satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Why Is Government Forcing America to Switch to Digital Television?

By John W Lillpop

Apparently the sticky problems confronting our nation, including wars in two foreign nations, the very real threat of terrorism, gasoline near $5 a gallon, rising inflation and unemployment, spiraling health care costs, record federal deficits, old, declining infrastructure, and massive illegal immigration from the third-world, are not enough to keep Washington bureaucrats busy.

How else to explain the fact that, as of February 17, 2009, the federal government has mandated that all analog television broadcasting is to be discontinued and replaced by digital vibes?

Thanks to the Digital Television Transition And Public Safety Act of 2005 (the Act) signed into law by President Bush on February 8, 2006, that 1986 Zenith console sitting in my living room will officially die at midnight on February 16, 2009.

On that sorrowful date, my 30" Zenith will pay for the sin of being analog in the digital age. It's sort of like being a Smith-Corona electric typewriter in the era of word processors, e-mail, text messaging and all of the other modern means of communication that no longer require carbon paper or white out.

OK, I freely admit that analog is old school, but so what? I happen to like old school, and find it infuriating when any government entity chokes off my freedom to choose whatever suits my fancy!

Besides, where in the US Constitution are the president and the US Congress empowered to force me to watch one type of television over another?

Why is that any of the government's damned business?

Propaganda geeks in the FCC and other worthless federal departments claim that digital will dramatically improve the picture and sound of America's television viewing. A multitude of new channels will be avaiable, so they say.

That, in my opinion, is one damn pathetic excuse for allowing the federal government to stick its ugly nose and mitts into my affairs. In fact, given the utterly worthless garbage that is broadcast these days, the FCC should be doing everything in it's power to make television viewing less attractive and less frequent!

That would be the compassionate thing to do for a generation of TV-addicted chowder heads that, because of television and overly potent Marijuana, are unable to read their high school diplomas, eviction notices, or bankruptcy papers.

To add insult to stupidity, the government has established the Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Coupon Program, which is bureaucratic double-speak for a giveaway program for blokes unable to afford the converter box that will be needed to tap into the digital version of America's vast wasteland on February 17.

And so it is that your government will add another couple of billion dollars to the huge tab already awaiting your grandchildren and their grandchildren.

God bless analog, 1986 Zenith consoles, the US Constitution, and old school thinking!