Mohamned Atta's Plea from Islamic Heaven, Six Years Later

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From the Complaint Desk at the Virgin Redemption Center in Islamic Heaven:

Brothers and Heirs to the Throne of Heaven,

Praise Be to Allah!

After our arrival here six years ago, we embraced the clouds and thanked Allah for deliverance from the infidel devils lead by that dyslexic Christian cowboy from Texas.

We prayed that, Allah willing, Bush would be forced to spend eternity with Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco, a situation otherwise known by Christian infidels as hell.

Brothers, all is good in Islamic Heaven, save one detail.

Each of the 72 virgins that greeted your martyr brothers is the spitting image of Helen Thomas, a fiction writer who works in Washington D.C., Capitol City of the infidels.

Pray for us, brothers: These women are virgins, but not by choice.



This is not what we were promised as our reward for being blown to smithereens.

Allah willing, your prayers will deliver unto us 72 middle-eastern Muslim women, ages 15- 21, lean but not mean, beautiful and still virgins by choice.

Allah speed brothers!

Without seductive virgins, this gig sucks!


Your Comrade in Death,
Mohamned Atta

Fundraising for Hillary and Other High Crimes and Misdemeanors

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Idealistic American youth have a long history of joining political causes in order to participate more fully in the democratic process.

Those with more lofty goals get involved to eradicate war, racism, slavery, female genocide, global warming, and conservative talk shows.

Some radical students under the tutelage of Democrats even believe that by simply wiping out conservative radio all horrendous problems facing humanity will automatically and permanently disappear.

As they say, "Together we can change the world," and some actually believe that leftist pap.

Imagine, then, the disillusionment of young idealists when the truth about an American icon from the far left is exposed to the light of day.

I refer to Hillary Rodham Clinton who, with the passing of Leona Hemsley, has been officially crowned America's new "Queen of Mean."

Ms. Clinton brings much to her new role, including a vast right wing conspiracy and a spouse addicted to sex and lying under oath. She also brings her own broom, eliminating the need for chauffeured limousines and other luxuries usually demanded by liberals who rise to power.

Hillary also brings fraud, corruption, and high crimes and misdemeanors. In fact, violation of the public trust has not been this blatant since the administration of William Jefferson Clinton, also known in right wing circles as Hillary's partner in crime.

In what must be a shared genetic defect with Slick, Hillary apparently has a chronic weakness for bottom feeding crooks with exceptional fraud skills.

Does the name Norman Hsu ring a bell, Hill?

Also known in MOST WANTED! mug shots as the "Whose Hsu" of Democrat political fundraising?

For those with conveniently selective memories like the junior senator from New York, Norman Hsu has spent the past 15 years running from a felony theft conviction.

Still not ringing a bell? See if this jars the memory:

Norman Hsu had the distinct honor of being designated by Hillary's presidential campaign as a "HillRaiser"- a title given to top donors. Barack Obama also received contributions from Hsu during his 2004 Senate campaign.

APMYWAY: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070905/D8RFH55O0.html

In terms even Speaker Pelosi should be able to grasp, Norman Hsu is the perfect picture child for the "Culture of Corruption."

Except, that is, for the fact that Hsu has been a huge benefactor to Democrats, including the woman from Hope, Arkansas that would, if elected, vanquish all hope for a healthy and free America.

Given his Democrat ties, perhaps Hsu's felony crimes are not nearly so serious after all?

Rethinking Islam In Light of the Zakaat

Satire By John W. Lillpop

According to Osama bin Laden, there are no taxes in Islam!

There is a Zakaat, which sounds like a flat tax. Again, according to Osama, the Zakaat is 2.5%, which beats 50% all to hell!

ABC NEWS: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2007/09/new-obl-tape-ir.html


Maybe the world's Numero Uno rag head is not such a bad fellow after all. Perhaps Islam is not the nemesis that we have been lead to believe.

Without taxes to fret, one could get used to facing east five times a day, with one's butt pointed straight up in the air, and in solemn prayer to this character named Allah.

Praise Be to Allah, indeed, for the Zakaat-- and damn the IRS!

Yes, Islam can be brutal what with beheadings, lopping off of body parts for minor infractions, mandatory mosque attendance every Friday at the time devoted to the spiritual experience called Happy Hour in the civilized world.

But there are mitigating circumstances: There are no stupid 1040s, with Schedules A-Z and hundreds of stupid forms required by a Nazi-like bureaucracy. No withholding taxes to decimate an otherwise respectable pay check.

And Osama even recognizes that Democrats are bungling morons who cannot be trusted with anything important.

In addition, Islam has a provision for multiple wives, which is available in America only to Mormons who tithe. That is 10% on top of taxes!

Feminist Nazis are unheard of in Islam, and women know their place and mind their male masters without argument.

No taxes, multiple wives OK, no feminists, no Democrats.

Say there, OBL, when is the next "Open Enrollment" month for Islam?

A Contemporary Quiz on Illegal Immigration

Satire By John W. Lillpop


With the debate over illegal immigration heating up again, here is a quiz to measure one's liberal quotient on this vital issue.

Liberal quotient, of course, is the exact opposite of ''intelligence quotient."


I. Illegal Aliens are :

( ) Desperately needed by liberals to win elections.
( ) A misnomer. They are actually Undocumented Democrats!
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
( ) Not a threat to U.S. homeland security. Why would foreign peasants threaten the land of welfare, food stamps, and free health care?

II. Border security should be:

( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce.
( ) Ignored, because tight borders might upset Jeb Bush's wife.
( ) Turned over to Felipe Calderon in the name of diversity.
( ) Used to keep Republicans out of the United States.


III. The proposed fence between the United States and Mexico is:

( ) A terrific idea, if built by firms owned by women and minorities.
( ) Unconstitutional. It discriminates against invaders too fat to scale a fence.
( ) A project for illegal aliens to do to keep costs down.
( ) “Pork” in Red States, but economic necessity in blue states.


IV. The proposed Guest Worker Program:

( ) Is illegal if it prevents illegal aliens from collecting welfare.
( ) Will work if guest workers are required to join a labor union.
( ) Should include free health care, driver's licenses, college degrees, and interest-free mortgages for illegal aliens
( ) Sounds like amnesty, but Mexicans here illegally deserve amnesty!


V. Spanish versus English: Mexican illegal immigrants should:

( ) Be prevented from learning English because the Democrats have printed 30 million ballots in Spanish for 2008.
( ) Be kept English-illiterate to avoid exposure to GOP lies and propaganda.
( ) Be taught vital English words and phrases like ACLU, racism, class-action lawsuit, Vote Democrat, etc.
( ) Be forced to purchase President Bush's biography, titled "English basics from a Hispanically Speaking Dummy."


VI. Janet Napolitano, Democrat governor of Arizona:

( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it.
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election in early July of 2006.
( ) Thinks ''Minutemen'' is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.

VII. In dealing with massive protests by illegal aliens, the most prudent response would be to:

( ) Quit Claim deed California, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico to Felipe Calderon.
( ) Pardon all illegal aliens with a Blanket Executive Order signed by President Bush.
( ) Hand out Spanish-language ballots for 2008 with Hillary Clinton’s name pre-punched as a vote for president.
( ) Sell forged driver’s licenses and Social Security cards, and use proceeds to buy ads opposing Tom Tancredo.


Well, how did you do? Liberal enough to be considered anti-American?