How Should Spanish Ballots Be Handled? Shredded Or Torched?

Satire By John W. Lillpop


Conservative intellectuals, planning the next Reagan Revolution, have stumbled upon a very complicated Constitutional question: How should foreign language ballots be handled when we regain power?

There are, of course, a number of intriguing possibilities, among which shredding and burning AND burning AND shredding are party favorites.

The issues arises because of the following logical sequence of conservative thought:

*By law, only citizens are allowed to vote.

*By law, in order to become a citizen, immigrants must pass an English competency test.

*Ergo: In order to vote, one must be competent in English.

Having established that Constitutional principle beyond any reasonable doubt, the astute conservative will then ask:

Why in the hell are we wasting billions of taxpayer dollars to print ballots and voting materials in Spanish?

That is where the ration and reason exclusive to intellectual Republicans comes in. Should the Spanish ballots be burned or should they be shredded?

Or, to be more culturally sensitive, how do you say, "Burn, Baby Burn" in Spanish?