satirebylillpop

satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Wedding of Brats Aged 5 and 7 Halted: SF Mayor to Rescue?









Satire By John W. Lillpop

SAN FRANCISCO (LIL) -- A Muslim cleric in Pakistan was poised to give Allah's blessings to Mohammad Waseem, seven years old, and his bride Nishain Karachi, five, who were about to be joined in eternal marital bliss, or until they reached puberty, whichever came first.

However, it all came tumbling down when party pooping police raided the ceremony and arrested the Muslim cleric and the parents of the two children

Television footage showed both children in traditional wedding clothes in the laps of policemen after the raid – the girl with tears running down her cheeks.

Source**

There you go! Even as young as five years old, females hate to let go once they get their hooks locked into an available male!

Pakistan law forbids marriage below the age of 18, a law that Mayor Gavin Newsom of San Francisco described as "discriminatory, damnable, and damaging" to the civil rights of seven year old boys and five year old girls all across the globe.

Mayor Newsom immediately sent a text message to the young victims of Pakistan's archaic laws and invited the children, their parents, and the 100 wedding guests to visit San Francisco where he, the mayor, would be honored to marry the brats on the steps of San Francisco City Hall.

"Love must never be denied because of intolerant laws and bigoted minds," said Newsom, who added that gay weddings are terrific, but limited by the small population of gay lovers, estimated at 10 percent in the general population, and 70-90 percent in this din of inequity.

Apparently, the volume of gay marriages has petered out since the California Supreme Court legalized same sex weddings last June.

That has cut into Newsom's bottom line which is why he is willing to marry the young Pakistanis.

Da Mayor needs the $30.00 wedding fee, and said he may have to start accepting straight weddings if things don't pick up real soon!



Source**
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1879208.ece

Thursday, October 30, 2008

John Murtha Grovels for "Red Neck, Racist" Votes!









Satire By John W. Lillpop


Despite being an unrepentant slanderer of U.S. military heroes, until recently John Murtha seemed fairly safe in his re-election bid as a Representative from Pennsylvania.

That was until the beleaguered 76-year old decided to call people in his district racists, and then while apologizing, called them red necks!**

Red neck racists are what they are, according to this demented old man who belongs in a psychiatric ward.

Instead of being on Capitol Hill, John Murtha should be in confinement where doctors can fill his empty cranium with anti-psychotic drugs to silence the old fool until the Grim Reaper hauls his worthless old carcass off for final disposal!

Amazingly enough, after demeaning his constituency so brutally, Murtha added insult to injury by begging for money and votes from---red neck racists, better known as John Murtha Democrats!

Overall, November 4 may be a black night indeed for the Republican party. However, the gloom and doom will be at least partially mitigated if John Murtha is retired involuntarily from the U.S. House of Representatives!


**Source:

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/murtha-pleas-for-1-million-after-racism-comments-2008-10-30.html

If Obama Wins, Set Clocks BACK 91 Years!



















By John W. Lillpop

Next Sunday at 2 AM, most Americans will turn their clocks back one hour to standard time. Why in the world the government is able to compel anyone to get out of bed at two in the morning just to play God with time is beyond me.

In my home, we usually ignore the two AM edict and simply wait until April, when the whole damn mess takes care of itself.

However, with liberals threatening to invade Washington, D.C., to take over the United States government next Tuesday, a special adjustment is necessary to bring America's time pieces into conformity with the new wave of thinking.

Liberals call it "progressive," but people who know better call it communism, a failed political system that has been rejected just about every where it has been tried.

Communism, the mother of progressive mindlessness, reared it's ugly head concurrent with the Bolshvka Revolution of 1917, which ushered in more than 70 years of political, social, and economic agony for the Russian people.

Despite the obvious inferiority of communism, in 2008 the American people appear ready to install a die hard Marxist in the Oval Office, accompanied by a cast of equally demented comrades in the U.S. Congress.

Should all of that happen, all clocks should be turned back ninety one years to be in synch with the "progressive" thinking that destroyed Russia starting in 1917.

Or, we can simply wait until 2078 because "this too shall pass."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Obama Election Party: Kool-Aid, Favors Courtesy of DNC







Satire By John W. Lillpop

In a joint communiqué issued by ACORN and the DNC, Democrats announced plans for a huge Obama election party on November 4 to celebrate, officially, the election of America's second black president.

In an odd twist of unrequited admiration, former president Bill Clinton was not invited, although Hillary was asked to help with the dirty dishes.

The Obama Election Party communiqué was text messaged to 55 million voters and alleged citizens. Another 20 million Spanish language flyers were dispatched to illegal aliens who are expected to vote in big numeros for the Messiah.

The exact text of that communiqué is reproduced below:

"Greetings and Salutations from the New World Order!

"In order to properly usher in the new Obama administration, you are cordially invited to attend a huge celebration party in Washington D.C., starting at noon on November 4, or whenever the Messiah reaches 270 electoral votes as determined by CNN, whichever comes first.


"To join the festivities, please present your driver's license or Metricula card for admission, make a respectable ($1,000 minimum) gift to the Obama 2012 re-election campaign, and make an organ donation to the campaign just in case some catastrophe left over from the Bush disaster zaps you.

"Refreshments will be provided by the DNC, as the Messiah, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi will personally serve Obama Kool-Aid throughout the afternoon and evening.


Please advise next of kin that you may be delayed somewhat after the party.

Barack and Michelle wish to thank each and every one of you for helping to make the United States one giant Red state, as in communist!

Praise be to Allah and Karl Marx, the new rulers of America!

Your ACORN Representative."



PS: In the highly unlikely event that Obama does not win, it will be because of white racism. Should that eventuality come to pass, the campaign will immediately shift into RIOT mode.

Domestic terrorism gear and weapons will be dispatched by the Messiah, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi upon receipt of a nominal ($1,000) deposit fee. Cash or credit card only, please.

Save your receipts, as this may eventually be tax deductible as a civil rights expense.

Joe: A Four Letter Word for Daft!
















Satire By John W. Lillpop

Joe Biden's claim to have an IQ of 140 should be taken with a grain of salt.

Consider this dilly from the daffy, but affable, senator from Delaware:


“Look, John’s (McCain) last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S,” the Democratic veep nominee said at a morning rally in Athens.

Sister

Note how this sneaky old white guy blames his pitiful arithmetic failings on the absent black guy!

Joe: A four letter word meaning Daft!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Open Letter to Bay Area Newspaper Editors


Dear Editor,


Once again, the editorial staff at your liberal-infested rag has delivered a full slate of election recommendations that would send any card-carrying communist into orgiastic overload. Have you ever even considered a more moderate, pro-America stance, even if just for one election?

Still, there is virtue in being consistent, and, by damn, you folks have been consistently wrong, year after year for several decades now.

Although your choices are about as uplifting as lung cancer, there is an upside for those of us whom are too rushed and scattered to research the complex issues that always clutter the ballot in California.

Specifically, with your recommendations in hand, I can vote with the utmost confidence that my completed ballot will reflect the best opportunity for a free and prosperous America, for my family and future generations.

Best of all, I can make informed, pro-America choices without even bothering to read the ballots or the candidate resumes.

Indeed, by simply voting the exact opposite of what your confused editors advise, I can rest assured that I have done my meager part to keep America strong and the enemy subdued.

Thank you for providing this terrific community service!


John W. Lillpop, Chairman
Yes on No Committee

Compared to Nancy Pelosi, Governor Palin a "Roads" Scholar!


















By John W. Lillpop


Liberals and their humble servants in the mainstream media have waged all out war against Governor Palin by arguing that the governor does not possess the requisite intellect to be president should disaster befall her 72-year old boss, John McCain.

Mind you, the angst on the left is not (they say) driven by the governor's conservative politics and or her Republican heritage. Rather it is a simple matter of wanting what is best for America, and questioning whether or not Sarah Palin has sufficient gray matter to take over the Oval Office should worse come to worse.

As with most liberal arguments, this one is a hypocritical hoot, a real belly gusher in fact!

Think about. Nancy Pelosi, a liberal Democrat, is third in line for succession to the presidency!

Has there ever been a more frightening prospect in U.S. history? Nancy Pelosi in the White House! She is the only living politician who would confuse "Roads" with Rhodes.

We are talking about the diminished capacity Pelosi who claims to be unaware of the fact that abortion is a no-no in the Catholic Church.

At sixty-six years of age and after a lifetime of being an active Catholic all of her life, this air head contends that the doctors of the Church have not yet decided whether or not killing an innocent fetus is a sin?

That would also be the same Pelosi who favored a House resolution, the Armenian Genocide bill, that would have condemned Turkey for acts that took place 90 years ago, from 1915 to 1917.

Pelosi's mindless meddling in the Middle East threatened U.S. access to a military base in Turkey that was a crucial staging ground for supplies headed to Iraq and Afghanistan.

That would also be the same Pelosi who actually said the following, in part, recently:

"If the Democrats win, and have substantial majorities, Congress of the United States will be more bipartisan," said Pelosi

That "logic" makes about as much sense as telling a smoker to light up more often, and inhale more deeply, to ward off lung cancer and heart disease.

Or as intelligent as telling a morbidly obese person to triple his or her fat intake while eliminating all physical exercise in order to get rid of that protruding mid section and multiple chins.

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/politics&id=6473426

Of course, Governor Palin has never done or said anything even remotely as stupid as Nancy Pelosi!

To all those liberals who are worried about the White House falling into the hands of a complete moron: Vote against Nancy Pelosi!

Why Men With Vision Vote Republican!


















By John W. Lillpop


'tis not all that complicated. Just look at the beautiful women who make up the Republican party and who support said party.

Then browse over the horrendous and universal ugliness that is the Democrat party and it's supporters.

Savvy?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Would $150,000 Wardrobe Be Enough to Hide Joe Biden?














Satire By John W. Lillpop

While the mainstream media waxes righteous indignation over Governor Palin's wardrobe, it's costs, and political, social, and Constitutional ramifications, the ever so daft Joe Biden skates into la-la land with gaffe after gaff, without so much as a dissenting whimper.

Biden, lest we forget, is the air head who recently "guaranteed" an international crisis if Barack Obama is elected. Earlier in the campaign, Biden ticked off the Messiah by calling the campaign mocking of John McCain a "terrible" thing.

Joe did come dangerously close to getting one right when he stated the obvious: Hillary Clinton would have been a better VP choice than his dreary old self.

On the other hand, the real Joe Biden came to the fore during a recent television interview in which reporter Barbara West had the temerity to ask the addled senator several "unfair" questions.
Unfair as in "What about the ACORN nuts, Joe?", and "Given Obama's 'spread the wealth' manifesto, is he a Marxist?"

Biden responded to these "unfair" intrusions into Obamamania with the first nervous breakdown broadcast on HD television during prime time.

It was as though the few functioning brain cells left in Biden's very old brain exploded into a crescendo of anger over the audacity of that broadcast beach to challenge the Obama mission to save humankind from capitalism, democracy, and Republicanism.

How dare she? Is she fool enough to believe that she can man handle the Chosen One while hiding behind some flimsy first amendment argument?

The DNC agreed completely with Biden and immediately announced that the offending station would no longer be allowed to interview Obama or Biden, or even Biden's wife.

How clever of the Democrats to wage a simultaneous assault on free speech and the "Fairness Doctrine" in one arrogant misstep. With that sort of efficiency, America could end up under UN control and a member of the European Union within six months after the Obama wrecking crew invades the White House!

Back to the pitiful Joe Biden: Unlike Governor Palin, who is a young and beautiful human being and NOT a Washington insider, Joe Biden has been pigging out at the public trough for over 35 years!

If ever there were a politician who represented the "status quo," and the antithesis of CHANGE, it would be Joe Biden! His selection as the VP nominee should, in and of itself, be enough to disqualify Barack Obama from consideration for any post higher than midnight basketball organizer in downtown Chicago.

Which leads one to wonder:

Should Team Obama look into a wardrobe upgrade for Joe Biden? Would $150,000 in new clothes be enough to hide the incompetence of Delaware's least favorite son?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

How Should Spanish Ballots Be Handled? Shredded Or Torched?








Satire By John W. Lillpop



Conservative intellectuals, planning the next Reagan Revolution, have stumbled upon a very complicated Constitutional question: How should foreign language ballots be handled when we regain power?

There are, of course, a number of intriguing possibilities, among which shredding and burning AND burning AND shredding are party favorites.

The issues arises because of the following logical sequence of conservative thought:

*By law, only citizens are allowed to vote.

*By law, in order to become a citizen, immigrants must pass an English competency test.

*Ergo: In order to vote, one must be competent in English.

Having established that Constitutional principle beyond any reasonable doubt, the astute conservative will then ask:

Why in the hell are we wasting billions of taxpayer dollars to print ballots and voting materials in Spanish?

That is where the ration and reason exclusive to intellectual Republicans comes in. Should the Spanish ballots be burned or should they be shredded?

Or, to be more culturally sensitive, how do you say, "Burn, Baby Burn" in Spanish?

BREAKING NEWS: Cremated Remains Registered by ACORN!



ACORN Worker Searches for More Omaba Votes!







Burning Satire By John Lillpop

Contrary to earlier, false reports the bodies and remains of 27 dearly departed at House of Burns Memorial Chapel were NOT evicted by the property owners.

In fact, it has been determined that the dead were actually stolen by Team Obama ACORN workers who intend to use their names, addresses, and social security numbers in order to register for the November 4 election.

Its all a part of the aggressive "Get out the Vote" campaign put in place by Barack Obama, Howard Dean, and the Funeral Directors Union of America.

The objective is to register enough dead people to offset the tsunami of Palinmania that has Democrats alarmed about their prospects for stealing the White House.

Other DNC "Get out the Vote" initiatives include registration drives in so-called Sanctuary cities where illegal aliens prosper, and in Northern provinces of Mexico itself.

ACORN is looking for Spanish-speaking volunteers to travel to Mexico to register citizens (of Mexico!) for Obama.

Finally, Team Obama has dispatched ACORN voter fraud experts to Hospices all around the nation in a last ditch attempt to secure at least 90 percent of the dead and or nearly dead people of color demographic!

Reaction by the McCain Camp was swift and vocal: Said a McCain spokesperson, "this sort of voter fraud really burns my ass!"

Well said!

Honest Questions: Beyond Joe Biden's Pay Grade!












Sarcasm By John W. Lillpop

One of the pitfalls of being a liberal Democrat politician is that one is almost never asked probing questions about policy or procedure. Thus, on the odd occasion when a journalism professional shows up, the unprepared leftist normally explodes with anger and resentment.

Plagiarist Joe Biden was reacquainted with that brutal truth last week.

It all happened when television reporter Barbara West had the temerity to ask the beleaguered senator several "unfair" questions.

To a Democrat, unfair means any question not of the "softball" variety which Biden is accustomed to getting from mainstream media freaks, after which he flashes that vile smile just to show that the constant ramming of his feet into his mouth has not knocked out all his front teeth.

Reporter West had the audacity to ask Biden about ACORN and Obama's communist manifesto delivered to Joe the Plumber, who, by the way, is more qualified to be vice president than Joe the Plagiarist.

These were honest and reasonable questions that the voting public deserves honest answers to. However, Joe the Plagiarist was in no mood for honest and reasonable questions.

Later on, Adrianne Marsh, Florida spokeswoman for Obama's campaign, characterized West as "both combative and woefully uninformed about simple facts," a perfect description of the addled Biden, it would seem.

In the end, though, Democrats got even by canceling a scheduled interview with Biden's wife and by suggesting that future interviews with WFTV were unlikely before Election Day.

The full story and video of the Biden Crucifixion at the stake are available at the link.


TV:

Frankly Speaking, Cutting Defense 25 Percent Is Dumb!
















Satire By John W. Lillpop

Representative Barney Frank recently announced his ideas for saving the American people hundreds of billions of dollars each year by cutting military spending at least twenty five percent.

Although his proposed cuts were widely publicized, mainstream media somehow failed to mention how liberal Frank would re-allocate those funds.

Through illegal wire-tapping and other devious means authorized personally by President Bush and Pat Robertson, this reporter has secured the "Barney Frank Wish List" from anonymous sources.

Herewith, then, how Barney Frank plans to take $150 billion a year from defense and homeland security and spend that money on urgently needed domestic programs:


The Barney Frank Wish List For Reallocating Defense Funds


*Establish a new Gay Awareness and Pride (GAP) national holiday. Make room for the new holiday by eliminating Memorial Day;

Estimated annual cost: $10 billion

* Sponsor a Human Sexuality and Modern Technology global summit to answer these burning questions,

"Can Cloning Technology Replace Heterosexual Sex As a Tool for Procreation?" and

"Can Cloning Solve the Under Population Crisis Among Gays and Lesbians?"

Estimated Annual Cost: $105 billion

*Develop and distribute a new, fully illustrated educational pamphlet titled, " Inherent Pitfalls and Dangers of Heterosexuality," for use in eradicating homophobia in pre-school youth two years and above;

Estimated Annual Cost: $25 billion

*Amend No Child Left Behind legislation to mandate the use of the common cucumber as a vital teaching tool for all classes K-12. No exceptions.

Estimated Annual Cost: $10 billion

*Revise Affirmative Action statutes and IRS tax laws to require that at least ten percent of all federally sponsored adoptions be awarded to same-sex couples.

Estimated Annual Cost: $45 billion

Note: The planned reallocations are in excess of the amount cut from defense. However, the Democrats will make up the difference through elimination of tax-exempt status for Southern Baptists and other anti-gay right-wing cabals!

A tip to the Republican National Committee: If you folks really want to win the November 4 election, just follow Barney Frank around and make sure that all of his proposals are publicized and understood by American voters!

pgw

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Barney Frank Wish List for Reallocating Defense Funds










Satire By John W. Lillpop

Representative Barney Frank recently announced his ideas for saving the American people hundreds of billions of dollars each year by cutting military spending at least twenty five percent.

Although his proposed cuts were widely publicized, mainstream media failed to mention how liberal Frank would re-allocate those funds.

Through illegal wire-tapping and other devious means authorized personally by President Bush and Pat Robertson, this reporter has secured the "Barney Frank Wish List" from anonymous sources.

Herewith, then, how Barney Frank plans to take $150 billion a year from defense and homeland security and spend that money on urgently needed domestic programs:


The Barney Frank Wish List For Reallocating Defense Funds


*Establish a new Gay Awareness and Pride (GAP) national holiday. Keep costs in check by eliminating Memorial Day;

($10 Billion)

* Sponsor a Human Sexuality and Modern Technology global summit to answer these burning questions,

"Can Cloning Technology Replace Heterosexual Sex As a Tool for Procreation?" and

"Can Cloning Solve the Under Population Crisis Among Gays and Lesbians?"

($75 billion)

*Develop and distribute a new, fully illustrated educational pamphlet titled, " Inherent Pitfalls and Dangers of Heterosexuality," for use in eradicating homophobia in pre-school youth two years and above;

($50 Billion)

*Amend No Child Left Behind legislation to mandate the use of the common cucumber as a vital teaching tool for all classes K-12. No exceptions.

($55 Billion)

*Revise Affirmative Action statutes and IRS tax laws to require that at least ten percent of all federally sponsored adoptions be awarded to same-sex couples.

($60 Billion.)

Note: Funds shortfall to be fixed through elimination of tax-exempt status for Southern Baptists and other anti-gay right-wing cabals!

A tip to the Republican National Committee: If you folks really want to win the November 4 election, just follow Barney Frank around and make sure that all of his proposals are publicized and understood by American voters!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Ashley Todd: Confused ACORN Worker?







Satire by John W. Lillpop

As Americans strive to recover from the devastating fraud perpetrated by Ashley Todd, a new unconfirmed report is about to explode.

It is being whispered about that Ashley Todd is, in fact, an Obama operative and ACORN director whose job it was to create a major distraction for a few days to cover up important news concerning Obama's fraudulent birth certificate.

Todd was also charged with diverting media coverage away from Joe the Plumber and his pesky bitching about Obama's communist plans for America.

The distraction worked beautifully, as mainstream media have been obsessed with the Ashley Todd hoax.

Media have even spinned the hoax as an ineloquent attempt by a psychotic racist to humiliate black men, that being Obama and Todd's alleged assailant who writes upside down and backwards when carving the letter "B" into an already repulsive face.

As of now, no mainstream media have had the guts to report that Todd's scheme was pre-planned to make it appear as though she were a demented surrogate for the McCain campaign.

Meanwhile, Obama is struggling silently to cover up legal appearances and Motions to Dismiss filed on his behalf. With the aid and comfort of the liberal media, Obama is finding that no lie is too huge or insidious to hide.

In another vile twist to this vile story, seasoned journalists are claiming that the Todd fraud should have been immediately recognized as such based on one outstanding fact:

Obama anarchists have been instructed to use guns, not knives.

Good point!

Consider, please: In order to counter his public image as a wuss, a bloke without the cojones that any American president must have to gain and maintain the upper hand against blood thirsty terrorists and brutal dictators, Barack Obama issued the following call to arms last June:

"If they (Republicans) bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun," Obama said, according to pool reports."


GUNS


Clearly, the Messiah wants guns, not knives, to be used against Republicans!

Sorry, Ashley, but it appears as though you are just not devious enough to lie for Obama and ACORN!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Will Democrats Try to Repeal 22nd Amendment?


















By John W. Lillpop


Now that Democrats are about to send a clone of Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and Harry S. Truman, rolled into one black community organizer, to the Oval Office, how soon will it be before these anti-American lunatics clamor for repeal of the 22nd Amendment, the one that established a two-term limit for the presidency?

After all, the argument will go, after eight years of the Bush-Cheney wrecking team, it will take at least sixteen years to restore America to the idyllic state that Bill Clinton passed on to Republicans in 2000.

In fact, sixteen years may not be enough if Joe Biden's "Crystal ball" of disaster and woe is at all accurate.

Why not round it off to an even 20 years to give the Messiah time enough to rid America of capitalism and democracy forever?

A 20-year Obama presidency would have one positive advantage:

In 2028, Hillary Rodham Clinton will be 82 years old and far too aged to be anything but a senior spokeswoman for old bitches!

Which is really what she is in 2008!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ending Infanticide: Uncle Sam Should Purchase Toxic Fetuses!







By John W. Lillpop


Now that the federal government has branched out into private enterprise by purchasing interests in financial institutions on a grand scale, why not expand that role to include redemption of innocent fetuses destined for destruction by reckless women?

Here is how it would work:

The Supreme Court's Inalienable Right to Kill (IRK) ruling of 1973, also known as Roe V. Wade, would be overturned, making abortion illegal. Violations would result in first degree murder charges being filed against both the aborting woman and the attending physician.

With the repeal of IRK would come a new government program called Bailing Out Babies (BOB), which would mandate that the government adopt all fetuses whom have fallen out of favor with their would be mothers because of poor health, being the wrong sex, financial concerns, and other common reasons that drive women to slaughter innocent babies before birth.

In order to effect the repeal of IRK, it would be necessary to amend the U.S. Constitution to delete that pesky "privacy" provision that gives women the inalienable right to murder at will.

Implementing BOB would spare cafeteria Catholics like Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden the indignity of being denied Communion because of their obsession with IRK.

It would also grant human fetuses the same consideration afforded stray cats and dogs by animal shelters all across the land.

Purchasing toxic fetuses: It is the least that a liberal-infested government can do "for the children!"


JWL/PGW

Monday, October 20, 2008

VOTER PAMPHLET: Voting for Democrats Worse Than Smoking!









Satire By John W. Lillpop


A Beam of Bright Light


With critically important elections just a tad more than a fortnight away, Americans must be warned of the inherent dangers in voting for any Democrat to fill a position higher than community organizer.

According to a confidential report that is being withheld until after the election, Democrat politicians are more of a health hazard than smoking three packs of unfiltered Camel cigarettes every day.

The good news is that breaking an addiction to liberalism is far easier and less traumatic than giving up smokes. All that is required is a clear mind and clean conscious before entering the voting booth.

This voter guide is designed to steer voters away from liberalism on November 4. The objective is to save America and all of western civilization, which is admittedly an ambitious, but worthy, goal.

Please take this pamphlet into the voting booth and refer to as often as needed to fight off the temptation to vote for silly change that will only make matters worse!

With this pamphlet, you are empowered to do the right thing. Do it for the children!


Understanding the Mental Disorder Known as Liberalism

The liberal brain does not collect and process information in a logical, reasonable, and objective manner. Rather, liberal thinking is dominated by an obsession with power, and use of that power to preserve elitist advantages.

This distorted perspective makes it very difficult to understand exactly how liberals think without advanced training in Abnormal Psychology.

Nonetheless, the following non-technical summary should be useful to lay people.

Ten Top Reasons for Not Electing Liberals


A thoughtful analysis of how liberals think on 10 major issues of the day should be enough to convince any reasonable American that liberals are not to be trusted.


1. The U.S. Constitution Is Unconstitutional

According to liberal dogma, the Declaration of Independence, U.S. Constitution, and Bill of Rights are unconstitutional because all were crafted by an exclusive conclave of white male Christians.

Women, Hispanics, African-Americans, Asians, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, the handicapped, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and the blind were all under represented, if at all.

Because of this devastating lack of diversity, the Constitution must be regarded as a "living document," subject to change in accordance with ever changing demographics and contemporary values.


2. Free Speech

Freedom of speech must never be quashed, except for criticism directed at minorities and sensitive constituencies of the Democrat party.

Burning Old Glory is protected free speech, whereas expressions of conservative values by people like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage are unacceptable "hate speech," which must be subjected to "fairness" censoring by the federal government.


3. Abortion, the Death Penalty and Assisted Suicide

On issues of life and death, liberals are especially vulnerable to tripping on their own hypocritical double talk.

Namely:

A woman’s right to abort the life of an innocent child is inalienable; whereas execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric.

Starving a helpless victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable; but using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not.


4. Religion

Religious faith and belief in God are outdated pagan concepts, which do more harm than good. Sophisticated citizens can rely on the Democrat party for support from cradle to grave, obviating the need to rely on beliefs and rituals long since debunked.

Symbols of Christianity such as the Ten Commandments, the Cross, Christmas trees, nativity scenes, and the like must be hidden from public view so as to offend no one.

Publicly wishing a friend or family member "Merry Christmas" is clearly an act of civil disobedience and unconstitutional.

While Christianity is to be suppressed at all costs, Islam must be openly promoted in the name of religious awareness, sensitivity and tolerance.

The separation of state and government applies fully when dealing with Christianity or Judaism, but is irrelevant with regard to Islam and all other religions.

Delivery of Christmas cards and gifts by the United States Postal Service is an unconstitutional violation of state-religion separation and must end immediately.


5. Taxes

Leveling the playing field between haves and have-nots is the most important function of government, even more critical than national security.

To support that objective, no government role is more essential than levying and collecting taxes, otherwise known as redistribution of wealth.

Tax cuts are wrong when returned to people who actually paid taxes, but are perfectly fine when sent to those who paid none.

Although most liberals deny that Jesus even lived, many use the quote in Matthew 22:21, "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s..." to justify higher taxes.

Paying taxes is the "Christian Conservative" thing to do!


6. Marriage and Same-Sex Issues

The traditional American family consisting of one man and one woman is just one of several possible arrangements, all of which are equally moral and acceptable.

Marriage is no longer necessary to sanctify man-woman relationships.

Although the institution of marriage is no longer vital to heterosexual partners, it is absolutely essential that same-sex couples be allowed to marry. To deny them that basic right is discriminatory, immoral, unfair, and clearly unconstitutional.


7 Racism, Diversity and Affirmative Action

Liberals believe that discrimination based on race or gender is wrong. Except when waged against Caucasian men, in which case it is mandated by law and called Affirmative Action.

"Our Diversity Is our Greatest Strength" is the liberal pledge of allegiance to socialism.

Enforcing U.S. borders and immigration laws, including deportation of illegal aliens, is wrong because it targets Hispanics, obviously based on racial profiling.

Those who support English as the official language of America are racists. But those who prefer Spanish and other foreign languages over English are not because of the inherent value of diversity.

Conservatives who seek to preserve American language and culture are bigoted hate mongers, whereas new immigrants, including illegal aliens, must be allowed to maintain and celebrate their cultural heritage at all costs, even if it interferes with assimilation into mainstream America.


8. Preserving the American Dream for Working Class Americans

According to liberal propaganda, they are the only hope for American families, notwithstanding the fact that Democrats support the influx of millions of illegal aliens who work for lower wages and without benefits, and drive down the standard of living for working families.

Skyrocketing gasoline prices devastate working American families, but protecting Alaskan wild life is a greater priority.

Businesses are oppressive institutions that must not be allowed to become too large and powerful. By contrast, government creates wealth & happiness and should be expanded whenever possible.

Outsourcing of American jobs to foreign nations is driven by immoral corporate greed.

By contrast, open borders and amnesty are acceptable because most illegal aliens are future Democrats.

Huge profits are obscene and un-American, except when enjoyed by Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner, Teddy Kennedy, and other liberals.


9. Global Warming, the Environment, and Energy Independence

According to liberal technocrats like Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, Katie Couric, and Dennis Kucinich, global warming is a greater threat to the health and well being of humanity than the war on terror.

Some liberal extremists even think that the colors of the American flag should be changed to green, white, and blue so as to reflect the importance of the environment to our nation, while simultaneously deleting the color red, which symbolizes blood shed in illegal wars waged by Bushes 41 and 43.


10. Use of Military Force, Invading Foreign Nations

Military force must never be used, except when needed to advance interests not vital to the United States, or to obscure a Democrat president’s sexual misconduct in the Oval Office.

Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when aliens from Mexico invade America.

Understanding liberal thinking is probably more trouble than it is worth. The more prudent action would be to take all necessary steps to assure that liberals are not elected or reelected to political office.

For those overwhelmed by the desire to vote for the Democrats, a word of life saving advice: Have a Camel instead!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Barack Obama for President--Of Kenya!














Satire By John W. Lillpop

When you think about it, Barack Obama would be perfect for Kenya. Consider his advantages:


*Was born there, is a Kenyan citizen

*Hates America

*Was Never U.S. citizen

*Fancies domestic terrorists and corrupt business men

*Has family there

*Loves poor, illiterate people (Democrats)

*Hates capitalism





*Perhaps a Kenyan witch doctor can do a decent makeover for Michelle?











*Speaks Kenyan

Clearly, Barack Obama's home and rightful place in world politics should be in Kenya!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Why Is There No "Red Neck Heritage" Month?













By John W. Lillpop


What is it with America's obsession with diversity? It's diversity this, diversity that, blah, blah, blah!

February was Black History month, and September was Hispanic heritage month.

In fact, it seems as though there is a "month" for every sub-group in our society except the most stellar group of all: Good old American red necks!

Why is there no "Red Neck Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by these stellar males?

Think of the many things that would be missing from American life without red necks.

Without red necks there would be no:

Self-cleaning spittoons;

Wal Mart drug stores;

Lung cancer;

Pants or underwear to accomodate the 50 and above waist line;

Hooter's restaurants;

Global warming;

Anti-incest laws;

Reform schools;

Indoor pet pigs;

Out houses, built for two;

NRA or shooting ranges;

Unemployment benefits;

Homophobes;

Tax evasion prisons;

Bowling alleys and other cultural centers;

Nude beaches;

NASA;

Tobacco subsidies;

Hunting season;

Hate speech;

ESL for American-born citizens!

Electric chair;

Second amendment defense groups;

Country music;

Recyclable condoms;

Alimony and child support;

Dead beat daddy laws;

George W. Bush;

Alcoholics anonymous;

Misogamy;

False teeth and dentures;

N word;

Shotgun weddings;

Potato chips;

Rape crisis centers;

Everything BBQ;

Foot long Beef Jerky;

Handcuffs;

Religious right;

Bail bonds;

FCC seven banned words;

12-step programs for incontinence;

Rush Limbaugh;

Single moms;

Clogged arteries;

Pandemic of acid indigestion;

Wage garnishment;

Confederate flag;

Two pound sugar waffles smothered in real butter;

Drunk tanks and holding cells;

Minor league baseball;

Motel six bridal suites;

Illiteracy, except among illegal aliens;

Topless bars;

Teenage pregnancies;

Big Mac Triple Pounders with large fries and one fork;

Remedial English and summer school, and

Sarah Palin fan clubs.

Urgent: Write your Congress critter, if you are able, and tell him or her to make March through August of every year the Official Red Neck Heritage months in America!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

About that 14 Point Obama Lead


















By John W. Lillpop



According to a recent poll conducted by CBS and the New York Times, Barack Obama has opened a commanding 14-point leader over John McCain. That news is sure to deflate Republicans while spreading great joy among Democrats.

However, before cracking open an expensive bottle of champagne to celebrate a Democrat victory, or alternatively, before buying a cheap revolver with which to escape a certain outbreak of Obamamania, please remember that polls are not always what they appear to be.

For example, consider the fact that the CBSNYT poll was limited to the following voting blocs and locations:

-Sleeper cells.

-ACORN employees and supervisors.

-La Raza, CAIR, and ACLU offices.

-The UN building.

-Day labor centers (English speakers excluded)

-Black universities and colleges.

-Opinion editors at the Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and Washington Post.

-CBS and New York Times staff members and pre-screened family, and

-The entire city of San Francisco.

In addition to devising a science-based model for sampling and analysis of polling data, the CBSNYT poll questions were prepared with painstaking care in order to secure an objective and unbiased measurement of public opinion.

Sample poll questions included these:

Q: Would you vote for Barack Obama if voting for the other guy would mean eight more years of George W. Bush and a dumb, female version of Dick Cheney?

Q: Are you aware of the fact that John McCain is related by blood to that racist bogeyman, the late George Wallace?
Does that knowledge make it more likely that you will vote for Barack Obama?

Q: If you were offered a job by ACORN as a community organizer with a starting salary of $100,000 per year and a fabulous benefits package, would you vote for Barack Obama?

Q: Vice President Sarah Palin reportedly takes sporting pleasure in shooting people of color when Alaska's moose and bear hunting season is over. Does that documented fact increase the probability that you will vote for Barack Obama?

Q: Are you interested in solving America's problems including the Iraq war, soaring home foreclosures, total collapse of the economy, skyrocketing inflation, high unemployment, a continuing energy crisis, global warming, failure of the systems of education, and persistent racism? Would you vote for Barack Obama if you knew he could fix these issues?


Q: John McCain is a 72-year old man with health problems. Barack Obama is a young and vital man who is clean and articulate and in perfect health. Do you agree that electing an old man with health problems, who might very well die in office, is a bad idea? Would you prefer to elect a qualified young man who is in perfect health and likely to be around for a second term?


With those questions being posed to the voting blocks indicated, it is a miracle that Obama is not leading by triple digits or more!

Remember that more often than not, polls are used to manipulate, rather than measure, public opinion!

Madonna Divorce Imminent: Who's the Lucky Guy?




















Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

Eight minutes of living with former pop star Madonna would provide enough pain and misery to drive most rational men to drink and or drugs.

Imagine being married to the aging bag of hot air for eight years!

That particular form of "cruel and unusual punishment" is about to end for Guy Ritchie who is reportedly set to divorce the 40+ relic of entertainment long since out of vogue in America as well as in most nations with electricity and indoor plumbing.

Guy is indeed the lucky guy!

While Ritchie goes about the business of cleaning out trash from a generation ago, Madonna continues to pretend that she is relevant in the modern world with her sickly "Sticky and Sweet" world tour, reportedly a smash hit in assisted suicide centers for the elderly all across Europe.

A tip to Guy Ritchie: Make sure your settlement with Madonna includes 50 percent of her social security benefits. After eight years of being manacled to the beach you deserve every benefit coming to you.

To Madonna: You need to know that Governor Palin has no desire whatsoever to see one of your vulgar shows! Take that!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Culture of Corruption Snares Another Democrat While Pelosi Snoozes!
















By John W. Lillpop


In 2006, Republican Mark Foley did the honorable thing when news of his sex scandal was disclosed: He immediately resigned his seat in the House of Representatives.

At the time, Nancy Pelosi chalked up the Foley scalp as another ringing example of the "Culture of Corruption" run by and for Republicans.

Unfortunately for Pelosi and the Democrats, Tim Mahoney,
the Democrat who captured Foley's seat, has apparently entangled himself in not only a sexual tryst, but what appears to be a $120,000 payoff as well.

Unlike House Republicans who demanded that Foley leave, Democrats have circled the wagon around Mahoney in order to avoid losing that House seat.

Politics before principle, or so it appears.

From ABC News, this report:

"Senior Democratic leaders in the House of Representatives, including Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), the chair of the Democratic Caucus, have been working with Mahoney to keep the matter from hurting his re-election campaign, the Mahoney staffers said."

What about the integrity of the House and doing the business of the people, Rep. Emanuel? Is that just too much to expect from a Democrat?

Speaker Pelosi issued the following public statement:

"I just learned today about the serious allegations concerning Congressman Tim Mahoney. These charges must be immediately and thoroughly investigated by the House Ethics Committee."

Just learned about the scandal, Speaker Pelosi? Is that because you were too busy looking for non-existent corruption among Republicans to smell the stench on your own doorstep?

By the way, didn't Pelosi advertise herself as the woman who would "clean up the House" ?

Judging from the likes of Tim Mahoney and Charles Rangel, that woman is just not up to the task!

Dow Gains Nearly 1,0000: Democrats break Out in Cold Sweats!









Satire By John W. Lillpop


Pity the poor Democrats!

After the collapse of the economy, Speaker Pelosi was all revved up to call the House of Representatives back into session just to waste another trillion dollars of taxpayer money on social programs.

Majority Leader Harry Reid was about to declare the economy "lost" and the future bleak, while demanding an immediate surrender to socialism.

Barack Obama was drafting and rehearsing his inaugural speech, but only when he could spare a few moments away from preparing fundraising plans for the 2012-reelection campaign.

Michelle Obama was writing out orders for the furniture movers that will be packing, transporting, and unpacking the Obama family stuff from their mansion in Illinois to the more modest digs at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

(It makes one proud to be an American when one realizes that the first African-American First Family in history can not get all of their possessions into the White House!)

Elsewhere, Hillary and Bill Clinton were sticking pins into an "Obama Doll" in hopes of eliciting a last minute collapse by the Obama-Biden ticket. Hillary even contacted Sarah Palins's witch doctor for professional help in placing a curse on Obama.

Katie Couric, Tom Brokaw, Wolfe Blitzer, Charles Gibson, and all of the other leftist loons in mainstream media were getting fitted for new gowns and tuxedos for the Obama inaugural balls, invitations to which had been received via text message right after the second presidential debate.

It all seemed so simple, almost as if pre-ordained by God and carried out a contingent of heavenly angels, all of whom had their right wings amputated, leaving only left ones for the important business of crowing the most important figure on earth since the days of Jesus Christ.

Then the dastardly rascals on Wall Street threw the liberals an unexpected curve by resurrecting the market with the largest stock rally in history!

Nearly 1,000 points were added to the value of stocks in just one day!

Egad! The Bush tax cuts were working, to say nothing of that $850 billion that Hank Paulson was doling out to needy CEOs and other Wall Street crooks.

Cynics immediately suspected foul play. John Lewis called Wall Street a cabal of racists similar to Gorge Wallace and John McCain.

Other Democrats pleaded for calm, pointing out that there was still a plethora of great news to celebrate:

Overall, the market was still 6,000 points in the red since one year ago, unemployment was on the rise, and home foreclosures were ravaging the middle class in record numbers!

In addition, according to Democrat motivational speakers, there were the recent bombings in Iraq to exploit, and, thank God, Afghanistan was turning sour.

With any luck, Democrat insiders say, the Taliban should be able to stage a major insurgency, just in time to give Obama a last minute boost going into the election.

Still, Democrats concede that they are very concerned about the conniving unpredictability of all those fat Republicans on Wall Street.

Which is why Barack Obama is about to call for the stock exchange to be shut down, effective immediately, until after the election in order to restore "calm" to the electoral process.

Dealing honestly with the cold sweats is apparently outside the pay grade of the former community organizer from Illinois!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Why Is Jimmy Carter Not Chasing ACORNs?


John W. Lillpop


America's worst former president continues to amaze and dismay.

This is the man who trots all over the globe to oversee elections in foreign nations so as to sound the alarm when election fraud occurs.

However, for some reason, Carter is dead silent as elections are being stolen by communists, ACORNs, and other nuts in these sovereign locations:

Indiana

Pennsylvania

Nevada

Ohio

Missouri

More TBA


Wake up, Jimmy Carter! The United States is being turned into a banana republic by Team Obama.

Sound your horn!

Legacy Panic Replaces Shock & Awe: Can U.S. Survive W's Final Days?













Satire By John W. Lillpop


The most urgent question facing America these days is as follows:

Has George W. Bush ceased taking his medications during the waning days of his presidential crusade against evil doers?

More specifically, is there a medical doctor in or about the White House who can examine the president and make any necessary adjustments to assure that our lame duck does not blow up the planet between now and approximately 4 PM on January 20?

These questions deserve serious consideration in light of recent decisions emanating from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

In the last few days, for instance, North Korea has made headlines by booting UN inspectors from the country, test firing missiles, taking steps to restart a nuclear reactor, and threatening to make war with South Korea.

In the good old days when W was fully medicated and otherwise under wraps, such behavior would have prompted an immediate "shock and awe" order from America's preemptive president and tough- as- nails commander-in-chief.

It would have been bombs away, and in your face, Kim Yong Il!

However, the lame duck waddling through the White House these days has decided to try an entirely unique approach in dealing with dangerous renegades.

Namely, North Korea is to be removed from U.S. list of state sponsors of terrorism.

YAHOO


Got it, Kim Yong Il? You are no longer considered a terrorist! Your evil doer days are kaput.

To prove it, W has sent billions in foreign aid cash, food, and presidential-quality liquor to the goofy madman. Take that Il!

To make matters worse, W's altered mindset has not gone unnoticed in other parts of the world.

Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Russia's Vladimir Putin, and Venezuela's Hugo Chavez are all reportedly planning anti-American acts of terrorism in order to capitalize on W's wobbly condition.

It is also reported that certain CEOs from Wall Street have entered into confidential Multi-million dollar consulting contracts with China and Cuba to advise those communist states how best to profit during the last days of America's worst president in history.

After all, Wall Street tycoons successfully blackmailed W into giving the barons of finance $825 billion for the socialization of America's stock market and toxic assets.

Who better, then, to advise our enemies about how to best take advantage of the "legacy panic" that has W in a snit these days?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Dems Troll for Votes: Obituaries, Day Labor Centers, Prisons













Satire By John W. Lillpop

With the election less than 30 days away and John McCain showing no promising signs of a disabling injury or worse, Barack Obama and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) have decided to use a campaign strategy that has served Democrat candidates well in the past.

Liberals call it Voter Outreach, but federal and state election officials prefer a less PC term that is more precise: Voter Fraud.

Voter fraud has been in the Democrat Party's bag of tricks for generations. Without it, John Fitzgerald Kennedy would have lost the presidency to Richard M. Nixon in 1960.

Further, without the humiliation of the 1960 loss in his craw, President Nixon would have not delivered his infamous "You won't have Nixon to kick around" speech after losing a bid to become governor of California in 1962, and he would not have authorized the Watergate break-in of DNC headquarters in 1972.

Therefore, Nixon would not have been forced to resign, and America would not have burdened with the presidencies of Lyndon Johnson, Gerald Ford, and Jimmy Carter.

Spiro Agnew, Nixon's actual vice president in 1968, might have been elected president after Nixon, setting the stage for the first arrest of a sitting president in US history as federal agents would have kicked in the door to the Oval Office and perk-walked the handcuffed Agnew away for accepting bribes.

With no Spiro Agnew to serve as hit man during the first Nixon term, Americans would have been denied these classic quotes from the conservative icon:

"Ultra-liberalism today translates into a whimpering isolationism in foreign policy, a mulish obstructionism in domestic policy, and a pusillanimous pussyfooting on the critical issue of law and order. "

Moreover, what would history be without Agnew's most famous assault on the media?

"In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism."

But back to 2008 and the contemptible scheming by DNC Chairman Howard Dean and Obama to steal the election.

According to insiders, Dean and Obama have ordered an all out effort to appease, cajole, bribe, extort,and blackmail members of the Obama core constituency.

That would be sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the Dearly Departed.

Sleeper cells could be a veritable gold mine of opportunity in which to troll for Obama votes.

With his three Muslim names and history of taking spiritual guidance from a pastor who blames the US for 9/11, Obama seems a shoo-in to capture the sleeper cell vote on November 4.

After all, what dedicated Jihadist and dues-paying sleeper cell dude would skip over Barack Hussein Obama in order to vote for an alleged conservative and lily-white Christian crusader named John McCain?

When it comes to illegal aliens, Obama again appears to have a clear edge. It will be recalled that he talked down to US citizens by insisting that Americans should learn Spanish, the preferred language to millions of aliens here illegally.

Obama added to his anti-rule of law credentials by promising to deliver amnesty to all "law-abiding illegal aliens," a newly minted oxymoron created for the specific purpose of pandering to Hispanics.

With regard to felons, Democrats are particularly sensitive to ruthless laws that prohibit this abused demographic from voting. Minority felons are a party favorite since they are doubly vulnerable to liberal propoganda.

Another natural fit for Dean and Obama!

When it comes to the Dearly Departed demographic, Obama comes out on top again.

Current Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley is the offspring of Mayor Richard J. Daley, the man who elected John F. Kennedy by padding the Democrat vote totals with Cook County residents long since expired, thereby titling Illinois to JFK, and sending a disgruntled Richard Nixon back to California in search of a governor's mansion to haunt.

By focusing on sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the deceased, Obama will be able to avoid wasting money and time on campaign stops dominated by bitter Americans who worship guns and the Holy Bible.

That should allow Obama to mount a most formidable campaign.

Voter Fraud: Without It, Democrats are hopeless!

THAT ONE for President? Ugh!

By John W Lillpop

The candidacy of Barack Obama presents voters with two equally unattractive and stark choices:

A vote for anyone but Obama automatically renders one a bigoted racist. Perfect if you fancy white sheets and burning crosses.














A vote for Obama makes you an America-hating, commie-loving socialist looking to destroy our nation. Perfect if you live in the San Francisco Bay Area where you will fit right in with the vast left wing majority.



What to do?

How about writing in NOTA, none of the above?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Should Gays Be Labeled With Warning Tattoos?











By John W. Lillpop


Leave it to blokes in jolly old England to bring humor to the subject of gays and AIDS.

From telegraph.co.uk comes this report:

"The Rev Dr Peter Mullen, who is rector of St Michael’s Cornhill and St Sepulchre without Newgate in the City, said in an internet blog that homosexuality was 'clearly unnatural, a perversion and corruption of natural instincts and affections, and because it is a cause of fatal disease'.

"He wrote: 'Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.' "

Telegraph:

Can you be more specific, Dr. Mullen? Tell us how you really feel without pulling any punchs!

Be graphic if necessary.

Force Bush to Deliver State of Union Before He Skips Town!














Satire By John W. Lillpop

Unprecedented, it would be.

Nevertheless, think about it: Why should Barack Obama be forced to stand before the U.S. Congress, the nation, and the world to explain the dreadful mess that George W. Bush has created?

After all, giving the 2009 State of the Union message is bound to be a lose-lose proposition for whomever it falls on to deliver said oratory.

On one hand, standing before the world and declaring that the "State of the Union is good," would be farcical, but all too typical of Bush.

On the other hand, telling the truth by saying the "State of the Union is dismal," could cause additional panic and dismay, neither of which will help alleviate the situation.

Since accountability and personal responsibility are making a come back, why not prop the hapless George W. Bush up one last time and let him accept blame for the financial meltdown, rampant home foreclosures, the never ending Iraq war, open borders and out of control illegal immigration, revitalization of Russia and communism there, and China's ascent as a global power?

Moreover, since W is widely recognized as a fanatical baseball fan, let him include a weepy statement of compassion for fans of the Chicago Cubs, poor souls that have been denied a world championship for the 100th consecutive year.

100, and counting.

"Wait until next year," W could plea in a message intended for jilted Cub fans, but which would be equally applicable to anyone with a spiritual or financial stake in America.

To conclude his presidency, at high noon on January 20, W should ride out of town on a blind donkey, symbolic of his vision less incompetence and closeted fondness for the Democrat party.

Once W has moved his blind ass beyond the Washington, D.C. city limits, President Obama would get the key to the White House.

America would then begin the long, tortured journey away from the miserable legacy left by the "Worst president in U.S. history."

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Likely CHANGE If Obama Is Elected







Satire By John Lillpop


Should voters be foolish enough to elect Barack Obama on November 4, the following Changes will be America's just rewards:

The 44th president of the United States will take the Oath of Office in a cave at an undisclosed location in Pakistan or Afghanistan. He will place his left hand on the Koran, while swearing (in Arabic) at the U.S. Constitution, capitalism, and bitter white rural Christians with handguns;

Presidential Inaugural Balls will be held in Mecca, the Dome of the Rock, Madina, and other venues with large populations of American-hating Jihadists, like San Francisco and Detroit;

Abortions will be mandatory--for pregnant Jews;

The Iraq war will be officially declared a "Hate Crime" against Islam;

Lethal injection will replaced by beheading, hanging, or public stoning, especially for morally corrupt women who allow themselves to be raped, or whom are audacious enough to hold public office;

Women will be prohibited from driving automobiles, thereby reducing gasoline consumption in America by at least 50 percent, immediately ending the need for offshore drilling;

Reverend Jeremiah Wright will serve as Secretary of Defense;

U.S. Marines will invade the site of 9/11 to destroy all commemorative symbols as well as any plans to rebuild Twin Towers;

The term "Under God" will be replaced by "As ordered by Allah" in the Pledge of Allegiance;

Every Friday afternoon will be reserved for mandatory mosque attendance and praying in an easterly direction, as prescribed by federal law;

Enjoying Miller Time, Happy Hour and other Friday traditions savored by America's unwashed masses will be cause for immediate beheading, or worse!;

Ramadan will replace Christmas and Thanksgiving as national holidays; celebrating Yon Kipper will be a felony, punishable by death on the first offense;

Burning the American flag will no longer be a crime, unless Al Gore decides that the smoke from smoldering flags causes global warming;

All citizens will be automatically covered by universal health care insurance at birth; illegal aliens will be covered only after registering as Democrats;

An "Excess Initiative Tax" will be paid by households with annual incomes exceeding $200,000;

A "Global Warming Tax" will be levied on SUVs and luxury cars registered to Republicans and southern Democrats;

Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger will be appointed Director of Homeland Security;

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld will be sent to Guantánamo Bay for their roles in the Iraq war. Habeas corpus will be denied all four, and

Terrorists held at Guantánamo Bay will be set free to make room for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld.


Barack Obama: Can America survive his extreme brand of change?

Barack Obama: The Dreaded Anti-Christ?












Satire By John W. Lillpop

Barack Obama seems to have set the world on fire with his brilliant intelligence, captivating charm, inspiring oratory, and charisma.

By sheer coincidence (?), Obama seems to possess many of the traits attributed to the anti-Christ by those who research and analyze such things.

In particular, the following attributes, culled from a non-political source *, seem to match Obama quite well. (Attributes listed on the site that do not seem to match Obama are not shown below.)

Note: The site referenced does NOT state or infer that Obama is the anti-Christ, nor does it imply that the senator might devolve into said rascal at some future date. In fact, Obama's name is not even mentioned.

Still, the match is striking.

According to the referenced site, the anti-Christ will among other things:


Rise from a sub-national leadership position

Community coordinator in Illinois?

Have powerful supporters helping him rise to power

Oprah Winfrey, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Bill and Hillary Clinton, most members of the Kennedy clan, and approximately 99 percent of the African American population stand behind Obama.

A most powerful team!

Be shrewd, cunning, deceitful, and skilled in intrigue


Obama is even more: He is clean and articulate!

Be generally different or unique amongst politicians

His racial profile makes this a perfect match.

Be a great unifier who appeals to people across traditional lines

Even some conservatives are buying into Obama's act!

Be a Christian, at least by appearances

Notwithstanding Pastor Jeremiah Wright, Obama claims to be a Christian.

Be preceded by an aggressive warmonger who will forcefully depose two Middle Eastern governments

Even liberals with see the match with this one!

Arise from a great nation with unrivaled wealth and power

That just happens to be the good old United States of America, mates!

Perhaps all of this IS sheer coincidence.

Still, Obama bears careful watching, especially if he starts stamping 666 on the foreheads of adoring masses!



________________________
* Scatteredsheep.com

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Who Would Have Thunk? Iceland on Brink of Bankruptcy!


















Satire By John W. Lillpop


Like George W. Bush, John McCain, Barack Obama, and the other 533 clue less scoundrels in Washington, D.C., I have but a foggy understanding of the global meltdown.

To be perfectly honest, the whole damn mess sounds like a corrupt pyramid scheme. Instead of soap, the fools were selling and trading mortgage loans and using your 401(k) and pension funds like meaningless poker chips.

In truth, the economic situation we find ourselves in is very complex. Phrases like sub-prime loans, derivatives, mortgage backed securities, FICO scores, negative amortization, all of that confusing language makes one head spin.

When the carnage spreads across the seas, the confusion is multiplied many times.

For example, the latest report is that Iceland is on the brink of bankruptcy. Freaking Iceland, for heavens sake!

Yahoo:

Just how in the hell can a few barefoot hayseeds in North Carolina who blew their tobacco profits on moonshine, rather than making their mortgage payments, cause a foreign nation to go belly up?

What exactly does my $700,000 starter castle in San Jose--a two bedroom, one bath, 1,000 square foot delight with attached carport--have to do with anything in France? Or Germany?

Next question: Can I decide which country to knock out? I would gladly skip two or three mortgage payments if that would send Iran or North Korea into debtors' hell.

Actually, all of this foolishness is the latest failure resulting from simplistic "progressive" solutions.

This time, liberals decided that having a home is the birthright of all Americans and most illegal aliens as well. Forget about being qualified.

It's the equivalent of affirmative action in housing.

You are breathing, right? And registered to vote Democrat?

That's good enough for liberals like Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd who think that credit screens, down payment requirements, and debt-to-income ratios are the evil tools of racists intent on keeping people of color down and out.

So far, unbridled liberals have left people of color black and blue--and in foreclosure and or bankruptcy.

It also has tiny island nations like Iceland about to sink.

Do the global community a huge favor and pay your damn mortgage and taxes on times, and vote a straight Republican ticket on November 4th, OK?

It is the "cool" thing for a global citizen to do!

Ready for Some Voter Fraud?



Satire By John W. Lillpop


With the most important election ever less than 30 days away, Democrat strategists are reportedly set to unleash a massive “get out the vote” campaign in order to tip the scales to the extreme left.

Barack Obama, Howard Dean, and other fraud specialists at the Democratic National Committee (DNC) are supposedly convinced that Democrats can win the White House and increase their majorities in both the House and the Senate by simply focusing on three important voting blocs known to be treasure coves for liberals.

The three voting groups that Democrats are counting on are:

* The dead

* Convicted felons, and

* Illegal aliens

A dead illegal alien counts as two votes, a dead illegal alien felon rings up three votes for the Democrats!


It is technically unlawful for votes to be cast by, or on behalf of, any person in any of these three categories. However, Democrat lawyers claim that laws which prohibit voting by the dead, convicted felons, and illegal aliens are discriminatory and blatantly unconstitutional.

Those same Democrats point to the precedent established in 1960 when Democrat John F. Kennedy defeated Republican Richard Nixon for the U.S. presidency because of the unusually high turnout among dead voters in Illinois.

In another example of blatant voter fraud, in 1996 Democrat Loretta Sanchez defeated long-term Republican incumbent Republican Bob Dornan in a bid for the House seat in California’s 46th congressional district.

Dornan’s loss was the result of votes cast by Mexican illegal aliens for fellow Latino Sanchez.

With respect to felons, Democrats have long been in favor of making such individuals eligible to vote.

Then there is the case of William Jefferson Clinton. This corrupt Democrat was impeached in 1998, subsequently disbarred by the Arkansas bar, and banned from arguing before the United States Supreme Court because of perjury and obstruction of justice.

Despite his troubling “rap sheet,” Bubba apparently voted for Democrats in 2000, 2004, and 2006.

Democrats simply cannot win without voter fraud!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Of Keith Olbermann, Starbursts, and Soft Porn



















Satire By John W. Lillpop

In a review of the debate between the candidates for vice president, National Review editor Rich Lowry wrote the following, in part:

"I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, 'Hey, I think she just winked at me.' And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it."

Fearing that another wave of Sarahmania was about to erupt all across America, thereby jeopardizing the coronation of Barack Obama, Keith Olbermann immediately designated Lowry as a "worst person" for consideration by those who actually watch his show, mostly moonlighting pharmacists and on-call psychiatric nurses.

Olbermann,former sports caster turned intellectual pundit and water boy for the DNC, said Lowry's article, "read like soft core porn," and concluded, "I don't really care if you sat there last night during the debate and masturbated. But was it really necessary to tell America about it?"

Although lacking in any redeeming social value, the Olbermann drivel made it clear that the failed sportscaster indulges in porn, and,apparently enough of it, to know soft porn from the more pernicious genre, good old fashioned hard porn, a favorite among perverted lefties.

No doubt, Olbermann reads his porn after he runs out of box scores to mull over. Anything to keep the old mind sharp and alert, right Keith?

As to the masturbation jibe, where did that dilly come from? From the deep recesses of a diseased brain, one that finds football highlight films sexually stimulating?

Perhaps Olbermann was merely exposing his own sexual proclivities?

Did the host of "Countdown" spend last Saturday night alone in a dark room watching a replay of the VP debate?

While focusing on the images of the Democrat VP nominee?

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Of Keith Olbermann, the VP Debate, and Masturbation



















Satire By John W. Lillpop

Following the VP debate on Thursday, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann shared his astute observations with his viewers (moonlighting pharmacists, and on-call psychiatric nurses) about the opinion piece written by National Review editor Rich Lowry.

Olbermann,former sports caster turned intellectual pundit and water boy for the DNC, said Lowry's article, "read like soft core porn," and concluded, "I don't really care if you sat there last night during the debate and masturbated. But was it really necessary to tell America about it?"

Although lacking in any redeeming social value, the Olbermann drivel made it clear that the failed sportscaster indulges in porn, and,apparently enough of it, to know soft porn from the more pernicious genre, good old fashioned hard porn, a favorite among perverted lefties.

No doubt, Olbermann reads his porn after he runs out of box scores to mull over. Anything to keep the old mind sharp and alert, right Keith?

As to the masturbation jibe, where did that dilly come from? From the deep recesses of a diseased brain, one that finds football highlight films sexually stimulating?

Perhaps Olbermann was merely exposing his own sexual proclivities?

Indeed, did the host of "Countdown" spend last Saturday night alone in a dark room watching a replay of the VP debate while pleasuring himself?

While focusing on the images of the Democrat VP nominee?

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Governor Palin Shares Success Secrets With Hillary Rodham




















Satire By John W. Lillpop


As a result of some highly illegal mucking with phone lines, this intrepid seeker of truth was able to record a private conversation between failed presidential aspirant Hillary Clinton and the megastar of American politics, the miraculous Governor Sarah Palin.

The transcript of that conversation follows:

Hillary:

Oh, good evening, Governor Palin, this is Hillary Clinton. Is it OK if I call you Sarah?

Governor Palin:

Hillary who?

Actually, I would feel more comfortable if you called me governor, at least until we get to know each other. Got to be on the watch for liberals on a "gotcha" mission you know?

Hillary:

Thanks, Sarah. I need your help in figuring out what is happening in American politics. Can you take a minute to help a fellow woman out?

Governor Palin:


Fellow woman? You must be looking for Barney Frank, love.

Hillary:

No, Sarah, this is a serious question. You see, I have been running for the presidency since 1973 and the Nixon impeachment hearings. Until recently, I was considered inevitable and everyone assumed that I would be the 44th president.

Sarah, I have raised $200 million dollars for this battle. I won 18 million votes during the primaries. Damn, I am, or was, hot!

Governor Palin:

Not to be rude, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton, but can you please get to the point? Several hundred thousand voters in Michigan are expecting me and Todd, and I still have to feed our precious human baby, pray for the repeal of Roe V. Wade, and get ready!

Hillary:

Sarah, my point is that I am an experienced, savvy, powerful senator from a blue state, married to a former president. I have big bucks and all the corruption money can buy.

My favorite number is 44!

And yet, here I sit with this perjuring weasel and his cheating, weak heart while you catapult over me and that black kid with all those Muslim names.

How is it that a moose hunter from Alaska with a knocked-up teenage daughter and a slick wink, but no money, can make a world class genius like me look an over the hill, out of touch aging feminist-nazi?

No offense intended, you understand!

Governor Palin:

Me offended? Those are the kindest words to come my way all week!

Listen, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton. Is it OK if I call you bitch?

Because that is what you are and is why your disapproval ratings are higher than Dubya's IQ!

Woman, you need to clean up your public image.

Hillary:

Sarah, being called a bitch is the kindest thing anyone has said about me in a week. But what do I do to change my image?

Governor Palin:

Here's the secret to my success in politics and life. His name is Thomas Muthee and he is a very powerful preacher who "de-witched" me in a religious ceremony a few years ago.

Hillary:

Thomas Muthee, eh? Think he could he "de-witch" me and remove all these wretched wrinkles in one session?

Governor Palin:

I doubt it. Muthee is one hell of a preacher, but a miracle worker he is NOT!