Dems Troll for Votes: Obituaries, Day Labor Centers, Prisons

Satire By John W. Lillpop

With the election less than 30 days away and John McCain showing no promising signs of a disabling injury or worse, Barack Obama and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) have decided to use a campaign strategy that has served Democrat candidates well in the past.

Liberals call it Voter Outreach, but federal and state election officials prefer a less PC term that is more precise: Voter Fraud.

Voter fraud has been in the Democrat Party's bag of tricks for generations. Without it, John Fitzgerald Kennedy would have lost the presidency to Richard M. Nixon in 1960.

Further, without the humiliation of the 1960 loss in his craw, President Nixon would have not delivered his infamous "You won't have Nixon to kick around" speech after losing a bid to become governor of California in 1962, and he would not have authorized the Watergate break-in of DNC headquarters in 1972.

Therefore, Nixon would not have been forced to resign, and America would not have burdened with the presidencies of Lyndon Johnson, Gerald Ford, and Jimmy Carter.

Spiro Agnew, Nixon's actual vice president in 1968, might have been elected president after Nixon, setting the stage for the first arrest of a sitting president in US history as federal agents would have kicked in the door to the Oval Office and perk-walked the handcuffed Agnew away for accepting bribes.

With no Spiro Agnew to serve as hit man during the first Nixon term, Americans would have been denied these classic quotes from the conservative icon:

"Ultra-liberalism today translates into a whimpering isolationism in foreign policy, a mulish obstructionism in domestic policy, and a pusillanimous pussyfooting on the critical issue of law and order. "

Moreover, what would history be without Agnew's most famous assault on the media?

"In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism."

But back to 2008 and the contemptible scheming by DNC Chairman Howard Dean and Obama to steal the election.

According to insiders, Dean and Obama have ordered an all out effort to appease, cajole, bribe, extort,and blackmail members of the Obama core constituency.

That would be sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the Dearly Departed.

Sleeper cells could be a veritable gold mine of opportunity in which to troll for Obama votes.

With his three Muslim names and history of taking spiritual guidance from a pastor who blames the US for 9/11, Obama seems a shoo-in to capture the sleeper cell vote on November 4.

After all, what dedicated Jihadist and dues-paying sleeper cell dude would skip over Barack Hussein Obama in order to vote for an alleged conservative and lily-white Christian crusader named John McCain?

When it comes to illegal aliens, Obama again appears to have a clear edge. It will be recalled that he talked down to US citizens by insisting that Americans should learn Spanish, the preferred language to millions of aliens here illegally.

Obama added to his anti-rule of law credentials by promising to deliver amnesty to all "law-abiding illegal aliens," a newly minted oxymoron created for the specific purpose of pandering to Hispanics.

With regard to felons, Democrats are particularly sensitive to ruthless laws that prohibit this abused demographic from voting. Minority felons are a party favorite since they are doubly vulnerable to liberal propoganda.

Another natural fit for Dean and Obama!

When it comes to the Dearly Departed demographic, Obama comes out on top again.

Current Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley is the offspring of Mayor Richard J. Daley, the man who elected John F. Kennedy by padding the Democrat vote totals with Cook County residents long since expired, thereby titling Illinois to JFK, and sending a disgruntled Richard Nixon back to California in search of a governor's mansion to haunt.

By focusing on sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the deceased, Obama will be able to avoid wasting money and time on campaign stops dominated by bitter Americans who worship guns and the Holy Bible.

That should allow Obama to mount a most formidable campaign.

Voter Fraud: Without It, Democrats are hopeless!