satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Obama's "Diplomatic" Solution: Invade Pakistan!

By John W. Lillpop

In a bold move calibrated to reassure voters that he would be sufficiently strident to serve as America's commander in the war on terror, Barack Obama announced that as president he might send U.S. troops into Pakistan to hunt down and destroy terrorists.


This charismatic, clean, and articulate senator from Illinois showed his grit even further by putting Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf on notice that Pakistan risks an invasion by U.S. forces unless the nation cleans up it's act.

Although Senator Obama declined to formally declare war against Pakistan at this time, he reaffirmed that all options remain on the table, pending the results of the 2008 elections and other bureaucratic distractions.

An Obama administration would be under enormous pressure from a Democratic Congress and mainstream media to do Pakistan "smart," in order to avoid a historic blunder of the type that ensnared George Bush in Iraq.

Democrats being what they are, Obama might find it extremely difficult to translate his "tough talk" into military action on the ground in Pakistan.

Indeed, a Democratic Congress would insist on a mind-boggling series of checks and balances, balances and checks, and oversights while demanding answers to questions such as the following:

Contingency Planning:
What is the U.S. exit strategy?
What is the U.S. strategy for surrender and retreat?
What is the cost of the invasion and subsequent occupation in terms of equivalent years of health care insurance for children?

Impact on Global Warming:
What impact will this incursion into a foreign, Muslim nation have on the worldwide war on global warming?

Shared Sacrifice and Affirmative Action:
Will all Americans be called upon to sacrifice equally?
Will women, gays, lesbians, transgenders, the handicapped, and all racial minorities be appropriately represented on the ground in Pakistan?
What steps will be taken to assure that American Islamofascists functioning in sleeper cells are allowed to serve without discrimination?

Environmental Concerns:
Will this invasion disturb any existing ecosystems in Pakistan?
Will the invasion harm the endangered cross-eyed purple ditch worm found only in Pakistan?
Are "smart" bombs and other U.S. weapons free of asbestos, lead, anthrax and other agents that could stunt the growth of innocent Pakistani children?

Diplomacy, Diplomacy, Diplomacy!
Before being allowed to rush off to war, the Obama administration would be required to prove that all efforts at diplomacy have been exhausted.

Democratic fuss-budgets would be looking for concrete evidence that the Obama administration has engaged in talk, talk, talk, and more talk with President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Taliban and Al-Quaeda leaders, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Russian President Vladamir Putin, and all other known enemies of America.

Coordination With Allies:
Those same Democratic fuss-budgets would demand to know if France, Japan, Germany, the UK, Australia and other U.S. Allies agree with the proposed invasion. They would also ask if alternative ideas were discussed and examined.

United Nations Approval:
Once the Obama proposal has been completed, the president would be required to submit the plan to the United Nations, and seek approval in the Security Council.

No bilateral military action by the United States could be taken without advance UN approval.

Congressional Approval:
Finally, after overcoming all other hurdles, Obama would be required to secure congressional approval from both chambers. Unfortunately for the president, both chambers are controlled by anti-war, anti-American liberals who instinctively oppose any military action that would advance the national interests of America and her three hundred million citizens.

Bottom Line:
Obama would be well advised to set his sights lower in order to exercise his invasion and war making powers.

For example, dispatching thousands of American troops to handle a nasty situation in Haiti or the Dominican Republic would receive immediate Congressional approval, provided there were no vital American interests involved.

Good luck, Obama!

And to Pakistan's Pervez Musharraf, this advise: Do not fret, because the likelihood of Barack Obama being elected president of the United States is about the same as the U.S. Constitution being revised to allow George W. Bush to seek a third term in 2008!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.