satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Obama's Deficit Fix: Weed out Wasteful Philanthropy

Satire by John W. Lillpop

After approving a trillion-dollar Pig Roast for the benefit of reckless liberals in Congress, President Obama now seeks to soothe public angst over those annual, multi-trillion dollar deficits that his "solution" will bring to pass.

Refusing to allow truth to interfere with his Marxist MO, Obama acted decisively by declaring, ""I work for the American people, and I'm determined to bring the change that the people voted for last November. And that means cutting what we don't need to pay for what we do."

Obama's latest proves that acting "decisively" is a plus only when one acts wisely as well.

Back to the details: For a brief moment, one's pulse quickens, far short of a "thrill running up and down my leg," mind you, but still enough to qualify as hope.

Perhaps the president has seen through the folly of wasting hundreds of billions of dollars to prevent STDs, or for terminating pregnancies caused by over stimulation among the unwashed masses?

Or maybe a wiser, more mature Obama, feeling his oats after 40 days in office, now recognizes scads of other liberal pork as worthy candidates for "cutting what we don't need to pay for what we do."

Alas, the audacity of hope drops quicker than the DJIA immediately after an Obama speech on the economy.

Instead of taking on Nancy Pelosi and the other far left loons and their Pork, this new president has decided to balance the budget by attacking a hereto scared cow: Charitable giving!

As reported in the Washington Times, in part:

"Democrats and Republicans poured cold water on President Obama's budget plan to cut down on wealthy taxpayers' charitable giving tax deductions, the second of his ambitious cost-savings plans to earn lawmakers' scorn, and underscoring the legislative minefield he is entering.

Still, the charitable giving deduction reduction, which would limit deductions for couples making $250,000 or individuals making $200,000, provoked the most heat Thursday. Mr. Obama is counting on that provision to raise $179.8 billion over 10 years."

An Obama spokesman rejected criticism of the proposed Jihad on Philanthropy by pointing out that, with the president's "take responsibility" budget plans, the federal government will assume responsibility for meeting the needs of all citizens from cradle to grave, thereby eliminating the need for charitable giving.

As the spokesman explained, the Obama budget plan will cut out the middleman in the process of helping the poor and needy. Higher income tax rates on the rich will cause their money to reach the underprivileged much more quickly, and with less administrative expense.

Barack Obama: America's black Robin Hood, spreading poverty from sea to shining sea!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

America's Next Great Civil Rights Fight: Equality for the Rich

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Throughout the ages, America has opened her arms and made room for a diverse mix of people and circumstances. We have overcome prejudices against women, African-Americans, Hispanics, and other racial minorities.

Our big tent has expanded to include gays and lesbians, transvestites, the handicapped, the blind, the stupid (Mostly liberals), Muslims, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics, Jews, Hindus, and other religious minorities.

America has embraced " Our diversity is our greatest strength" as the national slogan in our multicultural potpourri of insufferable tolerance and political correctness gone amuck.

Despite all of the social "progress" that has blessed this land, there is one class of people, despised like none other, for whom the bells of tolerance and acceptance have yet to toll.

That, would be the rich, the most abused, maligned, misunderstood, and persecuted minority in human history.

Being rich is such a wretched offense that, in and of itself, it can mitigate the social advantages that would normally accrue to those who are in one or more of the "protected" categories.

For example, a blind and deaf, non-English speaking, pregnant, lesbian, Hispanic illegal alien who suffers from chronic alcoholism and drug addiction, and who is a practicing Muslim terrorist specializing in IEDs, would normally be a favorite daughter to ACLU and La Raza lawyers, government bureaucrats, and liberal politicians looking for a victim to exploit for cheap political gain.

However, let that same miserable urchin have more than $1,000. in the bank, and be in possession of an automobile more snazzy than a 1990 Saturn with 300,000 miles on it, and you have a veritable Untouchable on your hands.

According to liberals, being rich is one of the most unpatriotic and un-American offenses that one can commit, nearly as unforgivable as blasphemy against the Holy Ghost.

Unless, that is, one's name happens to be Obama, Pelosi, Kennedy, Gore, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Clinton, Soros, Winfrey, or any number of rich liberals whom are immune from the type of wealth-based character flaws that doom conservatives.

When you think about it, though, the rich should pay LESS, not more, taxes than the rest of us.

After all, the rich do not use public schools, opting instead to send their children to private schools.

The rich do not collect food stamps, welfare payments, disability checks, or unemployment perks.

The rich do not depend on the U.S. military to educate, feed, and house their children, preferring instead to send their kids to Yale, Harvard, Stanford, or Princeton.

The rich do not urinate in public and make pests of themselves outside Home Depot stores while waiting for a $5.00 "job opportunity" to appear.

The rich do not rely on public defenders to work their way out from under silly scrapes with the law.

The rich do not send their pregnant, unmarried daughters to Planned Parenthood or other public infanticide outlets, preferring instead to whisk their 'child with child' off to a castle nestled discreetly in the Swiss Alps where the whole sordid affair can be handled with dignity and sans unwanted attention.

Only a morally bankrupt institution, like the Democrat Party for example, would consider it acceptable to force people who use the least services to pay the most taxes!

This gross injustice must not stand. The American sense of fairness and equality demands that the yoke of discrimination not burden those, who through no fault of their own, are rich.

We must pass a constitutional amendment to extend the protection and dignity of equality to the most vulnerable minority in our society--the filthy rich.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ben Bernanke and the Unabridged "May Happen" List for 2009

By John W. Lillpop

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke made instant headline news by telling Congress that America's gut-wrenching recession MAY end in 2009.

His words brought immediate relief to Wall Street investors and others worried about America's dire economic circumstances, including President Obama who is not sure whether it is better to tell the American people that it will take many years to heal the mess, or to promise a miraculous halving of the deficit by the end of his first term.

While the "Bernanke Bounce" was a welcome change of pace after six consecutive sessions of dreadful news, the Fed Chair made a number of other forecasts which he believes are just about as likely as an economic recovery in 2009.

Bernanke's prognosis includes the following "May Happen" duds:

* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may convert to Judaism and give Iran's enrichment centrifuges to Israel during his Bar Mitzvah;

* Mayor Antonio Villagarosa may make it a misdemeanor to speak or write Spanish anywhere in Los Angeles;

* Nancy Pelosi may announce that due to her unexpected pregnancy, her views on abortion have dramatically changed: She may carry the fetus to term in order to get that extra tax deduction;

* Bank of America may announce that it has discovered an accounting error which reveals that the firm is actually flush with cash: B of A may return all bail out money it received, plus 18 percent interest, to the U.S. Treasury by March 7;

* After meeting Barack Obama, Bill Maher may announce that he now believes in God;

* Rahm Emanuel may leave the Obama administration to join Hamas in its noble fight against Zionist pigs;

* George W. Bush may be required to retake, for the third time, a remedial English class before being hired to greet customers at that store in Dallas;

* President Obama may leave Michelle and his two daughters for the affections of a white community organizer with a terrific jump shot and great dunking skills;

* New York Times columnist Judith Warner may admit that she is a white community organizer with a terrific jump shot and great dunking skills;

* VP Joe Biden may admit that he took one of those on-line IQ tests, and is only slightly below Hermit the Frog when it comes to raw intellect;

* Pope Benedict may announce that Nancy Pelosi has been excommunicated for getting pregnant after the age of 65;

* Sean Penn may be baptized as a Mormon and return his Oscar due to "moral concerns" about the lifestyle choices of Harvey Milk;

* Hugo Chavez may outlaw socialism, impose a four year term limit on the Venezuelan presidency, effective immediately, and sign over all of Venezuelan's oil reserves to the U.S. Marines;

* Chris Matthews may have a lobotomy to treat that "thrill running up my leg" when he listens to President Obama;

* Tim Geithner may announce that his tax problem was not a software error after all. He may turn himself over to the IRS, sign a written confession, and write a To Do Book titled,: Cheating on Your Taxes for Dummies;

Recovery in 2009? Do not go to Las Vegas and bet big money on it!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Divorce, In Keeping with Sharia Law

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Snobbish American men who regard Sharia Law as an inferior abomination may wish to reconsider that judgment, at least when it comes to divorce settlements.

Unlike American divorce laws, which assume that every husband is a wife beater, adulterer, and corrupting influence on the children, Sharia law is infinitely more balanced and fair.

In a court operating in accordance with Sharia law the following principle applies: She gets the home, all of the couple's assets, and his social security.

He gets her head and bloody remains!

There are no alimony or child support payments to argue over, no divisive restraining orders, no messy visitation rights, blah,blah,blah.

Under Sharia law, the man does not need to waste tens of thousands of dollars to hire a shyster lawyer.

A sharp ax will suffice.

Praise be to Allah!

The latest enlightenment concerning the Religion of Peace was delivered by Muzzammil Hassan, a Muslim TV mogul from New York who hacked off his wife's head.

Her offense? Aasiya Hassan, Muzzammil's wife, had the temerity and the audacity to file for divorce!

As the ax-wielding hubby argued so eloquently, the wayward woman was not authorized to file for divorce; thus, the only option left for the abused Muzzammil was to send the renegade female to Allah, special delivery.

Another advantage to the way that Muzzammil settled his domestic dispute: The divorce was final, effective immediately. There will be no appeal!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Can the Feminization of Wall Street Bail Out America?

By John W. Lillpop

Those who believe that a few trillion dollars of taxpayer money is urgently needed to stimulate the listless economy and create millions of new jobs may have overlooked a much simpler, less costly solution.

According to host Robin Roberts and reporter Claire Shipman of "Good Morning America," the meltdown of America could have been avoided if estrogen, rather than testosterone, were the dominant hormone among Wall Street and Bank executives.

As reported at, in part:

"Robin Roberts and reporter Claire Shipman eagerly touted a theory, recently highlighted by a liberal New York Times columnist, that the problems on Wall Street could have been avoided if women were in charge.

As video of bank executives who testified Wednesday in front of Congress appeared onscreen, Roberts mused, "As we saw, the nation's top bankers were grilled on Capitol Hill. Take a look...What do they all have in common? Well, for one thing, they're all men."

Shipman then lectured, "Greed and glory and then risk and disaster on Wall Street. Could testosterone be to blame?"

Of course, many women enjoy speculating that there would be fewer wars, and that the world would be a "kinder, gentler" place, if only women were in charge.

However, some of the top stories making news these days make such talk seem sexist bordering on blasphemy.

Consider, for instance, the outrage that Hillary Rodham Clinton sparked when she announced that the U.S. would not allow human rights concerns to trump America's cooperation with China on the global economy and global warming.

As reported at Yahoo News, in part:

"Paying her first visit to Asia as the top US diplomat, Clinton said the United States would continue to press China on long-standing US concerns over human rights such as its rule over Tibet.

'But our pressing on those issues can't interfere on the global economic crisis, the global climate change crisis and the security crisis,' Clinton told reporters in Seoul just before leaving for Beijing.

T. Kumar of Amnesty International USA said the global rights lobby was 'shocked and extremely disappointed' by Clinton's remarks."

So much for the kinder, gentler Hildabeast!

The other major story involving an estrogen-crazed politician concerns House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who took a peek at the Pope while in Rome.

Pope Benedict, leader of the male-dominated Catholic Church, chastised Pelosi for her position on abortion when he told her, "Catholic politicians have a duty to protect life at all stages of development."

One would expect a mother and grandmother (several times over) to immediately identify with and confirm the Pontiff's life-affirming sentiment.

However, Pelosi does not appear willing to alter her support for the infanticide "choice" that has cost 50 million innocent human fetuses their lives since Roe V. Wade.

Can an infusion of estrogen cure America's problems and bring about a kinder, gentler citizenry?

Not if the behaviors of Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi are any indication of how the "weaker sex" does things!



Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Who Will Bail out the Bank of Obama?

By John W. Lillpop

Once President Obama has bailed out all banks, credit unions, savings and loans, auto manufacturers, investment firms, labor unions, railroads, geisha houses, pension accounts for both private and government employees, airlines and related sub-industries, the NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA, state governments and municipalities, funeral homes and crematoriums, schools from K-Dr., gambling casinos and nightclubs, Hollywood studios, produce farms, Silicon Valley start ups, hospitals, individual and group health care providers, home, auto, and life insurance companies, federal, state, and local prisons, jails, and other places of incarceration, courts from small claims through and including the US Supreme Court, libraries, parking lots, bowling alleys, beauty shops, animal shelters, bus stations, city parks and par courses, 24-hour fitness centers, television and radio stations, Senior Service centers, Internet service providers, all churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, and other places of worship, 7-11 convenience stores, Hooter's drive-ins, all newspapers and magazines, the NAACP, KKK, La Raza, and CAIR, real estate and mortgage loan companies, and other needy institutions, he will have achieved his Messianic-Marxist goal:

Equitable distribution of poverty throughout America!

At that dreary and woeful day, which is not all that far in the future one must assume, the only remaining question will be:

Who will bail out the Bank of Obama (BOO)?

Nancy Pelosi Educates Pope Benedict on Abortion, Church Teachings

Satire by John W. Lillpop

After working 24/7 to drive America into deep depression by ramming an outrageous liberal spending bill through the U.S. House, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Dunce-CA) escaped to Rome where the addle brained grandma decided to educate Pope Benedict on the church's teachings with regard to abortion.

Misinformed sources tell this reporter that the Vatican is actively covering up what really happened behind closed doors between the Pope and Pelosi by spreading a false story that has the Pope chastising Pelosi for her pro-abortion hypocrisy.

According to Vatican propaganda, Pope Benedict told Pelosi that "Catholic politicians have a duty to protect life at all stages of development."

Those in a position to know tell a much different story, in which Pelosi took the lead by informing the Pontiff in no uncertain terms that the "Catholic doctors had not yet decided when life begins and that, according to her belief system, abortion is an inalienable right guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution."

Pelosi reportedly went on to remind the Pope that a bedrock of American Democracy is the separation of church and state, a principal mandated somewhere in the bowels of the Constitution.

Unconfirmed accounts have it that, upon conclusion of her pro-abortion pitch, Pelosi requested a private Holy Communion with the Pontiff to toast his "progressive awakening" on abortion, the Catholic Church, and the U.S. Constitution.

Vatican officials deny that account, and claim that Pope Benedict has drafted a final press release that will set the record straight, once the "expletive deleted" expressions have been replaced with words more appropriate for a servant of God!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Obama's Great New Challenge: Ending Diversity Dysfunction

Satire by John W. Lillpop

There is yet another item to add to the staggering list of failures racked up by an administration still well short of being one month old.

That would be President Obama's naive pledge to unify Americans in a orgiastic wonderland of mindless post-partisanship.

From the perspective of one immune to the plague of Obama-mania running rampant hither and yonder, it is clear that America's social, economic, and political disunity can be summarized in two powerful words: Diversity Dysfunction.

Think about it: February is African American Heritage month, September 15 through October 14 is Hispanic Heritage month, and on and on and on and on.

Unfortunately, there is no "White American Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by Caucasians.

Fact is, in a mad, hysterical rush to celebrate people of color, America has deliberately, and with malice, overlooked those who made America the crown jewel of humanity.

That would be white Christians, those stellar American men and women who gave the world the most free and prosperous Democracy in human history.

On their own, white Christians freed millions of slaves, allowed Indians to convert their useless teepees into cash cow casinos, saved the world from fascism, Nazism, and communism, and spread Democracy and western values to Iraq and Afghanistan, thereby enriching the lives of 50 million Muslims.

White Christians bent on philanthropy also gave the world the A-bomb, the Internet, cell phone calling plans without roaming fees, NASCAR racing, Wal-Mart, the NRA, midnight bowling, the Confederate flag, and twelve-packs of beer with easy open pop tops.

All of which begs the question, Why is there no "White American Heritage Month" to commemorate all of the cultural, social, and political contributions made by whites?

If President Obama is really genuine in his desire to bring unity to America, he will immediately issue an Executive Order designating March through August, White Christian Heritage months!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy President's Day to Jimmy Carter and Bush-43!

By John W. Lillpop

In a poll of 65 American historians conducted by C-Span to rank America's presidents, former President Jimmy Carter was knocked down three notches from 22nd in 2000, to 25th place in the current poll.

All of which proves that the more familiar one becomes with the Carter presidency, the less one appreciates Carter's impact, and the more thankful one is for Ronald Wilson Reagan who sent Jimmy back to his peanut farm in Georgia.

Given this backward trend, Carter could end up at the bottom of the list by the time Barack Obama is unceremoniously booted from office in 2012, unless George W. Bush rallies and beats Carter to the bottom.

Regardless of how it turns out, it (finishing last)could not happen to a more deserving fellow, Carter or Bush-43.

For the record, George W. Bush ranked 36th out of the 42 white males whom preceded him to the White House through the end of 2008.

Presidents James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Franklin Pierce, William Henry Harrison and Warren G. Harding all finished below W.

However, before excitable Bushies break out the bubbly to celebrate the fact that Dubya escaped the cellar, it must be noted that he was not judged on his January 2009 performance.

That is significant, because W.'s January included dillies like sending $17 billion to Detroit auto makers, and greasing the skids for Obama to complete the robbery of the treasury to the tune of $350 billion additional dollars for Wall Street.

As reported, in part, at Yahoonews:

"Just days after the nation honored the 200th anniversary of his birth, 65 historians ranked Abraham Lincoln as the nation's best president.

Former President George W. Bush, who left office last month, was ranked 36th out of the 42 men who had been chief executive by the end of 2008, according to a survey conducted by the cable channel C-SPAN.

In contrast, Lincoln was ranked in the top three in each of the 10 categories evaluated by participants."

As concerns the race to the bottom between Bush and Carter, may the "worst man win!"

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Lowering Expectations: Whither the Messiah?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Barack Obama captured the White House partly because he convinced millions of voters that he is the embodiment of Jesus Christ AND the 12th Imam of Iran, all rolled up into one dysfunctional community organizer who is clean and articulate.

Some naive Christians expect Obama to pay their mortgages, make their car payments, get the IRS off their backs, and cure pesky STDs even without that $350 million that Nancy Pelosi insists is essential to stimulate job growth.

Actually, Pelosi is spot on, provided you agree that it is the job of government to create jobs for pimps and prostitutes, most of whom apply the same due diligence to paying taxes as the average Democrat nominee for a position in the Obama cabinet.

Many Obama-maniacs also believe that their man can walk on water, turn cat urine into unleaded gasoline, and make Nancy Pelosi look normal without spending more than $80,000 a month on botox.

As for Muslim Obama-maniacs, most expect Obama to come rocking out of a well on George W. Bush's ranch in Crawford Texas as the much-awaited Muslim Messiah, after which Obama the Imam will smite W's butt just for spite, and then issue an Executive Order to dissolve Congress and replace the Constitution with Sharia law, effective, retroactively, to January 20.

According to Muslim clerics, Obama the Imam will shut down GITMO immediately, release all inmates on their own recognizance to the care of Osama bin Laden, and order the likeness of all U.S. presidents at Mt. Rushmore to demolished so as to make room for the busts of the 19 terrorists who carried out the 9/11 attacks.

Obama the Imam will then return to Crawford, Texas just to bitch-slap W. around a little more, and will then ascend into a cave-shaped cloud in the sky from which he will rule the world for 1,000 years, or until the trillion dollar stimulus fraud kicks in, whichever comes first.

With all of these presumed powers and capabilities in his tank, one wonders why Obama media spin-doctors are trying to lower expectations?

For example, as reported by Reuters, in part:

"WASHINGTON (Reuters)- President Barack Obama's aides warned Americans on Sunday not to expect instant miracles from the $787 billion economic stimulus bill he will sign this week, but said it would help eventually.

'There will be signs of activity very quickly,' David Axelrod, the White House senior adviser, said on "Fox News Sunday." 'But it's going to take time for that to show up in the statistics. The president has said it's likely to get worse before it gets better.'"

Which begs the question, "Why, then was it essential to approve the bill this weekend and before the bill could actually be read?"

Even more distressing is the fact that since Barack Obama took office three weeks ago, the price of oil has declined while the price at the pump is soaring.

From Yahoo News this report, in part:

"NEW YORK – Crude oil prices have fallen to new lows for this year. So you'd think gas prices would sink right along with them.
Not so.

On Thursday, for example, crude oil closed just under $34 a barrel, its lowest point for 2009. But the national average price of a gallon of gas rose to $1.95 on the same day, its peak for the year. On Friday gas went a penny higher."

So the economy gets worse before it gets better and the price of gasoline is soaring again.

This is what millions of voters had in mind when they turned America to over to this New Age Messiah and corrupt disciples in Congress?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Obama Celebrates Lincoln's Birthday With Plans to Reinstate Slavery

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President Barack Obama took advantage of Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday to point out how he has lived his own life in accordance with the examples set by America's 16th president.

As Obama deftly pointed out, both men served in the Illinois House of Representatives, and both were educated as lawyers.

Other similarities and differences exist; some of which Obama did NOT highlight.

For example:

Lincoln was born in a one-room log cabin in Kentucky to uneducated farmers. He was the first American president born outside of the original thirteen colonies.

Obama was hatched in a mud hut somewhere in Kenya where birth certificates are apparently illegal. He was the first American president born outside the United States.

Because of the slavery issue, Lincoln was not even on the ballot in nine southern states for the 1860 presidential election.

Thanks to ACORN activists, Obama's name appeared on ballots provided to illegal aliens, felons, and others not eligible to vote in all 50 states, Mexico, and lord knows where else.

Lincoln redefined Republicanism by shifting emphasis to the Declaration of Independence as the foundation of American political values — freedom and equality for all, rather than the Constitution's tolerance of slavers.

Thanks to a $750 million war chest, ACORN voter fraud, and a biased liberal media, Obama redefined the Democrat party as home to a gaggle of undisciplined Marxists, baby killers, pacifist wusses, corrupt labor unions, and elitists addicted to wasting taxpayer money on mindless liberal causes.

During the Civil War, Lincoln assumed powers no previous President had tried. He used his war powers to proclaim a blockade, suspended the writ of habeas corpus, spent money before Congress appropriated it, and imprisoned 18,000 suspected Confederate sympathizers without trial. (1)

One of Obama's first acts as commander-in-chief during the war on terror was to order the closure of Guantanamo Bay, outlaw torture, and otherwise make the world a kinder, gentler place for Islamofascists dedicated to murdering Americans, Jews, and infidels throughout the world.

Lincoln was very well respected as a man of integrity and was called "Honest Abe."

Obama cavorts with tax cheats, ACORN volunteers involved in voter fraud, and other unsavory characters, mostly unwashed Democrats from Illinois.

And, most dramatically,

Lincoln signed two Emancipation Proclamations to free (ultimately) four million slaves.

Obama is set to sign a "stimulus" bill that will pile crushing debt on the backs of several future generations of Americans, thereby enslaving people of all races, ethnic backgrounds, religions, nationalities, and socioeconomic classes just to implement a host of failed liberal programs that America neither needs or wants.

Bottom Line: Barack Obama, you are no Abraham Lincoln!


Saturday, February 07, 2009

Send Released GITMO Terrorists to Alcatraz Island!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

As the Obama administration works to shut down GITMO, extremists on the far left are wringing their collective hands about what do with the sweet souls who have been victimized by the Bush-Cheney Jihad on Islamofascism.

According to the left, those GITMO dirt bags, the ones who would gladly slice your throat for proselytizing the Good News of Christianity, deserve to be treated no more harshly than a blind jay walker, with Alzheimer's, who cannot remember the exact whereabouts of those elusive cross walks.

Given their druthers, President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and other nut balls on the left would ship GITMO thugs to the suburbs of Detroit and Chicago to dwell among sleeper cells where mosques, prayer blankets, and bowing east with one's butt straight up in the air five times a day is considered cool.

Or, as the Muslims say, Ah-La!

Pennsylvania voters were reminded of the fact that John Murtha is certifiably insane when the U.S. Marine-hating Representative offered to house GITMO terrorist is Murtha's Congressional district.

Suffice it to say, many Murtha constituents were not particularly amused.

According to anonymous and unreliable sources, liberals have decided that sending terrorists to Alcatraz Island just off San Francisco may be a viable alternative because:

*GITMO dudes are already accustomed to living on a communist island. Thus, moving near San Francisco would not be too much "culture shock" for the killers.

*In the event prisoners were able to pull off an escape, only downtown San Francisco would be imperiled. No American patriots would be in jeopardy.

*San Francisco's rigid voting statutes, which screen out Republicans and conservatives, could be revised to accommodate Islamofascists in order for said terrorists to vote as Democrats in the 2010 mid-term elections.

Reached at the San Francisco Zoo where she is on a voter registration campaign, Screecher Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, "I am not wild about this idea, unless Obama adds $500 million to the stimulus package to create jobs on Alcatraz!"

Nancy Pelosi: She may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she is the goofiest!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

ANOTHER Obama Stinker: How Do You Say "Tax Cheat" in Spanish?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

If President Obama had just taken his own advise and learned Spanish, as he urged American parents to do, perhaps this latest kerfuffel could have been avoided.

As it is, the nomination of Rep. Hilda Solis, Latina from California, to be Labor Secretary may be in trouble because of revelations that her husband was ensnared in tax concerns, an aliment that seems to have reached pandemic proportions among Obama nominees.

As reported, in part, in the San Francisco Chronicle **:

"Looks like another Obama Cabinet nominee could be in trouble--
Rep. Hilda Solis, the proposed Labor Secretary. And quietly, the administration has acknowledged that it could be a long haul. This week, Team Obama quietly appointed an interim Labor Department chief.

The latest chapter came Thursday before a long-delayed vote on Solis, a Los Angeles County Democrat, before the Senate Labor Committee again postponed consideration, apparently because of a disclosure that Solis' husband paid $6,400 yesterday to settle a tax lien.

Administration officials had hoped for a vote this week, almost a month after the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee held a hearing on Solis. The committee's Democratic majority should have the votes to approve the union-friendly nominee.

But the new administration has simultaneously been bracing for a protracted battle: On Monday, Obama appointed career Labor Department manager Ed Hugler to serve as acting secretary until Obama's nominee can be confirmed.

After weeks of delay -- and speculation that Republicans on the committee were blocking Solis -- the committee's chairman, Sen. Edward Kennedy, and ranking Republican member, Sen. Michael Enzi, issued a joint statement Thursday morning canceling the vote but denying that an anonymous senator had placed a hold on the nomination."

If only Team Obama had translated that 60 page vetting document into Spanish, all of this fuss might have been avoided. As it is, the Obama penchant for shooting itself in the groin has gained additional momentum.

All of which raises the question of the day: How do you say "tax cheat" in Spanish?


The "Lillpop Smell Test" for Stimulus Proposals

By John W. Lillpop

OK, I confess, I am not an economist. Heck, I am not even particularly knowledgeable about high finances.

Fact is, I use Quicken to keep track of my checking accounts, and until Treasury Tim Geithner delivered his non-repentant mea culpa before the Senate, I used that famous tax software (unnamed) to prepare my taxes.

Thanks to Geithner, I now realize that that software tends to lie about income and deductions, and may cause one to spend time in prison, or lose one's employment.

Unless one is well connected to the Obama administration, in which case one can look forward to a cushy cabinet job where one of the primary job responsibilities is to track down and prosecute tax cheats, Republicans being a top priority.

Which makes perfect sense if you think about it: Who better to uncover tax evasion than a man who has successfully committed said crime himself?

My lack of a formal background in economics has not prevented me from forming very definite opinions about the economic stimulus plan crafted by the United States House of Representatives, led by Screecher Nancy Pelosi.

Herewith, then, the Lillpop Smell Test for determining the viability of stimulus proposals:

Whereas, all assets and property owned by the federal government of the United Sates are in fact, possessions held on behalf of American citizens, let it be hereby resolved that no economic or recovery plan shall include any provision that:

( )Seeks to reduce, in any way, funds allocated to the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security.

( )Aids, abets or otherwise benefits individual terrorists or suspected terrorists, or organizations with terrorist links.

( )Results in American jobs or treasure being doled out to any person with no legal right to be in America (illegal aliens).

( )Allocates funds to ACORN and other organizations involved in voter fraud.

( )Serves as a "pay back" to organized labor unions for unflagging support of the Democrat party.

( )Makes the federal government responsible for preventing STDs and other maladies caused by reckless and irresponsible personal behavior.

( )Stimulates the gainful employment of tort attorneys.

( )Provides any funds for any institution or private party located with 750 miles of the San Francisco Bay Area.

( )Stimulates the use of medical procedures to terminate human life through abortion

( )Allocates funds to racist organizations like CAIR, La Raza, and the NAACP.

NOTE: There is a much quicker, easier way to ferret out non-stimulating stinkers from any stimulus package: Simply ask Screecher Nancy Pelosi her opinion.

If Pelosi supports it, it is NOT going to result in anything except more wasteful spending on worthless liberal pet projects!


Obama in Stimulus Wonderland!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Who would have imagined that Walt Disney's magical film, "Alice in Wonderland," from 1951 would be a model for the Obama presidency?

In particular, the Rabbit who ran about declaring "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" seems to capture the president's mood with regard to the trillion dollar, leftist boondoggle mistakenly referred to as a "recovery" plan.

From, in part, this:

"President Barack Obama prodded lawmakers to complete work on a $900 billion economic stimulus package as Senate Democratic leaders faced calls from their own party and from Republicans for changes to the measure.

“Let’s not make the perfect the enemy of the essential,” Obama said while acknowledging criticisms of the plan. “A failure to act and to act now will turn crisis into catastrophe and guarantee a longer recession.”

Sounds eerily like, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" does it not? No time to use common sense when spending a trillion dollars of taxpayer money, right?

Actually, Obama's panic alert sounds very much like the words that former President Bush used last September when he warned Congress that failure to approve a $700 billion bailout could send the fragile U.S. economy over the edge.

After signing the hysteria-driven bill on October 4, President Bush made the following statement:

"By coming together on this legislation, we have acted boldly to prevent the crisis on Wall Street from becoming a crisis in communities across our country."

That bail out, which totaled more than $800 billion by the time it was signed into law, turned out to be a folly of epic proportions.

To begin with, about $350 billion was stashed in a white envelope marked "CRISIS," hidden under the carpet in Henry Paulson's office.

Four months later, those "emergency" funds have yet to be disbursed.

Which begs the question, "Just What the Hell is a 'crisis' in Washington parlance?"

Of the bail out money that was spent, no one in government knows exactly where all of it went, although it appears that billions were spent on matters unrelated to the banking crises.

Senate Republicans must remain firm in their opposition to the $900 billion monster that Obama and the Democrats want to dump on the backs of generations to follow.

To counter Obama's silly argument, try one of the following:

"Let's not turn the essential into a feeding trough for liberals addicted to pork" or "Haste makes waste!"

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Defrocking Camelot, One Tax Cheat at a Time

By John W. Lillpop

Two weeks ago, the world believed that the torch of Camelot had been passed from the disciples of John F. Kennedy to Barack Obama. Today, the world recognizes that Obama is more like Jimmy Carter than JFK.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama had Republicans backed against a wall and all but defeated. Today, Senate Republicans, lead by Mitch McConnell (R-KY), are demanding CHANGE to the outrageous spending orgy masked as a job stimulus by the majority Democrats. Today, Obama is forced to listen.

Two weeks ago, much of the world assumed that Barack Obama was far too brilliant and blessed to make a mistake. Today, the world knows of at least three tax cheats that Obama tried to place into important cabinet posts, two of whom have since had the decency to withdraw, and a third whom had the audacity and arrogance to continue, with Obama's blessings.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama was hailed as a technological wunderkid, the man who ended the reign of the boomer generation with his knowledge and use of the Internet, and all manners of high tech gadgets. Today, the world knows that Obama is incapable of using even the most simple, low-tech vetting tools to screen out tax cheats.

Two weeks ago, Barack Obama was seen as a beacon of hope for CHANGE throughout the world. Today, the world knows that the greatest need for immediate CHANGE is in the Oval Office and the man in charge there.

Two weeks ago, the world believed that an inexperienced community organizer with charisma and charm was just what the world needed. Today, the world realizes that being clean and articulate is not even close to being good enough!


Another "F" for Obama: Performance Czar a Tax Cheat!

By John W. Lillpop

Yet another Obama nominee is in deep dodo because of tax issues.

As reported at Breitbart, in part, at Reference 1:

"Nancy Killefer, who failed for a year and a half to pay employment taxes on household help, has withdrawn her candidacy to be the first chief performance officer for the federal government, the White House said Tuesday.

"Killefer was the second major Obama administration nominee to withdraw and the third to have tax problems complicate their nomination after President Barack Obama announced their selection.

"Nancy Killefer has decided to withdraw her nomination, and we accepted her withdrawal," Tommy Vietor, a White House spokesman, said Tuesday.

"The 55-year-old executive with consulting giant McKinsey & Co., was expected to explain her reasons for pulling out later in the day."

All of these failed Obama appointments are actually good news for the American people because we now know why the budget is so out of balance:

Democrat elitists are refusing to pay their taxes!

CHANGE in the Way Americans Pay (Not!) Taxes!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

So, you just ran your 2008 numbers through Turbo-Tax and discovered a brutal truth: There is a huge gap between what you owe in taxes and what you have available to send Timothy Gaithner at Treasury.

Put simply, you will need a bail out in order to send money to the bozos in Washington, D.C. who will, in turn, use YOUR money to bail out crooks on Wall Street.

Bernie Madoff was handcuffed and arrested for that sort of Ponzi scheme, but when President Obama proposes it, millions of heavenly angels fill the skies over Washington, D.C. and celebrate the young president's economic genius by singing several verses of "Yes We Can!" with Holy reverence.

However, you are not President Obama, and unless you can sell a slick Ponzi scheme to family members and soon- to- be ex-friends between now and April 15, you will need a new strategy for dealing with taxes.

Relax, there is a solution that has been tested and proven by some of the brightest minds in the Obama cabinet. The solution in a nutshell:

Eliminate from your return the amount of income needed to bring you even with IRS or to even turn a profit.

File your "revised" return and then just wait for the IRS to send you several thousand dollars for that big vacation you promised the family.

In the unlikely event that President Obama decides to offer you an important job in his cabinet, reveal your "dirty little secret" just before your confirmation hearing is scheduled to start.

Using the most somber and sheepish expression in your mea culpa arsenal, apologize profusely for your unintentional error during your confirmation.

Apologize again, and again, and again, until C-Span runs out of videotape, or until your lying vocal cords give out, whichever comes first.

Because of the urgency of your new job, Democrats, including the president, will rally to your defense and demand that the Senate overlook your "innocent mistake" and confirm you immediately so that you can begin work on saving the American Dream this afternoon.

That, my brother, is the CHANGE that Barack Obama has brought to the manner by which Americans pay (Not!) taxes in the new age!

The Decline and Fall of Obama-Mania

By John W. Lillpop

Howls of protest and anguish from those who voted for Barack Obama are starting to pierce a hole in that media-created bubble of naive hope and fairy tale thinking, commonly known as Obamamania.

After allowing President Obama nearly a fortnight in which to bring much needed CHANGE to their lives, the unwashed masses are growing agitated with the lack of actual change. De ja vu all over again is NOT cool!

The Winter of Obama's Discontent began on February 2, the first date on which grandiose CHANGES promised by the Messiah were to take effect and bless the hearts of Obamamania loyalists.

Alas, despite all the promises and hype sold as hope, millions of the Obama faithful were rudely awakened by a plethora of unwelcome leftovers from the Bush monarchy, including:

*Mortgage payments were still due and payable.

*Amounts owed to mortgage holders were not reduced to reflect the significant deterioration in actual home values, and interest rates were not cut to zero;

*Homeowners in default continued to receive nasty notes from nasty lenders threatening to initiate foreclosure actions;

*Health insurers continued to demand huge sums of money for medical coverage that was supposed to be free, courtesy of Barack Obama;

*Taxpayers owing back taxes continued to receive harassing telephone calls and frightening certified mail from the IRS, even after tax cheat Timothy Gaithner took over at Treasury, and tax cheat Tom Daschle was working on taking over at HHS;

*Gasoline prices continued to increase, almost on a daily basis;

*Obama's two daughters attend an exclusive private school in Washington, D.C., something one would expect from a Republican white male with red neck tendencies, but not from a brother; and

*February 17 is still the date on which digital TV with replace analog, except now the government is not giving away a $40 coupon for the converter box.

All in all, a most dismal start to what was supposed to be a spiritual revolution that would free the unwashed masses from the unfair oppression of individual responsibility!