Bushwacked on President's Day

By John W. Lillpop

President's Day is supposed to be a day to celebrate and honor all 43 white male Christians who have served the United States in the capacity of president.

In practice, however, President's Day has devolved into just another excuse for giving federal workers, bank and postal employees, and other never-do-well scalawags another bite at the apple of sloth and merriment, all of which is funded by American taxpayers.

Most private commercial enterprises ignore the holiday, except when bombarding the consuming public with misleading and downright false advertising in the name of patriotism and love of country.

You know, a couch normally costing $8,500 is offered at a "blow out" sales price of $999.99, in honor of George Washington and Abe Lincoln.

Just why couch prices should go up or down because of George Washington and or Abe Lincoln is a great unknown.

Moreover, why are economists not researching this phenomenon and working, for example, to exploit presidents past and present to drive the price of oil down to around $3.34 a barrel, instead of the god-awful and ghastly $100 per?

Even more puzzling: How does buying a damn couch or a $200 pair of sneakers on or about President's Day make one more patriotic or American, or anything except more indebted or less cash-flush?

From a contemporary perspective, does it really make sense to celebrate a dyslexic cowboy who invaded a foreign nation 8,000 miles from our shores based on faulty intelligence, but who has refused to secure our own borders, who has spent money with the reckless abandon one would expect from a liberal Democrat, and who is singularly responsible for the end of the Reagan revolution and conservatism as we know it?

Still there are some things to celebrate about George W. Bush this President's Day. Namely, his term in office will expire in eleven months, and he is spending this holiday in Africa!