W, the Unifier? You Bet!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

When George W. Bush first campaigned for the presidency, he boasted of being a big-league unifier, and claimed to be a man capable of bringing widely divergent parties together for common good.

Compromisingly speaking, that is.

So has the president delivered on that campaign promise?

You bet, and with a gold star to boot! Clearly, George W. Bush is a "unifier" without equal.

Think about it: In the space of just six plus fleeting years, this president has united a billion Muslims, China, Russia, North Korea, all of the middle-east, and now Latin America, against the United States.

Add the "Blue States" and yellow Republicans to the list and you have unity not seen since the days of Richard M. Nixon.

History tells us that Nixon ultimately did the honorable thing by hijacking an Air Force helicopter on the lawn on the White House and flying off to la-la land.

Earth to Mr. Bush: Hint, hint!

Significantly, the repudiation of Bush crosses all racial, social, educational, economic, and political lines--he is an equal opportunity antagonist with remarkable unifying skills.

Only when one escapes earth's gravity does the anti-Bush fervor seem to diminish--and then only because our commander-in-chief has yet to launch a preemptive strike against a neighboring star.

But with several months to kill before he is jettisoned out of office, Bush is probably busy plotting a preemptive strike against a distant star, one that could be a threat to America's economy.

How about going after the sun, Mr. President?

After all, with the exception of Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, and all the goofy environmental leftists, the sun is the most dangerous ball of hot gas in our solar system!

And, despite what the junk science nit wits are saying, the sun is the source of all global warming, Islamic terrorism, and Nancy Pelosi's botox addidction.

So, why not use the bully pulpit to announce a bold new initiative for tackling global warming?

Call it "Operation Sun Down," or something clever like that, and announce that the U.S. will embark on a campaign of "Shock and Awe" against the sun to stop solar flares from screwing up earth's climate and, more importantly, America's GDP.

Only George W. Bush is capable of unifying the world on an important issue like global warming.

Just say the word, W, and the entire world will unite against whatever it is you propose!


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.