satirebylillpop is a site dedicated to seeing humor in the crazy world in which we find ourselves. Politicians are the primary targets, but sports figures, movie stars and others are victimized when appropriate--and funny!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Hillary Is a B*** Because...

By John W. Lillpop

Some narrow-minded women will howl with outrage when Hillary Clinton is characterized as a b****, arguing that that woman, whose disapproval numbers consistently hover around 50 percent, is just an assertive woman going after something.

According to such folk, Ms. Clinton is a victim of a right wing, misogynist conspiracy to deny Hillary her birthright, i.e., coronation as Queen of America.

So why, then, did Democrat voters give the b**** the heave ho in favor of a black Marxist with Jihad tendencies who is all about chasing fairy tales?

Truth will out. Observe please:

Hillary is a b**** because she is an elitist liar, fascist, and socialist who believes that America owes her the presidency because of her gender.

Hillary is a b**** because she does not respect the views of others, and will work ruthlessly to silence those with the audacity to disagree.

Hillary is a b**** because she behaved as though she was CO-president during the Bill Clinton presidency, an arrangement not approved by we the people.

Hillary is a b**** because she worked behind the scenes to concoct a program of forced socialized medicine, all the while ignoring the wishes of the American people.

Hillary is a b**** because she thought herself to be "inevitable" for the presidency, ignoring the fact that, in a Democracy, voters have a thing or two to say about whom will have squatter's rights in the Oval Office.

Hillary is a b**** because she lied unashamedly about landing under sniper fire in Bosnia to puff up her dubious "ready on day one" credentials, when, in fact, she was greeted by young girls bearing flowers.

Hillary is a b**** because she ridiculed decent American women who "Stand by Your Man," even though she stood by Bill Clinton as he engaged in countless episodes of promiscuity and adultery, including a sultry affair with an intern right under Hillary's nose in the White House.

Hillary is a b**** because she tolerated Gennifer Flowers, Kathleen Wiley, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky and all the rest not out of respect or love for the presidency or the man, but because leaving Slick Willie would have forced her to abandon all the power, fame, and fortune that accrues to those lucky enough to be First Lady.

Hillary is a b**** because she pretends that being a tough-minded, bossy feminist in pant suits qualifies her to be President of The United States, when, in fact, all of her success is the direct result of her marriage to Bill Clinton.

Hillary is a b**** because she rails against "obscene" profits by the oil industry while she and her husband have become obscenely rich by pawning off absurd trite as thoughtful and insightful revelations about their years in the White House.

In short, Hillary Clinton is a b**** because of her rigid intolerance, dishonesty, and wrong headed liberalism!

McCain Nixes Old White Boys, Goes for Real Change in Sarah Palin!

By John W. Lillpop

John McCain's announcement concerning Sarah Palin as his running mate has sent Team Obama and the mainstream media into comatose shock, a malady from which they may not fully recover until well after November 4.

Those who delight in gloating while watching liberals eat crow are hoping that Democrats and the media recover in time to witness the McCain swearing in ceremony on January 20, 2009.

McCain's brilliant counter punch to Obamamania pits a beautiful 40-something woman of integrity, intelligence, and warmth against a balding "old school" white guy with plagiarism as his only certifiable talent.

Guess who best represents positive change in the upcoming election?

Hint: It is not that US Senator from Delaware who has been on the public dole for 35 years, and who happens to be the poster child for the status quo.

Rather, it is a young, bright female Governor who brings freshness and innocence to the fray at a time when most Americans are fed up with phony Messiahs and other creations of the liberal media who promise change, but who deliver only tired old rhetoric and simplistic double talk.

Sarah Palin's ascension to national prominence
should be terrific news to disillusioned Hillary fans looking for a female-friendly candidate to vote for!

Behold, rejected Clintonistas everywhere:

John McCain and Sarah Palin represent real change and real hope for women!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Frisco's 'Lion of the Left' Gets Seven Years in Human Cage

By John W. Lillpop

Liberal nut job Bernie Ward is headed to the minimum-security prison in Lompoc, California where the bloated lefty will roar meekly, sans his radio microphone, for seven years.

For distributing child pornography on the Internet, Ward was sentenced by Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker in San Francisco.

In imposing the sentence, Judge Walker noted that Ward discussed child molestation on his radio programs and said he was troubled that Ward didn't "seek treatment, seek help" when he "encountered his own predilection" for child pornography.


In fact, of course, Ward was merely doing research for a book and had no "predilection" for anything except being a best selling author.

With time off for good behavior, Bernie Ward should be out of prison just in time to file for Social Security, which, by most accounts, should be flat broke by the time he waddles in to file.

In another spate of bad news for the "Lion of the Left," because he is a convicted felon, Ward will be ineligible to vote.

This means that the Democrat Party will have to wait until Bernie Ward is dead before counting his vote.

For those with a predilection to pray for Bernie Ward, do so only if you must. But be advised that Ward would think you a damn fool for it!


The Gospel, According to the Book of Nancy

By John W. Lillpop

Rarely has Nancy Pelosi been mistaken for a brilliant thinker or a heavy weight in intellectual circles. In fact, calling the Shreeker of the US House an "air head" would be an insult to air everywhere, and a gross exaggeration of her intellectual prowess as well.

Even though she is a certified air head, Nancy Pelosi is one of San Francisco's best and brightest.

As such, she is so smitten with dumb that Pelosi actually believes that her Speakership has been a huge success, despite that pesky 9 percent approval rating that the American people lavish on Congress these days.

The extent to which Pelosi is able to completely deny the truth in order to maintain her own warped, muddled mindset became obvious recently as Pelosi tried her hand at being a theological scholar, on national television, with predictable results.

Attempting to defend her support of abortion rights in response to a question posed by Tom Brokaw on "Meet the Press," Pelosi startled everyone who has ever been, is now, or is even considering becoming a Catholic with this comment, in part:

"I would say that as an ardent, practicing Catholic, this is an issue (abortion) that I have studied for a long time. And what I know is, over the centuries, the doctors of the church have not been able to make that definition."


So, the Speaker of the US Congress supports abortion rights because the Catholic Church has been unable to define the morality or immorality of murdering an innocent fetus?

Is that what this pathetic public figure really meant to say?

Many Roman Catholic bishops consider Pelosi's arguments so far out of line with church teaching that they have issued a steady stream of statements to correct her.

The latest came from Pittsburgh Bishop David Zubik, who said Pelosi, "stepped out of her political role and completely misrepresented the teaching of the Catholic Church in regard to abortion."

Pelosi has done the same with the US Constitution, the rule of law, and common sense wherever she has had the opportunity.

Nancy Pelosi is an embarrassment to her nation, her party, her family,her gender and the Catholic Church.


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

About Those 18 Million Votes Cast for Hillary Clinton

By John W. Lillpop

Pummeled into submission by the "Agony of Defeat," Hillary Rodham Clinton and her angry white female supporters will
be most anxious to convince DNC honchos that the Clintonistas are united as one big happy family and totally behind Barack Obama, the black dude who will celebrate the "thrill of victory" on Thursday evening.

Hillary's last hurrah for 2008, and opening salvo for 2012, will take place on Tuesday evening in Denver as the fallen "inevitability" queen pays tribute to the 18 million screwballs that voted for her in the primaries.

Incidentally, those 18 million votes gave Hillary the leverage needed to force her tired old body and message into a prime time speaking slot, a priceless jewel that John Edwards could have better used for a four-hour, non-stop mea culpa to atone for his dalliance with Rielle Hunter while kicking off his own campaign for 2012.

Although 18 million votes is an impressive tally, one needs to dig a bit deeper to learn the truth about all those ballots.

In fact, the pro-Hillary vote is not nearly as intimidating when one considers the following break down:

Illegal aliens: 7 Million

Felons: 5 Million

& Buried: 2 Million

Over the hill feminists, desperate to see one of their own serve in a capacity greater than sex-slave/intern in the Oval Office, comprise the remaining four million who voted for the most disliked figure in American politics since Richard M. Nixon.

All told, then, Hillary Clinton's vote count was mostly invalid and not worth counting.

Were she a wise and noble person rather than an ill tempered old bitch, Hillary would retire from politics immediately and spend the rest of her life taking care of Bill Clinton and his wonky heart.

Do that, Hillary, and you are guaranteed to get my vote!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Commie Asses Invade Denver--Where Are the Marines?

By John W. Lillpop

It is 3 AM in the morning and the red phone in the Oval Office is ringing off the bloody hook. A major American city has been invaded, state and local law enforcement officials need an immediate, intelligible response from our commander-in-chief.

True to form, President Bush is pre-occupied clearing brush and tumbleweed on his ranch in Texas, as is his custom every August. He simply has no time to get involved.

Put simply, brush and tumbleweed he can handle, but rambunctious asses are beyond W's pay grade.

Besides, the president's second most pressing priority is to keep the nation of Georgia from falling into communist hands.

Just as he has done so many times over the past eight years, Bush loses sleep and frets over borders and homeland security in foreign lands, thousands of miles from home, while blithely ignoring grave dangers here at home.

Adding to the Bush legacy of apathy when it comes to defending the homeland in the homeland, now the great city of Denver has fallen into enemy hands as well.

It almost as though W is ashamed of America's borders, language, and culture, and is unwilling to fight for preservation of the American Dream except on behalf of unskilled Latinos who, like the president himself, just cannot seem to handle English.

W's unspoken rule of thumb seems to be, "Unless Saudi Islamofascists have rammed a few jumbo jets into New York City skyscrapers or the Pentagon, don't bother me!"

Which is most unfortunate because it overlooks the insidious harm that can be inflicted on our nation by enemies of America masquerading as Democrats.

Do not be fooled by the disorganized, spastic behavior of those liberals, Mr. President, they are far more dangerous than they appear.

Remember that liberals like Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Jimmy Carter, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi are threatening to bring about a "new beginning" for America.

That means terrorist-friendly defense and homeland security, scrapping of the US Constitution, reliance on junk science when it comes to the myth of global warming, skyrocketing taxes, infanticide for tens of millions of fetuses, and bludgeoning of God and religious faith at every opportunity.

Is that what America really deserves, Mr. President?

Of course not!

What America desperately needs is for our lame-duck president to send the US Marines into Denver with orders to arrest and remove every last commie pinko from the convention center, the city of Denver, and the state of Colorado.

Ship the whole lot of liberal loonies to Mexico, Iraq, or even Kenya.

Do it for the children, Mr. President!

Flip-Flopping on Change!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

If flip flopping were an Olympic event, Barack Obama would have won enough gold medals to buy all of those missing McCain mansions outright, and still have sufficient scratch left to treat Oprah Winfrey to lunch.

By naming Joe Biden as his running mate, the Anointed One has set an all-time world record for prevarication, said record subject to being superseded by Obama himself, at any time, without advance warning.

Oddly enough, this fellow was supposed to be all about CHANGE, CHANGE, and still more CHANGE, remember?

To date, the only CHANGE that Obama has consistently brought to the table is an all- too- frequent change of his bloody mind on vital issues of the day!

Nominating Joe Biden for the vice presidency to run under the banner of CHANGE is another stunning example of Obama's inexperience, lack of commitment to anything except acquisition of raw power, and world class flip- flop skills.

Good grief, with 35 years under his belt in the US Senate, Senator Joseph Biden is the quintessential Washington insider. If ever there was a poster child for the anti-change status quo, it would be the senior senator from Delaware!

More Proof: Democrat Joe Biden has not changed his hairpiece in 20 years!

Oh, and by the way, Joe Biden will be 66 in October.

Which means that Biden is darn near as old as John McCain and is a smidgen older than Hillary Clinton is.

According to ageist hate speech used by Team Obama against both McCain and Hillary, they are "old school" fogies," out of touch with any American who can still walk about on his or her own, and for whom sex is more important than comfortable dentures and a clean bed pan.

Fathoming why Biden's 66 trumps McCain's 72, or Hillary's 61, when it comes to being in sync with younger voters is beyond this writer's pay grade. As such, it is best left for historians to sort out in the decades to follow.

Biden has other shortcomings, including the fact that he is an angry white male and an attorney.

Which begs the following question: Can the American electorate, starved as it is for CHANGE, be placated by placing an old, angry white male with a law degree just a heart beat away from the presidency?

Still, this is Obama's show, and there ARE positive qualities that Biden brings to the ticket:

First and foremost, Joseph Biden is NOT Hillary Rodham Clinton.

In and of itself, that is enough to endear Biden to millions of voters who would like to keep the White House "b**** free," for at least four more years.

Next, Biden has a unique capacity for sticking his foot into his mouth with inappropriate, politically incorrect, and or incendiary remarks.

If fact, if sticking your foot in your mouth was an Olympic event, Joe Biden would have nearly as much gold to his credit as Obama, flip-flopping champ of all time.

How might Biden's non-stop adventures in a quagmire of faux pas benefit the ticket?

Elementary, really: It will keep snoopy news reporters pre-occupied with chasing down the latest "Biden Eruption."

Thus, the media will be too busy to delve into Obama's Jihadist past, involvement with sleazy underground characters, or his relationship with his half-brother, left to wilt in abject poverty in Kenya.

Some might ask, "But, what about Biden's despicable dabbling in plagiarism?"

Friends, this is what makes the Obama-Biden bonding so special:

Barack Obama has never written anything worth stealing, so all his jottings would be perfectly safe, even with Joseph Biden free to roam the White House!


Friday, August 22, 2008

San Francisco Liberals Like Bernie Ward Give Alcoholics a Bad Name

Satire By John W. Lillpop

San Francisco liberals have never been encumbered by the obsession to wallow excessively in untarnished truth, especially when doing so might exacerbate whatever legal and or political quandaries are before them.

Take the case of Mayor Gavin Newsom. A couple of years ago, America's most immoral and reckless mayor got mixed up romantically with a subordinate who also happened to be the wife of a very close associate.

Even in the morally corrupt city of San Francisco, Newsom's meandering was frowned upon.

Rather than doing the decent thing by resigning, the mayor threw his hands up in the air and declared that his problems were rooted in a heretofore-undisclosed problem with alcoholism.

The mayor, you see, alleged that he was a helpless victim of the pernicious bubbly. His adulterous impulses were only aroused when he was sufficiently stewed.

Being the naive nincompoops that they are, San Francisco residents forgave the mayor for partaking too freely of stew and sex in San Francisco's all-gold City Hall.

Therefore, Da Mayor remains in office to this day, free to shield illegal alien felons from deportation and other foolish anti-American acts, which can only harm the citizens of San Francisco.

Now we have word that Bernie Ward, Catholic priest turned radio talk host, turned child pornographer, is also using the "I am a victim of alcohol!" ploy as his defense while he labors to keep his jail time under a decade.

This after the portly leftist finally came to grips with the fact that viewing and distributing Kiddy porn in order to write a book on hypocrisy was too fanciful a defense, even in crazy San Francisco.

Barring a leap of no-faith off the Golden Gate bridge, the next big event in Bernie Ward's life comes next Thursday, August 28, when the deposed Lion of the Left will be formally sentenced to a human cage.

Prosecutors have recommended a nine-year sentence, while lawyers of Ward seek a five stay at the Big House.

Ward is also seeking a special dispensation from prison officials which would allow him to host "Cell Talk," a nightly call-in chat show with pedophiles, child pornographers, and other wayward Catholics.

When you stop to think about it, the nine-year gig would actually be most beneficial for Ward, because it would provide the greatest amount of time for him to work on and eradicate that alcoholism bug which has smitten him so unexpectedly, but so dramatically.

With All Those Homes, Perhaps McCain Should Rescue Obama's Brother?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

John McCain continues to be pummeled hither and yonder for marrying a woman smarter and more successful that himself,
a charge that has never been leveled against Barack Hussein Obama.

Funny that.

A real stinker, this latest kerfuffel, as it shows the big bad Republican McCain so out of touch with average Americans that he has lost track of his (wife's!) mansions.

So, while millions of Americans face the loss of their homes through foreclosure, the McCain real estate empire cannot even remember how many estates they have title to.

Double shame on America, especially those with the audacity of success!

Just as news concerning McCain's inability to count to seven was being parlayed into accusations of racism, elitism, and old age dementia by Team Obama, the news wires became flooded with stink about this Obama character himself.

Seems as though America's favorite black, Jihad, Marxist has a half-brother (does that make the dude a half-sister, ergo a bisexual?) who lives in Kenya on wages approximating $1.00 a month.

Just for perspective that is equal to one hundred US pennies every 30 days, before taxes, of course.

The half-brother should thank God or Allah, as the case may be, that Obama is not running for public office in Kenya, because 50 percent or more of those 100 pennies might be stolen by Obama's "progressive" tax plan should the Anointed One prevail.

Sadly for America, but fortunately for the impoverished brother, Kenya is too black for Obama, who still fosters this fairy tale about living in a White House in a very black neighborhood in Washington, D.C.

Given the fact that Barack Obama has turned his Marxist back on his poor brother, John McCain has been given a golden opporunity to do the magnanimous thing.

Specifically, John McCain should "pull an Oprah" by announcing that Obama's better half brother will be flown to the States, at McCain's expense, and housed in one of those seven mansions that the aging senator has misplaced. Free of charge!

Can you see the headlines?

Compassionate Conservatism Breaking News: John McCain Rescues Obama's Brother!

That should play havoc with the polls, say what?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Lower Mandatory Retirement Age for Goofy College Professors!

By John W. Lillpop

Logic 101 should be a required course for those 100 college professors who think it makes sense to lower the drinking age to 18 because 21 has spawned "a culture of dangerous, clandestine 'binge-drinking' -- often conducted off-campus."

Binge drinking can be reduced by lowering the drinking age?

A corollary example: Reckless motorists drive 50 miles per hour in a school zone, thereby endangering children.

The solution? Raise the speed limit to 55!

Or, illegal aliens threaten the economy, health care, and homeland security of American citizens.

The solution? Grant amnesty to the invading criminals and bingo! there goes the illegal alien problem.

A better idea: Let's lower the mandatory retirement age for goofy professors: Age 24 sounds about right!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fighting Food, Medical Fraud, and the Fat Fairy

By John W. Lillpop

Unlike most red-necked conservative intellectuals living in the Bay Area, I have never found it particularly difficult to "watch" my weight.

With a size 50 waist, three or more double chins, and a neck size scarcely below triple digits, how in Hades can I NOT watch my weight?

After years of battling neurotic doctors, "ideal weight" charts pushed by corporate interests intent on earning windfall profits from a man-made pandemic of expensive-to-treat anexoria, and scales that lie without shame, I have finally surrendered.

Effective immediately, in the best interests of my fragile sanity, I will no longer weight myself, or allow myself to be weighed.

Period, end of discussion.

Consider the relevant facts, please.

Weighing one's self can lead to depression, anxiety, and fat. In fact, politicians could do the public far more good by outlawing scales instead of worrying about Trans-fats, cholesterol, salt, carbohydrates, and other innocuous items in the diet of all normal Americans.

Think about the mental games one plays when engaged in the Fit or Fat numbers game:

On the odd occasion when the scale actually shows a weight loss, one's food -addicted brain immediately sends a crazy message to one's stomach that goes something like this:

"Bravo! and Sayonara to being fat. This is cause for celebration, so bring on a few five-pound boxes of fudge and as much buttered popcorn as can be stuffed into the family min-van and a U-Haul trailer!"

If, on the other hand, the scale reveals a weight gain, one's scheming brain sends the following distorted message to one's weight management center:

"Idiot! Just as we warned you, it is hopeless and a complete waste of time to even try to lose weight! To hell with celery sticks and water.

"Bring on a dozen BBQed short ribs, three pounds of mashed potatoes smothered in real butter, and any fudge and popcorn not consumed this morning when you celebrated that short-lived weight loss!"

And so it is in the wild and wacky world of weight management, or mismanagement to be more precise.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Of Feces, Urine, Secret Jails, and Democrats in Denver

Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

In the not so distant past, thoughts of the Democratic convention conjured up images of ungodly long and boring speeches from bloated old windbags, ridiculous party platforms, even more absurd nominees, and what must have been the unconstitutional preemption of Bonanza and other television classics during prime time.

All three networks were guilty, but as far as can be determined, the CEOs of CBS, ABC, and NBC have never really paid the full price for wiping out shows like I Love Lucy for a fortnight every four years.

Things have changed a lot since the "Golden" years of television.

In 2008, the Democrat Party stands for killing babies, coddling baby killers, surrender at all costs as the cornerstone of national defense and homeland security, a "tax 'till they drop" revenue policy, no illegal alien let behind strategy for immigration, and the common tire gauge instead of additional refineries, more drilling, and nuclear power when it comes to achieving energy independence!

However, when it comes to issues like feces, urine, and jails, Democrats are the same as they have always been. Which is to say incorrigible dim wits!

That reality has prompted the great city of Denver to take a number of bold steps in advance of the Democrat convention next week.

First up was the issue of poo and pee. These lovely subjects were behind a new law that prohibits people from carrying certain items if they intend to use them for nefarious purposes.

The law was crafted with the Democratic National Convention specifically in mind and was adopted unanimously by the City Council.

Daily Camera:

Once poo and pee have been attended to, there is still the insane liberal obsession with protests and protest marches to contend with.

Most liberals will protest anything, except a ceremony which features the torching of the American flag, or which celebrates the burning of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney in effigy.

Liberal protestmania, and the tendency to engage in unruly and violent behavior while under the influence thereof, has lead Denver to convert an old warehouse into a secret jail, again just in time for the DNC convention.


Critics call this sensational idea, "Gitmo on the Platte," but reasonable folk in city management are not backing down, and the secret jail will be ready to receive it's liberal nut cases on schedule next week.

Hmmm--wonder if Mayor Kilpatrick of Detroit has lined up housing yet? This might mesh perfectly with Da Mayor's lifestyle and rap sheet!

Ever Been Blitzed by a Wolf?

Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

This is not meant to demean Wolf Blitzer, CNN's top political analyst and part-time kosher food vendor. He is probably a perfectly fine and decent chap, worthy of every wooden nickel he can extort from the corrupt moguls who run CNN and Time Magazine.

Nonetheless, a spate of compassionate conservatism forces me to ask, What sort of parent would deliberately name a child Wolf to go with the surname Blitzer?

Does not the eighth Amendment to the US Constitution protect citizens from cruel and unusual punishment of the type haunting Blitzer?

Naming a child Wolf Blitzer is about as nasty as one can get, except for handing down the name Lillpop to a defenseless new born.

In fact, the physician who delivered this Lillpop was so concerned about the potential emotional harm that "Lillpop" might cause that he scribbled "TBD" in the last name of my birth certificate.

Mum penciled through "TBD" and entered "SOB," never fully appreciating the irony of that vicious attack. Out of a deep-abiding respect and inheritance considerations, I never argued the point with her.

By now, it is clear that my doctor was dead wrong--being named Lillpop has not kept me down or interfered with my path to success.

Inheriting my mother's wonky DNA has exacted a miserable toll, but my last name has had little, or nothing, to do with a lifetime of institutional-quality insanity.

Judging from his success as a famous national television star, Wolf Blitzer has not suffered too greatly because of his strange moniker.

When I first heard the name Wolf Blitzer, I thought it was the stage name for some whacked out football analyst, unemployable except when assigned to cover crushed skulls, broken bones, and copious amounts of spilled blood on Sunday mornings.

As it turns out, Wolf Blitzer is the real name of a whacked out liberal who never leaves the "Situation Room" at CNN, except when there is a full-moon, at which time he produces "Braying With Wolf," available for a nominal fee as an Ipod download.

Again, this is not to demean Wolf in any way. He is an elitist lefty, true, but he is very bright--for a liberal!

Consider some of the most inspired quotes from Wolf *:

"Mr. President, haven't you been watching the news? Katrina hit New Orleans five days ago. The city is flooded. Many people are homeless, desperate for food and water. They're wondering why it's taking so long for the government to send help

On this one, Wolf sort of got out of sync with reality.

Anyone with even a vague understanding of the relationship between Nazism and Republican politics knows that President Bush watches FOX News, and only Fox News!

Everyone except Wolf was also aware of the fact that during the overkill coverage of Katrina by the liberal media, FOX ran old Amos and Andy flicks non-stop!

It is called "Fair and Balanced," Wolf baby!

How about this Wolf dilly?

"It is time for the United States, as the sole recognized intermediary, to consider more forceful action for peace."

This quote was apparently put together immediately after Wolf interviewed President Bush while the two supped Kosher, non-alcoholic iced tea in the green room outside the set of the Situation Room.

You can see Dubya's lip prints all over those crazy words, "Forceful Action for Peace."

Roughly translated into Duybaspeak, the term means, "America must invade Iran now, before evil doers destroy the Middle East come January 20, 2009!"

No doubt, Wolf had another meaning in mind.

Then there is this unforgettable line:

"Guess what, there's another bomb out there, it is going to kill a lot more, but I'm not telling you where it is.”

This is a bit of a tease, because no one knows for sure exactly what Wolf was referring to.

Nonetheless, Dr. John Lilypompous, speaking on condition of anonymity, conjectures that this quote flowed from the lips of Wolf just before CNN announced that George W. Bush had been re-elected to a second term in 2004!

That's NOT the way it is, and thank the Lord for small favors!

Wolfman: Blitzing America with liberal bias and propaganda from the Situation Room in Atlanta!

* Source:

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Changes Likely If Barry Is Elected

Satire By John Lillpop

Should voters be foolish enough to elect Barack Obama on November 4, the following Changes will be America's just rewards:

The 44th president of the United States will take the Oath of Office in a cave at an undisclosed location in Pakistan or Afghanistan. He will place his left hand on the Koran, while swearing (in Arabic) at the U.S. Constitution, capitalism, and bitter white rural Christians with handguns;

Presidential Inaugural Balls will be held in Mecca, the Dome of the Rock, Madina, and other venues with large populations of American-hating Jihadists, like San Francisco and Detroit;

Abortions will be mandatory--for pregnant Jews;

The Iraq war will be officially declared a "Hate Crime" against Islam;

Lethal injection will replaced by beheading, hanging, or public stoning, especially for morally corrupt women who allow themselves to be raped, or whom are audacious enough to hold public office;

Women will be prohibited from driving automobiles, thereby reducing gasoline consumption in America by at least 50 percent, immediately ending the need for offshore drilling;

Reverend Jeremiah Wright will serve as Secretary of Defense;

U.S. Marines will invade the site of 9/11 to destroy all commemorative symbols as well as any plans to rebuild Twin Towers;

The term "Under God" will be replaced by "As ordered by Allah" in the Pledge of Allegiance;

Every Friday afternoon will be reserved for mandatory mosque attendance and praying in an easterly direction, as prescribed by federal law;

Enjoying Miller Time, Happy Hour and other Friday traditions savored by America's unwashed masses will be cause for immediate beheading, or worse!;

Ramadan will replace Christmas and Thanksgiving as national holidays; celebrating Yon Kipper will be a felony, punishable by death on the first offense;

Burning the American flag will no longer be a crime, unless Al Gore decides that the smoke from smoldering flags causes global warming;

All citizens will be automatically covered by universal health care insurance at birth; illegal aliens will be covered only after registering as Democrats;

An "Excess Initiative Tax" will be paid by households with annual incomes exceeding $200,000;

A "Global Warming Tax" will be levied on SUVs and luxury cars registered to Republicans and southern Democrats;

Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger will be appointed Director of Homeland Security;

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld will be sent to Guantánamo Bay for their roles in the Iraq war. Habeas corpus will be denied all four, and

Terrorists held at Guantánamo Bay will be set free to make room for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld.

Barack Obama: Can America survive his extreme brand of change?

Denver Understands Liberals: Builds "secret" Jail for Convention!

Satire, By the Good Graces of John W. Lillpop

Say what you will about the patriarchs who run Denver, but one thing is undeniable: These folks know and understand liberals!

Which is why the great city of Denver has converted an old warehouse into a secret jail.


Estimated time of completion is August 25, just in time for the Democrat convention!

Hmmm--wonder if Mayor Kilpatrick of Detroit has lined up housing yet? This might mesh perfectly with Da Mayor's lifestyle and rap sheet!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Barry Needs to Watch His Backside Around Hillary in Denver!

Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

Although I emphatically believe that Barack Hussein Obama (Barry) is the least qualified, most anti-American candidate ever to get this far in a legitimate challenge for the US presidency, I would hate to see the man fall victim to the evil Clintonistas in Denver two weeks hence.

Team Obama seems to have been lulled into a false sense of trust this week as they agreed to let Hillary's name be placed in nomination. They erred again by agreeing to let Slick Willie address the convention, a most unfortunate indicator of the moral depravity which has overwhelmed the Democrat Party.

To be perfectly honest, Bill Clinton should be in perjurer's recovery and, once graduated therefrom, should be arrested and forced into an involuntary stint at a home for sexual predators/recovering liars.

All in all, Slick should be confined until he reaches his 70th birthday, or until Hillary abandons his sorry self in favor of a real black man.

Those options make more sense than foisting this salty old bird on the American people eight years after we got rid of he and his kleptomaniac spouse, who is, this very day, selling White House china and foot stools in order to retire her campaign debt!

Amazing, is it not Hillary, how the flow of money dries up once the likes of Norman Hsu are no longer around to extort money and commit fraud on your behalf?

Thank the Lord for fraud opportunities in the book writing racket, a corrupt industry that has rewarded both Hillary and Slick Willie handsomely for lying non-stop across two hundred plus pages of double-spaced malarkey.

But back to the black prophet (profit?), the Hildabeast, and the convention in Denver, also known as the Looming Freak Show!

Again, everyone knows that the Messiah is a genius and incapable of making a mistake. Still, in my humble view, Barack Obama needs to keep a very careful eye out for Hillary and Slick during the convention.

Remember two things, Barry:

1. Hillary has warned America and the world, and especially you, that she was obligated to continue her battle for the Oval Office just in case something awful like, perish the thought, an untimely assassination should occur.

Please understand that we would never suggest that Hillary might resort to extreme measures like murder, just to claw her way back into the White House.

Still, there are several unanswered questions about Vince Foster and other Clinton associates who have left this dimension under very eerie circumstances.

To be on the safe side, do not turn your back to Hillary, and do not go out to tilt a few cold ones with Slick Willie.

Instead, stick with the likes of Reverend Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, but be sure to always wear a heavy duty athletic cup when hanging with those dark dudes. Hide all knives and cutting scissors just to be safe.

2. In conjunction with the above, remember that Hillary has only "suspended" her campaign, she has not yet folded her tent.

How long do you suppose it would take the Clinton team to renovate and re-roll out the "Hillary for President in 2008!" campaign upon learning of a tragic event that would render the Anointed One unavailable?

Educated guess: Hillary could have fired-up volunteers on the ground in all fifty states in less time than it would take to explain the difference between Georgia the nation and Georgia the American state to Barry!

Again, Barry Needs to Watch His Backside Around Hillary in Denver!

Democrat Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Belongs in Denver!

Satire Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

Shame on Barack Obama, Howard Dean, and all of the other "inclusive" liberals for ripping the Welcome mat out from under Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick at the convention site in Denver.

According to an AP report, "Barack Obama doesn't want Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his legal troubles to be a distraction at the upcoming Democratic National Convention."


What a hypocritical outrage!

All of this scorn heaped upon Da Mayor just because he faces eight felony charges in a perjury case and two felony charges in an assault case.

Why should "alleged" behavior prevent the Democrat mayor of a major American city from serving as a superdelegate during the crowning of America's presumptive 44th president and First-ever Messiah?

After all, the Democrats have cleared the way for former President Bill Clinton, a perjurer and sexual predator, to address the assembled masses.

Democrats are mostly felons and liars anyhow, so what is the point?

Why not show the same level of respect for Mayor Kilpatrick as is being extended to an impeached president?

What is that you say? By court order, Kilpatrick must wear an electronic monitoring device as part of his bond in an assault case?

So just what the hell do Democrats have against poor black dudes manacled to electronic monitoring devices by racist judges?

In truth, that electronic monitoring devise is all the more reason for welcoming Kilpatrick to the festivities since he will be a living, breathing testament to the shackles still enslaving black Americans.

A shackled Mayor Kilpatrick would be a perfect illustration of why CHANGE, ALA Barack Obama, is so vital to America!

Two words of wisdom for team Obama:

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Belongs in Denver! and,

Let Kilpatrick be Kilpatrick!


Book Exposes Obama, Leaps to # 1 On NYT Best Seller List!

Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

After 18 months in which the liberal mainstream media have pre-ordained Barack Obama as the inevitable 44th president of the United States and Messiah rolled into one, a glimmer of truth is emerging, just in time for the November elections.

In much the same manner as leftist John Kerry was exposed and Swiftboated in 2004, so it is that a new hero and protector of the American way has emerged to take over the 2008 election.

That would be Dr. Jerome R. Corsi who deserves profound kudos and props for his patriotic, pro-American work titled, The Obama Nation.

Dr. Corsi's masterpiece is a blessing to voters because it exposes the bad and the ugly (there is no good) in the Barack Obama act, which has hoodwinked far too many otherwise intelligent voters to date.

The great news is that The Obama Nation sits alone in the number 1 spot on the New York Times Best Seller list!

The astounding success of The Obama Nation stands in stark contrast to the leftist drivel set forth in Nancy Pelosi's nauseating dilly titled, "Know Your Power: A Message To America's Daughters," a dismal work that no daughter should have to read, and judging by the lack of sales, none will.

All of which proves two basic facts about America: Truth will out! and mediocrity sucks!


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Whither Vladimir Putin's Soul?

By John W. Lillpop

After visiting with Vladimir Putin in 2001, President George W. Bush stated, "I was able to get a sense of his soul, a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country."

That remark by the new American president startled much of the world, especially conservatives, who, for starters, doubted that Putin was actually blessed with a soul.

Most right wing pundits saw "Vladi" as a manifestation of the evil empire, a vanquished, but not entirely broken, commie not to be trusted without verification.

Giving a thumbs-up to Putin based on a fawning gaze into his steely blue eyeballs did not pass the "What would Ronald Reagan have done?" test for smoking out those with communist blood still flowing through devilish veins ,vessels, and arteries.

As John McCain allegedly said, "I look into Putin's eyes, and I see K, G, B."

McCain's sentiment concerning Putin is shared by many thinking Americans; Russia's recent assault on and invasion of Georgia serves to confirm that feeling.

An unasked question that must be brought up in this volatile election year should be directed to The Anointed One as follows:

"Mr. Obama, what do you see when you look into Vladimir Putin's eyes?"

Most probably, Obama would say something typically liberal like,

"Looking into Putin's eyes, I see a hunger for change from a leader who is tired of war waged by greedy capitalists and Texas cowboys who are puppets of the oil industry. I see a man who longs for diplomatic relations, and protracted rounds of negotiations, rather than tanks and bomber aircraft, as a means for resolving conflicts.

"I see a man who would rather talk than fight!"

Of course, the fact that Putin is, and will always be, an unrepentant communist gives him an automatic boost in Obama's eyes, given the fact that The Anointed One is of the same persuasion.

Besides, Obama could hardly be expected to find a "soul" when peering into the orifice of a fellow communist!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Who Needs Diversity When You Have Michael Phelps?

By John W. Lillpop

Mainstream media types who buy into the "Our diversity is our greatest strength" cockamamie must be choking on their cocktail olives and quiche at the sensational breaking news coming from Beijing. *

Flash 1: The greatest Olympic athlete in human history was crowned in Beijing on August 12, 2008.

Flash 2: The greatest Olympic athlete is an American swimmer named Michael Phelps whom is an American-American, or just plain American thank you!

Flash 3: Michael Phelps is a Caucasian male, a species that rarely finds approval in the biased, lefty mainstream media.

For the leftist media, the world's greatest athlete should be a disadvantaged person of color with a history of drug abuse and violent crime and a non-English speaker in order to be taken seriously.

Still, it will be tough to ignore the white kid from Baltimore, Maryland with all those gold medals in tow!

God Bless Michael Phelps who has proven once again why America has always been, and will always be, number 1!

* Yahoo

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Speaker Pelosi Answers Higher Spiritual Calling; OKs Vote on Drilling

By John W. Lillpop

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) has abandoned her role as savior of the planet in favor of a much higher spiritual calling: Election year politics.*

With 75 percent of the American people demanding an end to the ban on off shore drilling, and with polls indicating that gas prices and energy are important issues moving in favor of Republicans, the speaker was able to adjust her priorities and thinking accordingly.

Her reasoning:

"Planet Earth needs me and a veto proof Democrat majority in the House, and a filibuster-proof Democrat majority in the Senate, in order to save the planet.

"Therefore, in the interest of saving the planet, I will yield on the drilling issue, at least until Obama and fellow socialists take over the US government.

"However, once the elections are in the books, I promise to get back to work for the citizens of the world by shutting down all drilling and outlawing the combustion engine in America.

"Take that, Cindy Sheehan!"

And so it is with spiritual callings from on high in an election year!


Sunday, August 10, 2008

America Needs President Lou Dobbs in 2008!

By John W Lillpop

Oh, sure, it is very, very late for any individual, even a nationally known television star like Lou Dobbs, to thrown one's hat in the ring as a candidate for president.

Running for president requires at least $200 million for to mount a serious campaign. Thousands of volunteers have to be recruited, trained, and put on the ground. Campaign strategies and ads must be devised, created, and implemented.

Still, it is NOT impossible.

Americans are finally wising up to Barack Obama, whose poll numbers decline as a direct result to the number of public appearances made by the Anointed One.

People are just sick and tired of hearing Obama, Obama, and more Obama. Obamania is longer seen as a cure-all, rather it is now seen as a deadly disease in and of itself.

John McCain looks good only when compared to Obama. He is too damn old for the most difficult and stressful job on the planet.

Lou Dobbs byway of contrast, is a well educated and articulate defender of the American middle class. Dobbs brings a greater understanding to the economy, international politics, and immigration than either Obama or McCain can even hope to acheive.

Dobbs would fix the illegal alien crisis in a heartbeat by shutting down the border and enforcing existing laws including deportation of the millions of illiterate peasants who have invaded America the great.

America needs Lou Dobbs as the 44th president of these United States! Write in his name on November 4!

Friday, August 08, 2008

At Least John Edwards Did Not Lie Under Oath!

By John W. Lillpop

With all the bloody infighting, back stabbing, and nut cutting going on between Democrats these days, it is questionable whether this party of asses can survive long enough to hold their convention in Denver on August 25-28.

In the latest kerfuffel, former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards has admitted to an extramarital affair with one Rielle Hunter. Ever conscious of his image, Edwards made sure to point out that his tryst with Hunter happened while wife Elizabeth's cancer was in remission.

That is sure to endear the jerk to hypocritical liberals eager to point out that Republican Newt Gingrich dumped his wife while she was being treated in a hospital.

However, other Democrats are wondering if Edwards should skip this convention, thereby saving the party loads of bad PR and embarrassment in an extremely tight election cycle.

Hoever, there is a complication: Democrats have just agreed to let Slick Willie, the president, sex addict, and perjurer who gave us "I did not have sex with that woman," address the conventioneers during prime time.

On what basis, then, can the asses deny Edwards the right to make a fool of himself in front of party faithful and millions of television viewers?

John Edwards has another distinct moral advantage over Slick Willie: He did not lie under oath!

In fact, the rising star, now in descent, let it all hang out when he said, in part, the following:

"If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help."*

Given that naked mea culpa, I say kick Slick Willie off the stage and let John Edwards have his say.

After all, a humble Democrat willing to be beaten up may be just what voters are lusting for in 2008!



From Hawaii: Obama Promises to Help Fight Russians in Georgia!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Who said that Barack Obama is aloof and insufficiently informed to lead in world emergencies?

Even as he is laying (lying?) on the beach at Kailua Beach Park in Hawaii, Obama is showing off his considerable crisis management skills. With his wireless laptop at the ready, Obama is prepared to shift immediately shift into "presidential" mode should events and media cameras warrant.

Between Mai Tai cocktails and poi sandwiches, The Anointed One refreshes his browser every twenty minutes and catches the latest breaking news from the Democrat Party's all-news station, AKA CNN.

In an illustration of how closely The One tracks world affairs, Obama has just read about the invasion of Georgia by Russian troops. Intent on showing his mettle as the next US commander-in-chief, Obama shoots off the following urgent, encrypted message:

Governor Sonny Perdue
203 State Capitol
Atlanta, GA 30334

Yo! Sonny:

I have just received word about the invasion of Georgia by the Russians.

Governor, please know that Michelle and I stand with you and the people of Georgia in this moment of crisis. Although you are a white Republican Christian, we are willing to do whatever we can to help.

My hope is that you and the Georgian people will be able to hold out until January 20, 2009. Mark that day on your calendar, Sonny, and expect a call from the White House around 4 PM that afternoon.

Allah willing, that call will be from moi, Barack Hussein Obama, bringing forth a plan for negotiating with Vladimir Putin for a mutually acceptable compromise for the future of your beautiful state.

Michelle has already come up with an excellent idea: America gives Cuba the Russians in exchange for the withdrawal of all Russian troops from Georgia!

If Vladi rejects that, we could always agree to withdraw our troops from Iraq within sixteen months!

How's that for a win-win, Sonny?

Well, got to run as there are seven untouched Mai-Tai cocktails and six hula dancers beckoning unto me.

Mahalo and aloha from the cocktail lounge bar at Kailua Beach.

Talk to you on January 20, 2009 from the White House.

Wishing you four fully inflated tires,

Barack Hussein Obama
Messiah and Presumptive 44th President of the United States
Kailua Beach Park, Hawaii

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Voter Fraud: Without It, Democrats Cannot Win!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

With the election less than 30 days away and John McCain showing no promising signs of a disabling injury or worse, Barack Obama and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) have decided to use a campaign strategy that has served Democrat candidates well in the past.

Liberals call it Voter Outreach, but federal and state election officials prefer a less PC term that is more precise: Voter Fraud.

Voter fraud has been in the Democrat Party's bag of tricks for generations. Without it, John Fitzgerald Kennedy would have lost the presidency to Richard M. Nixon in 1960.

Further, without the humiliation of the 1960 loss in his craw, President Nixon would have not delivered his infamous "You won't have Nixon to kick around" speech after losing a bid to become governor of California in 1962, and he would not have authorized the Watergate break-in of DNC headquarters in 1972.

Therefore, Nixon would not have been forced to resign, and America would not have burdened with the presidencies of Lyndon Johnson, Gerald Ford, and Jimmy Carter.

Spiro Agnew, Nixon's actual vice president in 1968, might have been elected president after Nixon, setting the stage for the first arrest of a sitting president in US history as federal agents would have kicked in the door to the Oval Office and perk-walked the handcuffed Agnew away for accepting bribes.

With no Spiro Agnew to serve as hit man during the first Nixon term, Americans would have been denied these classic quotes from the conservative icon:

"Ultra-liberalism today translates into a whimpering isolationism in foreign policy, a mulish obstructionism in domestic policy, and a pusillanimous pussyfooting on the critical issue of law and order. "

Moreover, what would history be without Agnew's most famous assault on the media?

"In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism."

But back to 2008 and the contemptible scheming by DNC Chairman Howard Dean and Obama to steal the election.

According to insiders, Dean and Obama have ordered an all out effort to appease, cajole, bribe, extort,and blackmail members of the Obama core constituency.

That would be sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the Dearly Departed.

Sleeper cells could be a veritable gold mine of opportunity in which to troll for Obama votes.

With his three Muslim names and history of taking spiritual guidance from a pastor who blames the US for 9/11, Obama seems a shoo-in to capture the sleeper cell vote on November 4.

After all, what dedicated Jihadist and dues-paying sleeper cell dude would skip over Barack Hussein Obama in order to vote for an alleged conservative and lily-white Christian crusader named John McCain?

When it comes to illegal aliens, Obama again appears to have a clear edge. It will be recalled that he talked down to US citizens by insisting that Americans should learn Spanish, the preferred language to millions of aliens here illegally.

Obama added to his anti-rule of law credentials by promising to deliver amnesty to all "law-abiding illegal aliens," a newly minted oxymoron created for the specific purpose of pandering to Hispanics.

With regard to felons, Democrats are particularly sensitive to ruthless laws that prohibit this abused demographic from voting. Minority felons are a party favorite since they are doubly vulnerable to liberal propoganda.

Another natural fit for Dean and Obama!

When it comes to the Dearly Departed demographic, Obama comes out on top again.

Current Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley is the offspring of Mayor Richard J. Daley, the man who elected John F. Kennedy by padding the Democrat vote totals with Cook County residents long since expired, thereby titling Illinois to JFK, and sending a disgruntled Richard Nixon back to California in search of a governor's mansion to haunt.

By focusing on sleeper cells, illegal aliens, felons, and the deceased, Obama will be able to avoid wasting money and time on campaign stops dominated by bitter Americans who worship guns and the Holy Bible.

That should allow Obama to mount a most formidable campaign.

Voter Fraud: Without It, Democrats are hopeless!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Of Manny Ramirez, Anxious SF Giants Fans, & the Golden Gate Bridge

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Die-hard fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers were delighted to learn that the club had acquired superstar Manny Ramirez in a three way trade with the Boston Red Sox and Pittsburgh Pirates.

With Ramirez in the lineup this weekend, the Dodgers whipped the Arizona Diamondbacks twice in three tries, to move back to within one game of first place in the National League West.

Manny smashed two dingers (home runs) and now has eight hits in 13 at-bats since joining the Dodgers on Friday last. His arrival should make the Dodgers the favorite to win the NL West pennant, especially since star pitcher Brad Penny is slated to resume his position in the starting rotation later this week against San Francisco.

Rafael Furcal, shortstop and spiritual guru for the Men in Blue, will rejoin the team at the start of September, another move that should help Da Bums make the playoffs, and more, this season.

Think about it: In the most critical "dog days" of summer, Los Angeles will have added an All Star pitcher and two future Hall of Fame position players to the roster.

What is that you say? Sounds like a sixth World Series Championship headed to the LA Dodgers' trophy case?

Perhaps, but after the colossal choke-job by the San Francisco Giants in the 2002 World Series, it's wise not to count championship rings before the fourth series victory is final, and indelibly entered in the record books.

Meanwhile, speaking of San Francisco, the sad sack Giants continue to march relentlessly toward their fourth consecutive losing season. And while the Los Angeles Dodgers have won five world championships, the San Francisco Giants have never had that honor.

Given the generation divide between players in their 20s and 40s on this roster, the 2008 Giants resemble a father-son entry in a fast-pitch beer league, rather than a bonafide team in the National League.

Now that Barry Bonds is no longer a Giant, the only reason for going out to AT&T Park is to watch once-arrogant Giants' fans grovel in drunken misery as the losses for their beloved G-men keep piling up!

Enterprising taxi cab drivers are cashing in by offering one-way, discount fares from the ball yard straight away to the nearest vacant ledge on the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB) from which disgusted Giants fans can drown their sorrows, and selves, in one final act of desperation.

Fans intent on ending it all are cautioned to do so before the seventh inning to avoid traffic jams and long jumping lines on the bridge.

After finally conceding that the 2008 Giants are not headed for post-season play, team management appears committed to proving that the San Francisco Giants can lose 100 games without a 44 year old cripple and indicted steroids addict in left field.

Why spend $20 million a year on an alleged steroids junkie and perjurer when left field can be turned over to a 21-year old illegal alien drug dealer from Mayor Gavin Newsom's sanctuary city?

After all, convicted felons shielded from deportation by Mayor Newsom's goofy program will play for minimum wage plus commissions earned by selling dope to distressed fans seeking refuge under the bleachers while waiting for cabs to the GGB.

There is another terrific reason to visit AT&T Park: 2008 marks the 50th anniversary of the great move from New York and Brooklyn by Horace Stoneham of the Giants and Walter O'Malley of the Dodgers, who escaped to San Francisco and Los Angeles, respectively, in the greatest scandal involving child abandonment ever recorded in the long and storied history of baseball.

Above all else, Happy Anniversary New York and Brooklyn!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

A Recipe for Change, ala Barack Obama

Satire By John Lillpop

Barack Obama has released a recipe for Change that will lead America out of the wilderness created by George W. Bush and the Republicans, and will set the nation on the path to eternal milk and honey.

Obama Change Stew is the perfect dish to serve at same sex weddings, late-term abortion baby showers, assisted suicide going away parties and US military surrender ceremonies.

This delicacy is best if served with fresh pot, cocaine, and or heroin in recyclable mud bowls labeled "GD America!" in Arabic.

Serves 300 million for four years. Discard at end of term; do not reheat.



Hate America red meat Sautéed in Marxism and Jihad

Inexperience, poor judgment, lack of significant achievement

Overdone audacity and raw arrogance

Appeasement olive branches

Bilingual mumbo gumbo

Anti-filibuster voter fraud

Kosher Ham

Dessert: Rainbow ice cream topped with chopped black nuts


Add to large, green melting pot after removing all Bush residue. Allow ingredients to simmer naturally in sunlight, use no cooking methods that might cause global warming.

Stir often, bring mix to full boil by occasionally adding allegations of racism and bigotry, according to poor taste.

Blend in divisiveness and class warfare for added spice.

For consumers in South Los Angeles, substitute Jalepeno peppers (from Mexico) for Hate America red meat.

Serve with ice cold People's Temple Kool-Aide.

Note: Diverse ingredients subject to constant change without advance notice.

Friday, August 01, 2008

A Message to America's Daughters: Know Your Math!

Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

According to bean counters at the Drudge Report, Speaker Nancy Pelosi's new book, "Know Your Power: A Message to America's Daughters" is blazing new frontiers by coming in #1,457 on the Amazon sales chart.*

After accounting for books bought by Pelosi family members and DNC staff, Madam Speaker has thus far sold a grand total of eight copies of her literary masterpiece. Not bad for the woman whose job description includes saving the planet from global warming and ornery conservatives.

Still, Pelosi is so disheartened by her anemic book sales that she just shut down her planet saving enterprise, AKA the United States House of Representatives, and skipped town until September.

Actually, Speaker Pelosi deserves enormous credit for getting all those liberals in the US House to leave Washington, D.C. for a month. For that alone, the bug-eyed speaker from San Francisco deserves another month off, without pay.

Word from the alleys and back streets of Washington has it that Speaker Pelosi is already planning a sequel to her book.

Based on her performance as speaker, Pelosi would do well to name the new work, "A Message to America's Daughters: Know Your Math!" featuring the following facts:

75 percent of Americans favor expanded offshore drilling for oil, and

9 percent of Americans approve of the job turned in by Congress, including the US House which is under Pelosi's control.

Those are vital facts that all American daughters should be aware of!