satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Can John Edwards End Poverty in America, As We Know It?

Destined to be converted to a "Edwards Poverty Eradication Center"?

By John W. Lillpop

Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards is quite right about poverty in America you know.

Poverty is immoral, un-American, unpatriotic, and probably unconstitutional and criminal, especially if a liberal is elected to the presidency in 2008.

And who better qualified to lead America out of the dark ages on this vital issue than John Edwards? After all, Edwards has been masterful in ending poverty--at least for himself, that is.

According to Ian Bishop in an article titled Estate of Denial in the New York Post, John Edwards is megarich, worth upwards of $30 million.

Bishop writes, "Edwards' posh estate is a work in progress, with a recently completed 10,700-square-foot main mansion as its centerpiece.

"The $3.1 million ritzy pad sports 10 rooms, 61/2 baths, two garages, a huge country kitchen with hardwood floors, and sweeping verandas to soak in the view of the verdant pasture.

"Two other residences - one for 22-year-old daughter Cate and one for visiting friends and family - are already under way, according to Orange County, N.C., property records. A two-story, 6,366-square-foot mini-mansion is about 70 percent complete."

New York Post:

With all those mansions and mansion-light properties in his wealth portfolio, Edwards is obviously uniquely qualified to address the concerns of those who eat dirt in order to find protein rich worms and who sleep in parks and junky old cars.

The solution to poverty, according to Edwards and other socialists of his ilk, is redistribution of wealth. Take from the rich and give to the poor, right John?

Why not start with ultra-rich people in North Carolina?

In fact, why don't you and Elizabeth move into a lovely tract home situated on 1/8th of an acre with a pad featuring 2 bedrooms, 1bath, 900 square feet, a one bicycle carport, and a panoramic view of poverty from your very own living room?

You know a starter home worth, say, $65,000?

What to do with all those mansions and properties y'all own, you ask?

No problem. Simply deed them, free and clear, to the great state of North Carolina for conversion into "Edwards Poverty Eradication Centers," named after the formerly rich John Edwards.

Having purged all signs of success and wealth from his own life, Edwards would be well positioned to challenge other ultra-rich politicians and public figures to do likewise.

People like Hillary and Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, Jay Rockefeller, Oprah Winfrey, George Soros, and most of Hollywood's biggest stars are filthy rich liberals.

Edwards could challenge all of these folks to forsake their wealth in the name of bleeding heart insanity.

In the past, mining the Catholic Church would have been another terrific way to steal riches from heathens in order to fund the poor. But, alas, the church has used most of its wealth to pay for child molestation and other sexual felonies by so-called priests.

Still, with slick promoters working on his behalf, John Edwards could easily become America's "Robin Hood" candidate. A well crafted media image could make Edwards into a sophisticated confederate on a mission to help the little guy; a progressive from the "New South."

I can already see the glittery two page spread in the New York Times with the bold title: John Edwards, Rebel WITH a Cause.

Of course there is a much easier, less painful way to eradicate poverty in America.

Namely, simply round up all illegal aliens and ship them back to Mexico.

Do that, and America will have far less poverty and far fewer people without health insurance.

A win-win for U.S. citizens.

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.