"Hate Paint" Thrives in Baltimore

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Baltimore, Maryland is a city haunted by liberal infestation without equal, save San Francisco which is actually a political suburb of Moscow.

Evidence of Baltimore’s decadent politics is ample: Speaker Nancy Pelosi was born here; her father was a U.S. Congressman from Maryland and a Mayor of Baltimore, and one of her five brothers also served as mayor.

With such a rich history of liberal politics, one would expect Baltimore to be a shining example of political correctness, diversity, and tolerance.

“Acceptance and love for everyone” is surely mandated by city ordinance, and enforced more rigorously than laws pertaining to drunken driving, acts of terrorism, and other felonies less serious than non-PC speech.

Despite the influence of Speaker Pelosi and other family politicians, it turns out that Baltimore is home to intolerant scalawags, at least when it comes to conservative icons and great American patriots like Rush Limbaugh.

Baltimore vandals, suffering from obvious deficits in diversity training, decided that a billboard featuring the mug of America’s beloved El Rushbo was too offensive and bland.

So the thugs splattered the billboard face of Rush with gobs of red, blue, yellow, pink, and black paint.

Sun

Reacting to the vulgar defacement of the greatest “ditto head” to ever live, Robert Murrow of the Baltimore Department of Public Works, told a local newspaper: ""It looks like they took globs of paint and threw it on his face. It looks great. It did my heart good.”

Murrow stated the obvious when he added that he is no ditto head. He is, however, a flaming dodo head.

Baltimore officials report that an investigation is ongoing to determine who defaced the billboard. A full and unrelenting prosecution is promised once the guilty party or parties is identified.

For her part, Speaker Pelosi emphatically denied any role in the Rush Rage that is consuming her place of birth and declared that “intolerance is intolerable and will not be tolerated, even in cases involving intolerably intolerant ditto heads and other right wing fools.”

Unconfirmed reports indicate that the speaker is perhaps being disingenuous, at the very least.

That is the conclusion of an anonymous tipster who reports that careful examination of the pink and black globs around Rush’s mouth clearly show the initials NP,SOTH.

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House--and closet starving artist?



John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.