satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Being Naked Does NOT Strip One of Right to Privacy

By John W. Lillpop

So, based on your best deductive logic you reasoned that because your girlfriend decided to skinny dip in your studio apartment, she automatically relinquished any and all right to privacy?

Your keen legal mind further deduced that you could video tape the young thang in the all together and whilst both she and you were engaged in a playful game of touch Rugby?

Think again, toad, at least if you plan on getting naked and photogenic in the great state of Wisconsin!

This dilly from Yahoo (1):

"A state appeals court ruled Tuesday that a person who is voluntarily nude in the presence of another still has privacy rights against being secretly videotaped, in a decision that bolsters Wisconsin's video voyeur law.

"The ruling upholds the felony guilty plea of Mark Jahnke, who videotaped his girlfriend while she was naked and while they were having sex. He argued in his appeal that because the woman agreed to be naked around him, she had no reasonable expectation of privacy.

"The state Department of Justice argued that shared intimacy does not give a person the right to film another unknowingly."

Chalk up another defeat for good men at the hands (and other body parts) of wild-eyed, evil women who continue to think that sex is all about legalities and privacy this, privacy that!

May 2009 bring enlightenment and a keen sense of awareness to the female gender on this profound issue.

Awaken, ye of little faith and sultry vaginas!

Sex is meant to be a fulfilling spiritual experience; as such, it should be video taped, preserved and shared with cosmos everywhere!


2009 Resolutions

2009 New Year Resolutions

By John W. Lillpop

My resolutions for 2009 are as follows:

I will pray for sex, but confess to nothing;

I will give up incontinence, except in emergencies;

I will forgive my ex-wife for all wrongs done me, immediately following her internment;

I will schedule my grandmother for one less future visit each time she whines "You never visit me," during one of my visits;

I will finish the sixth grade--for the fourth time;

I will thoughtfully consider all comments about my columns.. and then continue to write and say exactly what I damn well please!

I will give up religious rituals for Lent;

I will faithfully pay all taxes owed for any income in excess of $200,000;

I will refuse to work for the impeachment of President Barack Obama before noon on January 20, 2009, and

I will abstain from abstinence.

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Is Barack Obama Planning to Invade Illinois?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Vice-president elect Joe Biden tried to warn America of the dangers that would inevitably accompany an Obama administration into power.

Speaking in Seattle, Washington on October 20, the man who believes that President Franklin D. Roosevelt used HDTV, the Internet, and a cell phone to assuage national angst over bad economic times in 1929, said, in part, the following:

“Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking." (1)

Since Biden issued this famous red alert, political pundits from all ideological spectrums have speculated that the Biden prophecy would be fulfilled by an invasion of Pakistan.

Others have guessed that Obama will be driven to attack Iran in order to remove the nuclear tentacles sprouted by Iran's whacked out President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

As it turns out, the greatest threat to Obama and his Marxist comrades in the U.S. Congress may not be international after all.

In fact, the greatest threat to domestic tranquillity and order is probably embodied in the criminal mind of Governor Rod Blagojevich, the renegade governor of Illinois who violated the cardinal rule of Democrat party ethics by getting caught while trying to sell a political office, namely the Senate seat once (but not often) occupied by Barack Obama.

Mind you, Blago's sin was NOT selling, or trying to sell, a Senate seat. His crime was in getting caught and being insufficiently clever to cover up his felony.

Because of Blagojevich's incompetence, the Democrat party is now being torn apart from stem to stern by those who favor seating Blago's tainted appointment, Roland Burris, to the U.S. Senate, versus those who would like to stone Burris and Blagojevich to death simultaneously, in a custom made, double occupancy ditch inside the cloakroom of the U.S. Senate in Washington, D.C.

As for President-elect Obama, unsubstantiated reports indicate that the soon-to-be president has tentatively decided to send the U.S. Marines into Springfield, Illinois, Capital City of the state, for the purpose of forcibly removing Blagojevich from office.

Using military force against an American city is most probably not authorized by the Constitution to the president or any other government official.

Nevertheless, with dingbats like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi in charge of Congress, Obama can probably do damn near whatever he wants, when he wants!


Another "Blago-eruption?" Egad, This Is Exciting!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Governor Rod Blagojevich may be a vulgar, "F-word" addicted wretch, vile and corrupt in all manner before man and God, and a dirty, rotten SOB to boot.

However, nobody can accuse Blagojevich of being tepid, reserved, or backward. This man has a flare for the dramatic and for subtle comedy, essential skills in the cutthroat jungle known as Illinois politics, AKA, mobster relationship management.

Above all else, Rod Blagojevich is a DEMOCRAT, a fact which in no way excuses his felonies, but which does help explain the medical root cause of his crimes.

Liberalism is a mental disease!

The latest "Blago-eruption" slammed into the state of Illinois, the United States Senate, President-elect Obama, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and BREAKING NEWS headline writers from coast to coast on this, the next to last day in the thoroughly god-forsaken year of 2008.

Without the slightest hint of morality or conscience, Governor Blagojevich, just three weeks removed from being handcuffed and hauled off to jail by the FBI, stood before the world to announce that he has filled the Senate seat of President-elect Barack Obama by appointing a fellow named Roland Burris to assume said office. (1)

No financial terms were disclosed, and it is unclear whether Burris intends to pay cash or if he will need to secure a sub-prime loan to close the sale.

As reported in the Chicago Sun Times, Blagojevich said, in part, "The people of Illinois are entitled to have two U.S. Senators. "If I don't make this appointment then the people of Illinois will be deprived."

For some unexplained reason, Blagojevich failed to note that the people of Illinois also deserve an honest, law-abiding governor, a circumstance that only his resignation, impeachment, sudden death, or other act of divine intervention, can bring about.

Before Blagojevich held his press conference to introduce the next senator from the state of Illinois, Democratic leaders in the U.S. Senate issued a statement saying that any Blagojevich appointee would not be seated.

"It is truly regrettable that despite warning from all 50 Democratic senators and public officials throughout Illinois, Gov. Blagojevich would take the imprudent step of appointing someone to the United States Senate who would serve under a shadow and be plagued by questions of impropriety," the statement read.

"We say this without prejudice toward Roland Burris's ability, and we respect his years of public service. But this is not about Mr. Burris; it is about the integrity of a governor accused of attempting to sell this United States Senate seat. Under these circumstances, anyone appointed by Gov. Blagojevich cannot be an effective representative of the people of Illinois and, as we have said, will not be seated by the Democratic Caucus."

How utterly delicious to witness Democrats trashing other Democrats on issues involving corruption and high crimes!

Still, it is hard to believe that it has only been three weeks since the first "Blago-eruption" sent the Democrat Party and its co-conspirators in the mainstream media into political apoplexy.

Oddly enough, three weeks from "Blago-eruption" number 2, Barack Obama is scheduled to be ordained to the post of Messiah in Chief, with his office headquarters located in Washington, D.C.

Before December 9, most Americans would have guessed that "Blagojevich" was a line of scrambled letters from an eye test chart at the doctor's office, rather than the name of a prominent governor and experienced auctioneer.

Until December 9, the leftist media were engaged 24/7 in an "Obama Love-In," which was being foisted upon the unwashed masses as objective news coverage. Back then, the greatest priority in America was the unsullied, uncontested deification of Barack Obama.

Thanks to Rod Blagojevich, the issue is corruption, corruption, and even more corruption in the state and neighborhoods where President-elect earned his political stripes and learned the Audacity of Hope.

Hang on, conservatives! This show has not even got off the ground yet, but already it has all the marks of being a five star performance!

Tell me again: How many days until the 2010 mid-terms?

Reference (1),w-blagojevich-obama-senate-seat-burris-123008.article

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Outrage: Filmmakers Expose Male Genitalia, Hide V-Organ!

By John W. Lillpop

The Reader
is a enthralling movie, worth seeing because of the great story line, terrific acting, and captivating music.

It tells of a summer love affair between a 35-year old ticket taker, Kate Winslet, and a 15-year old student, David Kross, with the horrors of the Holocaust cast in a supporting, almost cameo role.

The Reader leaves little to the imagination with respect to the young man's body parts, including one brief frontal shot of his genitalia.

Unfortunately, censorship mania takes over when it comes to the beautiful young woman and her blessings. Although her naked breasts are shown, the movie does not expose her genitalia.

Why are foreign filmmakers so willing to exploit an exposed penis, but scared to death of a living, breathing vagina?

Sexism? Discrimination?

As a male chauvinist pig, I demand equal time for the V-organ!

"Sweet" Caroline?

By John W. Lillpop

When John F. Kennedy was but 43 years of age, he managed to win the presidency of the United States, made possible by a highly suspicious vote count sent from Cook County run by and for Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago.

Before being elected to the presidency, JFK was a decorated World hero. After the war, he represented Massachusetts in the U.S. House from 1947 to 1953 and in the U.S. Senate from 1953 until 1960.

JFK was a man of great accomplishment before he even turned 40. Tragically, his service to the nation cost him his life on November 22, 1963 in Dallas, Texas.

In the way of contrast, JFK's daughter, Caroline, recently turned 51. Thanks to her famous father, Caroline has lived a life of opulence and privilege; however, unlike her father, she has given nothing back to the nation or her community in the way of service.

At 51, she has absolutely no political experience or other credentials needed to serve as a U.S. senator. In fact, Caroline Kennedy is nearly as unqualified to replace Hillary Clinton in the U. S. Senate as Barack Obama is to move into the Oval Office.

However, at least Barack Obama put forth the effort to get elected to high office.

Caroline Kennedy wants the power and prestige of a U.S. Senator, sans the drudgery and pain of campaigning and being elected. She even refuses to disclose her vital information, but promises to do so IF APPOINTED.

After eight years of suffering at the hands of Senator Hillary Clinton, the good people of New York deserve a qualified, reasonable, and moderate voice in the U.S. Senate.

Caroline Kennedy is none of the above.

Fortunately for Governor Dave Paterson and the people of his state, there are thousands of New Yorkers whom are vastly more qualified and deserving to serve in the U.S. Senate than Caroline Kennedy.

Here is a noble New Years Resolution for Governor Paterson: Do not replace a conniving feminist liar with a spoiled, inexperienced diva!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Trifecta of Corrupt Democrats

By John W. Lillpop

How odd that, in the very year in which conservatives were taken to the whipping shed by voters all across America, it was the Democrat Party that was plagued by scandal and corruption in high places.

2008 delivered what was literally a trifecta of corruption and scandal among prominent liberals.

Sexual scandal in the form of adultery ensnared John Edwards, a viable presidential candidate in 2008 and former senator from North Carolina, who was famous for his compassion and willingness to stand up for the down trodden.

Except, that is, when the downtrodden happened to be his own wife, a victim of inoperable breast cancer.

Carnal lust overpowered Edwards' celebrated compassion and drove the ambulance chaser into the arms and breasts of another woman.

From the Deep South, the stench of sexual crime and political slime drifted northward, to claim yet another Democrat liberal powerhouse.

This time, the net of shame ensnared none other than the on the rise Eliot Spitzer, a man many saw as destined for great things on the national stage.

Spitzer's date with manifest destiny was turned into mush when his dalliances with a prostitution ring called the Emperor's Club VIP became public knowledge.

Seems as though Eliot enjoyed spending time with call girls whom enjoyed taking $1,000 of his money for every hour spent with the governor.

Only a liberal Democrat would spend $1,000 an hour for a fling with a floozy in Washington, D.C., when the same thing could have been arranged for a Valentine's card and a box of chocolates in the governor's mansion!

That takes us to the great state of Illinois, where Governor Rod Blagojevich was trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama's purchase of the White House.

Blagojevich's "Pay for Play" auction was captured on FBI wiretaps, including enough "Expletive Deleted" zingers to make Richard M. Nixon turn over in his grave.

Governor Blagojevich and his equally potty-mouthed spouse introduced "F-gate" into the lexicon of contemporary politics.

Did I mention that all of these sleaze peddlers are DEMOCRATS?

Edwards, Spitzer, and Blagojevich joined the Democrat culture of corruption which already included the likes of Charles Rangel and William Jefferson, both up to their eye balls in scandal normally reserved for upscale white crooks. Truly, America has become colorblind!

In addition, there are undisclosed crimes including the ineligibility of Barack Obama to run for presidency, rampant voter fraud committed by ACORN personnel on Obama's behalf, and the role of lefties like Barney Frank, Christopher Dodd, and other liberals in the housing-mortgage loan/economic collapse fiasco.

All in all, 2008 was a record year of corruption from the political sector.

Did I mention that they are ALL Democrats?

Monday, December 22, 2008

Pope Compares Gay Behavior to Global Warming

Greater threat to humanity? Barney Frank or Carbon emissions?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Pope Benedict has found a non-PC way to remove thousands of undesirable names from his Christmas card mailing list, thereby saving his petty cash account untold thousands in franking costs.

His Holiness brought about this miracle when he said that saving humanity from gay and or transsexual indiscretions was just as important as saving the global environment.

Can you imagine, a world leader declaring that saving gays from each other's toxic selves is as vital as saving the world from global warming?

Good grief, the Pope has found a way to piss off 2 percent of the world's population without even breaking a sweat.

His argument has merit: Who would know better about gays and their corrosive behavior than the CEO of the largest employer of gays in the world, the Catholic Church?

As reported at the link below(1), the Pontiff said that the Catholic church "should also protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man is needed," the pontiff said in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration.

"The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less.

"The pope said humanity needed to 'listen to the language of creation' to understand the intended roles of man and woman. He compared behavior beyond traditional heterosexual relations as 'a destruction of God's work.' "

Gays are a "destruction of God's work?" Wonder how the Pope really feels?

Reached at her unholy communion service in San Francisco, Speaker Nancy Pelosi disagree with the Pope and stated that the "Fathers of the Church have never expressed an official condemnation of homosexuality."

Speaker Pelosi added that she faces re-election in less than two years, and given the fact that the vast majority of her constituency is homosexual, she is disinclined to join the Pope in the latest round of gay bashing.

Democrat Barney Frank, the only openly gay member of Congress, agreed with the Speaker and condemned the Pope for "hateful and divisive rhetoric based on a flimsy reference in an obsolete, fairy tale book put together by a gang of bare-ass, illiterate Jews some 2,000 years ago. "

Meanwhile, from Transition Headquarters in Chicago, President-elect Obama was said to be considering a change to the Inaugural ceremony: Pencil in Pope Paul for the Invocation and pencil out Pastor Warren, until further notice.

Reference (1)

Hugo Chavez Mauls Mall in Venezuela

Satire By John W. Lillpop

The entire world knows that Hugo Chavez is a despicable, loathsome fascist who cavorts with the likes of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Castro brothers, and various and sundry scalawags from Russia.

Keeping that sort of company automatically renders the chubby little dictator an ambitious, but weak minded, enemy of freedom and hope throughout the world.

However, Hugo, which describes the body type of this Hispanic knot head perfectly, appears to have pushed the envelope beyond the pale with his latest power play, an act so evil that women throughout the world are heading to Caracas en masse to teach the fool a lesson.

Chavez's misstep?

As reported by Yahoo (+), in part, "President Hugo Chavez ordered construction halted on a major shopping mall in Caracas on Sunday, saying the government will expropriate the unfinished building.

"We're going to expropriate that and turn it into a hospital -- I don't know -- a school, a university," Chavez said to applause during his Sunday television and radio program."

Clearly, the man has lost his mind, which in and of itself is not worth a great deal, but still, it was his mind.

Shutting down a shopping mall in order to create another hospital or school is unthinkable and heathen, especially just before Christmas.

Of course, Chavez justified his felons by blathering incoherent nonsense to the effect that Jesus Christ is a socialist.

Those who wistfully dream of a utopian existence under a socialist regime need to examine their souls carefully and answer this question:

If Jesus were physically here now, would shutting down a shopping mall be his top priority?

Or would the Lord move to bless all Venezuelans by exorcising a dim wit dictator from their midst as the very first order of business?

Case closed!

Reference: (1)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

'Tis the Season to Be Carnal!

By John W. Lillpop

According to biorhythm researchers and purveyors of sex-related products, the Holiday Season typically results in a dramatic surge in sexual activity and conceptions.

Which makes it truly "the Most Wonderful Time Of the Year!"

The following quotes are reported in McClatchy Newspapers (+): "Right before New Year's Eve is our highest sales peak," said David Johnson, group product manager for Trojan brand condoms, the leading U.S. seller.

"As expected, the holiday urge surge also expresses itself as a peak in U.S. births in September, according to David Lam of the University of Michigan's Population Studies Center in Ann Arbor."

In addition, heightened libido corresponds nicely with the season in that particularly skilled, multitasking lovers are able to give and receive simultaneously, thereby spreading joy without wasting wrapping paper and ribbon.

Good for the environment, helps boost one's cardiovascular health, not fattening, and fun to boot!

References: (1)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Bloke Who Threw Shoes at Bush Begs for Pardon

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Muntadhar al-Zeidi, the brain-dead Iraqi reporter who became a hero to millions of Islamofascists and air headed American liberals for throwing his shoes at President Bush, no longer walks with the swagger and arrogance of a proud Islamofascist.

Indeed, the reporter who obviously failed Anger Management 101, is whistling a different tune these days as he grovels on the floor of his cell begging for a pardon and an act of kindness from other rag heads in Iraq.

As reported in Breitbart, in part,: (1),

"A spokesman for Iraq's prime minister says the journalist who threw his shoes at President George W. Bush has asked for a pardon.

"Spokesman Yassin Majid says that in a letter sent Thursday to Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki the journalist described his behavior as "an ugly act" and asked to be pardoned.

"Al-Zeidi, a correspondent for an Iraqi-owned television station based in Cairo, Egypt, could face two years imprisonment for insulting a foreign leader."

Al-Zeida's case brings with it an interesting question, "How should Al-Zeidi's shoe toss be handled by the Iraqi government?"

As I see it, there are four plausible outcomes:

* Release Al-Zeidi so he can get look for work at the New York Times, CNN, or PBS, where his anti-American views would fit right in with the prevailing culture, or

* Release him to the care and attention of the meanest and most cruel Iranian Sunnis that will take him, or

* Hang him to death with the rope that was used to snuff Saddam Hussein, or

*Beat him senseless with Hussein's old shoes.

How would you vote? Write-ins NOT allowed!

Referenced Link: (1)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Teen Learns Sex from PTA Official in Fogged Up SUV

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Some guys get all the breaks. An unnamed 13-year old student in Baldwin, New York bears testimony to that truth.

As reported by WCBSTV (1), Nassau County police came across a fogged up SUV on the grounds of an elementary school. The fogging agent turned out to be a prominent PTA official and a 13-year old lad, both naked from the waist down.

The full story from

"BALDWIN, N.Y. (CBS) ― A prominent PTA official is facing some serious allegations involving a teenage boy.

Police arrested Joan Tuckruskye after allegedly finding her in the backseat of a parked car with a 13-year-old boy on Friday night. Both of them, police said, were partially unclothed.

'I feel devastated for the victim,' said Steve, the suspect's neighbor.

His son attends school with both the alleged victim and suspect's daughter, and is outraged over charges that Tuckruskye, vice president in charge of fundraising for the school, endangered the welfare of a 13-year-old boy.

It was in the rear of the elementary school parking lot where patrolling officers said they noticed the foggy and steamed windows of an SUV. They approached and knocked on the window.

They observed a woman in her 40s and a boy who appeared to be a teenager. 'They were not clothed from the waist down,' said Lt. Kevin Smith of the Police Department.

At first, police said, the boy said he was 18. Later at the hospital, though, he admitted being 13 but claimed he and the PTA mom were only kissing."

Only kissing? That explains why both were naked from the waist down?

The most amusing part of this story is the very idea that the young boy was somehow a "victim."

Fact is, the lad was the beneficiary of "sexual serendipity" that most 13-year old males can only dream about!

It matters not one whit that the sex was courtesy of an unattractive,aging beach.

Sex is sex and when one is 13, all offers are considered--and automatically accepted!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Castration Plot Leaves Delaware Man Holding the Bag

Satire By John W. Lillpop

People without broad band Internet connections and HDTV are likely to do damn near anything for entertainment and a few laughs.

Take the case of Wilbur Eichman, for instance. This yahoo from Hockessin, Delaware decided to liven up his dreary life by contracting with a thug to bring about the castration of his ex-son-in-law.

As reported by CBS 3 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (1), Eichman's new hobby would make Reverend Jesse Jackson and his stated designs on certain of Barack Obama's body parts proud indeed.

The story, in part, from CBS 3:

"HOCKESSIN, Del. (CBS 3) ― A Delaware man has been arrested after being accused of arranging a bizarre plot that involved castrating his ex-son-in-law.

"Wilbur Eichman has been charged with one count of criminal solicitation after he paid a man cash to beat up his ex-son-in-law.

"Police say Eichman paid 34-year-old Charles Pernot $1,200 to beat up the victim and even offered up a bonus if Pernot cut off the victim's genitals.

"Investigators said Eichman even wanted his ex-son-in-law's genitals brought to him.

"Pernot was charged with attempted robbery, attempted burglary and conspiracy.

"Eichman was arrested late Saturday and charged with one count of criminal solicitation. He has been arraigned and released after posting a $500 secured bail."

All things considered, installing high speed Internet and HDTV would be far less costly and unlikely to get Eichman thrown in the slammer on a felony count.

As it is, Eichman is left holding the bag with 15 minutes of unwanted fame.

Referenced Link:

Monday, December 15, 2008

Patrick Fitzgerald Asks for Delay in Release of Obama Review. Why?

By John W. Lillpop


In a shocking departure from "politics as usual," President-elect Barack Obama announced that a review by his lawyer, Gregory Craig, found that Obama had no direct contact with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich about the sale of his Senate seat, made vacant as a result of Obama's purchase of the U.S. presidency.

In another stunning development, Obama reported that his due diligence obsessed lawyer also found no evidence that Obama's transition aides did anything inappropriate; legal advisers were found to be especially clean.

It had been widely speculated by know it all pundits that Obama's obsession with CHANGE might cause him to do something really obscene, like actually telling the truth, an unheard of practice among Illinois politicians, especially those raised in the truth-adverse environment of Chicago politics.

Obama promised to make the review public at a later, unspecified date. He claims to have held off because prosecutors asked for a delay and "I don't want to interfere with an ongoing investigation."

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald released a statement confirming the request.

Interesting intrigue seems to be in play here.

If Obama and his minions are really clean, why would Fitzgerald request a delay in the release of an internal review?

Possible answer: Rahm Emanuel, Obama's chief of staff.

Rumors about Emanuel are abundant and Obama added to the rumor mill by refusing to answer questions directly about his chief of staff.

Emanuel has kept his own foul mouth shut for nearly a week, which is good for America's children, but not much help to right-wing zealots looking to derail the Obama Express before the White House is taken over by socialists and communists in training.

Meanwhile, Obama is working diligently to avoid being arrested prior to January 20th, the date upon which he is to be sworn into office, and endowed with the Constitutional power to grant pardons, perhaps even to himself.

New York Governor Paterson Fails to See Humor in SNL Skit

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just a few short months ago, Tina Fey and the SNL satirical writers were having a ball portraying Governor Sarah Palin as an empty headed dim wit who gunned down innocent mooses (sic) for the sheer joy of killing something.

When a conservative Republican was being carved up, the SNL team was hailed as brilliant purveyors of humor by mainstream media and other leftists who chortled with delight at each wound inflicted on Governor Palin.

However, laughter and chortling are no where to be found these days, now that SNL assassins have set their sights on a blind person of color with adultery and drug abuse in his dossier, and who just happens to be a liberal Democrat and governor of New York state.

That would be Governor David Paterson, a legally blind man who took over for the disgraced Eliot Spitzer, another Democrat, earlier this year.

In an SNL skit aired last Saturday, Governor Paterson was portrayed by SNL's Fred Armisen as a bumbling man, totally unqualified to serve as governor.

See the entire SNL skit (1)

Armisen's performance was unarguably very funny and the studio audience seemed to enjoy the edgy humor.

However, not everyone was amused.

As reported at Yahoo news (2), "The National Federation of the Blind issued a statement calling the characterization 'absolutely wrong' and criticized the show for playing up the stereotype that blind people are 'incapable of simple tasks.'

"Meanwhile, Governor Paterson's office issued a statement that the show should be able to 'find a way to be funny without being offensive.' "

Come on, people, get with the program!

The reason that skit about Governor Paterson was so funny is because it was edgy!

Just like the skits about Governor Palin had people laughing out loud and rolling in the aisles!

To those who believe that mocking a vision impaired governor is pushing the envelope too far, a question:

Does political correctness require that blind people automatically be considered competent, capable, and doing a good job, regardless of the facts? Are there are no incompetent, inept people on the planet who also happen to be blind?

In fact, the SNL skit was about the awful state of the state that Governor Paterson has helped to create in New York State because of his liberal policies and poor management.

His lack of vision was relevant only in the context of policy and prudent government.

Even liberals should be able to see that.

Referenced links



Christmas Surprise from Africa: $800,000 from Anonymous Benefactor!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to become filthy rich as a result of a most generous gift from some anonymous, and deceased, person in Africa.

Yet there it was, in writing. An e-mail titled, "Contact Fedex For Your Package" which advised me of my incredibly good fortune.

According to the e-mail, sent by a soul alleging to be one Vladimir Garic, I am designated as beneficiary in the estate of an anonymous, and deceased, individual.

All of which means that $800,000 is mine for the taking.

All that I need do is contact FedEx and arrange for delivery of an ATM Mastercard that will allow me to withdraw up to $20,000. per day, up to a total of $800,000 in "inherittance funds."

Oh, I must come up with the paltry sum of $185.00 to pay a "security safe keeping fee."

What a terrific Christmas gift! The big question: Where can I scrounge up $185.?

The subject e-mail, butchered English, punctuation, and spelling intact, is reproduced below:

"Dear friend,


I just want to inform you that i have packaged and deposited your ATM MASTERCARD worth $800,000,00 USD with FedEx Delivery Services to deliver it to you, due to i have waited enough to hear from you so that your funds will be transfered through CENTRAL BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) here to your personal account, but because of the late response,I now decided to deposit the ATM MASTER CARD and placed it for delivery with the fedex delivery services because it also eaiser and safer. Insurance and
delivery charges have been paid for, but the only fee remaining is the security safe keeping fee of $185,00 USD which you will be required to pay before delivery, so you are to contact them on how you are to remit the fee to them so they can release your package and deliver it to you which will take 2 working days to get to you. I am going out of Nigeria to IRAQ for a period of 4 months to see my boss.

However, this was not paid for because of demurrage. Well, I did forward them your delivery address, but a re-confirmation is important when contacting them if you want to change your address. I advice you quote the parcel and shipment code to them for onward delivery to your re-confirmed address. The ATM MASTERCARD has pin number 8876. Take note, once you
receive the card you take it to any ATM cashpoint around your area and slot it in and enter the pin code for withdrewal, the amount you can be able to withdrew per day is $20,000.00 USD (Twenty Thousand United State Dollars) each day.

Once again, the Fedex delivery services do not know the content of the parcel, I registered it as an African magazine they don't know it
contains ATM MASTERCARD inside, this is to avoid them delaying the
delivery and besides I don't want you to lose your inherittance funds.

Barrister Tom"

To which I replied:

Thanks ever so much, Tom. However, due to the economic crisis here in the states, I am a bit short of having $185.00 to pay for the most generous gift. In fact, I am lacking the amount of $184.73 to complete the transaction.

If you would be so kind, please deduct the security fee from my $800,000. and ship the remaining $799,815. to me as soon as possible.

We will settle up on the remaining $.27 later in the month, or in the next life, whichever comes first.

Thanks again.

By the way, have you ever considered working for the Democrat Party as an ACORN volunteer? You could teach ACORN and Team Obama one hell of a lot about style!


Sunday, December 14, 2008

W. Denies Public Housing to Young Black Family in Washington, D.C.

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In one of his more despicable acts while in office, President George W. Bush has spat in the face of the Christmas Spirit by rejecting a plea from a young black family to take up residency in public housing in Washington, D.C.

As reported by Yahoo, the black couple had hoped to move into the government-owned property so that their young daughters, 10-year-old Malia and 7-year-old Sasha, would be close to Sidwell Friends School where classes are scheduled to start on January 5.

Nonetheless, President Bush, rushed off his feet while trying to give away billions of dollars of taxpayer money to a failed conglomerate of rip off artists in Detroit, indicated that other uses were scheduled for the Blair House.

Therefore, notwithstanding the president's well known "compassionate conservatism," he was unable to meet the family's request.

So it is that another colored family is left in the cold, unable to secure public housing Washington, D.C., while our befuddled president dodges shoes and responsibility in Iraq.

For full details, see the link below.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Naked Virgin Mary Upsets Mexican Faithful!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From Reuters, this fascinating report about how the annual pilgrimage to the Mexico City basilica dedicated to the Virgin of Guadalupe was hijacked by the Mexican version of Playboy magazine:

"LOS ANGELES, Dec 12 (Reuters) - A nude model resembling the Virgin Mary on the cover of the Mexican edition of Playboy magazine, published only days before a major Mexican festival dedicated to the mother of Jesus, prompted the company's U.S. headquarters on Friday to apologize.

"The magazine, which hit newsstands on Dec. 1 as ceremonies began leading to Friday's pilgrimage to the Mexico City shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe, showed a model wearing nothing but a white cloth over her head and breasts.

"She is standing in front of a stained glass window with the cover line, 'We Love You, Maria' in Spanish. The name of the model is Maria Florencia Onori.

"In a statement, Chicago-based Playboy Enterprises Inc. said the Mexican edition of the magazine is published by a licensee, and the company did not approve or endorse the cover.

"While Playboy Mexico never meant for the cover or images to offend anyone, we recognize that it has created offense, and we as well as Playboy Mexico offer our sincerest apologies," the statement said.

"Raul Sayrols, publisher of Playboy Mexico, said in a statement, "The image is not and never was intended to portray the Virgin of or any other religious figure. The intent was to reflect a Renaissance-like mood on the cover." (1)
Meanwhile, Maria Florencia Onori has reportedly released her Christmas Wish List for public consumption:

All she wants for Christmas is a Bra and a pair of clean panties!


W. To Roll out TARP for Democrats and the UAW

By John W. Lillpop

After Republicans in the U.S. Senate won a hard fought battle to block a $14 billion welfare subsidy to auto manufacturers, President Bush decided to act unilaterally in defiance of his conservative colleagues by siding with Democrats and the UAW.

To do so it was necessary for the president to reverse his earlier opposition to using funds designated for the Troubled Assets Recovery Program (TARP) for the auto bail out.

Dana Perino, spokeswoman for the president, announced the president's retreat from common sense with the following words:

"Under normal economic conditions we would prefer that markets determine the ultimate fate of private firms," she said.

"However, given the current weakened state of the U.S. economy, we will consider other options if necessary - including use of the TARP program - to prevent a collapse of troubled automakers," Perino added. (1)

Translation: Because W. is and has been such a lame president, he no longer has the political clout to roll out the red carpet for liberals and labor unions; thus, a green TARP is the best W. can offer.

Once again, the Bush policy of ripping the rug out from under conservatives at every opportunity was executed to perfection by the man whose "conservatism" is a very bad joke indeed, one that is no longer funny or even mildly amusing.

Combined with his recent comments which all but relegated the Holy Bible to the status of fanciful novel, W. appears to be engaged in a full court press to convince President-elect Obama to keep him around, ALA Robert Gates, for another bite at the apple.

Strategically, it makes terrific sense since W. knows the neighborhood in and around 1600Pennsylvania, is only slightly more liberal than Obama, and his presence would provide Obama with a perfect "in house" scapegoat when things don't go particularly well.

For example, say General Motors fails to turn a profit by March 31, and an audit by the Car Czar reveals that Rick Wagoner, GM's CEO, has deposited a few billion dollars of taxpayer money into a personal Swiss bank account.

Wagoner has also moved his sorry self into a cave next door to Osama bin Laden in the rugged mountains of Pakistan.

Unimaginable horror for the new president, right? Not necessarily if President Obama could refer all questions about Wagoner and those missing billions to a trustworthy aide-de-camp, George W. Bush.

Obama could open a nationally televised press conference with a few meaningless platitudes about change, and then turn the podium over to Presidential Assistant George W. Bush.

Assistant Bush would be there to answer all of the sharp edged questions from the bloodthirsty media, while President Obama would be free to skate off to an urgent fund raising strategy session for the 2012 campaign.

The big question: What possible role could Assistant Bush fill in the Obama White House?

How about Token Republican, Ambassador to Mexico, and Media Sacrificial Lamb, all rolled up into one dysfunctional bureaucrat?

Who better qualified for such a position than our soon to be unemployed, and otherwise unemployable, George W. Bush?

Referenced Links:


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Day Without Pay Angst Dooms "Day Without a Gay" Fiasco

By John W. Lillpop

Gay activists had hoped to sock it to America right where it hurts the most: In the wallet!

Which is why liberal air heads designated December 10 as a national "day without a gay," when gays and lesbians from sea to shining sea were supposed to call in sick, refuse to shop or eat out, and otherwise show just how their massive absence would devastate America.

Unfortunately for same sex proponents, the much-touted show of gay power was a complete and utter failure, even in the Queen City of the world, San Francisco.

The dismal failure begs the question: Whatever happened to the energy and passion that activists flaunted after Proposition 8?

Where were the angry protesters who picketed outside Mormon chapels and temples and threatened violence against those with the temerity to vote in a manner not consistent with the gay agenda?

From the San Francisco Chronicle this report, in part***:

"Several gay and lesbian people said they couldn't afford to take the day off, particularly in a tightening economy where many are concerned about their jobs. And in the Castro district, business owners were livid that people were encouraged to not shop during the holidays, a peak time for retailers."

In effect, then, a day without pay was more important to gays than a silly "Day Without a Gay," especially during a major economic downturn.

Which reminds one of the "Day without an Illegal Alien" idiocy from a couple of years ago. That event was supposed to shut down California until someone reminded Hispanic organizers that students not in the class room would cost state and local governments plenty of dinero from the federal government!

All of which proves that the almighty dollar is still king, even among queens and invading criminals!


Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Obama's Weight Tip for Oprah

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Once again, Oprah Winfrey has ballooned to the size of the Goodyear Blimp while preaching to 20 million out of touch women every day; mostly unemployed welfare queens who treat Oprha's every word as if it were ordained by God, Himself.

Writing in the January edition of "O" magazine, O as in OBESE!, Oprah resorts to the typical excuse proffered by chunky housewives who blame all of that ugly fat on an out-of-balance thyroid, a miserable child hood, the George W. Bush presidency, and a newly minted "fear of working out."

According to the guru of prime time fat, she has gained 40 pounds since 2006, when she weighed 160. That leaves her lumbering around at 200 pounds and damn near as unsightly as Al Gore.

Her addiction to Snickers bars and introspective psychobabble lead Oprah to say, "I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'" "I'm embarrassed," she says. "I'm mad at myself."

How did it happen?

Remember all of those eating frenzies that you enjoyed while pushing the Barack Obama candidacy all across America?

Remember the non-stop gorging with stuffed pizzas, ice cream, whipped cream, melted chocolate, fudge, apple pie, chips of all types and sizes, candies from every nation in the world, and every other delectable goody that you have rammed now your throat since November 4 to celebrate the election of your razor-thin brother to the White House?

Might your 15,000-calorie a day diet have something to do with your out of control girth?

That and your insane "fear of working out" would stuff a damn elephant!

Still, Barack Obama is a perfect role model for those who wish to control their weight and demonstrate perfect self-control.

Why not give Obama's weight management plan a try?

Namely, smoke and inhale two packs of unfiltered Pall Mall cigarettes every day and just watch those pounds melt away!

Raging Constitutional Debate: Can Obama Pardon Himself?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From the Washington Times, yet another nasty example of corruption from Illinois:

”A former Illinois bank official, now claiming whistleblower status, says bank officials replaced a loan reappraisal that he prepared for a Chicago property that was purchased by the wife of now-convicted felon Tony Rezko, part of which was later sold to next-door neighbor Barack Obama."

Obama's relationships with thugs like terrorist Bill Ayers, incarcerated Governor Rod R. Blagojevich, and convicted felon Tony Rezko have been known for a while, but largely ignored by the mainstream media and leftists mesmerized by the word "change."

As of today, Obama legal advisers are in a mad scramble to determine a major constitutional question: Assuming that he can avoid arrest between now and January 20, will Barack Obama, once he is sworn in as 44th president, be entitled to issue himself a full and unconditional pardon for all misdemeanors and felonies, including the big lie about U.S. citizenship?

For the full story of the latest Rezko-Obama mess, visit the link below:

Monday, December 08, 2008

Obama's "Hands On" Speech Writer

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Jon Favreau is a precocious young lad who has been invited to work in the West Wing of the White House as the Director of Speechwriting for President-elect Barack Obama.

All of 27, Mr. Favreau began his writing career for Senator John Kerry’s presidential campaign. On a happier, more successful note, Favreau was Barack Obama's chief speechwriter throughout the 2008 campaign. ***

In addition to his many talents, young Favreau is also a "hands on" type, especially when alcohol is available in sufficient quantities as was the case at a recent party attended by prominent Transition Team members.

At that party, young Favreau demonstrated his hands on style and sharp political acumen by groping a dummy looking remarkably like Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary of State-designate and still United States Senator from New York.

Favreau placed his right hand on the chest of the cardboard cutout while a fellow marauder coaxed a bottle of beer to the lips of the HRC likeness while landing a juicy smooch on the dummy's head.

Naturally, a disgusting photo of this wild orgy was pinging across the Internet even before Favreau could sober up enough to write a denial.

As a result, Favreau has been made into an instant celebrity and household name, with "Idiot" being the run away favorite among people who drink less than a case of beer a day.

Favreau's folly has also added to misgivings among liberal extremists who are concerned that the photo proves a bias toward centrists on the part of Team Obama.

As for Hillary Clinton, she is quoted as saying that she is flattered by the young man's attention and looks forward to working hand-in-hand with Jon Favreau for several years.

This reporter will keep you abreast of all future developments.


Friday, December 05, 2008

Latest Bail Out Request-- OJ Simpson!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

To heck with the auto makers, the mortgage brokers, the corrupt Wall Street tycoons, and the irresponsible state governors standing in line with pity pots in tow looking for bail outs from Uncle Sam.

Let them all eat Kenyan mud!

Barack Obama has much larger things on his mind and much greater needs to address than a bunch of out of touch weasels with larceny on their agendas.

Specifically, the President-elect has a brother who urgently needs a literal "bail out," as soon as possible, but no later than the afternoon of January 20, 2009.

That would be one OJ Simpson who was sentenced by an angry white woman judge in Nevada to spend the next fifteen years of his dreary life in public housing provided by the great state of Nevada. Bread and water also provided by the people of Nevada, free gratis.

How angry was the judge?

After listening to OJ grovel and apologize profusely for fifteen minutes while fighting back a well rehearsed weeping , Clark County District Court Judge Jackie Glass appeared unconvinced that OJ's problems were entirely due to stupidity.

According to Judge Glass, stupidity and greed conspired to juice the "Juice."

She reminded OJ that guns were involved and that the planning, execution, and post-game celebrations were all carefully preserved on video and telephone recordings.

In other words, a simple "I am sorry, judge" and "I did not mean to harm anybody" were not enough to forgive and forget nine serious felony counts.

After sentencing, OJ's lawyer tried to effect OJ's release on bail, presumably to free OJ so that he might be resume his dedicated search for those who sliced up Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldberg in 1984, AND to search for the real kidnappers and robbers in the Las Vegas kerfuffel.

Judge Glass was not amused and shouted, "Denied!" before the full plea was voiced by OJ's attorney.

So now it is up to you President-elect Obama!

Why not start out your administration with a show of compassion for a brother who was railroaded because of his skin color?

And when that presidential mercy has had a chance to resonant, there is the case of Michael Vick, another victim of racist America. Do not forget Plaxico Burress, Mr. President.

Switching to needy black politicians, we have Charles Rangel, William Jefferson, and on and on.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Triangulating Economic Collapse into Soaring Military Re-enlistments

Satire by John W. Lillpop

For nearly eight years, President George W. Bush has been subjected to endless ridicule by those who contend that he lacks the intellectual wherewithal to be president. According to Democrats and the media, that W. stands for "without" when it comes to Bush's native intelligence.

Nonetheless, the president has demonstrated an uncanny ability to trounce liberal "intellectuals," as he did to Al Gore and John Kerry in 2000 and 2004, respectively. For a man allegedly no brighter than a chad riddled paper ballot, W. has done quite well, thank you.

Another sterling example of W.'s stealth brilliance is just now starting to surface. It involves the recent difficulty that the U.S. Armed forces have had in meeting recruitment goals and the devastating economic meltdown that has all but shut down the domestic job market.

Most people would see the issues as separate and completely unrelated.

However, to a cunning strategist like President Bush, the two issues provided a perfect opportunity for classic triangulation!

Namely, there is a problem with maintaining needed military manpower. Obviously, the most efficient solution would be for seasoned military people to re-enlist.

At the same time, all economic indicators suggest that a moderate recession was headed our way. In normal times, a moderate recession would be no cause for great alarm.

However, given the critical manpower dilema facing the military, President Bush sensed that a more severe crisis could be of great benefit to America's defense and security.

Therefore, W. called Henry Paulson into his office and demanded that the Treasury Secretary create a major economic collapse involving trillions of dollars of taxpayer money.

W. also ordered Paulson to assure that details of the economic collapse made headlines in all media venues for several weeks, so as to give the impression that anyone even thinking about leaving the military would be frightened into immediately re-enlisting.

The Bush strategy worked like a charm!

As indicated in the linked story ***, re-enlistment numbers are soaring because of the bad economic news coming out of Washington.

However, what of the trillions of dollars already committed to bailouts? How are those actions to be reversed and taken off the backs of taxpayers?

Once again, George W. Bush wins because in about 50 days he and Laura will be headed to Crawford, Texas, confident in the knowledge that the U.S. military has been adequately reinforced.

As for the economic collapse, W.'s attitude is reported to be as follows: Let Barack Obama and his Democrat colleagues sweat the small stuff!

God Bless President George W. Bush and America!


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Bold Offer from Ford CEO Alan Mulally

By John W. Lillpop

After getting scalded for cruising into Washington, D.C. on a private jet in order to beg for billions in corporate welfare from Congress, Alan Mulally, CEO of Ford Motor Company, has finally seen the light and is thinking straight.

His latest offer to Congress: Give me $9 billion in bail out dough, and I will work for $1 a year!

What a deal!

Other "concessions" include selling the five corporate jets and canceling management bonus pay for 2009. SOURCE***

What about 2008 bonuses, Mr. Mulally?

In fact, why would bonuses be contemplated at all when Ford management has reduced the once powerful corporation to a gaggle of pitiful beggars seeking to feast at the public trough?

Here's a counter-offer: The U.S. Treasury keeps that $9 billion, and you can earn whatever you are worth in the free market!

Now THAT is a better idea!


Monday, December 01, 2008

Filling Hillary's Shoes

Satire By John W. Lillpop

It is now official: Hillary Rodham Clinton has been demoted to the position of Secretary of State. In that capacity, she will report to a young black man who will occupy the Oval Office, a government edifice that should rightfully be her exclusive domain until at least 2012, and preferably 2016.

However, instead of running the White House as she did from January 1993 to January 2001, Hillary will have to be content with being just another cabinet member in the administration of America's second African-American president.

All of which leaves New York Governor David Paterson in the unenviable position of filling Hillary's shoes in the United States Senate.

Paterson will be forced to walk a very thin tight-rope to assure that a competent, yet politically correct, senator is sent to represent New York state, especially since competency has been woefully missing since January, 2001.

Opel Bijiquiovarti, our intrepid belt way insider, reports(on the condition of anonymity), that Governor Paterson will be looking for the following qualities in Hillary's successor:

Honest, But Flexible

According to the governor, holding a position of public trust requires one to be honest, but not excessively so. Politics is all about compromise and negotiation, so it is important that the new senator understand that truth is a commodity that must be used prudently, and sparingly in order to best meet the needs of New York citizens.

The ideal candidate for Hillary's job will be a political veteran will the ability to give the impression that the unvarnished truth is being disclosed, while adroitly dancing away from facts too hot to handle.

In order to be a serious candidate, the applicant's dossier must include at least one perjury conviction while in a position of power.

Liberal Credentials

America has been literally inundated by a blue tsunami, with Democrats in control of the White House, both chambers of the U.S. Congress, and plenty of state houses as well.

In simple terms, the good ship America has a new captain who understands only how to use the leftward rudders.

To be a good senator, Governor Paterson believes that one must be a dedicated liberal with a proven record of raising taxes, making American sovereignty subservient to the United Nations, inviting as many illegal aliens as possible into the country to "grow" the rolls of registered Democrats, and in favor of expanding the privacy rights of women to include post-birth procedures for brats who manage to wiggle out of the womb despite the best efforts of the abortionist in charge.

Protesting America's involvement in the Vietnam War while a student in England is considered a major "plus" in satisfying this criteria.

Modest Morality

Because he is blind, black, and bellicose, Governor Paterson has been a highly attractive target for those who hold to unnecessarily high standards of morality and ethics.

Which is why the governor has faced a number of petty accusations including marital infidelity, involvement with drugs, including non-inhaled marijuana, and other actions taken to force the governor to take his defective eyes off the ball--namely, the best interests of the people of New York.

The successful applicant must have a reputation as a sex addict, adulterer, and abuser of government property for securing and delivering sexual pleasure. Being the defendant in a major harassment lawsuit involving high political office is a definite plus.

Again, the major objective is to avoid embarrassing Governor Paterson by unflattering comparison.

Black or Black Avenger

Given the nation's obsession with all things black, the applicant must be an African-American, or be known as one who, through advocacy and ideology, is, in essence, a black.

For example, a white southern dude who is known as the "first black" whatever, would be ideal.

And the Winner Is..

After studiously evaluating all of the criteria and viable candidates, Governor Paterson has reportedly reached a decision.

Opel Bijiquiovarti reports that the governor intends to name former President Bill Clinton to the U.S. Senate seat that will become vacant when Hillary Clinton is sworn is as Secretary of State in January.

Think about the stated criteria and answer this question: Who could possibly be more qualified that Bill Clinton?