Why Is There No "Red Neck Heritage" Month?

By John W. Lillpop


What is it with America's obsession with diversity? It's diversity this, diversity that, blah, blah, blah!

February was Black History month, and September was Hispanic heritage month.

In fact, it seems as though there is a "month" for every sub-group in our society except the most stellar group of all: Good old American red necks!

Why is there no "Red Neck Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by these stellar males?

Think of the many things that would be missing from American life without red necks.

Without red necks there would be no:

Self-cleaning spittoons;

Wal Mart drug stores;

Lung cancer;

Pants or underwear to accomodate the 50 and above waist line;

Hooter's restaurants;

Global warming;

Anti-incest laws;

Reform schools;

Indoor pet pigs;

Out houses, built for two;

NRA or shooting ranges;

Unemployment benefits;

Homophobes;

Tax evasion prisons;

Bowling alleys and other cultural centers;

Nude beaches;

NASA;

Tobacco subsidies;

Hunting season;

Hate speech;

ESL for American-born citizens!

Electric chair;

Second amendment defense groups;

Country music;

Recyclable condoms;

Alimony and child support;

Dead beat daddy laws;

George W. Bush;

Alcoholics anonymous;

Misogamy;

False teeth and dentures;

N word;

Shotgun weddings;

Potato chips;

Rape crisis centers;

Everything BBQ;

Foot long Beef Jerky;

Handcuffs;

Religious right;

Bail bonds;

FCC seven banned words;

12-step programs for incontinence;

Rush Limbaugh;

Single moms;

Clogged arteries;

Pandemic of acid indigestion;

Wage garnishment;

Confederate flag;

Two pound sugar waffles smothered in real butter;

Drunk tanks and holding cells;

Minor league baseball;

Motel six bridal suites;

Illiteracy, except among illegal aliens;

Topless bars;

Teenage pregnancies;

Big Mac Triple Pounders with large fries and one fork;

Remedial English and summer school, and

Sarah Palin fan clubs.

Urgent: Write your Congress critter, if you are able, and tell him or her to make March through August of every year the Official Red Neck Heritage months in America!