John McCain Would Like to See Man on Mars!

Satire By John W Lillpop


Speaking of fairy tales in this the most fanciful presidential campaign ever, John McCain, alleged Republican, has decided that America needs a presence on the Red Planet.

At a recent town hall event in Florida, he said the following:

"I am intrigued by a man on Mars and I think that it would excite the imagination of the American people if we can say, 'Hey, here's what it looks like."

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Following this town hall blurb, McCain passed out "Martians for McCain" buttons, just to show his unwavering commitment to gray and green creatures with elongated heads and narrow eyes.

McCain campaign workers were quick to point out that the senator represents all Americans, be they brown, black, red, yellow, or gray and green, excepting only angry white male conservatives.

Actually, McCain may have hit on something: Mars may very well be the solution to most of the problems plaguing the world these days, especially America.

Think about it: Why limit the invasion of Mars to just one man? Why not round up a bunch of the 38 million illegal aliens in America and jettison said miscreants to the Red Planet?

Now that is something that would excite the imagination of all patriotic Americans!

Only RINOs like McCain, Democrats, the Mexican government, and brown people disinclined to go red would object.

Once illegal aliens have invaded Mars with their Mexican flags and banners screaming "Yes We Can" in Spanish, they could begin an immediate and unfettered search for oil.

Exploring for oil on Mars could be undertaken without any cock-eyed environmental concerns such as Mars warming, disturbing the habitat of cross -eyed mosquitoes, or any of the other liberal nonsense that has put America at the mercy of terrorist nations for fuel while paying close to $5 per gallon at the pump.

To summarize so far: Illegals out, oil in. Good news all around.

After the oil crisis has been solved, illegal aliens could dabble in agriculture by raising Mexican food staples. That would be rice, beans, taco shells, and barley hops. All that any Mexican lost in space could wish for!

Of course all of those Spanish-speaking illegal aliens on Mars would need a leader, a person capable of inspiring the faithful with words of eloquence and common sense. A man of extraordinary intelligence, cunning guile, and sophisticated articulation.

The name that immediately comes to mind is George W. Bush.

After all, W will be out of work in January and in need of a new home as well. He speaks Spanish nearly as well as he speaks English, which does not really say a whole hell of a lot.

Imagine that: George W. Bush, homeless and jobless in America. Perhaps there is a kind, loving God who cares about justice after all?

Perhaps NASA should build a bulletproof flying saucer in which we could send George W. Bush and John McCain together to the Red Planet?

Now that is something that would really excite the imagination of all Americans!