satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Government's Solution to High Mortgage Payments

By John W. Lillpop

You say your mortgage payments have risen to the point where you and your family have been forced to cut back on "necessities" like dining in upscale restaurants seven nights a week, motoring about in luxury SUVs, and vacations in Hawaii every six months, just to pay the mortgage holder every month?

You also say that you were "tricked" into buying that million dollar home, which is now worth about $300,000, by an unscrupulous loan officer who got you the loan with no money down, based on your "stated income" of $15,000 a month from your position as an apprentice for plumber's assistant, a job you have held for three months?

You say that the loan officer explained that your initial monthly payments are a tad high because your credit has a few "dings" in the past two years and because your twelve credit cards are "maxed out" with $150,000 in unsecured debt?

You say that the lender has actually kept your payments from being far higher by getting you an "Option Arm" plan that starts at a teaser interest rate of 1 percent and which allows YOU to decide what your payment will be each month?

You say that your loan officer got you into a forty year term, an additional step to keep your payments as low as possible?

You say that no one really explained the terms "ARM" and "negative amortization" before you signed the loan documents?

Are those the things that are bugging you, bunky?

Fret no longer: Good news is on the way!

The "Bail out Express," driven by President-elect Barack Obama and co-drivers Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid will start its maiden journey of loan redemption throughout the land at noon on January 20, 2009.

Qualifying for help is amazingly simple: The only requirement is that you be in default on your mortgage!

Upon confirmation of that vital fact, the Obama-Pelosi-Reid Bailout Team will immediately go to work on your behalf to get those payments cut by 50% or more!

How does a 30-year, fixed rate loan bearing an interest rate of five percent sound, bunky?

Remember, too, that with the savings that Obama-Pelosi-Reid will deliver, you will most likely have enough cash left over each month to buy another expensive home for speculation!

There is just one hitch--you must be in default.

Thus, the best advice one can give to any struggling homeowner is as follows:

Stop Making Your Mortgage Payments Immediately!

Remember: Government run by Democrats ALWAYS comes through for the little guy!