satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Hillary: Growing Old Quickly, and Without Grace

By John W. Lillpop

Take a good look at a recent photograph of Hillary Clinton. Notice the bags under her bloated eyes, the turkey giblet developing below her neck, the heavy wrinkles and deep lines all across her forehead and face.

The junior senator from New York has that exhausted look common to people who have stopped celebrating (and counting!) birthdays when the count reaches 60, as it did for Hillary in October.

Right in front of God, C-Span, and the American people, Hillary Clinton is passing from an annoying young hippie-beach to an annoying old spent hag.

Hillary Clinton's better days are clearly long gone. While America desperately searches for vibrant, new leadership to take over the White House, Hillary is the epitome of "old school," with decided emphasis on old.

But what has caused such rapid aging of America's most hated public figure since Richard M. Nixon croaked?

Too many campaign miles, what with the endless rubber chicken suppers, living out of a suitcase, and the need to create a fresh lie every day to feed the ravenous media?

Or are Hillary's wrinkles the result of endless pandering and groveling for campaign funds, especially now that Norman Hsu is no longer available to steal or commit fraud on her behalf?

Turns out, Hillary's demise is much simpler to explain. Remember, she shares her life with a corrupt, double-talking hillbilly who is addicted to sexual infidelity. That would be Slick, who is also a world class liar, and one of the crudest people on the world stage.

Did someone actually say that Slick was supposed to be an asset to Hillary's presidential campaign?

Well, just 2 weeks ago, Bill Clinton kicked Hillary off of the front page with his ludicrous assertion that he was opposed to the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq before it was launched.

That whopper caused Burger King's lawyers to file a copyright infringement suit against Slick, and reminded America of the Clintons' zero tolerance when it comes to truth.

Just when the flap from that dilly was subsiding, Slick again stoked the fires of insanity by suggesting that one of President Hillary Clinton's first acts would be to send Slick and Bush-41 out to the world as Goodwill Ambassadors for America.

Their assignment? Repair damage done to America, the world, and possibly the entire universe by the incompetent, retarded son of Bush-41, also known as Bush-43, Dubya, and W, among other names not suitable for a family publication or web site.

Can't you just picture Bush-41, now in his 80s, trotting all across the globe with Slick to rebuild America's image by repudiating his own flesh and blood? Good grief, is Slick really that clue less?

Of course, Bush-41 immediately rejected the plan out of hand, leaving both Clintons looking foolish again!

All of which proves that Hillary's physical deterioration is most surely related to her stressful life with Slick.

Do yourself a favor, Hillary, dump that loser, get the name of Nancy Pelosi's botox doc, and watch those wrinkles and bags disappear!

Time Magazine's Person of the Year: Another 2nd Place Finish for Al Gore!

Satire By John Lillpop

Pity poor Al Gore.

Coming in second place seems to be a worrisome habit, an addiction to losing that haunts America's bloated environmentalist, or "green fairy" as he is known among rugged mountain men in East Tennessee.

Recall that just slightly over seven years ago, on December 12, 2000 to be exact, the United States Supreme Court ruled that Big Al's attempt to cherry pick Florida counties for recounting would not be in America's best interest.

Thus, the Supreme Court gave us W as president, which was the best they could do at the time.

Pity that the Court was unable to select from names like Romney, Tancredo, and Hunter in lieu of the dyslexic cowboy from Texas. But the five sane justices who saw through Gore's chicanery were forced to choose between Big Al and Crazy George.

Now Al Gore has another colossal failure to add to his resume: He came in 2nd in the Time Magazine Person of the Year Award for 2007.

Second, that is, to Vladimir Putin the Russian president, prime minister, chief executioner, and all other titles the former KGB thug has bestowed upon himself.

Putin is apparently slightly more socialist than Gore, a vital consideration in the minds of the leftists at Time Magazine.

Rather than falling into despondency, Al Gore and his fans should celebrate the fact that the former VP came in ahead of J.K. Rowling in the balloting.

Rowling is the author who inspired several Harry Potter films, a work that is infinitely more believable and better for the planet than Al Gore's fanciful "An Inconvenient Truth," which is just too silly.

Apparently the editors at Time were swayed by Gore's undeserved Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize, both of which where awarded to our pompous former VP by leftists looking to ridicule America.

How else to explain Gore's finish ahead of the obviously more talented J.K.?

Still, the Al Gore team is no doubt working overtime to spin their guy's 2nd place finish into a rousing victory.

After all, how many jolly green giants can claim that it took two demented presidents to bring them down in the new millennium?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Another Lying Ex-governor from Arkansas in White House?

By John W. Lillpop

Most Americans recall all too well the turmoil and discord of the Clinton Presidency of 1992-2000. While in office, President Clinton fine tuned the art of issuing misleading, inaccurate and flat out false statements into a precise science.

The unvarnished truth is that President Clinton lied through his teeth, regularly and unashamedly.

Perjury and obstruction of justice eventually caught up with President Clinton, as he was ultimately stripped of his license to practice law and forbidden from arguing before the U.S. Supreme Court, at least temporarily.

Fifteen years after the Democrat ex-governor from Arkansas lied his way into the White House, the Republican party has its own silver tongued, double talking "bubba."

That would be Mike Huckabee, another ex-governor from Arkansas who finds the truth devilishly elusive, or downright disgusting to be more precise.

Mike Huckabee has been caught in a real whopper, even by the standards for deceit set by Bill Clinton.

Apparently, Huckabee lied about having a degree in theology.


The mind boggles: An ordained Baptist pastor and first-tier presidential candidate lied about having a degree in theology! What in the hell is this nation coming to?

Even more distressing is Huckabee's record while serving as the CEO of Arkansas. This governor raised taxes and encouraged illegal immigration, for heaven's sake!

And now he is running as the candidate best suited to meet conservative expectations in 2008?

God, please, spare America and her people from another lying ex-governor from Arkansas in the Oval Office!

Make that "God, please, spare America and her people from another lying ex-governor from Arkansas, or female spouse thereof, in the Oval Office!"

Friday, December 14, 2007

Joy to the World! or Christmasphobia?


Satire By John W. Lillpop

In my opinion, Christmas should be a time of great joy and good will. People everywhere should be caught up in the "Christmas Spirit!"

To some, however, Christmas is but a dreary reminder of the grim consequences of allowing the unwashed masses to express religious superstitions. To such people, an "over exuberance" of faith during the Christmas season is reckless and irresponsible!

Joy to the World, NOT!

Christmas haters, usually nutball liberals, experience great joy only when denying people of faith a smattering of joy. They go to great lengths to force the removal of offensive Nativity scenes, or to cause Christmas trees to be thrown out.

Shutting down an unconstitutional reenactment of the Christmas story by a class of sappy third graders is a particular delight to leftists suffering from seasonal Christmasphobia.

These are the same crazed liberals who find the Holy Bible to be a repugnant work of fantasy by simplistic mad men, but who find great wisdom, love and hope on every page of the Koran.

To these anti-Christmas naysayers, I simply say, "Humbug!" There IS joy in the world.

Consider, please, these joyful events:

* The Iraq theater of the war on terror is being won by America, despite the wishful thinking of Harry Reid who prefers to believe that it is "lost."

* Hillary Clinton's "inevitability" as the 44th President of the United States is no more.

* Don Imus is back on the radio, while the not so reverent Al Sharpton is back under investigation by the FBI and IRS.

* After declaring herself the "most powerful woman in the world," Speaker Pelosi has been pummeled into submission by an 11 percent approval rating. Keeping Speaker Pelosi "declawed" is good for America!

* Oklahoma is winning the battle against freeloading illegal aliens and their advocates, mostly racist men and women in the clergy, and corrupt lawyers.

*Best of all: George W. Bush's lease on the Oval Office is set to expire in a little more than a month.

Joy to the World!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

If Hill and Bill Recapture White House, Who Will Have Priority?

By John W. Lillpop

If, perish the thought, Hillary Clinton is elected president of these here United States of America AND does not divorce Slick Willie before January 20, 2009, America will be forced to confront several unprecedented dilemmas.

To begin with, Slick would be the first former president to re-occupy the White House, full time, as a member of the first family, even if he were to do so by skating in on the skirt of Hillary.

For her part, Hillary would be the first lying president to sleep with a former president in the White House.

The Hill and Bill Act, should it come to pass, would present the Secret Service with sticky issues as well.

Say, for instance, Hill catches Bill in a replay of his sexual acting out in that little back room off the Oval Office. A little dalliance with one of Hill's straight staffers, or a wayward intern in a blue dress, perhaps?

And say Hill decides to vent by hurling a five pound ashtray at Slick's adulterous head, just like the good old days from 1993-2000.

Back then, there was no doubt whom the Secret Service would protect: Slick was the president, while Hillary was no better than an aging tart who would not be permitted to harm America's perverted CEO.

But what if Hill were the top dog, and Slick decided to retaliate with an ashtray fling of his own?

Remember, as a former president, Slick is still guarded by the Secret Service. So, should a civil war break out among the Clintons, whom would the brave Secret Service agents protect with their very lives: Hill or Bill?

Slick tried to defuse similar concerns recently by stating that, should the Hillary Insurgency prevail, he would attend Hillary cabinet meetings "only if asked."

ABC News:

What he did not say is that he, Slick, would ask himself and accept the invitation on his own behalf. You see, it all depends how one defines "ask."

And of course the other unspoken reality is that Hill would certainly insist that Slick be in those cabinet meetings where she could keep the philandering hillbilly on a tight leash.

After all, Hillary may be a lying socialist with the morals of an Arkansas alley cat, but she is not stupid!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Of Rape Victims, Teddy Bears and the Virgin Birth

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Say what you like about Islamofascists, one thing is quite clear: These seventh century tyrants are consistently outrageous, and dangerously so.

Consider the recent mayhem from Saudi Arabia, America's middle east "ally" and personal favorite of all American presidents, past and present, named Bush.

An unidentified woman in that pathetic kingdom was sentenced to prison and 200 lashes for an unforgivable violation of Sharia moral law. *

Her offense? She was gang raped by seven men who kidnapped her at knifepoint.

Of course she was to blame for the assault because she wore sexy clothing, used provocative body language, and had the audacity to be alone in an automobile with a male to whom she was not related.

Even feminist extremist Gloria Aldright would be hard pressed to defend a woman with such indecent behavior in her dossier.

Still, one cannot help but wonder why the Saudi government has not seen fit to apply an ax to the neck of the offending rape victim for her indiscretions?

Perhaps King Abdullah is growing soft in his old age, and now considers a jail term and 200 lashes a more appropriate punishment for anyone reckless enough to be the victim of gang rape?

Or maybe Dubya exerted his influence and advised the King to give the scalawag tart a break? Bend a little and think compassionate conservatism?

Knowing Dubya, he probably cautioned the King against any garish abuse of power that would alienate women voters and keep them from driving to the polls.

The fact that Saudi women are not allowed to vote or drive must have escaped Dubya's legacy-obsessed mind.

Not to be outdone by an impotent old King from Saudi Arabia, thousands of Sudanese, many armed with knives and clubs, marched in Khartoum to demand the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam.

Gillian Gibbons is the British teacher who earned the wrath of Sudanese Muslims for an act so unseemly one hesitates to even discuss it in a family venue.

Her offense? Gillian Gibbons deliberately, and with malice, allowed students in her to class to name a Teddy Bear "Muhammad." **

Of all the bloody cheek!

How dare this twisted Brit demean Allah, the prophet, and the "Religion of Peace" with such disgusting behavior?

Of course, Gibbons deserves the ax for her sacrilegious impropriety.

In fact, because of the gravity of her sins, Gibbons should sentenced to extraordinarily cruel and unusual punishment, which is NOT lethal injection in Islam.

A just punishment in Islam would be: Gibbons should be gang raped in Saudi Arabia, after which she should be returned to Sudan and beheaded!

Now that would be the most logical rendering of Sharia law.

All of which should cause Christians to rejoice in the fact that Sharia law was not in place in Bethlehem more than 2,000 years ago.

How do you suppose Islamofascists would have reacted to an unmarried virgin named Mary giving birth to a Jewish child come to save the world?

* Here: