McCain-Clinton?

Satire By John W. Lillpop


One of my favorite editors chided me over a recent column titled "Celebrating the Death of Inevitability," written to gloat, in a chortling, disrespectful way, over the demise of Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton.

AKA, Hildabeast, and AKA, the Queen of Inevitability.

Hillary, this astute editor suggested, might not be politically dead after all, particularly were she to somehow triangulate herself onto the Republican ticket as John McCain's running mate.

McCain-Clinton? Could that really happen?

Impossible, you say? Think about it:

John McCain and Hillary Clinton are virtually indistinguishable on issues like immigration, global warming, and tax cuts.

Like McCain, Hillary voted to authorize the military incursion into Iraq.

Like Hillary, McCain has never met an illegal alien who does not deserve immediate citizenship and all the benefits accruing thereto.

Fact is, McCain may be more liberal than Hillary, but they can work that out.

However, how electable would a McCain-Clinton ticket be?

How many Republican voters would McCain lose because of Hillary, and how many Democrat voters would Hillary bring to the ticket?

To begin with, selecting Hillary as a running mate would be the last straw in McCain's decadent and persistent submission to liberalism. That alone would cost him all support from genuine conservatives and open-minded moderates.

On the other hand, Hillary Clinton fanatics, mostly over the hill, old school, desperate women looking for a Feminist hero to worship before they die, might vote for McCain just to get a fascist female in a position to conquer the White House.

And just to spite that uppity colored fellow who, according to Hillary fanatics, is an inexperienced sexist who probably belongs to a terrorist sleeper cell masked as a Christian Church run by folks like Reverend Jeremiah Alvesta Wright.

In addition, Hillary fanatics familiar with the 25th Amendment might conclude that voting for McCain-Clinton would put their gal in a perfect spot to seize the Oval Office should the president pass.

McCain is, after all, 72 years old.

Then there is always the remote chance of an untimely and tragic assassination that would catapult Hillary into the Oval Office.

Given the fact that Hillary and her fanatics earnestly believe that the presidency is her birthright and spiritual destiny, and because 18 million of these rascals voted Hillary in the primaries, one must conclude that this is a force to be reckoned with.

McCain-Clinton? Perhaps Inevitability is not dead after all!