Happy New Year? Don't Be Daft!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Humankind throughout the planet just celebrated the start of a new year with grand hopes that things would get better in 2008. But judging from events of the first two weeks, little has changed.

Consider:

President Bush continues to peddle his tired old "Road Map" for peace between Israel and Palestinians, while at the same time threatening to start World War 111 over a naval clash with Iran;

New Jersey apologizes for slavery, Europe, the White House, white rice, and vanilla ice cream in a sweeping gesture promulgated by bleeding hearts to eradicate bigotry;

President Bush apologizes for the failure of the U.S. to bomb Auschwitz during World War 11. Promises to do so before his term ends.

O.J. Simpson is back in jail in Las Vegas;

Sub-prime performance crisis hits Washington. President Bush is given 12-month notice that White House is being repossessed by the American people.

Hillary Clinton literally cries out for support. John Kerry, Arizona Governor Napolitano, and Las Vegas labor unions respond by jumping aboard the Obama-fest special;

California is bankrupt.

Governor Schwarzenegger proposes to empty Golden State prisons in order to balance California's wonky budget;

O.J. Simpson lawyers call for a change of venue to California;

Al Sharpton calls for race riots over golf commentator Kelly Tilghman's use of "lynch" in same breathe in which she discussed the preeminence of Tiger Woods. Woods recklessly dismisses the incident as "complete non-issue."

Britney Spears testifies against herself at child-custody hearing in the back of an ambulance; and

Made in China brand added to Citigroup, Merrill Lynch, and other ailing U.S. financial institutions in the mother of all financial meltdowns.

Happy New year? Hardly!