Illinois Senate Votes 59-0 to Dump Guv; Blago Demands Recount!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Proving conclusively that insufferable arrogance can coexist with debilitating stupidity in one overly hairy human skull, former Illinois Governor Rod R. Blagojevich officially joined the ranks of the unemployed this afternoon.

Or to be more precise, "Unemployable," at least when it comes to working for government in Illinois.

With the entire world watching on C-Span, the Illinois Senate redeemed the state and its politicians, at least partially, from the massive ridicule heaped on the Land of Lincoln ever since Blagojevich was arrested outside his home by the FBI, and later nominated for a Guinness World record for the most "F" bombs dropped in a single wire-tapped telephone conservation by a sitting governor in a presidential election year.

Blagojevich shrugged off the unanimous verdict against him with these clever words: "This is a complete travesty of justice. I know of at least 25 rock-solid NO votes in that chamber, each one paid for with cash money."

"There will be an investigation and I will restore my good name," the unemployed Democrat promised while waiting in line to file a claim for unemployment benefits in downtown Springfield.

"I am no Richard Nixon and I am not a crook," continued the erstwhile governor who failed to note that at least Richard Nixon had the decency to resign before being shredded to pieces by due process and rule of law.

Asked what his plans were for the future, Blagojevich hinted that he may write a book, perhaps a detailed "tell-all" about his relationship with President Obama and Rahm Emanuel.

Among possible titles, Blago mentioned "Sins of the Messiah" and "Sins of the Messiah and His F****** Jew Buddy" as being on his short list.

When asked how much of an advance he expected, Blago said that he was considering bids from two world-class publishers out of New York, along with a very attractive offer from a consortium in Washington, D.C. willing to pay big bucks for Blago to drop the book idea altogether.

Forever!




satire