick Willie free to run wild in the Oval Office and adjoining back room again, there would surely be three or four sex scandals a year to investigate, providing unlimited blogging material for those of us who blog to the right of center.

Slick might even use all that sophisticated NSA domestic spying apparatus at the White House to eavesdrop on lonely bimbos in Arkansas or Pakistan. He might persuade Lady Clinton to do likewise, creating a perfect impeachable scenario for Republicans to adjudicate.

That would mean even more great blogging material for us right-wing nut cases.

Hillary and Bill Clinton: Dirt bags looking for a rug to hide under?


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.