The "Lillpop Smell Test" for Stimulus Proposals

By John W. Lillpop

OK, I confess, I am not an economist. Heck, I am not even particularly knowledgeable about high finances.

Fact is, I use Quicken to keep track of my checking accounts, and until Treasury Tim Geithner delivered his non-repentant mea culpa before the Senate, I used that famous tax software (unnamed) to prepare my taxes.

Thanks to Geithner, I now realize that that software tends to lie about income and deductions, and may cause one to spend time in prison, or lose one's employment.

Unless one is well connected to the Obama administration, in which case one can look forward to a cushy cabinet job where one of the primary job responsibilities is to track down and prosecute tax cheats, Republicans being a top priority.

Which makes perfect sense if you think about it: Who better to uncover tax evasion than a man who has successfully committed said crime himself?

My lack of a formal background in economics has not prevented me from forming very definite opinions about the economic stimulus plan crafted by the United States House of Representatives, led by Screecher Nancy Pelosi.

Herewith, then, the Lillpop Smell Test for determining the viability of stimulus proposals:

Whereas, all assets and property owned by the federal government of the United Sates are in fact, possessions held on behalf of American citizens, let it be hereby resolved that no economic or recovery plan shall include any provision that:

( )Seeks to reduce, in any way, funds allocated to the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security.

( )Aids, abets or otherwise benefits individual terrorists or suspected terrorists, or organizations with terrorist links.

( )Results in American jobs or treasure being doled out to any person with no legal right to be in America (illegal aliens).

( )Allocates funds to ACORN and other organizations involved in voter fraud.

( )Serves as a "pay back" to organized labor unions for unflagging support of the Democrat party.

( )Makes the federal government responsible for preventing STDs and other maladies caused by reckless and irresponsible personal behavior.

( )Stimulates the gainful employment of tort attorneys.

( )Provides any funds for any institution or private party located with 750 miles of the San Francisco Bay Area.

( )Stimulates the use of medical procedures to terminate human life through abortion

( )Allocates funds to racist organizations like CAIR, La Raza, and the NAACP.

NOTE: There is a much quicker, easier way to ferret out non-stimulating stinkers from any stimulus package: Simply ask Screecher Nancy Pelosi her opinion.

If Pelosi supports it, it is NOT going to result in anything except more wasteful spending on worthless liberal pet projects!



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